


The lawyer and cop who ended up in hell

by Hajinnie



Series: Preeminent [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Buddhism, Chinese Mythology & Folklore, Closeted Character, Crack Treated Seriously, Depression, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Dysfunctional Relationships, Dysphoria, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Forced Bonding, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Inappropriate Humor, Lawyers, Love/Hate, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Oppa Kink, Opposites Attract, Police, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Esteem Issues, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Smut, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-01-04 02:53:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 105,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12160083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hajinnie/pseuds/Hajinnie
Summary: Where Chanyeol is a corrupt alcoholic cop and Kyungsoo is a depressed state prosecutor who snorts cocaine. Despite having history with each other, they despise each other and can never get along but still somehow end up in the other’s pants.Except for this time, they end up in shit which kills them and forces them to be together whether they like it or not.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the 2nd part which will be chaptered from here on, but if you would wish to enlighten yourself, you can read the first part in the series. It's like 6k words tbh.  
> The ending of chapter one is a whole lot of crack taken seriously.

 

“What are you doing here? I swear you’re following me everywhere I go on purpose.” Kyungsoo snarled towards Chanyeol spitefully, sitting at his assigned desk in the brightly lit district prosecutor’s office.

It was Monday; the weekend after Kyungsoo had spent the night with Chanyeol and for the first time in his life experienced taking a dick up his ass. Chanyeol’s dick to be precise. Kyungsoo was still sore in the butt now two days later and ashamed to admit he was constipated. Kyungsoo had tried putting a finger or two up there to inspect his no longer virgin butthole, only to end up cringing when he was reminded of the events that had transpired.

“I wouldn’t drop by just to see you if it wasn’t for work. “ Chanyeol snickered, dressed in full police uniform with his hands around his waist at his gun belt which Kyungsoo was eyeing suspiciously. Chanyeol was standing in front of Kyungsoo’s desk.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, not sure why he was even hurt by Chanyeol’s remark. Kyungsoo wondered if he really wanted someone to see him just because they missed him.

“Just tell me what you want quickly”, Kyungsoo exclaimed, pen scribbling on some papers on his desk. “I have to go court this noon. You could have just asked the other prosecutors.”

“We need a detainment warrant for some drug dealer we caught this morning.” Chanyeol explained, adjusting his official uniform cap. “My partner is bringing him in shortly. Let’s hope it’s not your dealer”, Chanyeol winked, messing around with Kyungsoo.

“Fuck you, Chanyeol” Kyungsoo retorted, trying to hide his anxiety that it could actually be his dealer and that they might recognize each other.

“I already did”, Chanyeol smiled devilishly at Kyungsoo, purposely trying to tick off the smaller man.

That would be the end of Kyungsoo’s career and life if it was ever the case. In that moment, Chanyeol’s gun on his waist looked even more tempting and inviting than ever. Kyungsoo read and researched suicide, and apparently a bullet through the brain would do the job easiest and painlessly. Kyungsoo didn’t really want to suffer on his way out, living was suffering enough.

“Wow, I hate you”, Kyungsoo looked up from his desk to Chanyeol hovering around his desk.

Chanyeol only smiled and shrugged his shoulders. He wasn’t really feeling argumentative that day, and Kyungsoo was the last person he’d ever want to argue with that day.

 

                                                                                                                                        

It so turned out that the dealer Chanyeol arrested was not the same one Kyungsoo had been buying his stash from. Kyungsoo realized he had been panicking for nothing and was extra cautious the entire day, on the border of being a paranoid freak. Kyungsoo knew something was wrong with him.

Late afternoon the following day, Kyungsoo had another therapist appointment with Dr. Kim Junmyeon who was on the borderline of getting pretty annoyed with him. Kyungsoo was too uncooperative and stubborn to be helped.

“Mr. Do, you do have to tell me if you have been having suicidal thoughts in the past week.” Junmyeon attempted to persuade in the most persuasive voice he could.

“I think about it whenever I’m breathing.” Kyungsoo answered, staring blankly towards Junmyeon on the couch across from him.

“Well then, may I know if you’re on any type of drugs or medication within the past six months?” Junmyeon questioned without looking up from his clipboard as he jotted some notes down, glasses almost falling off the bridge of his nose.

Kyungsoo felt personally attacked and targeted when the question arose. His mind and thoughts began to race and panic. Kyungsoo thought that it was illogical for Junmyeon to know he had been taking cocaine. There was no way Junmyeon would know.

“W-why do you want to know?” Kyungsoo stuttered, hands shaking and fisting them together to hide his physical reactions.

“I need to review your case further and if appropriate, I might need to prescribe you medication. That’s why I need to know now if you have a medical history because some of the medication may not interact well with any current ones you’re taking.” Junmyeon explained, looking at Kyungsoo straight in the eye.

Kyungsoo felt challenged and ominous about it now. He only thought of the worst and suspected Junmyeon actually knew something, even if it wasn’t plausible for him to know of Kyungsoo’s recreational drug activities.

“We are under a strict professional doctor-patient confidential privacy clause, and you may not disclose any information regarding myself or my personal medical history to another party.” Kyungsoo stated in his usual firm and clear courtroom voice, sitting up straight as he pointed it out. He was actually threatening Junmyeon, unaware to the therapist.

“Yes, I am aware of that, Mr. Do. Rest assure that everything exchanged between the both of us will stay between us.” Junmyeon reiterated. “We do our best to protect our patient’s confidentiality, and we will continue to do so not unless we have received a court order to disclose such information. That is your field of expertise isn’t it. So, not unless your medical records happen to be linked to a crime, it will be safe.”

Those last words set Kyungsoo off as he was now in full panic mode. In reality, it was really nothing at all. Junmyeon didn’t know about Kyungsoo’s drug habits, but being the anxious nut he was, Kyungsoo immediately grabbed his coat placed on the arm rest and sped out the door in a single breath.

Junmyeon tried chasing Kyungsoo down, shouting for him to come back. Kyungsoo successfully got away however, running to the parking lot and speeding away with his car. If Junmyeon wasn’t suspicious before, he sure was now. Kyungsoo only helped fuel that suspicion on the path he supposedly took to avoid it.

 

 

That same afternoon, Chanyeol had been on the morning shift since 9am and had now dozed off in his patrol car, with his long legs propped up on the dashboard and using his cap to cover his face as he snored the afternoon away. Chanyeol’s partner, Sehun, was his junior and didn’t dare to say much about it even if Sehun knew Chanyeol was blatantly violating codes and rules. The age hierarchy system was no joke in the society they lived in. Thanks to that, Chanyeol had managed to get away with his mischief plenty of times.

Minseok knew something was up that afternoon when he saw Sehun working alone at his desk without Chanyeol anywhere to be seen. Sehun himself looked uncomfortable in his seat as if he was hiding something and doing a bad job at being discreet about it.

Minseok visited the parking lot for the patrol cars, looking through each parked car until he found the one Chanyeol was sleeping and snoring loudly in. Minseok always had a knack for catching Chanyeol slacking off on duty, but still didn’t have the heart to report him to the higher-ups for his moral of conduct. Chanyeol becoming a police officer and still having that job was what really kept him sane and somewhat functioning these days.

Chanyeol woke up startled, when Minseok began knocking on the window. Chanyeol began to curse to himself as he fished for his cap now wedged between the car seats, having fallen off his face when he woke up to a jump.

“Uh, good morning sir. Fine day we’re having today.” Chanyeol greeted Minseok with a forced smile, obviously guilty and trying to change the topic as he turned down the window.

Minseok leaned over the window and slapped the police cap off Chanyeol’s head, letting it fall between the seats again. “Morning? It’s almost 2 pm but I guess that’s when you normally wake up isn’t it?”

“Um…if on the night shift, I think 2 pm is an appropriate time to be waking up.” Chanyeol mentioned, still half asleep and stifling back a yawn.

“Problem is you’re not on the night shift!” Minseok reiterated, obviously irritated now.

“I’m not?” Chanyeol wasn’t really sure himself.

“You drink so much you don’t even know the time or your schedule anymore.” Minseok sighed, shaking his head and rubbing his temples. Chanyeol gave him a headache again.

 

 

In return for not being reprimanded for sleeping half his shift away, Chanyeol was made to watch traffic on a bridge situation downtown, currently undergoing construction to build another lane. Only problem, or rather lack of it, was that the bridge was literally empty on the evening on the eve of Chuseok.

Chanyeol stood there on the empty windy street in his traffic duty vest, whistle hanging from his neck in the cold October air. Suddenly, he did feel empty all of a sudden. The roads were empty because everyone had mostly returned to their families for the holidays, but Chanyeol had no family anymore. Not since his father passed away fifteen years ago and his mother’s passing two years ago.

Not that it bothered him, Chanyeol decided he’d just drink the night away when he got off his shift and maybe visit his loan shark neighbors for a round of mahjong or two. Chanyeol kept checking his wrist watch, waiting for the time to leave.

There was a car or two passing by every now and then, but Chanyeol didn’t really feel like arresting or fining anyone. Even if there was someone who could fit in there, Chanyeol was too lazy to do it and would just turn a blind eye on them. It was so far going so well and Chanyeol was excited about being able to go home without having done anything on his job that day at all. That was Chanyeol’s idea of a good day after all.

 

Not till a familiar looking speeding brown sedan car came onto the bridge, tire skidding on the tracks and swerving violently before coming to a stop literally inches from running over the bridge’s protective railings. If the driver had not braked any sooner, Chanyeol would have probably seen a car smash the dividers and jump off the bridge. Not that Chanyeol cared, but he didn’t want to deal with the mess that would cause, especially with him being the traffic officer on duty.

Chanyeol had run off the road and onto the pedestrian sidewalk when he saw the car speeding towards him, not wanting to be run over.

“Wait, is that Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol muttered to himself, seeing a familiar figure in a brown coat hastily getting out of the car and trying to climb over the railings. “Wow, shit it is.” Chanyeol realized that he was right about it being Kyungsoo.

Seeing that, Chanyeol ran towards Kyungsoo who had successfully swung one leg over the railings and was sitting on it now, half of him hanging over the bridge above the river. Kyungsoo saw that the police officer running up to him was Chanyeol indeed and froze up on the cold metal railings.

Chanyeol panted when he had caught up to Kyungsoo, clutching his stomach to catch his breath. He really was unfit despite being a police officer. “Kyungsoo, what are you doing?” Chanyeol spoke between rasped breaths.

 

“Wow, I can’t even kill myself without you showing up.” Kyungsoo lamented, looking absolutely abhorrent towards Chanyeol’s presence.

“Um…” Chanyeol hummed, trying to find the appropriate answer to say. He had been trained in the police academy to stop potential jumpers and persuade them to change his mind. Chanyeol wished he actually paid attention during those classes now. “Uh…” Chanyeol gaped, still unsure what to say.

“What is it? Just spit it out? I can’t believe I have to postpone my death to listen to you not even know what you want to say.” Kyungsoo almost spat his saliva out at Chanyeol’s face.

“Don’t kill yourself? Like umm…not at this bridge at least. Could you do it one district down at least?” It was the best Chanyeol could manage.

“-and why should I listen to you?” Kyungsoo challenged.

Chanyeol admitted, “Well, I want to get off work early and if you jump I won’t be able to. It’s Chuseok, you know.”

“You have a family dinner later?” Kyungsoo asked, his voice suddenly softening up, as if he was really being thoughtful of Chanyeol, not wanting to inconvenience him.

“Nah. I just want to get off early so I can drink.” Chanyeol honestly answered.

“Fuck it, I’m jumping.” Kyungsoo announced, lifting his other leg to fully push himself off the railing and over the bridge.

 

Chanyeol wasn’t even thinking it much but instinctively reacted, pulling Kyungsoo back by the sleeve onto the bridge. Kyungsoo, of course, resisted, tugging himself away from Chanyeol. They were basically two grown adults playing tug of war with each other, each trying to stop the other.

“Let me go, you stupid police officer.” Kyungsoo screamed, trying to push Chanyeol off.

“Not on my watch, you crackhead loyer.” Chanyeol yelled back, surprised at how strong Kyungsoo was despite his small stature.

“It’s _lawyer,_ not loyer you imbecile. But of course, you don’t know that because I bet you never been to college.” Kyungsoo jeered, mocking Chanyeol.

“Hey, I wasn’t the one screaming ‘daddy fuck me harder’.” Chanyeol shot back.

If things couldn’t get worse, it began to rain and Kyungsoo started crying like a baby, much to Chanyeol’s surprise. He was used to arguing in court, and not once had he gotten emotional from that. However, when it came to Chanyeol, Kyungsoo felt like he was laid bare and open and vulnerable. It really got to him. Chanyeol suddenly actually felt bad for making Kyungsoo cry that much.

 

Grabbing the opportunity while Kyungsoo was distracted; Chanyeol pulled Kyungsoo off the railings, stumbling and falling butt down onto the wet pavement with a crying Kyungsoo in his lap. Chanyeol sighed, adjusting his cap and letting Kyungsoo cry his heart out in the pounding October rain.

“It’s getting late; don’t you have a family dinner tonight too?” Chanyeol mentioned, feeling quite bad and pitiable towards Kyungsoo.

“I don’t have any family either.” Kyungsoo revealed.

“I see.” Chanyeol slowly got up, hovering above Kyungsoo sitting on the wet ground still. “Well then, my shift is over so I’ll take my leave now. Try not to kill yourself again in the future.”

 

Chanyeol had turned around to leave, planning to head back to his patrol car when he felt Kyungsoo tug on the hem of his uniform trousers. Chanyeol glanced behind to see Kyungsoo looking up at him with doe and needy eyes.

“Will you spend the night with me then? You don’t want to be alone too on Chuseok don’t you?” Kyungsoo was really looking to fulfill his own needs and desires, somehow deciding that Chanyeol could possibly help him with that. He really was just planning on using Chanyeol.

Chanyeol did admit that the holiday’s season was the worst time to be alone, especially when the whole point of holiday was to emphasize on getting together and socializing. None which Chanyeol or Kyungsoo had the capability to fulfill.

“You’ll have to convince me.” Chanyeol pretended to play hard to get, despite how tempting Kyungsoo’s offer sounded like.

“I’ll bottom for you tonight.” Kyungsoo almost pleaded.

That was all it took for Chanyeol to agree, sealing the deal that he would be spending the night with Kyungsoo. Chanyeol would still have agreed, even otherwise. He just got a kick out of feeling like he was wanted and needed there. Then again, who wouldn’t want to feel like that?

 

 

Kyungsoo refused to go over to Chanyeol’s place, and made it so that Chanyeol would be the one coming over instead. Chanyeol dropped off the patrol car back at the police station, changing back into his casual clothes and using his own car to drive to Kyungsoo’s fancy apartment block. Chanyeol took his time and even stopped by a convenience store to buy a whole six-pack of beer, on the way to Kyungsoo’s place. Chanyeol finished one and a half can while driving the way there. If Chanyeol was not even slightly buzzed past sunset, it just wouldn’t do for him. That was how he lived and how he would continue to do so.

By the time Chanyeol had arrived at Kyungsoo’s door, he was already done with two cans of beer. Kyungsoo greeted Chanyeol at the door wearing nothing but an oversized white t-shirt and obviously nothing below. Chanyeol’s eyes immediately darted towards Kyungsoo’s dick visibly hanging from the hem of the shirt.

“What? I dress like this all the time at home.” Kyungsoo snapped.

“Sorry”, Chanyeol apologized for no reason, not even realizing he was being obvious at his staring game.

 

Kyungsoo proved that he wasn’t a bad cook at least; making Chanyeol sit down and eating a simple dinner he cooked up.

“You didn’t poison this right?” Chanyeol joked as he took his seat at the table.

Kyungsoo glared back but did not respond, silently eating with Chanyeol. They didn’t really talk much or even interact throughout the dinner. Chanyeol was beginning to worry if the entire evening would be like this. Not that it would matter much to him since he was promised sex and that he would get to top Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo was such a challenge that topping him felt like he had conquered Mt. Everest, a big feat indeed.

Kyungsoo on the other hand was so desperate for company and physical relations, that he didn’t care where and who it came from. Kyungsoo was holding himself back from stabbing Chanyeol in the eye, and then maybe stab himself in the heart too. But when Kyungsoo was high and had a dick in him, all his problems faded and in that moment, it actually felt good to be alive. Kyungsoo was addicted to the feeling so bad.

 

After the dinner, Chanyeol had finished his third can of beer and was left sitting alone on the couch while Kyungsoo excused himself to be alone in his room for a while. Chanyeol was feeling full from the dinner and not even tipsy, suspecting it was from all the food he ate which slowed down the rate of alcohol absorption.

Chanyeol’s idea of a good night was where he was flat out drunk and wished he had gone for the stronger liquor instead. Chanyeol was satisfied when he finished his entire six-pack of beer by the time Kyungsoo came out of the room.

 

Kyungsoo stood in front of Chanyeol on the couch, wearing only his shirt still. Kyungsoo stood with his feet apart, prompting Chanyeol to snake a hand between those legs to rub on his bare thigh, inching higher and higher with every stroke.

Kyungsoo began breathing heavier, heart beginning to race from Chanyeol’s touches. Chanyeol could see traces of white powder on Kyungsoo’s nose, knowing know what Kyungsoo had excused himself for. Chanyeol himself was beginning to feel euphoric from the cans of beer and more than eager to get down to business.

Chanyeol released his hand from Kyungsoo’s thigh, but the shorter man only grabbed Chanyeol’s hand back to put it in place again.

“Don’t stop, oppa.” Kyungsoo whined in a shrill voice.

“Fuck”, Chanyeol cursed under his breath, not knowing why he was actually turned on by Kyungsoo calling him by that damn honorific, and acting like a young teenage girl. But Chanyeol was too hot and bothered to care about something like gender-specific honorifics anyway.

 

Chanyeol stood up, towering in front of Kyungsoo and pushing his chin upwards with his finger to sloppily kiss each other. Chanyeol supported Kyungsoo’s head with a hand behind his nape, slipping his tongue in between parted lips and suppressed moans.

Kyungsoo was too high to care about Chanyeol’s breath that reeked of alcohol, and Chanyeol himself couldn’t care less that he wasn’t supposed to be kissing Kyungsoo so intimately like this. Chanyeol felt like he was cheating on no one in particular and Kyungsoo just wanted that same tongue exploring his mouth on his ass.

 

Breaking away from the kiss with a connected trail of saliva hanging between their mouths, Kyungsoo slowly wiped it away from the corner of Chanyeol’s lip with his thumb before licking it away.

“Can you eat my ass, oppa?” Kyungsoo pleaded, puffing his cheeks and acting cute as possible.

Chanyeol was weak for that and Kyungsoo didn’t have to say anything more to get what he wanted. Chanyeol laid Kyungsoo face down on the couch- Kyungsoo’s couch to be precise, with his butt and the lower half of his body hanging over the edge. 

Chanyeol kneeled down between Kyungsoo’s spread thighs behind him. Slightly pushing the shirt up Kyungsoo’s back and out of the way, Chanyeol spread Kyungsoo’s butt cheeks with both hands before pressing his face close and sucking lightly on Kyungsoo’s scrotum.

Kyungsoo sounded surprised from the sudden sensation, pressing his cheek down sideways on the leather cushion and grunting in pleasure. Chanyeol gave Kyungsoo’s balls another lick before trailing his tongue up to the spread hole.

 

“Oppa, I cleaned it out for you earlier. Please.” Kyungsoo whimpered, glancing behind to see Chanyeol looking back at him.

Using his hands to still Kyungsoo’s hips grinding back against him, Chanyeol dove his face back in and lapped at the surrounding flesh around the rim. Kyungsoo’s mouth hung open from all the noise he was making, his saliva drooling onto the fabric of his couch and his cheek red from being pressed there.

When Chanyeol felt he was satisfied at sucking on the surrounding, only then he moved his tongue to lick the opening with greater intensity.

Chanyeol occasionally lifted his head from Kyungsoo’s ass to spit into the hole, watching his spit slide into Kyungsoo and using that as his lubrication. In a way, Chanyeol was preparing Kyungsoo to take his dick in later. Kyungsoo wasn’t the only one on the receiving end in the situation.

Releasing one hand holding on Kyungsoo’s butt, Chanyeol inserted a finger into Kyungsoo’s anus accompanied by his tongue on it. Chanyeol pressed his face closer, till his chin was now massaging Kyungsoo’s balls. Kyungsoo was hard and his erection pressed excruciatingly between his body and the couch.

Chanyeol softened the grip his hands held on Kyungsoo, and the attorney was now literally fucking himself onto Chanyeol’s tongue and fingers in his ass. Kyungsoo’s fist was balled up at his sides, as he fucked himself back onto Chanyeol’s face, moans sounding cried and choked from his mouth.

 

Chanyeol was breathing only through his nose while he ate out Kyungsoo, and began to feel nauseous from all the food and beer. Pausing to lift his head when he felt a burp, Kyungsoo took the opportunity to flip himself over and pushed Chanyeol to lie down flat on the floor.

“I think it’s time for me to service you, oppa. I don’t want to cum yet.” Kyungsoo announced, still acting like a bubbly teenage girl in a high-pitched voice, which Kyungsoo somehow managed in his surprisingly wide vocal range.

 

Kyungsoo sat on the edge of the couch as he bent over, towards Chanyeol sitting on the floor to undo his trousers. Chanyeol helped to remove his trousers, pushing it down his legs and letting it hang around one ankle. Chanyeol was grateful he didn’t throw up yet, and was impressed by how boisterous Kyungsoo was being. He thought he might as well savor it as much as he could, before Kyungsoo sobered up and returned to being his usual cranky self.

Chanyeol sat down on the floor with legs spread open, hands on the floor at his sides to support his weight up. Kyungsoo’s lower half was seated on the couch, as his bent over torso hung over the edge to suck on Chanyeol’s erection.

The position caused the weight of Kyungsoo’s head to literally fall onto Chanyeol’s dick, successfully deepthroating it, as Chanyeol watched his dick completely disappear in Kyungsoo’s mouth. All the blood in Chanyeol’s head was rushing to his ears, leaving him a ringing sound in his eardrums. On top of how drowsy he was, Chanyeol wasn’t able to hear Kyungsoo gag and choke on his dick.

Kyungsoo himself was too high to even react to the obstruction, which was Chanyeol’s dick intruding onto his gag reflex. Aided by Kyungsoo’s body weight pressing downwards, Chanyeol used a hand to hold onto Kyungsoo’s head and thrust upwards, fucking into his mouth.

 

Each of them too intoxicated by their respective vices; they did not realize that Chanyeol was fucking Kyungsoo’s mouth too roughly, and Kyungsoo was gagging too much on Chanyeol’s dick now. In one harsh deep thrust, Chanyeol’s dick hit the back of Kyungsoo’s throat, prompting his natural reflex to vomit onto Chanyeol’s dick still in his mouth.

Chanyeol was pressing Kyungsoo’s head down onto his dick so hard that Kyungsoo couldn’t come up for air, and was literally choking on the dick and his own regurgitation leaking out of his nose now too. Chanyeol’s eyes were closed and he couldn’t quite make up the muffled choked noises Kyungsoo was making, trying to get up but being pressed down by Chanyeol.

Chanyeol didn’t realize anything was wrong until Kyungsoo stopped moving, and he opened his eyes to see Kyungsoo passed out with a dick inside his mouth. Chanyeol was too drunk to panic but felt himself becoming alarmed.

Releasing his dick from an unconscious Kyungsoo’s mouth, a torrent of vomit spilled out of Kyungsoo and all over his penis and the both of them. Chanyeol slapped Kyungsoo on the cheek to wake him up but to no avail.

Feeling tipsier than ever, Chanyeol got up and stumbled his way to the washroom, leaving an unconscious Kyungsoo on the floor. In the right state of mind, Chanyeol would probably attend to Kyungsoo first. However, being mentally incapacitated from the alcohol rendered his ability to think and he only thought of getting himself cleaned up first.

 

The floor in Kyungsoo’s washroom was wet and slippery, and Chanyeol was literally dripping in Kyungsoo’s vomit from the waist below. Chanyeol was also drunk, stumbling and having some trouble with his balance as a result of it.

Chanyeol slipped on the floor of the washroom, falling down and knocking his head on the wall where he too passed out. Kyungsoo literally choked on a dick and Chanyeol had a concussion, successfully killing themselves off.

 

Kyungsoo is- or rather was a smart man, and it didn’t take him long to realize he was in Naraka with Chanyeol in the audience of Yama, the Buddhist god of death.

“Am I dead?” Kyungsoo bleakly questioned, his voice echoing in the great hall.

“Kyungsoo, where are we?” Chanyeol shook Kyungsoo on the shoulder, panic in his voice.

“Yes, you two idiots are dead.” Yama’s voice boomed, his figure as he was depicted in illustrations and statues.

“Kyungsoo, he called you an idiot.” Chanyeol leaned in to whisper in Kyungsoo’s ear. “How does he even speak Korean?”

“Am I going to hell?” Kyungsoo asked, ignoring Chanyeol and shoving him away.

“Both of you will be because you do not treasure your lives and try to make the best of out it. Instead, you waste it away and managed to kill yourselves off in the most pitiable way possible.” The deity of death explains.

“Oh, good. So I am dead.” Kyungsoo chuckled, somewhat pleased with the situation and himself.

Chanyeol himself was scared and shivering from realizing that he really was and is dead, his thoughts running through his head.

The supposedly mythical deity but now reality in front of them spoke, “But I will not give either of you the pleasure of dying because of how ridiculous you actually achieved it, so I will grant each of you a chance at life for another year only and only if you can help each other improve as a person. If you fail, you will die a year from now.”

“What do you mean? That’s so vague and-“Chanyeol was interrupted by Kyungsoo.

“But I actually want to die.” Kyungsoo loudly stated, looking rather hopeful.

Chanyeol snapped back, “Well I don’t-”

 

Before they could even argue and bicker at each other as usual, Chanyeol found himself lying down on the cold washroom floor with a head that hurt like a ton of bricks had fell onto him. Chanyeol sat up on the floor, trying to remember what had happened and if it really did occur. He was sure he had passed out and it that was just a dream. Kyungsoo’s vomit on him still and the stench of it was enough to prove that everything actually did happen.

Chanyeol heard sounds of feet scurrying towards him and looked up to see Kyungsoo standing at the doorway in vomit stains and looking pretty drained out, the color running from his cheeks and face.

“Did you have some weird dream about being dead and meeting Yama?” Chanyeol asked Kyungsoo, as he was still sitting on the cold tiled floor.

“So, I’m really not dead. Damn it, I was so close.” Kyungsoo muttered to himself, slightly disappointed.

“Hey, Kyungsoo. I’m pretty scared I think and I don’t want to die yet. I think we should listen to him about that and I need you to help me so I can help you.” Chanyeol tried to explain.

“Fuck no.” Kyungsoo retorted, walking away from the washroom.

Chanyeol pondered the thought for a moment before shouting to Kyungsoo at the end of the room, “Hey, I’m still getting ass tonight am I?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naraka: The sanskrit word for the underworld, said to be the abode of Yama  
> Yama: The deity or god of death in Eastern mythology


	2. Chapter 2

 

Kyungsoo lived and when he did, he had to continue living as usual. Day in and day out which bored him to daresay death. It was the weekday routine of getting up at 6 am every morning, making himself a cup of coffee, going to work before 8 am, eating lunch alone on the park bench and going home to an empty house in the evening. How Kyungsoo wished there would be someone to wake up with him in the morning, someone to text through lunchtime and getting to hold them when he returned in the evening.

Kyungsoo had cooked up the picture of an ideal lover in his head. His idea lover would have to be soft-spoken, attentive to his needs, understanding, sophisticated, someone he could have a conversation with and lastly isn’t Park Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo was dazing off at work thinking about it and snapped in half the pencil he held in his hand, at the thought of Chanyeol. Meeting the god of death felt like a weird bad acid trip but even if was hard to believe, it still did happen. That and the reality of being stuck to Chanyeol for another year.

Kyungsoo got his wish but in ways he never expected it to happen. Kyungsoo thought he should have been more specific the next time he found himself at a wishing well.

 

When Kyungsoo woke up in the morning, he would find Chanyeol snoring outside asleep on his mat. Chanyeol would grunt and complain about the noise Kyungsoo made in the morning while getting ready. Kyungsoo would kick Chanyeol asleep on the floor and say that he was free to do whatever he pleased in his room.

Chanyeol only woke up around noon to leave for work and he would text Kyungsoo every time he left the latter’s apartment. It was because Kyungsoo did not trust Chanyeol and made him text every time he left the house to make sure he locked the door. Chanyeol was not there when Kyungsoo returned in the evenings because he was on the evening shifts these days, but he would be home just before Kyungsoo went off to bed.

It didn’t seem bad because that was what Kyungsoo wanted after all, except the person he had in mind was completely off than his fantasies.

 

After breaking his pencil in half, Kyungsoo was on the verge of having a panic attack due to his anxious thoughts. Not wanting anyone to see him in the midst of a breakdown, Kyungsoo ran under his desk and crouched there hugging his legs and hoping no one would come looking for him. Kyungsoo liked having a good squeaky clean image, albeit the truth that it wasn’t and wanted it to stay that way a little longer if he could.

It was lunchtime so there wouldn’t be many people in the district prosecutor’s office, lessening the chances of him being discovered. Kyungsoo was shivering with cold sweat and unconsciously scratching the surface of his nails from the anxiety when his cell phone on the desk rang.

Kyungsoo quickly sneaked to look up and pull his phone down, returning to hide under the desk. It was Chanyeol of course. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and almost wanted to throw his phone away, but quickly canceled the thought to pick up the call.

“What do you want?” Kyungsoo hissed, answering the call and trying to be as quiet as possible.

“Umm…you told me to tell you whenever I leave the apartment?” Chanyeol promptly answered.

“I told you to text me, not call me! It's 2017 and it’s rude to call someone without telling them about it first!” Kyungsoo insisted in the loudest whisper his vocal range could manage.

“Uh…okay?” Chanyeol did not really understand what Kyungsoo really meant.

“Now, did you lock the door?” Kyungsoo routinely asked. “If anything goes missing from my house- anything I will kick you out onto the streets.”

“I actually still have the apartment my dad left me so technically I wouldn’t be living on the streets if you kick me out,” Chanyeol stated.

“Fuck you” Kyungsoo cursed, not able to come up with a comeback to Chanyeol’s statement.

“So are we on for tonight?” Chanyeol suddenly sounded excited.

Kyungsoo, of course, did not answer that and hung up the phone. Chanyeol only sighed and made his way outside where Sehun was picking him up in the patrol car. Chanyeol wasn’t bothered the least bit by Kyungsoo’s bitterness and attitude towards him, he just wished Kyungsoo would just soften up a little.

Kyungsoo obviously had issues too like Chanyeol, except Kyungsoo wasn’t one to admit it.

 

“Having troubles with your housemate again, hyung?” Sehun jovially asked when Chanyeol got into the passenger seat of their designated patrol car.

“Trouble? He is the trouble, not me. Can’t help people who won’t help themselves you know.” Chanyeol chuckled, fixing on his seatbelt and putting his uniform cap onto his face. “Wake me up when we reach the station,” Chanyeol muttered before dozing off to sleep even though it was two in the afternoon.

Chanyeol had pleaded Minseok to put him on the evening shift so he could wake up later and also sleep later at night. It only worked so well until Chanyeol had to move in with Kyungsoo, who would wake him, several times in the morning from the sounds Kyungsoo made while getting ready for work. In the end, Chanyeol still went to work tired and sleep deprived or he thought that it was probably just the liters of soju he drank the night before.

 

At his desk at the police station, Chanyeol stared into a styrofoam cup of warm milk coffee which reflected the image of his moppy bed hair he hadn’t bothered to comb. Chanyeol hated coffee and wondered how people like Kyungsoo drank it every morning freshly ground and black even. Then again, Kyungsoo snorted cocaine and his tongue was probably numb from all that.

Chanyeol, on the other hand, dumped a lot of milk and sugar packets into his coffee to make it somewhat bearable. Chanyeol had no excuse to be sleeping on the job now that he was on the night shift.

“Let’s hope this ‘miracle bean water’ works”, Chanyeol gulped and drank the contents of the coffee, the one Kyungsoo swore by.

It was Kyungsoo who had suggested Chanyeol started drinking coffee in the first place when he had complained about not being able to stay awake.

 

Chanyeol got off his shift around 10 pm that night and stopped by his usual liquor store this time for a big bottle of cheap soju. Whistling to himself as he walked down the hallway leading to Kyungsoo’s apartment, Chanyeol stopped in his tracks when he saw a suspicious man in a red hoodie leaning by the slightly open door with Kyungsoo inside, seeming to be passing stuff around with each other.

Chanyeol figured out who it was and walked up to Kyungsoo’s drug dealer, pressing his face close to them. “Good evening we have today don’t we?”

The dealer was startled and almost jumped back in surprise. “Who is this?” The dealer asked Kyungsoo.

“That’s my roommate. Don’t mind him.” Kyungsoo was getting irritated as he handed currency notes to the dealer.

“Okay then” The dealer spoke up, counting the notes before handing Kyungsoo a small clear ziplock bag.

 

Chanyeol thought it would be a good idea to pull out his police ID at that moment, just to scare Kyungsoo’s dealer for fun and maybe even Kyungsoo himself. Kyungsoo was sharp however and caught Chanyeol reaching into his back pocket for the ID.

Kyungsoo yanked Chanyeol by the arm, pulling him into the apartment and slamming the door shut in his dealer’s face.

“Whoa be careful there.” Chanyeol chuckled to himself, tightly hugging to his chest the paper bag with his soju bottle in it.

“What on earth do you think you are doing? You almost gave me a heart attack.” Kyungsoo spat angrily, looking up to Chanyeol’s face due to their height difference.

“Well, I thought it was funny to see the looks on your faces but I am a cop and it’s my job to capture those who offend the law,” Chanyeol answered without really thinking through.

“-and it’s also my job to put corrupted people like you in prison. So don’t you ever dare to do that again.” Kyungsoo pressed a finger into Chanyeol’s chest, threatening him also with the fierce look in his eyes.

Kyungsoo was dead serious while Chanyeol was just really trying to be amusing. Kyungsoo was one hard-headed man indeed and living with him was no easy feat indeed. Chanyeol just didn’t complain much.

Kyungsoo furiously turned away, returning to his room with the ziplock packet in his grasp. Chanyeol noticed Kyungsoo was actually wearing pants, probably because he had to answer the door. Kyungsoo never wore pants at home and Chanyeol was getting used to seeing his dick hanging from the hem of his shirt.

“You know”, Chanyeol piped up before Kyungsoo entered his room.”You did stuff which can put you in jail too. If you ever snitch me, we could perhaps be cellmates? We’re both gay so I think we might actually enjoy prison.” Chanyeol half-joked, finding light in a hypothetical situation.

 Kyungsoo only glared back at Chanyeol with an I-will-kill-you-if-you-do-it look. Chanyeol shook his head, wondering how he ended up having to deal with Kyungsoo on a daily basis now. It was mostly his idea in the first place anyway.

 

It had been over a month since the day they supposedly died, and they had made little to no progress at all. Kyungsoo began developing an anxiety disorder on top of his depression, and suddenly decided he didn’t want to die anymore being scared of the thought alone.

Chanyeol’s life was dull for sure but he still wanted to live and he needed Kyungsoo’s help for that. After desperate attempts to get Kyungsoo’s attention which ranged from lying down on the floor in front of Kyungsoo’s door to stalking him at work, Kyungsoo eventually gave in and admitted he changed his mind too about dying.

 

An arrangement was made and somehow they came to a decision that they should probably move in with each other because otherwise, they would have avoided each other like the plague. The condition to live beyond the year was to help each other but the details were unknown due to how vague it was described to be.

Then they argued about whose place they would be staying together at. Kyungsoo didn’t really want to negotiate that, insisting they should stay at his place because it was ‘better’. But Kyungsoo only had one room in his apartment and Chanyeol’s had two rooms at least.

 

Somehow, Chanyeol managed to persuade Kyungsoo to at least visit his place one Sunday afternoon and take a look around before deciding on it.

“Aren’t you coming in? It’s warmer inside” Chanyeol suggested, holding his creaky worn down door open for Kyungsoo to enter.

“You live in a basement!? Do you even have a fire safety rating for that thing?” Kyungsoo exclaimed, finding himself standing at the top of the stairs outside the old building which lead to a door to Chanyeol’s unit.

“It’s my home still.” Chanyeol reiterated. “Go in.”

Kyungsoo was just eager to get out of the chilly November air and stepped into the musky smelling and humid place. Kyungsoo found that everything about it was old from the furniture to the paint peeling off the walls. Not to mention the stack of soju bottles littered around and stacked messily beside a wall covered by old newspapers.

“Do you run a recycling center from your place or what?” Kyungsoo looked appalled at the state Chanyeol lived in. “With all these bottles and newspapers you have here.”

 

Chanyeol did not answer Kyungsoo, as he seemed to be in the kitchen busy looking into his equally old looking fridge, bent over and butt sticking out backward. Chanyeol emerged from raiding his fridge with two bottles of soju and a takeaway box.

“My dad left me this place. My family and I used to stay here but it’s just me now.” Chanyeol mentioned, heading back to the living room with the soju and box.

Chanyeol set the items on his broken coffee table. One of the legs was missing and Chanyeol just stacked his old books to support the missing side. Kyungsoo was still standing a good few feet from him looking on at him with a disgusted face.

Chanyeol plopped down on his torn and worn couch, sending some dust flying from his weight. “Here, sit down with me so we can talk. Have a drink and some donuts too.” Chanyeol patted on the empty spot beside him, opening the box of food to reveal the mentioned donuts- now frozen and stiff.

 

Kyungsoo slowly inched closer, sitting on the couch beside Chanyeol but very close towards the edge so most of his body was off of it.

“I think we should really stay at my place instead,” Kyungsoo mentioned, eyeing Chanyeol judgmentally. “You did say this place belonged to your father’s, so I assume it’s fully paid off. Therefore, you won’t lose much considering that you don’t have to pay rent for a place you won’t be staying at.”

“But if I recall, you only have one room in your apartment so unless you let me sleep with you, I think my place is better for our comfort.” Chanyeol proposed the idea, thinking that it was smooth and smart of him as he smiled to himself with the bottle of soju in his hand.

“You’ll sleep on the floor. I’ll get you a sleeping mat.” Kyungsoo insisted. “We’re still moving in my place and I won’t make you pay half the rent but you are not sleeping with me.”

“So you’ll let me tap your ass but you won’t share the same bed with me? I don’t understand that.” Chanyeol expressed, taking another sip from his soju bottle and burping soon after.

“It’s not the same thing,” Kyungsoo stressed, already tensing up and feeling irritated. “You’ll know that letting someone fuck you is totally not the same as sleeping beside them.”

“Wow. Then you must have had very bad and superficial relationships before this to be so bitter about this.” Chanyeol muttered, reaching for a cream glazed frozen donut on the table.

“Well then, have you ever had a serious relationship before this to lecture me on the topic?” Kyungsoo asked sarcastically, feeling personally attacked by Chanyeol.

“Actually no I haven’t”, Chanyeol answered bluntly, not even realizing Kyungsoo was being sarcastic before taking a bite on the cold lumpy donut. “I’m thirty years old and I haven’t even had a stable partner since high school.”

 

Kyungsoo fell silent and hung his head low when he realized Chanyeol was probably just like him, not that it was a surprise considering the society they lived in. Even if they did manage to find a serious partner, their relationship would be constantly ridden with doubt and feelings of uncertainty. The government and most of society were still a long way from recognizing their union and they could not freely express their love without risking repercussions with that. As a matter of fact, they could be expelled from their jobs simply for loving someone of a similar gender if the fact ever came out.

Even though Kyungsoo hated Chanyeol, in a way they understood each other and were in the same boat being gay and all. Kyungsoo was a smart man and it did occur to him that he should probably swallow that pride of his and make an ally out of Chanyeol. In several ways, they were quite similar to each other.

 

“What do I have to do to convince you to move in with me?” Kyungsoo straightened up his posture despite sitting so close to the edge of the bed. Somehow, he felt like cringing at himself from even asking that question.

Chanyeol finished his first bottle of soju and immediately went after the second one; the one Chanyeol meant for Kyungsoo but didn’t seem to want.  

“I don’t know”, Chanyeol mumbled, holding up the donut in front of him and peering through the hollow middle. “I’m trying to think of something.”

Kyungsoo sighed, pressing his palm to his face feeling out of luck and wits. Chanyeol was feeling sleepy as he always did when he drank and almost dozed off on the couch. Kyungsoo’s gaze darted to the box of half-eaten donuts on the table, now thawing off and wet with condensation. Kyungsoo turned to Chanyeol nodding off asleep on the couch and an idea popped in his mind.

 

Kyungsoo shook Chanyeol lightly to wake him up but to no avail. Kyungsoo had to shake him harder on the shoulder before he finally stirred awake.

Chanyeol woke up from his short nap disoriented and confused. “What year is it?”

“It’s 1995 in your place here but whatever,” Kyungsoo mentioned, tapping Chanyeol on the cheek t wake him up.

Chanyeol was about to fall back asleep until he was startled at the sight presented in front of him. Kyungsoo was naked on his lower half, not that Chanyeol was startled by the fact but that Kyungsoo was fully erect and had slipped a donut onto his dick where it hung nicely.

Chanyeol gulped, sinking into the couch and was now wide awake. “Uh…I think you’re supposed to eat that with your mouth and not your dick.” Chanyeol bent forward, attempting to reach for the donut and take it off Kyungsoo’s erection.

“No”, Kyungsoo pushed Chanyeol back onto the couch. “I’ll let you eat this donut off my dick and-“Kyungsoo paused before continuing his sentence, knowing he would probably regret it. “-let you top me again but only if you agree to move in my place.”

Chanyeol’s horny ass face lit up, losing all his sense of reason at the offer, “Sure”. Chanyeol easily agreed to it, knowing he would too regret it later. Kyungsoo wouldn’t be the only one with regrets. It went both ways.

 

Kyungsoo found himself sitting on the edge of the couch still but with his legs spread apart and Chanyeol in between them, slowly licking and biting off the donut on Kyungsoo’s dick. Chanyeol may be drunk already but he was a functioning alcoholic, even when it came to eating dick. Chanyeol purposely teased Kyungsoo by only touching his length but not letting his mouth come in contact with the skin despite being so close to it.

As Chanyeol’s warm breath ghosted over the sensitive skin, his hand worked to pump the remaining length of Kyungsoo’s erection, thumbing the slit on the head. Kyungsoo wasn’t even high but it felt so wrong that it was so good.

Kyungsoo no longer had qualms about sitting fully on the couch as he pressed his back onto the fabric and covered his mouth with his hands, in a futile attempt to muffle his moans. Kyungsoo did not even dare to look between his legs, fearing the reaction he might make.

Chanyeol worked his skillful mouth and hand, finishing off the donut on Kyungsoo’s dick. Licking his lips off from the sugar and crumbs, Chanyeol let go of the hand currently jerking off Kyungsoo, so he could use both hands to spread Kyungsoo’s legs even further apart.

Kyungsoo was caught by surprise when he felt the enveloping warmth and wetness on his dick, throwing his head further back into the couch. Chanyeol swiftly swallowed Kyungsoo’s dick whole, making sure it hit the back of his throat and pressing his tongue on the underside of it.

Chanyeol did not even gag once and took the entire length with ease. Kyungsoo on the other hand literally died from eating dick. Kyungsoo’s eyes were shut still and he dared himself to open his eyes and look at the sight between his legs. The sight of Chanyeol looking back at him with a dick in his mouth sent Kyungsoo’s brain off the edge and his hips bucking forward.

Even if Kyungsoo did not want something in return, at that point he would just give his ass to Chanyeol for free. This time it wasn’t the cocaine either. Kyungsoo just felt hot at the idea of submitting himself to Chanyeol.

 

Kyungsoo felt a pleasurable knot pooling in his lower half that coursed through his body to his erection, spilling cum into Chanyeol’s mouth as he came, moaning with his mouth hung open and brain haywire from the pleasure. Chanyeol released Kyungsoo from his mouth when he felt and tasted the cum in his mouth, not letting a single drop past his lips.

Kyungsoo was lying back on the couch, legs still spread open and shaking while he panted and caught his breath. As he was busy coming down from his high and the spasm of his orgasm, Chanyeol moved and sat beside Kyungsoo on the couch, hovering above his face.

With a thumb placed on Kyungsoo’s chin, Chanyeol pushed and forced Kyungsoo’s mouth open. Kyungsoo stared from below with doe eyes as Chanyeol did that, not knowing what to expect or do. Chanyeol aligned his mouth above Kyungsoo’s open one and the attorney closed his eyes, expecting to be kissed.

Chanyeol did not kiss Kyungsoo, instead he just hovered his lips inches above Kyungsoo to spit into the other’s man mouth, making Kyungsoo receive and taste his own cum mixed with Chanyeol’s own saliva. Kyungsoo opened his eyes wide in surprise when he realized what Chanyeol was doing.

 

Kyungsoo could not protest because Chanyeol had closed Kyungsoo’s mouth shut with his hand, forcing him to swallow his own cum especially when Chanyeol pressed a finger and ran it down Kyungsoo’s throat to urge him to swallow it.

“Sharing is caring.” Chanyeol grinned in delight watching Kyungsoo do as he wanted.

An annoyed Kyungsoo rolled his eyes into the back of his head, still lying down on the couch. “I hope you’re happy now. We had a deal for this.”

“Sure we do. You still did promise me I could top you and I haven’t gotten off so-“ Chanyeol pretended to be undecided as he shrugged his shoulders.

“Fine. You can stick it in my ass.” Kyungsoo pushed Chanyeol away and got off the couch, kneeling on the floor as he removed the donut box from the table before laying down on it. Kyungsoo laid down on his back on Chanyeol’s wobbly table and impatiently cried out, “Just take me already so we can get done with it.”

“I don’t have any condoms or lube though,” Chanyeol revealed, scratching his head.

“Just spit on it.” Kyungsoo snapped, feeling like a spread chicken served on the table for Christmas dinner, from the way he laid down there.

“I know what to do.” Chanyeol pulled down his pants and boxers halfway, just enough to free his dick before stroking himself, working on getting it hard.

Chanyeol spat onto his hands, rubbing the inner of Kyungsoo’s thighs with his spit and saliva. When Chanyeol was successful at that, he shut Kyungsoo’s thighs together where they touched against each other before sliding his hard-on in between the milky thighs.

“This is your idea?” Kyungsoo raised his head slightly, watching Chanyeol fuck his thighs.

 “It’s better than having your ass ripped apart and try explaining that in the ER later,” Chanyeol spoke in between his deep pleasured breaths, as he continued thrusting between Kyungsoo’s thighs at a moderate pace.

Kyungsoo looked to his thighs where he could see the head of Chanyeol’s cock appear and disappear from between his flesh and skin. Chanyeol would occasionally have to stop to lubricate again with his spit, especially when Kyungsoo became rather uncomfortable when it dried out and his skin would turn red from the uncomfortable friction.

Kyungsoo was too enthralled when he noticed that the urethra slit opening on the head of Chanyeol’s dick seemed to expand and close with every thrust. Kyungsoo thought it looked rather funny like the constantly gaping mouth of the stupid goldfish Junmyeon had in his office. It was amusing and Kyungsoo forgot about even touching himself to look at it.

 

Kyungsoo’s daze was broken when Chanyeol stilled for a moment to ask him, “Oppa? Daddy?”

“My name is Kyungsoo, you blithering fool.” Kyungsoo corrected him.

“No. I mean, you call me oppa or daddy when we’re having sex but you haven’t said anything this time.” Chanyeol explained himself, twirling his hips slightly to find another angle he liked better as his strong arms continued to lift Kyungsoo’s legs up and his thighs together.

“I only think of you that way when I’m high- which I’m not right now”, Kyungsoo confessed, staring up at the ceiling as Chanyeol continued fucking his thighs.

“Really?” Chanyeol stopped for a moment to catch his breath and speak.

“Yes really”, Kyungsoo affirmed just lying down there and judging the peeling plaster from Chanyeol’s ceiling.

Chanyeol spread Kyungsoo’s thighs open again but this time he decided to slide their erections over each other, supported and pressed together with his free hand.

Kyungsoo hissed at the unexpected touch and stimulation. “Just focus on getting yourself off.”

No response came from Chanyeol except heavy languid breaths and slight moans. Kyungsoo threw his head back onto the table, before snaking a hand in between their bodies. Kyungsoo put his right hand over Chanyeol’s on their erections pressed together as their hands touched and worked on getting each other off, assisted by Chanyeol’s light thrusts into their fists.

Kyungsoo, already sensitive from his orgasm not long ago, was the first to cum this time. Kyungsoo’s back arched and his hips bucked upwards as he let out one long pleasured throaty moan as he came, his cum spilling onto his stomach and shirt which he never took off.

Seeing that Kyungsoo had finished off, Chanyeol released the hand from their erections to press Kyungsoo’s thighs back together again before penetrating the folds of flesh of Kyungsoo’s non-existent thigh gap.

“Contrary to what you think of me, I still actually do like you when you’re sober,” Chanyeol spoke between his raspy heavy breaths before almost falling over when he came onto Kyungsoo’s thighs.

 

Kyungsoo was once again staring mindlessly at the ceiling but he certainly did hear what Chanyeol had told him. Then again, Kyungsoo didn’t really trust pillow-talk especially when sex was involved. People would say anything to get what they wanted- which would be sex and physical pleasure in this case.

Chanyeol pulled away slowly, careful not to spill any more cum so he could clean up easier later. The table was already wobbly, missing a leg and supported by old books. The moment Chanyeol and Kyungsoo attempted to get up at the same time, the stack of books gave way. Tilting at a steep wide angle, the two men rolled down and fell off the table onto the floor among the pile of books.

Kyungsoo found himself lying on his stomach on the scattered books. His cum stained abdomen and thighs now rubbed against the floor and dust, making him feel even dirtier as he grunted and tried to push Chanyeol off of him.

Chanyeol who had fallen on top of Kyungsoo’s back burst out laughing. “I guess that table couldn’t take our weight.” He spoke between his laughs.

“Wow, am I not surprised.” Kyungsoo sarcastically retorted.

 

 

From that event, Chanyeol had to act up his part of the deal and move in with Kyungsoo where he slept on a sleeping mat on the floor in the living room. Chanyeol thought it was worth it at least. However, it didn’t seem like they were making any sort of progress just yet.

 

Chanyeol headed to the kitchen where he saw Kyungsoo still fully dressed and making a cup of coffee. Chanyeol tiptoed carefully around Kyungsoo, thinking that he was still angry for trying to scare his drug dealer away earlier on.

“Coffee at night?” Chanyeol leaned against the linoleum countertop, his arms folded across his chest.

“I brought home some work I need to do,” Kyungsoo answered monotonously without turning to look at Chanyeol.

“You’re seriously not trying to mix coke and coffee, are you? You’ll be going from once a week to everyday if you do that. Coffee makes it addictive.” Chanyeol warned, knowing all too well due to his profession.

Kyungsoo felt defeated. Chanyeol saw right through him. Kyungsoo placed the coffee mug back on the countertop. “Fine. You have it then.”

“Are you still mad at me?” Chanyeol asked softly before Kyungsoo turned around to leave and return to his room.

“No”, Kyungsoo growled and took a deep breath. “Thank you for warning me about that.”

“I’m off the hook then,” Chanyeol announced victoriously, lifting his arms into the air and beaming wide with a smile.

Kyungsoo glanced back at Chanyeol over his shoulder. Maybe Kyungsoo thought it wouldn’t be that bad after all and they could at least try.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not betaed cause life is short ya know

 

Junmyeon was regarded as one of the best therapists in his profession in that district of Seoul. So reputable that he had to turn away some people and refer them to other therapists because he couldn’t fit them all into his schedule.

Despite that, State Prosecutor Do Kyungsoo gave him a challenge indeed. Junmyeon was interested in Kyungsoo’s case and decided to take it on despite his workload. Junmyeon regretted that now. He wasn’t allowed to involved personal feelings in his work but Kyungsoo really got to his nerves and disrupted his work ethics.

“Mr. Do, I would have to request you to take a seat-“Junmyeon gritted his teeth to hide his irritation, “-and stop trying to catch my fishes please.”

Kyungsoo had rolled the sleeves of his dress shirt up to his elbow and was now tiptoeing by the fish tank. Kyungsoo had his right arm in the water while he attempted to catch one of the goldfishes. Hearing Junmyeon telling him to not do that, he paused, “Uh…why not?”

“They’re my pets, okay.  I love them. They’re not for capture.” Junmyeon straightened his tie, getting himself to calm down too.

Kyungsoo did as he was told and returned to sit on the couch with a wet arm, which he wiped onto the fabric of his trousers. “Your fishes annoy me.”

“Now, why would they?” Junmyeon peered up from his glasses and raised an eyebrow at Kyungsoo.

“Their mouths opening and closing all the times looks like the opening on a dick. Have you looked at the slit of your dick when you masturbate? It looks something like that. So basically, fish mouths are dicks.” Kyungsoo stated, scratching his chin in thought as he recalled how it looked like when Chanyeol was thigh fucking him.

Junmyeon cringed at the thought and mental image, awkwardness displayed on his face and mumbling under his breath, “You really are a piece of work aren’t you?”

 

Kyungsoo didn’t know why, but he just felt better that day and the day after. He woke up feeling rather light and was smiling to himself while he hummed a tune as he got his breakfast ready that morning. Kyungsoo was considerate and kept the noise to a minimum so he wouldn’t wake up Chanyeol sleeping in the living room.

Kyungsoo even made extra food and coffee, leaving it for Chanyeol for when he woke up a few hours later. Kyungsoo was just feeling nice that day and he wasn’t going to question it.

When lunchtime came around and Chanyeol texted to tell that he had just left the house and locked up; Kyungsoo even replied the text with a smiling emoji and a good day wish. Kyungsoo smiled to his colleagues and greeted everyone he met that day, from the cleaning lady to the parking attendant.

Kyungsoo felt good and confident. He didn’t know why but he just did. It was like a dark cloud hovering above him that was now gone so the sun could shine through. Kyungsoo wasn’t going to question something good. He knew he might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

 

It was so far so good until that evening after work when Kyungsoo tried to unlock the passcode to his apartment and just couldn’t get it right. The LED display screen was beginning to display a warning that repeated failures would trigger the alarm and the police department.

Kyungsoo began to panic, his fingers felt tingly, his heart was racing and he was sweating despite the cool November air.

“No. This can’t be”, Kyungsoo reached into his coat pocket as he frantically tried to unlock his phone. Kyungsoo was shaking so much that unlocking his phone took several attempts by itself.

Kyungsoo swore to himself that he didn’t change the code to the front door. It has always been the same since he last moved in over a year ago, even ignoring the recommended passcode change once every few months.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t even know why he felt that way but he was shaking so hard he had to crouch on the ground and it took him quite a struggle to dial Chanyeol’s number.

“Hello?” Kyungsoo’s voice croaked when he heard Chanyeol finally pick up the call.

“Ah, Kyungsoo? What’s up?” Chanyeol muttered as he pressed his phone between his ear and shoulder, typing away an outdated report he was supposed to have finished the week before.

“Chanyeol, did you change the passcode to the front door?” Kyungsoo quietly spoke over the phone, not that there was anyone around to hear him.

“No, I didn’t. It’s still the same. Why?” Chanyeol clarified.

“I’m locked outside the apartment. I can’t. I just can’t get it right.” Kyungsoo was finding it hard to speak. He just felt scared and on the verge of tears.

“It’s your birthday, Kyungsoo. 930112. You remember that don’t you?” Chanyeol calmly stated in his deep raspy voice. He could hear Kyungsoo’s fear and anxiety even over the phone, from the way Kyungsoo’s voice shook and broke up.

“I remember” Kyungsoo nodded, slowly getting up and attempting to key in the passcode one more time.

“Okay, you can do it. Remember, 9-3-0-1-1-2”, Chanyeol carefully and patiently guided Kyungsoo through.

 

Kyungsoo took a deep breath and carefully one by one punched in the numbers as he recalled and how Chanyeol had read it out for him. Kyungsoo came down to the last number. The “2” digit. Kyungsoo’s index finger hovered over the number; he just needed to press it now.

The security warning was now flashing in front of him, that if he got this attempt wrong, the alarm would sound and notify the police.

Kyungsoo pulled his hand away and returned to crouch on the floor, “No, I can’t do it. Chanyeol, I can’t. I swear that’s the same combination I’ve been trying to put in all these while. I don’t want to get it wrong and I don’t know what to do if the alarm is triggered. I just can’t”

Chanyeol sighed and looked at the time displayed on his computer. It was another four hours before he got off his shift, so he couldn’t leave now and help unlock the door for Kyungsoo. But Chanyeol had an idea how he could do that without leaving his post.

Not that Chanyeol was afraid of leaving his post while on the shift. He did it pretty often actually but now he had tons of backlogs to finish, which had accumulated because he had been slacking, to begin with. If he did not complete it, Minseok would make him come to work on an off day and Chanyeol didn’t want that. He had other plans.

“Hey, Kyungsoo, just key in that number. It’ll be alright. Trust me.” Chanyeol tried to persuade Kyungsoo as softly as possible.

“Chanyeol, I’m scared.” Kyungsoo shook his head, screwed his eyes shut and hugged himself.

“It’s ok, Kyungsoo. You can do it. Just trust me.” Chanyeol continued to convince.

“This on you if I screw up” Kyungsoo hissed, getting up and attempted to punch in the number “2”, but ended up wrongly keying in the “3” beside it.

 

Chanyeol heard the blaring sounds of the house alarm system over the phone and tried to stop himself from laughing out loud. Kyungsoo was now cursing and spewing profanities at Chanyeol. Chanyeol had to put his phone away from his face or else Kyungsoo would hear him trying to stifle his laughter.

“Chanyeol, you know what, fuck you!” Kyungsoo snapped over the phone while his neighbors rushed out of their doors to see what the commotion was about.

“Don’t worry, Kyungsoo. I’m on my way now.” Chanyeol hung up the call and hopped over to Sehun’s desk. “Let’s go, kid. We got work. I’m driving.”

“What are we on today?” Sehun looked up from his papers to ask Chanyeol.

“Some alarm going off, just a routine procedure check” Chanyeol mentioned, twirling the ring of the patrol car keys in his finger with a grin on his face that Kyungsoo would love to slap off if he saw it.

 

Chanyeol drove over to Kyungsoo’s apartment under the pretense of work, where it seemed like Kyungsoo had managed to now enter and turn off the alarm. Chanyeol made Sehun wait in the patrol car while he went up to check on Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol could have just entered the passcode to enter but preferred to knock instead, knowing Kyungsoo was home for sure.

Kyungsoo answered the door still fully dressed in his work clothes. His neutral face turned to that one of anger and irritation when he laid eyes on Chanyeol standing there in full uniform.

“It did work, didn’t it?” Chanyeol snickered, smiling to himself.

“Oh yeah, _it sure did_ ” Kyungsoo mocked, sarcastically, with his arms folded against his chest.

“Well, it looks like you managed to get in so I don’t see a problem here anymore.” Chanyeol rested his hands on the side of his hips.

“Yeah, I just remembered it wrong. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’ve been typing in the last digit wrong” Kyungsoo admitted his mistake, looking away from Chanyeol.

“Hmm…looks like the mystery is solved too then”, Chanyeol whistled away, feeling relaxed and untroubled.

“Why are you here anyway?” Kyungsoo muttered under his breath, still not wanting to make eye contact with Chanyeol.

 “You were freaking out over the phone so I thought I’d come check up on you” Chanyeol explained, “I’m not allowed out the station unless it’s for work so I was kind of hoping you’d actually set the alarm off and I’d have a reason to come here.”

“I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” Kyungsoo pouted, still looking away. Kyungsoo was sort of expecting to be comforted but the thought of Chanyeol being the one to comfort him sort of threw him off a little bit.

“Well then, if it’s nothing else. I’m going back to work. You’ll probably be asleep when I get back so good night” Chanyeol waved his hand away and turned around to leave. “Better not do anything stupid like crack tonight. It’s going to make your anxiety worse.”

“Wait”, Kyungsoo grabbed onto the sleeve of Chanyeol’s uniform, stopping him from leaving.

“Hmm?” Chanyeol hummed, looking inquisitively towards Kyungsoo.

“Don’t leave me alone tonight.” Kyungsoo looked left, right and behind him as if he was cautious and wary about something.

“I’m sorry, I have to go back to work you know” Chanyeol had to turn down Kyungsoo.

“It’s not like you ever do any work anyway”, Kyungsoo tried to bargain.

“That is true but I am caught up with something at the moment and hey, we all have to start somewhere don’t we?” Chanyeol tipped off his police cap towards Kyungsoo, trying to leave again.

“Can I accompany you to the station then?” Kyungsoo asked, hoping he could have it his way.

“I don’t think you want to turn yourself in for all that crack” Chanyeol leaned in to whisper into Kyungsoo’s ear, not that anyone would probably be listening to them anyway.

Kyungsoo glared back at Chanyeol like a mean child who couldn’t get what he wanted.

Chanyeol sighed, giving in, “There’s a bar beside the station I frequent. I planned to go there after work tonight. I get off around ten so you can wait there for me.”

Kyungsoo’s face lit up all of a sudden, ”Really?”

“Yes, really. Just wait there and don’t do anything stupid please like crack and booze.” Chanyeol actually pleaded of Kyungsoo.  

 

 

Kyungsoo did not drink much, just occasionally and when he visited the gay bar in that flashy district of town because he wanted to get laid.

Kyungsoo did not drink at that bar either while waiting for Chanyeol. There were so many off-duty police officers there that Kyungsoo sort of felt pressured and outnumbered by their presence. They reminded him of Chanyeol.

These are Chanyeol’s people, Kyungsoo thought to himself. Not that Kyungsoo hung around with his fellow law practitioners anyway.

 

Kyungsoo spotted an ice cream freezer in the bar and fished out several small serving cups out, informing the bartender of what he took to add to his tab. The bartender handed Kyungsoo a spoon for him to eat the ice cream as he sat by the counter finishing the cups and scrolling through a news site on his phone while waiting for Chanyeol to get off work.

After some time, the bartender started to make conversation with Kyungsoo, seeing that he was the only one alone and seated by the counter.

“Are you perhaps waiting for someone? I’ve never seen you here before” The bartender politely asked, standing from behind the counter.

“Yeah”, Kyungsoo looked up from his phone, spoon in his mouth, “I’m waiting for a- friend. He’s a cop.”

“I see I see. I’m Yixing by the way. Is this friend of yours getting off his shift soon?” The bartender introduced himself and further asked, arranging some glasses on the shelf.

“Yup” Kyungsoo nodded and affirmed, introducing himself, “I’m Do Kyungsoo”

“What’s the name of this friend of yours? I know all the police who come by here.” Yixing mentioned, crouching over to reach a rack on the lower shelf.

“Park Chanyeol” Kyungsoo blurted out.

“Chanyeol?” Yixing seemed to eye Kyungsoo warily now.

“Yeah? Is there anything wrong?” Kyungsoo was equally wary now due to the way Yixing was looking at him now.

“No. It’s just that you don’t look like someone Park Chanyeol would be friends with. Forgive me for my judgment but it just appears like that to me” Yixing slightly bowed his head.

“You know, you are somewhat right” Kyungsoo had to agree with Yixing about him unlikely to be someone Chanyeol was friends with.

Kyungsoo did not even know why he had referred to Chanyeol as his “friend”. Kyungsoo thought maybe he should have said “roommates” instead. Kyungsoo never paid attention or much thought to whatever their relationship was labeled at. Whatever it was, “friends” was obviously the more logical sounding answer than “we killed each other in some freaky sex and now we’re forced to be with each other if we don’t want to die.”

 

While Kyungsoo was busy pondering his thoughts, enough time had passed and Chanyeol arrived at the bar less than half-past ten now dressed in his casual clothes. Chanyeol spotted Kyungsoo sitting at the counter and approached him, taking the vacant seat beside Kyungsoo.

“Give me the usual”, Chanyeol told Yixing.

Kyungsoo pretended to look at his last ice cream cup, shifting the spoon through the almost finished and melting vanilla and walnuts concoction.

“How are you feeling now?” Chanyeol patted Kyungsoo on the back, hard enough to send the latter slightly lurching forward.

“I’m alright”, Kyungsoo muttered in a low voice.

“You wanted me to accompany you, didn’t you? Well, I’m here now.” Chanyeol grinned; rubbing Kyungsoo’s lower back as if he was patting a pet that needed comfort and attention.

Kyungsoo squirmed away from Chanyeol’s touch, not that he hated it. Kyungsoo just felt out of character and somewhat “vulnerable” letting Chanyeol do that to him. Chanyeol was honestly surprised to see Kyungsoo pushing him away.

Kyungsoo actually apologized for that, mumbling a low “sorry”.

“No harm is done” Chanyeol continued grinning and gulped down the soju shots Yixing had laid out for him. “I’m all yours now.” Chanyeol cheerily stated, slamming down the shot glass on the table.

Chanyeol reached for the bottle to pour more shots for himself but Kyungsoo had taken it into his own hands instead.

“Do you want to drink too?” Chanyeol asked, feeling a burp about to come out.

“No. Let me pour it for you. I’m younger so it’s only polite that I do it for you.” Kyungsoo announced, holding the green glass bottle with both hands.

Chanyeol nodded in agreement, holding up his glass with both hands too for Kyungsoo to pour the soju in. Chanyeol finished the entire shot Kyungsoo had just poured out for him in a matter of seconds, tasting the familiar afterburn on his tongue and throat.

Kyungsoo refilled the shot glass until it was about three-quarters full but Chanyeol did not drink it yet. Instead, Chanyeol shifted in his seat so he could sit closer to Kyungsoo who was using the spoon to try to scrape out the remaining ice cream from the bottom of the cup.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to drink?” Chanyeol asked one more time.

“No thanks” Kyungsoo replied, eyes fixed on working to scraping out the ice cream.

Chanyeol shrugged his shoulders, “Well, let me know if you change your mind. I figured you prefer drugs over alcohol.”

“Shh not so loud”, Kyungsoo hissed now facing Chanyeol. “-oh and alcohol is a drug too.”

“It’s legal at least” Chanyeol argued.

“Whatever”, Kyungsoo shook off the topic and quickly changed it to something that had been on his mind, “How did you know the passcode to the door was my birthday?”

“Remember the time I tried to pull you over earlier this year?” Chanyeol raised the shot glass to his mouth.

“I sure do”, Kyungsoo remembered.

“I did ask for your license then and I remembered the date on it” Chanyeol stated before downing the shot.

“Why would you even remember something like that?” Kyungsoo was honestly confused and lost for ideas.

“Umm…let’s just say I had a crush on you and I wanted to know how old you were” Chanyeol confessed, leaning his chin on the raised palm of his hand.

“You’re weird” Kyungsoo shook his head, desperately trying to scrape off the last bit of ice cream at the bottom of the cup which the spoon just seemed to be unable to pry.

“Maybe”, Chanyeol cooed, watching Kyungsoo’s face turned into that one of frustration as he continued to do what he was doing.

“Ugh”, Kyungsoo slammed down the spoon and ice cream cup down, failing to pry out that last frozen bit without tearing the cup up.

 

Chanyeol picked up the spoon and tried to poke it around, equally failing at it just like Kyungsoo.

“Kyungsoo, I think you need to use your tongue for this” Chanyeol handed the cup back to Kyungsoo.

“My tongue?” Kyungsoo stared confusedly at the rim of the ice cream cup.

“Yeah, just like how you would eat ass. I think that will work” Chanyeol suggested.

“No, that won’t work because I’m not that good in eating ass”, Kyungsoo was shy to admit.

“Fine. I’ll do it then.” Chanyeol grabbed for the ice cream cup but Kyungsoo had pulled it away before he could get it.

“It’s mine”, Kyungsoo growled possessively over an ice cream cup.

Chanyeol raised his hands as if to surrender, “I was just trying to help.”

 

Chanyeol left Kyungsoo to his administrations, watching him struggle pointlessly with it. Even watching it was making Chanyeol frustrated and restless himself. There was seemingly no end to it and this scene.

“Just do it like how I ate your ass and I’m sure you’ll get it” Chanyeol sighed.

“You’re not that good anyway”, Kyungsoo snapped.

“Not good? You were the one screaming _‘don’t stop oppa_ ’ when I was eating your ass”, Chanyeol squealed, imitating Kyungsoo’s voice.

Kyungsoo slapped Chanyeol on the knee, “Hush. You’re too loud. Your colleagues are here, someone might listen to you. Do you want to them to know? You can lose your job” Kyungsoo hissed.

Chanyeol cupped a hand over his mouth, realizing that he wasn’t really allowed to be talking about those things.

 

Chanyeol realized and understood Kyungsoo was trying to tell him. The thought of being caught and fired for his homosexuality wasn’t on the top of Chanyeol’s head at the moment. Chanyeol felt rather very comfortable with Kyungsoo despite not having much in common.

It was most definitely the shared sexual orientation they had, both of them being gay and all. Chanyeol actually felt comfortable and himself around Kyungsoo. There was no fear of discrimination, prejudice or judgment. Maybe too comfortable that Chanyeol almost forgot he couldn’t actually be open about being gay.

As a matter of fact, Chanyeol was actually touched that Kyungsoo cared enough to warn him about it and actually expressed concern about his job being at stake.

 

 

Over the course of the night, Kyungsoo had tried to stop Chanyeol from drinking too much, not really wanting to drag him back to the apartment by himself. Chanyeol was significantly taller and heavier than Kyungsoo, which could pose a problem if Chanyeol passed out and Kyungsoo had to carry him.

Chanyeol reassured Kyungsoo that he was an alcoholic- but a functional one and could most certainly be able to walk himself back. Kyungsoo wasn’t buying it but Chanyeol argued that he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he wasn’t buzzed at least.

Chanyeol had one less bottle that night anyway thanks to Kyungsoo who refused to lend him money when he didn’t have enough.

 

“You really need to cut down on how much you drink” Kyungsoo mentioned, pushing Chanyeol off of him when the policeman tipsily bumped into his side, while they were walking down the hallway to get back to Kyungsoo’s apartment.

“Uh…you need to stop taking coke too. It’s not healthy”, Chanyeol chuckled to himself in a stupor manner, not even really walking straight.

Kyungsoo stood in front of the security lock, hand hovering and slightly shaking but not touching the panel to key in the numbers. He was scared that he was going to get it wrong again and mess up somehow. Kyungsoo wasn’t confident with himself. It felt like he couldn’t even trust what he thought he knew.

Chanyeol was leaning his head on the door lazily, “Hurry up, I want to go to bed.”

“I can’t. I’m scared. You do it” Kyungsoo retracted his hand away from the panel and urged Chanyeol to do it instead.

“I’m drunk, Kyungsoo. Even this hall looks shaky and distorted to me. I’m going to get it wrong as much as you will”, Chanyeol grunted, pressing his forehead against the door.

“Then the both of us are sleeping here in the hallway”, Kyungsoo stomped his foot down, stubbornly refusing to even try out of his anxiety and fear.

“But Kyungsoo,  it’s cold out here”, Chanyeol whined, pushing himself off of the door and standing behind Kyungsoo who was in front of the security panel.

 

Kyungsoo was about to step aside and let Chanyeol unlock the door. Instead, Chanyeol grabbed Kyungsoo’s right hand into his own, lifting his and Kyungsoo’s hand up to the level of the security panel.

Chanyeol could easily see even from behind Kyungsoo due to their height differences, as he carefully guided Kyungsoo’s hand beneath his.

“You can do it, Kyungsoo” Chanyeol convinced reassuringly.

Kyungsoo tried pulling his hand away but Chanyeol wouldn’t let him do that, firmly holding on to it and placing his fingers on the input panel.

“Remember. It’s your birthday. 9-3-0-1-1-2”, Chanyeol repeated, enunciating each number, pressing down on Kyungsoo’s finger beneath his.

Kyungsoo held his breath, not really moving by himself, letting Chanyeol guide his hand through. When the last digit was keyed in, the latched unlocked and the audible “click” from the door and beep from the panel was heard.

“See, it’s not that hard”, Chanyeol announced, releasing the hold on Kyungsoo’s arm and stepping aside to open the door and enter the apartment.

 

 

Chanyeol laid out the futon he uses on the floor in the living room, before changing his clothes to get ready for sleep. It was some time past midnight, a bit late for Kyungsoo’s bedtime and a little bit too early for Chanyeol.

Chanyeol already felt tired so he thought he might as well go to sleep then. Chanyeol had turn off the lights and was ready to snuggle in when he saw the light appearing from the open door of Kyungsoo’s room, his figure emerging from the room and heading towards Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo was wearing his indoor socks but as usual never wore anything but an oversized t-shirt when he was at home, as he stood near Chanyeol’s futon with a pillow under his arm.

 

Chanyeol blinked, looking at up at Kyungsoo while sitting upright with his legs stretched out on the futon, “What is it?”

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Kyungsoo meekly asked, pressing the pillow under his arm closer to his body.

Chanyeol looked around his futon, “Uh…sure but it’s small and I don’t think it’s really comfortable.” Chanyeol certainly wasn’t expected that either.

“It’s alright”, Kyungsoo dropped the pillow beside Chanyeol’s and crept in under the blanket, lying down beside Chanyeol and squeezing to fit both their bodies on the single futon.

Chanyeol laid down, inching a bit to the side to give Kyungsoo more space. But whenever there was but a little gap between them, Kyungsoo would close it up by moving in closer until he was resting his head against Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asked softly, glancing to his side at Kyungsoo lying down with his eyes closed.

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” Kyungsoo mumbled with his eyes still closed.

“I thought you didn’t want to sleep with me in the same place. You got pretty pissed when I brought that up the last time too” Chanyeol pointed out. “I know you’re not on anything tonight so it just surprises me that you would actually want to sleep with me here- especially while sober.”

“It’s warm here” Kyungsoo muttered, snuggling his head under Chanyeol’s chin, lying against Chanyeol’s chest.

Chanyeol rubbed Kyungsoo on the shoulder with his free arm that wasn’t being squished by the other man. Chanyeol’s hand moved in circles against Kyungsoo till he was practically lightly massaging Kyungsoo’s shoulders.

“You’re so tense”, Chanyeol commented, feeling up Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo let out what sounded to be a low pleasured grunt. “That actually feels good”

Chanyeol chuckled, “Really?” The compliment convincing and motivating him.  

“You’re so nice. Just like my mom was” Kyungsoo slowly opened his eyes.

“Was? I’m sorry. Did she pass away?”

“Nah. She’s still kicking. I told her I was gay in high school and she said if I didn’t _change_ she’d disown me.  I’m still gay today so you know-“Kyungsoo did not finish his sentence, not wanting to incite the painful memories again.

“I see. I get it.” Chanyeol rubbed his hand down Kyungsoo’s side and back to comfort and soothe him. “People seem to think that being gay is a choice. I’m used to it honestly.”

“You know, I used to wish I was a girl instead so it would be _okay_ for me to like boys. I thought then that would make my mother love me again” Kyungsoo’s voice croaked, the topic obviously difficult for him. “You think there are girls who like girls that wish they were male too?”

“You’re never alone, Kyungsoo”, Chanyeol wrapped his arm around Kyungsoo to make him feel safe and secure. “If you want to be a girl then I fully support you.”

“Really?” Kyungsoo lifted his head to look into Chanyeol’s eyes.

Chanyeol grinned in the dim lighting, “Sure. I guess I’ll be straight just for you then if you decide you want to be a girl.”

“That’s nice of you but I think I like being male for now”, Kyungsoo sat up on the futon with his legs crossed over the other.

“Is that why you like calling me oppa? If you were a girl, would you call me hyung?” Chanyeol leaned on his side, one arm propping his head up.

“Now you’re just making fun of me. I bet you’re not that much older anyway” Kyungsoo picked up his pillow to lightly hit Chanyeol with it.

 

As retaliation for being playfully hit by the pillow, Chanyeol poked Kyungsoo in the ribs where it would make someone jerk away involuntarily.

“Ow”, Kyungsoo flinched.

Chanyeol chuckled to himself, taking the opportunity to pull Kyungsoo into a back hug while they were both still seated on the single futon, Kyungsoo seated between Chanyeol’s thighs.

Chanyeol wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo’s smaller waist, nuzzling his face in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck, breathing warm air against Kyungsoo’s skin.

“Kyungsoo”, Chanyeol breathily moaned against the skin on Kyungsoo’s neck.

“Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo repeated, not really sure what Chanyeol was up to.

 

Kyungsoo tried to turn around to face Chanyeol, but in doing so, Chanyeol was able to sweep down and kiss Kyungsoo on the lips. Chanyeol gently held Kyungsoo’s face in his hands as he tenderly kissed the other.

Kyungsoo did not see that kiss coming. His eyes were still open and he did not kiss back either. Chanyeol knew was something off because Kyungsoo was stiff and did not reciprocate either.

When Chanyeol pulled away from the kiss and opened his eyes, Kyungsoo was already staring back with his round dark brown eyes. To Chanyeol, Kyungsoo sort of looked scared and sad at the same time.

“Soo, I am sorry. I just got carried away” Chanyeol moved his hands holding Kyungsoo’s face down to his shoulders.

“Yeah, it’s okay. I’m not scared or anything. I was just surprised- it’s been a long day. Let’s go to sleep.” Kyungsoo shook the topic off successfully, not wanting Chanyeol to feel bad about it either.

 

Kyungsoo went to sleep that night snuggling against Chanyeol’s chest, their bodies mostly on the floor not being able to fit two people on the futon. Chanyeol slept soundly. Kyungsoo woke up a few times during the night due to sleeping in an unfamiliar place but it didn’t take him long to go back to sleep again. It felt nice with Chanyeol indeed.

That was what Kyungsoo had been afraid of and stubborn to not want to sleep with someone. It was just so easy for him to feel at ease and comfortable with the person who shared his sleeping area.

Kyungsoo did fantasize about being in a relationship where feelings were mutual, but it was all just a daydream and he was still very scared about it if it were to happen in real life. It was new and unknown waters to him, which he was scared of sailing through just yet. 

Kyungsoo felt as if he could and might just develop feelings for Chanyeol right there and then. No one was scared of loving and being loved. They were scared of being hurt.

 

Kyungsoo woke up the next morning just about the usual time he did every morning. The futon was empty, Chanyeol wasn’t there. In fact, Chanyeol was wide awake and already walking around the place getting ready to go out. That was the unusual part.

“You’re early today. Are you on the morning shift?” Kyungsoo commented, seeing Chanyeol buckle up his pants from across the room.

“Oh, I’m off today” Chanyeol replied, looking towards Kyungsoo as he fixed the collar on his blue shirt.

“You are really early though” Kyungsoo yawned, still half asleep.

“It’s my parent’s wedding anniversary. I’m visiting their graves today”, Chanyeol explained, striding across the room.

“Oh”, Kyungsoo nodded.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Kyungsoo left for work that morning around the same time Chanyeol did too, which was a rather rare sight to be walking with each other down to the parking lots and waving each other off before going in their respective cars headed to their own destinations.

For once, it seemed like they were on the same page for once. Not that it was going to last long anyway.   

Chanyeol had told Kyungsoo that he would probably be home earlier because it was his day off, so Kyungsoo shouldn’t have to worry about panicking to unlock the door when he got home. Chanyeol would most likely be home at that time.

 

Kyungsoo would have liked to accompany Chanyeol but he had to go to court the same day. If it was any other day, Kyungsoo could have followed Chanyeol, and that was if Chanyeol let him anyway.

It seemed that Chanyeol knew way more about Kyungsoo than Kyungsoo actually knew about Chanyeol. Maybe it was okay to not go with Chanyeol that day, Kyungsoo thought. Kyungsoo hardly knew the man anyway or even made effort to try but that could be fixed.

 

On the drive to work that morning, Kyungsoo made sure to stop by the dry cleaners to get his court dress to use for proceedings that day. While waiting in line at the dry cleaners with a cup of coffee in his hand, Kyungsoo started to wonder when Chanyeol’s birthday was.

Kyungsoo sort of felt ashamed for not knowing what it was when Chanyeol remembered the whole date of his birthday even before they started talking to each other. When Kyungsoo got back in his car with his freshly pressed court dress, he made sure to write down “Chanyeol’s birthday?” with a pen on his left palm.

 

 

Kyungsoo and his colleague, Jongdae, who graduated from the same class as him, were set to prosecute a bunch of people that day for small misdemeanors such as failure to pay accumulated parking tickets, overdue fines and petty crimes such as shoplifting or loitering.

Waiting in the packed courtroom for the judge to arrive, Jongdae leaned back on the chair while Kyungsoo was busy going through the documents and papers set on the table in front of them.

Jongdae sighed, “Is there anything nice in there?” gesturing towards the case papers in Kyungsoo’s hand.

Kyungsoo pulled out a manila file with several paper clips holding it together, “There is this one about a guy arrested for stalking his ex-girlfriend and taking pictures of her without her knowledge.”

“That’s it? Nothing interesting?” Jongdae sounded disappointed.

“You know there won’t be. We’re still junior prosecutors and we’re attached to a rather boring police department too who only catches small-time crooks and criminals”, Kyungsoo explained.

“I can’t wait to transfer out of here. I didn’t spend all those years slaving in law school and studying my ass off to pass the bar so I can prosecute a slipper thief”, Jongdae leaned forward on the desk, perching his chin on the palm of his hand.

Kyungsoo shrugged it off. Jongdae had his own opinions and view and Kyungsoo respected that. Kyungsoo himself was fine with the path his career was going on, even if one would deem it as boring and unfulfilling.

“Who’s Chanyeol? That name sounds familiar.” Jongdae asked, catching a glance at Kyungsoo’s palm which he had scribbled on.

“Oh- he’s- uh my roommate”, Kyungsoo meekly answered, putting his left hand down below the table and on his lap.

 

Jongdae didn’t ask further, saving Kyungsoo from having to explain or go into the details. Lying is known as a sin in almost all religions and a lawyer is a synonym with a liar. The saying that all lawyers go to hell came to be for nothing after all.

However, Kyungsoo had really changed his mind about things since then. Suddenly, he was so scared of dying and that he’d actually go to hell- which he already did. But when he thought about living, what was there to live for anyway? Life itself for Kyungsoo was still rather empty and meaningless. But, he caught the thought of Chanyeol slowly creeping into his daydreams and thoughts.

How did Chanyeol begin to appear in his head anyway when Kyungsoo was still busy fantasizing the bliss of death?

 

There were numerous police officers and personnel in the courtroom that day as was with every court proceeding. Kyungsoo caught himself looking towards the police officers every now and then. They reminded him of Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had personally run into the tall pointy eared policeman in a courtroom several times.

Admittedly though, those instances weren’t really pleasant and Kyungsoo wished to poke his pen right through Chanyeol’s skull when they used to run into each other. If Kyungsoo was given the chance to do that now, he would probably take the opportunity still.

 

 

The court was dismissed for lunch. Kyungsoo left to use the restroom immediately where he locked himself in a cubicle and pulled up his court dress to around his hips so he could sit on the toilet bowl. Kyungsoo didn’t really need to use the toilet. He just wanted to be alone and cool himself off. Being in a room full of people for hours was stressing him out and raising his anxiety.

Kyungsoo sat on the toilet bowl checking his phone and expecting a noon text from Chanyeol which he had grown accustomed to getting every weekday afternoon. There was none and the app stated that Chanyeol was last online six hours ago, around the time they had left together this morning.

Kyungsoo hated to double text but he did anyway, asking Chanyeol if the latter was alive or home right now. Kyungsoo only got a reply of a thumbs up emoji about three hours later when the court was adjourned and he was in his car ready to go home.

 

* * *

 

 

Chanyeol had a rather rough day, not one that he expected to play out that way. Before their passing, Chanyeol’s parents had always told him to remember their anniversary instead of their death days. They didn’t want to force Chanyeol to pay respects remembering something sad, instead wanting him to remember the better happier times they had.

As such, Chanyeol did not pay his respects during Chuseok or Lunar New Year because it would go against his parent’s wishes to make him pay respects for something like their death.

Chanyeol wore his best brown coat that day and broke down into tears at his parent’s grave because he missed them terribly. That was hardly the highlight of the day, however.

Chanyeol took the day off opportunity and went back to his basement apartment to check up on the place and gather a few things he needed. When Chanyeol was about to leave and walking to his car, a very familiar group of bikers pulled up by the roadside with their bikes. Chanyeol almost wished he had seen things wrongly.

 

“Hey, Officer Park”, the leader of the biker gang whom Chanyeol was familiar with whistled towards him.

“What is it, Yifan?” Chanyeol was annoyed, standing on the sidewalk carrying a bag pack of his stuff.

“How are things? Good?” Yifan got off his bike, leaning his arm on Chanyeol’s shoulder. Yifan was one of the few people taller than himself that he knew and able to do that.

“Things are good”, Chanyeol chose his words carefully, not wanting to look for more trouble.

“If so, then why haven’t we seen you lately? You’re not running from us are you?” Yifan lightly slapped Chanyeol on the cheek a few times, something Chanyeol was honestly used to.

“I’m not. I’m just staying someplace else which is closer to work for the meantime” Chanyeol explained without revealing too much either.

“I see I see”, Yifan nodded, staring down Chanyeol who didn’t even look in his direction. “We thought you enlisted into the military already or might have run away and sold us out cause you know-“

“I know. I know, Yifan. I know”, Chanyeol repeated, not a single hitch in his voice despite the pressuring situation.

“Good boy”, Yifan grinned slyly to himself, pulling on Chanyeol’s earlobe where he had gotten his ears pierced many years ago as a teenager.

 

Chanyeol had not worn any earrings or piercings since joining the police force almost ten years ago because it was against the dress code. He wasn’t sure how he got used to it anyway but having Yifan get touchy-feely like this wasn’t something he wanted to get used to.

Yifan knew Chanyeol very well swung the other way; having seen him left a gay bar around late last year with some college age kid whom Chanyeol couldn’t even remember anymore. The gay bar itself was in a shady part of town, befitting of where someone like Yifan would even be hanging out. It just so happens that Chanyeol owed Yifan a lot of money.

Yifan himself wasn’t gay but somehow part of being an asshole homophobic seems to include harassing gay men and teasing them. Chanyeol had one too many times experienced being catcalled by Yifan and his gang even while on duty.

“Well then”, Yifan cooed in Chanyeol’s ear, still leaning his arm on the policeman’s shoulder. “Don’t forget, okay?”

Yifan turned around to leave but not before grabbing Chanyeol on the butt and then laughing out loud about it, watched by Yifan’s gang who too roared in laughter.

Chanyeol lost his temper that day, dropping his bag pack to the ground and throwing the first punch into Yifan’s jaw. Chanyeol could have probably held on his own if it weren’t for the three other men accompanying Yifan.

Chanyeol soon regretted his decision and found himself crouching on the ground with his hands over his head and protecting his abdomen from the kicks and punches that came. Yifan and his gang eventually left, tired and bored of Chanyeol’s unresponsiveness. Also, low-key scared of Chanyeol possibly hiding a gun and pulling it on them, Chanyeol being the one who was actually licensed to own and operate such a weapon.

 

 

Chanyeol was sore and bloody. He found that the blood came from a split lip and a cut on his head. His best brown coat wasn’t really the best now. Chanyeol was sure he would find more bruises once he stripped and took a look at himself.

The glass screen to his phone was shattered but it still worked. Chanyeol saw that it was noon already and the first thought on his mind was to go home, back to Kyungsoo’s apartment. He wasn’t sure what time Kyungsoo would be home but he did promise to be home first. Chanyeol may be a corrupt police officer who could be charged for what he had done but he kept promises.

Chanyeol dragged himself and his bag pack back to his car, driving back to Kyungsoo’s place while the blood from his head trickled down his face and dripped onto his clothes. Chanyeol was still in too much shock to process the pain and reality of the situation. He knew it would hit him later and that it would hurt like a bitch when it did.

 

Chanyeol dragged himself up the elevator and down the hallway to Kyungsoo’s unit, pulling his bag pack by the strap behind him. Chanyeol didn’t even manage to lock the door when he entered, collapsing onto the couch and passing out there.

Chanyeol woke up momentarily to check his phone, reply to Kyungsoo’s text while half asleep, before passing out again on the couch.

 

* * *

 

 

Kyungsoo came home to find the door unlocked and left a few inches open. Kyungsoo was cautious, quickly hiding around the corner of the hallway, afraid that a burglar had possibly broken into his apartment.

Kyungsoo’s first instinct was to dial Chanyeol’s phone and tell him of what had happened instead of knocking on his neighbor’s door for help. Kyungsoo was in for a surprise when he heard the sound of a ringtone coming from his apartment which also familiarly sounded like it belongs to Chanyeol’s.

 

Carefully peeking through the door, Kyungsoo pushed it open and called out, “Chanyeol?”

There was no response but Chanyeol’s phone continued ringing and Kyungsoo saw the tall figure sprawled on his couch, one arm and leg hanging off the cushion.

Chanyeol had not even taken his shoes off and Kyungsoo was about to scream and go on a tirade about that when he noticed something. Chanyeol didn’t look too well and the blood stains were obvious as the contrast between day and night.

 

“Chanyeol!” Kyungsoo quickly ran inside with his shoes still on too, scurrying to the couch and shaking Chanyeol on the shoulder.

Chanyeol grunted, shifting slightly but not waking up.

Kyungsoo placed his phone back into his pocket so he could use both hands to shake Chanyeol “Wake up, damn it.”

Chanyeol lazily opened his eyes to see Kyungsoo bending over the couch, so low that Kyungsoo’s scarf was dangling and hitting him in the face.

“I’m good. Not dead”, Chanyeol gave a thumbs up and grinned weakly.

“What happened to you?” Kyungsoo almost shrieked.

“It’s nothing I-“Chanyeol tried to brush it off.

Kyungsoo pulled Chanyeol by the collar, sending him lurching forward. Kyungsoo took the opportunity to carefully inspect Chanyeol’s bloodied and battered face.

“This doesn’t look the face of ‘nothing’, Chanyeol” Kyungsoo saw right through Chanyeol’s white lie.

Chanyeol sighed, sitting up and confessing, “I just got roughed up a little. I’m alright though.”

“What are you even doing here? You should go to the doctor!” Kyungsoo loudly asserted in Chanyeol’s face.

Chanyeol grinned, “I had to open the door for you.”

“You really are weird. Get up; we’re going to the clinic. I’ll drive.” Kyungsoo tugged on Chanyeol’s arm.

 

Chanyeol complied without any argument this time, following Kyungsoo who drove him to a nearby clinic. During the car ride, Kyungsoo pulled out a tissue box he kept in his car and shoved it on Chanyeol’s lap for him to wipe the dirt and blood off his face.

At the registration counter at the clinic, Chanyeol found out that he sprained the thumb and index finger on his right hand and thus couldn’t write to fill in the forms. Kyungsoo offered to help fill out the form while Chanyeol recited the information needed.

Kyungsoo wrote with his right hand but had his left hand placed on the table too. That was when Chanyeol noticed what Kyungsoo had written on his left palm. Chanyeol snickered to himself at the thought that Kyungsoo actually wanted to know when his birthday was.

As if everything was falling into place, Kyungsoo came to the part of the form where he had to fill in Chanyeol’s birthday.

“Birthday?” Kyungsoo asked without looking up from the paper, pretending like he wasn’t interested or cared to know, which was a contrary to how he really felt.

“November 27th, 1992”, Chanyeol was happy to answer.

“Wha-“Kyungsoo paused, glancing at Chanyeol with a confused face.

“Anything wrong?” Chanyeol asked, confusedly.

“You’re not even two months older than me? I seriously thought you were younger than me.” Kyungsoo was honestly a bit surprised to find out.

“You actually thought that?” Chanyeol dryly chuckled to himself.

“Hmm…then that means we would also have been in the same grade in school.” Kyungsoo pointed out, filling in the date on the form.

“Maybe”, Chanyeol hummed to himself.

Kyungsoo had something else to remember now. Chanyeol’s birthday was just less than two weeks away.

 

Kyungsoo accompanied Chanyeol in the consultation office while the doctor gave an evaluation of Chanyeol’s injury before treating to it appropriately. The main concern was that there would be some internal bleeding due to the blunt trauma Chanyeol had received from the beating. Chanyeol was deemed fine however and that his wounds were merely external.

Kyungsoo’s face throughout the entire situation was edging on curiosity to know what Chanyeol had been through to be beaten up to that extent. Chanyeol knew he had a lot to explain for later on.

While Chanyeol’s wounds were being dressed, a nurse later rushed into the room to inform that an accident victim had come in and required immediate attention. The doctor had to excuse himself from the room, leaving Chanyeol and Kyungsoo alone waiting there.

 

Chanyeol tugged onto the unfinished bandage dressing on his arm, “Kyungsoo, you know how to tie this up?”

Kyungsoo shook his head, arms folded over his chest, “I’m not a doctor. Just wait for him to come back. It’s a small clinic so they’re understaffed.”

“You’re smart, why didn’t you become a doctor instead? Why did you become a lawyer?” Chanyeol pondered, curious to know.

“I don’t like people. I enjoy prosecuting them more than I like the thought of saving them.” Kyungsoo flatly answered.

“Fair enough”, Chanyeol shrugged, satisfied with the answer he got. It was very like of Kyungsoo.

 

Chanyeol grew bored of waiting and decided to walk around the consultation office, reading the charts and posters on the wall. Chanyeol held in his hand the unfinished dressing of bandages so it wouldn’t roll away as he moved around.

Kyungsoo remained seated, swinging his legs from the chair to pass the time.

“Hey look at this”, Chanyeol gleefully pointed out to a poster on the wall.

Kyungsoo looked up to see what Chanyeol was talking about, to see a poster about the side effects of drugs on a human body.

“It’s you. You should read this”, Chanyeol playfully tugged on Kyungsoo’s sleeve, pointing to the poster.

Kyungsoo scowled, taking offense to the situation, “Is there anything about excessive drinking? That’s one for you.”

Chanyeol laughed it off, moving on to the chart on the wall used to measure height. Kyungsoo still remained seated but he was watching Chanyeol now.

 

“Hey, Kyungsoo. Can you see how tall I am?” Chanyeol stood with his back straight against the wall against the chart.

“Take your shoes off, first”, Kyungsoo strangely complied, walking up to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol kicked off his shoes to the side, eagerly waiting for Kyungsoo to read the measurement out to him.

“Nope. I can’t see it” Kyungsoo tiptoed but was still unable to see past Chanyeol’s head.

“Use the chair”, Chanyeol pointed out to the chairs beside the doctor’s table.

 

Kyungsoo pulled a chair and stood on it, finally towering over Chanyeol on that rare occasion.

“Look forward”, Kyungsoo instructed.

Chanyeol did as he was told, feeling excited like a child again on height and weight inspection day at school. Chanyeol always liked that time when it came around while he was in school because he was- if not always the tallest boy in his class.

In school, being the tallest among your peers was usually something to brag about and Chanyeol often his got way with that. Despite that, Chanyeol was hopelessly attracted to men shorter than him. If Chanyeol spotted two men he might like, he would always go for the shorter one. Kyungsoo was no coincidence either.

“About 185cm, give or take a centimeter or two”, Kyungsoo read out.

“Just as I thought” Chanyeol heaved himself off the wall.

“Did you seriously think you would grow at almost thirty years old? I mean you’re tall enough already”, Kyungsoo stated, getting off the chair.

“Nah, I just wanted to make sure”, Chanyeol replied. “Stand there so I can measure your height too.”

“I know how tall I am. No thanks”, Kyungsoo politely declined.

“-and how tall is that?” Chanyeol asked, leaning in close to Kyungsoo.

“Not as tall as you or anywhere close to it”, Kyungsoo answered, gently pushing Chanyeol aside so he could return the chair back at the desk.

“Works for me”, Chanyeol proudly announced, sitting back near the doctor’s table.

“What does?” Kyungsoo glanced to the side.

“I like my men short. How do you like yours?” Chanyeol asked. Now that he thought about it, they never had these kinds of conversations discussing each other’s preferences even though admittedly there was a degree or spark of attraction between the both of them.

“I don’t know. I’ll think of something”, Kyungsoo replied, not really paying much thought into it either.

 

 

It was nighttime around eight when they left the clinic with Chanyeol obtaining a sick certificate for tomorrow, giving him two days off in a row now.

Kyungsoo stopped by a drive-through restaurant to get dinner for the both of them, a bit lazy to cook that night. They were quiet while waiting in the designated parking lots for their orders, listening to the silence and the hum of the engine.

Kyungsoo didn’t feel anything off about the situation but Chanyeol was rather uneasy. Kyungsoo had always been a quiet person anyway.

“Aren’t you going to ask me how I ended up like this?” Chanyeol asked, leaning on the door and looking outside.

“I won’t press you on it- you can tell me when you’re ready to”, Kyungsoo looked ahead, staring out the window too but in a different direction.

“Really?” Chanyeol straightened his back.

“No” Kyungsoo firmly responded, fishing through his glove compartment for some spare change.

“What do you mean then?” Chanyeol pressed on, shifting in his seat to move closer towards Kyungsoo as far as the seatbelt would let him.

Kyungsoo slammed the glove compartment shut, a few coins in his fist, “What if you died? –or something else happened to you? You were supposed to help me get better so we don’t die! Why are you the one here trying to speed up your death!? I’m helping you too but what about me? Are you just going to leave me?” Kyungsoo was too exasperated once he finished saying all that.

Chanyeol was stunned, totally not expecting the outcome or Kyungsoo’s reaction. It took him a while before he was able to form a sentence. “Kyungsoo, I’m sorry”

 

Kyungsoo had to restrain and hold himself back with much effort to not go and punch Chanyeol in the jaw too. He was annoyed and irritated by all means but Chanyeol did not deserve that. That would just put him in the same group as the people who had beat Chanyeol up. Whoever those people may be, Kyungsoo didn’t know.

“Here” Kyungsoo grabbed Chanyeol’s uninjured left hand with his free hand and dropped the change in his fist into Chanyeol’s free hand. “Give this to the employee later on when they come with our orders.”

“Okay”, Chanyeol mumbled, once again seeing the scribbled note on Kyungsoo’s palm to find out when his birthday is.

Kyungsoo knew Chanyeol saw it too but neither chose to address it.

 

Kyungsoo leaned his elbow on the window from his driver’s seat, looking outside and not talking to Chanyeol. Chanyeol’s eyes darted from the change in his hand to glimpsing at Kyungsoo every now and then. It was silent.

Even on the drive home, they were quiet and did not talk to each other. Chanyeol felt intimidated by Kyungsoo’s silence and the whole situation. Kyungsoo was obviously mad at Chanyeol and he could see that. Chanyeol chickened out so much that he couldn’t even ask Kyungsoo to stop by the liquor store so he could grab a bottle of soju.

It was going to be a long night indeed.

 

 

“Go shower before we have dinner”, Kyungsoo instructed when they arrived back at his apartment, headed to the kitchen to set out the food.

“Okay”, Chanyeol responded, complying and not arguing back as usual.

Chanyeol found it a bit hard to undo the buttons and his belt buckle with a few sprained fingers. It was possible, just hard.

Standing under the flow of warm water stinging against his cuts and making sure his head was dry, Chanyeol sort of felt like asking for Kyungsoo’s help but didn’t want to inconvenience him any further.

Even if Chanyeol was sure that Kyungsoo did not like him that much and would push him off a balcony if he had the chance, there was no one close to him than Kyungsoo in his life at that point. Not since his mother passed away and left him alone, no one else came close and Chanyeol realized that.

The shower was really a universal “let’s ponder about life” place.

 

 

Chanyeol quickly dried off after the shower and wore a t-shirt instead of button-up pajamas; the buttons would be a pain to work with sprained fingers.

Kyungsoo was already waiting for Chanyeol at the table, spending time on his phone while he waited for Chanyeol to be done with his shower. The takeaway food had been served on plates and was now just waiting to be eaten.

Chanyeol joined Kyungsoo at the table, sitting opposite him.

“Eat up”, Kyungsoo pushed the porcelain bowl of kimchi closer towards Chanyeol’s side of the table.

“Yeah”, Chanyeol gasped, reaching for the chopsticks but realizing he couldn’t hold it up, not with the sprained fingers on his right hand. His left hand probably could but he wasn’t left-handed and now wasn’t the best time to learn how to.

Chanyeol was sort of embarrassed and afraid to get up to look for a spoon he could try to use with his left hand. Spoons were much easier to use than chopsticks even in a non-dominant hand. Chanyeol wasn’t the type of person who liked to bring up topics that made him look weak or incapable, especially in front of someone like Kyungsoo whom he regarded as a tough character.

“Are you alright?” Kyungsoo noticed Chanyeol struggling to eat with the chopsticks.

Flustered, Chanyeol set down the chopsticks immediately, “I’m alright”. Chanyeol blatantly lied.

 

If Chanyeol was stubborn, Kyungsoo was equally stubborn and obviously did not buy Chanyeol’s lie at all. Kyungsoo stood up and pulled his chair around the table to beside Chanyeol before setting his plates down beside Chanyeol too.

“Uh…” Chanyeol gaped, not sure what Kyungsoo was up to or had in mind.

Kyungsoo sat back down, now sitting beside Chanyeol where he scooped up some of the sautéed meat and the kimchi into Chanyeol’s plate, essentially serving the meal. Chanyeol’s plate was just filled with rice earlier on, unable to properly get anything else.

Chanyeol looked back into Kyungsoo’s eyes, admitting his defeat, “Thanks but I think I need a spoon to eat”. Chanyeol raised his injured right hand, promptly showing off the bandage dressing on his fingers too.

 

Kyungsoo got up to get a spoon from the drawer and sat back in the chair.

“Thanks”, Chanyeol muttered, trying to take the spoon from Kyungsoo’s hand.

Before Chanyeol could even reach to grab the spoon from Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo had taken a spoonful of rice and meat into the spoon from Chanyeol’s plate and held it in front of his mouth.

“Open your mouth”, Kyungsoo ordered, staring blankly at Chanyeol, their eyes meeting each other.

 

Chanyeol was confused but decided to follow through anyway; opening his lower jaw for Kyungsoo to spoon feed him. Kyungsoo cupped his free hand below Chanyeol’s chin to catch any bits of food that fell.

Chanyeol chewed the food, staring into Kyungsoo’s eyes who looked away to feed himself with the same spoon. Kyungsoo alternated between feeding himself and Chanyeol who didn’t comment about the entire setup at all.

“Want some kimchi?” Kyungsoo asked, hand on the edge of the bowl.

Chanyeol nodded and Kyungsoo fed him that too but with chopsticks this time, making sure to always have his other hand below Chanyeol’s chin to avoid spillage. Chanyeol had to look away occasionally because he caught himself staring too hard into Kyungsoo’s eyes.

Kyungsoo noticed that too.

 

“You know, if you gave me that spoon, I would actually be able to use my left hand to feed myself” Chanyeol pointed out while Kyungsoo was in between turn of feeding himself then later Chanyeol.

“Why? You don’t want to share spoons?” Kyungsoo retorted, chewing his food.

“No, I just don’t want to trouble you”, Chanyeol denied.

“I’ve drunk far worse than your spit if you’re worried about saliva. I literally died choking your dick so there’s nothing else you can do that will trouble me more than that” Kyungsoo remarked, picking up a spoonful and holding it up for Chanyeol.

Chanyeol pursed his lips stubbornly, not opening his mouth for Kyungsoo to feed him.

“Why? Are you full now?” Kyungsoo asked, staring back straight into Chanyeol’s blinking eyes.

“No”, Chanyeol pouted, sulking because he actually felt weird about it and couldn’t quite put into words how he actually felt.

“I told you, it’s not troubling me so you don’t have to feel bad about this or anything.” Kyungsoo sighed, putting the spoon down on the plate.

“Who said I felt bad or anything?” Chanyeol lied yet again, not wanting to lose.

 

Kyungsoo glared back at Chanyeol, sternly asking, “Regardless, do you want to eat or not?”

Chanyeol was still hungry and not quite close to even being full. However, he realized his retort had turned the whole situation into a whole competition and made the atmosphere tense than it should have been.

Chanyeol didn’t want to ruin the mood any further or squabble with Kyungsoo, not in the situation they were in. Chanyeol chose to swallow his pride instead. Sometimes you had to lose to win.

“Yeah, I do” Chanyeol agreed, opening his mouth and letting Kyungsoo spoon feed him again.

 

There was a noticeable rift between the both of them but they managed to sit through dinner civilized and not causing any more problems for the other. The food was good too and that could have played a part but whatever it was, it worked in their favors.

 

After dinner and doing the cleaning up, Kyungsoo went back to his room and left Chanyeol alone in his “corner” in the living room. Chanyeol’s living space in Kyungsoo’s apartment was really just the living room where his futon was at. Most of Chanyeol’s stuff was still in his bag and he occupied a small portion of the drawer in Kyungsoo’s bedroom to put everything else.

Chanyeol sighed to himself, sitting on the couch and staring at the broken glass on the screen on his phone as it reminded him of what had happened earlier today. Chanyeol was honestly used to getting harassed like that and although it wasn’t the first time he got beat up; it was the first for actually defending himself.

Chanyeol sniffled back his tears, wiping the snot off with the sleeve of his shirt. He remembered that it was still the day of his parent’s wedding anniversary and Chanyeol still missed them. If he had come home beaten up like that while they were still around, his father would have arrested and locked them up while his mother would tirelessly care for his injuries until he got better.

They weren’t here now though and Chanyeol accepted that. Kyungsoo was there though and Chanyeol realized that.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter ended up longer than I wanted it to be. I want to maintain a 5k words average so I had to cut it off. It will be in the next chapter though :)


	5. Chapter 5

 

On any other day, Chanyeol would have brushed it off but he felt like it would be a dishonor in his mother’s memory who always taught him to be grateful to people who had made the effort to accommodate him, which Kyungsoo did.

Chanyeol got up and headed to Kyungsoo’s room, pressing his ear to the door, hoping to hear anything that would signify that Kyungsoo was still awake- making it okay to knock. Kyungsoo could get really cranky if awoken from his sleep, which Chanyeol had the opportunity or rather inconvenience to experience.

Hearing the sound of feet scuffling on the floor around the room and items being moved around, Chanyeol believed that Kyungsoo was up still and held his breath before knocking.

 

It didn’t take long for Kyungsoo to answer the door, already dressed in the usual oversized t-shirt with nothing else. The shirt was longer that night, long enough to cover Kyungsoo’s dick usually left flopping and hanging around.

Chanyeol thought it was hot at first but it slowly got irritating or he was just being compulsive over it. There was a part of him that just wanted to tug on it whenever he saw it dangling around.

 

“What is it?” Kyungsoo snapped, standing in the small gap of the slightly ajar door.

“Soo- I mean uh- Kyungsoo. I need to talk to you” Chanyeol slightly flustered.

“We’re talking”, Kyungsoo affirmed.

“Okay well, first of all, thank you for today” Chanyeol bowed, lowering his head and shoulders till even the shorter Kyungsoo could see the crown of his head.

“You’re welcome I guess?” Kyungsoo wasn’t really expecting any form of gratitude in return. He was being sincere.

“-and also, I am ready to tell you about what happened today” Chanyeol added, braving himself to actually reveal the truth.

“You don’t have to force yourself for my sake if you’re not ready. Also, you don’t really owe me an explanation so it’s really up to you” Kyungsoo had to explain.

“I want to tell you though. Will you listen to me?”

“Fine. I’m not standing in the doorway here while you tell me though. Get in” Kyungsoo directed Chanyeol to enter his room.

It was one of the few times Chanyeol had actually been inside Kyungsoo’s room while the latter was around.

 

Kyungsoo sat on his side of the bed, his lower half tucked under a warm blanket and his back to the pillow and headboard behind him.

Chanyeol, on the other hand, sat somewhere in the middle of the bed on the side which wasn’t Kyungsoo’s. Chanyeol sat cross-legged and unconsciously picking at his nails due to the stress he was experiencing.

“It’s not a test. I’m not going to grade you for it- so whenever you’re ready” Kyungsoo sarcastically mentioned, although it did come off as rather reassuring.

“I got beaten up a Chinese biker gang”, Chanyeol answered, monotonously.

“Oh?”

“They saw me leave the gay bar with someone night stand I brought back like a year ago so they know- about me being gay and all” Chanyeol explained, slightly twitching his neck.

 

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow and his facial expression changed to one of concern when he heard Chanyeol’s statement.

“-but that’s not the point. I owe them money actually. After my mother’s death, I started drinking and gambling a lot, up to the point where I needed to borrow money from them.” Chanyeol further explained.

Kyungsoo remained silent but now shot him a stern death glare from across the bed.

Chanyeol felt squeamish to continue his explanation from the way Kyungsoo was looking at him but he had promised to reveal it and went through with it.

Chanyeol gulped before he continued, “I couldn’t come up with the money I needed to pay them, so they made a deal with me that they would let go of my debt if I would turn a blind eye on their gang stuff- you know.”

“Oh, I know”, Kyungsoo piped out, shaking his head in disapproval. “I’m not even surprised to hear that from you, to be honest.”

Chanyeol dryly chuckled to himself, choosing to look at the bed sheets instead to avoid Kyungsoo’s glare.

Kyungsoo had one thought on his mind however and asked, “I don’t understand one part you said, however. You say you have a deal with them, then why would they beat you up- not unless you went back on that deal have you?”

“Their leader ran into me today and he grabbed my ass- and then you know- I didn’t like it and threw the first punch. I deserved that though…”

“No! You don’t deserve that for standing up for yourself. That’s harassment! Why didn’t you arrest him? I can represent you in court and make sure his ass never sees the light of day ever again” Kyungsoo almost yelled.

 

Chanyeol was stunned and slightly in awe too at Kyungsoo’s reaction to hearing the whole thing. It took Chanyeol again a while before he could form a response to Kyungsoo’s awe-inspiring declaration.

Chanyeol timidly explained, “I’m sorry I can’t, Kyungsoo. If I arrest them, they’ll snitch me out for sure and I will be charged too with them. Best case scenario is me losing my job- worst case? I’ll be rotting in prison for sure. It’s more complicated than you think.”

Kyungsoo sighed exasperatedly, arms folded across his chest, closing his eyes and hitting his head back onto the headboard.

“How much do you owe them?” Kyungsoo asked, rubbing his temples with two fingers.

“Around 20 million won. I managed to pay off about half of it before we came to the agreement but then they started charging me interest and I just couldn’t keep up with it” Chanyeol hung his head low, balling up his fists.

“I have the money in my savings. I’ll get it for you tomorrow.” Kyungsoo confidently declared.

“What-“ Chanyeol gaped, surprised.

“You don’t have to pay me back but-” Kyungsoo firmly announced, “You will promise me that you stop all this nonsense gambling and you will not spend a single won of my money on your booze.”

“I will. I promise” Chanyeol quickly responded, never sounded more desperate than he was now and practically clawing onto the sheets covering Kyungsoo’s legs. Chanyeol thought that it was rather cheap of him, however.

“Also, I want you to stop whatever you’re doing that is illegal- like asking for bribes to get out of tickets.” Kyungsoo strictly laid out the terms. “You live with me now so if there’s anything you need, you can ask me and we’ll come up with something.”

“I was just doing that to clear my debt- I swear. I won’t do it anymore now I promise” Chanyeol could feel like he would cry again that day but with tears of happiness this time. “Is there anything else I can do to repay you? I’ll bottom for you too and you can call me oppa as much as you want.”

Chanyeol was so easy under those circumstances.

 

“I have something else in mind”, Kyungsoo slyly grinned. “You will spend tonight with me here.”

“Okay. Let’s get it on”, Chanyeol was enthusiastic that he even overlooked asking Kyungsoo the purpose for helping him out like that.

Kyungsoo usually slept with his head on two pillows stacked on top of the other. Kyungsoo pulled out one pillow and patted the empty space beside him, gesturing for Chanyeol to sit there.

Chanyeol wasn’t sure what Kyungsoo had in mind but decided to play along and sat there beside Kyungsoo on the bed. Kyungsoo promptly lifted Chanyeol’s shirt from the hem and stuffed the pillow beneath the shirt on top of Chanyeol’s abdomen.

 

Satisfied with his work, Kyungsoo returned Chanyeol’s shirt in place but with the pillow stuffed beneath it, lying on Chanyeol’s stomach, effectively making it look like Chanyeol had a pot belly or was a pregnant man.

“Uh…” Chanyeol gaped, lost and confused.

Kyungsoo patted the pillow beneath Chanyeol’s shirt, “My mom was rather _round_ on her belly and she used to let me sleep on her stomach when I was a kid in like elementary school.”

“Ok, I get it” Chanyeol realized what Kyungsoo was trying to get at and refrained from asking more.

Chanyeol knew it was a hard topic for Kyungsoo to talk about still. Kyungsoo was and is, after all still carrying the heavy emotional baggage from being disowned by his family for just being himself- so bad that he even wished he had been someone else instead.

Kyungsoo moved to lie down on his side, his head rested on the pillow bulge beneath Chanyeol’s shirt.

“I hope this is okay”, Kyungsoo mumbled, pulling up the blanket to cover their legs.

“Yeah, it’s alright. I hope it makes you feel better” Chanyeol could barely even feel the weight of Kyungsoo on top of him.

“You must be thinking that I have some severe mommy issues, don’t you?” Kyungsoo mentioned softly.

“We all have issues of our own. I bet even the Dalai Lama does” Chanyeol heaved a sigh, blowing air upwards from his mouth.

Kyungsoo snickered, “Looks like 20 million won bought me a human pillow and warmth. This has got to be the most expensive pillow and human company I’ve bought.”

“Oh yeah? How much money do you give those college kids you used to pick up at the bar?” Chanyeol slightly leaned forward to ask.

“It’s pocket money, okay. I’m just helping them out. Are you going to arrest me for solicitation or what?” Kyungsoo tried to argue back

“I never said you were soliciting” Chanyeol exclaimed, shaking his head. “Can we not squabble about this now?”

 

“Hmph” Kyungsoo grunted, closing his eyes and instead focusing on the feeling of lying down on someone.

Kyungsoo would have continued arguing if not for that and if it escalated any further, they would have probably ended up not talking to each other for a while after that. Kyungsoo always seemed to win arguments between the two anyway. His job basically laid on his argumentative skills after all.

There was a brief moment of silence while Kyungsoo was lying down on top of Chanyeol, and Chanyeol just couldn’t decide where to put his hands. Chanyeol had just decided to be somewhat affectionate and rest a hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder when Kyungsoo heaved a sigh and Chanyeol retracted his hand immediately.

“You okay there?” Chanyeol lightly poked Kyungsoo in the back.

“I am good. I just have been thinking too much. I need to rest” Kyungsoo stated.

“Sure. Rest well. I guess that’s my cue to leave then”, Chanyeol announced, waiting for Kyungsoo to get up so he can leave.

“Can you stay the night, please?” Kyungsoo requested, lifting his head slightly and looking behind towards Chanyeol.

“-but I thought you didn’t like sharing the bed with someone?” Chanyeol was being cautious.

“I actually like sleeping with you. Like sleeping beside you- not that kind of sleeping uh…I guess you’re okay there.” Kyungsoo wasn’t even speaking right or even felt like the voice that came out of his own mouth was his own. It felt so different to be so vulnerable or so honest.

“You know, even if you asked me to do this for you without anything in return, I would still do it for you”, Chanyeol leaned his back on a pillow as Kyungsoo remained laying down on his stomach still.

“You really are weird aren’t you?” Kyungsoo mumbled, asking no one in particular.

 

Kyungsoo closed his eyes, trying to go to sleep, feeling the rise and fall of Chanyeol’s abdomen from his breathing that served as a source of comfort. The blanket was nestled to cover their legs and just gave them the extra warmth they needed.

Chanyeol now wished he had actually brought his broken ass phone with him so he could do something to let the night pass through. For once, he was actually sober after sundown and missing the aid of the alcohol that helped put him to sleep every night for a year now.

Chanyeol was restless at the thought of not being able to sleep and possibly waking up Kyungsoo. Chanyeol tried closing his eyes and counting sheep but he just ended up wondering if sheep counted humans while trying to sleep.

From the looks of it, Chanyeol was really going to have a long night but he didn’t want to ignore or ditch Kyungsoo either. If Chanyeol had to admit to himself, he felt rather fond and somewhat protective over Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo twitched and moved a lot in his sleep, shifting sides and repositioning his arms and legs several times. Chanyeol was usually too knocked out to notice that but not this time around.

Chanyeol wasn’t sure if Kyungsoo was just like that or if he was having bad dreams. Whatever it was, he wouldn’t be finding out until the next morning at least.

Unable to sleep himself, Chanyeol twirled his long fingers in a sleeping Kyungsoo’s hair. Chanyeol found out that Kyungsoo had rather thick hair and found it amusing to run his hand through Kyungsoo’s the thick dark locks.

Chanyeol smiled to himself when Kyungsoo leaned into his touch even while asleep when Chanyeol was massaging the root of Kyungsoo’s hair near to the nape. Kyungsoo actually looked relaxed and less tense for once in his sleep and Chanyeol found it rather entertaining to see Kyungsoo’s guard let down like that.

 

Kyungsoo’s phone vibrated on the bedside table and Chanyeol glanced to the side where he saw the screen lighting up from the notification. Chanyeol then noticed that it was a text he rather didn’t want to see at all.

Chanyeol reached out and took Kyungsoo’s phone off the bedside table to read the text displayed. It was from Kyungsoo’s dealer who was stating prices, amount, purity of the cocaine and the next delivery time which was two days away on Friday.

Kyungsoo slept like a log especially because it was nice to have someone play with your hair while asleep. It helped Chanyeol to lift Kyungsoo’s thumb over the fingerprint scanner without waking him up and unlock Kyungsoo’s phone.

Chanyeol replied to the dealer’s texts and arranged for the delivery the next afternoon while Chanyeol would be at home and Kyungsoo at work. After that, Chanyeol promptly deleted the sent texts to remove evidence that had ever been tampering with Kyungsoo’s phone.

Chanyeol did not really think of the aftermath and outcome through, he only thought of his own plan and his aim in doing so.

 

Chanyeol anticipated the morning to come so he could exact his plan, only to find out that he could not fall asleep no matter how hard he tried. Chanyeol patiently watched as the clock ticked, the night getting later and the morning getting earlier. Kyungsoo was still soundly asleep lying on top of him.

It was probably the boredom that put Chanyeol to sleep and it didn’t last long until the blaring sound of Kyungsoo’s alarm rang at 6.30 in the morning. Chanyeol was startled awake, not having fallen into a deep sleep yet. At most he probably didn’t even get an hour of sleep.

 

Kyungsoo stirred awake and turned off the alarm, slowly getting up, “Oh, you’re still here. Good morning”, Kyungsoo greeted.

“Yeah, uh- good morning” Chanyeol struggled to keep his eyes awake and stop yawning.

“Did you even sleep last night?” Kyungsoo mentioned, getting off the bed, seeing how tired Chanyeol was.

“A little” Chanyeol replied, not moving from the bed.

“Do you want coffee?” Kyungsoo asked, standing by the door.

“No thanks. I think I’ll go back to sleep after this” Chanyeol yawned loudly.

“Okay, you can sleep here. I’m going to get ready for work”, Kyungsoo added, leaving the room and headed to the kitchen.

 

Chanyeol grinned to himself at the thought that he was actually allowed to sleep on Kyungsoo’s bed. Chanyeol pulled the pillow out from under his shirt and used it to lay his head down. The fatigue helped and Chanyeol fell asleep just moments after his head hit the pillow.

 

Kyungsoo made sure to be considerate and kept the noise down while he walked around the room, getting ready for work. Usually, Chanyeol would be sleeping in the living room and Kyungsoo never cared or bothered to keep his noise down. It was tough having different sleeping schedules but lately, it crossed Kyungsoo’s mind that he really should be a bit more thoughtful.

It was a simple gesture but it could mean a lot and showed that Kyungsoo actually did care.

Chanyeol was long gone in deep sleep by the time Kyungsoo was about to leave. Kyungsoo tiptoed by the bed to get his wristwatch and phone off the bedside table, not wanting to wake Chanyeol up.

 

Kyungsoo pulled up and adjusted the blanket over Chanyeol’s sleeping figure, which had slipped down and was somewhere around his thighs.

As Kyungsoo was leaning over the bed fixing the blanket over Chanyeol, there was this part of Kyungsoo that just wanted to go back to sleep and snuggle himself under Chanyeol’s chin as his eyes traced the sleeping’s man face. It was calming to look and think about it.

Kyungsoo thought that Chanyeol just looked so innocent and harmless in his sleep. Kyungsoo also noticed some old pimple scars and a few blemishes on Chanyeol’s face that he never noticed before.

Suddenly, this entire opinion of Chanyeol that Kyungsoo had in his head was shattered, just by noticing something so normal, so much like himself and so human. That was it that really changed Kyungsoo’s perception and he certainly felt that tug on his heartstrings. Kyungsoo sort of felt stupid for realizing something as plain as day like that only now.

Chanyeol was human like him too, who made mistakes and made wrong choices. Like him, Chanyeol had his weaknesses and faults too. Even if Chanyeol displayed himself as a confident and somewhat cocky person, Kyungsoo realized that maybe he had been just a little bit too harsh and unrelenting towards Chanyeol.

 

Kyungsoo sighed to himself, pulling away from Chanyeol. As much as he would like to climb back into bed with Chanyeol, he had to go to work.

Kyungsoo turned off the lights in the room and quietly shut the door behind him when he left that morning, later spending the drive to work thinking about how he should come up to apologize to Chanyeol.

 

 

Instead of hiding himself away during lunch which Kyungsoo always did to avoid his co-workers from asking him to come along, Kyungsoo actually accepted Jongdae’s offer to have lunch in a nearby cafeteria frequented mostly by their fellow co-workers due to the proximity to the office.

Chanyeol was awake by that time and Kyungsoo spent most of his lunchtime with Jongdae while looking at his phone every now and then to see if Chanyeol had replied to his texts.

 

“You look happy” Jongdae sat across from Kyungsoo and commented, stirring his glass of smoothie.

Kyungsoo didn’t realize he had been grinning and smiling while looking at his phone until Jongdae commented about it.

“Oh, it’s nothing” Kyungsoo brushed it off, trying to shake off the topic

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had really just been texting each other greetings and asking what the other was doing. But somehow, even those simple texts made Kyungsoo excited and his heart fluttered whenever he heard the familiar notification sound.

“Hmm…really?” Jongdae hummed, “Is it your girlfriend?”

“I don’t have a girlfriend” Kyungsoo denied.

“Okay then” Jongdae grinned, not pressing the question any further.

Kyungsoo knew being gay was a touchy subject in the public force in the country. If he was ever discovered, it wouldn’t just be him that would be suffering the consequences. There would be a very big and huge possibility that Chanyeol would be affected too.

Kyungsoo knew that there were no anti-discriminatory laws to protect himself either should he ever be discovered. Kyungsoo did not worry much anyway because he and Chanyeol were just friend’s or rather temporary roommates. Not unless they crossed into that “boyfriends” territory, they were technically safe from the homophobic laws. After all, there was no law that said two men cannot stay together or be friends.

 

 

It was a slow day and Kyungsoo was able to leave work earlier than usual to get to the bank before the closing time. Using the account number he had told Chanyeol to text him, Kyungsoo, as promised, transferred the agreed 20 million won from his account into Chanyeol’s.

Kyungsoo remembered Chanyeol telling him that even without the money in play, Chanyeol would still be there to be by Kyungsoo’s side. Chanyeol really was a weird person to Kyungsoo. Weird because Kyungsoo could not actually believe that there would actually be a person who wanted to be with him and liked him.

 It still didn’t feel quite real to Kyungsoo. He didn’t even like himself and really didn’t understand why anyone would.

 

On the way home from the bank, Kyungsoo stopped by the supermarket to buy fresh ingredients. He was planning on cooking dinner himself that night. Kyungsoo never bothered to cook for himself because eating out as a single person was way cheaper than buying all the ingredients. If Kyungsoo had a family, then he probably would have cooked more often.

But just that night, Kyungsoo felt like he wanted to do so for Chanyeol’s sake. Kyungsoo wanted Chanyeol to taste his cooking for once and maybe show off that he could also do something like cook- not that Kyungsoo was a bad cook.

Kyungsoo felt like a young girl in love who wanted to impress her crush by cooking lots of types of food. Kyungsoo somewhat believed the old phrase that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

It was an unconscious decision but when Kyungsoo realized it, he felt that he did at least “liked” Chanyeol. Then, Kyungsoo started to wonder since when or why he felt that way.

 

 

Chanyeol woke up that day and found himself in Kyungsoo’s room and bed out of all places. Chanyeol was startled at first and thought he might have passed out drunk there. Chanyeol cackled and facepalmed himself when he remembered and realized that he actually went a day without alcohol thanks to Kyungsoo.

As much as Chanyeol didn’t really want to admit it, Kyungsoo really did affect him and his life since they had the unfortunate experience of killing themselves. Chanyeol was low-key scared about the whole incident but did not bring it up to not look like a wuss in front of Kyungsoo.

 

Chanyeol reminded himself of what he needed to do that day and that was to intercept Kyungsoo’s drug dealer. Chanyeol could not arrest the man because that would lead to Kyungsoo being caught too. Chanyeol wanted to protect Kyungsoo and he would have to do it on his own terms and way.

Chanyeol arranged for the dealer to come by that day while Kyungsoo was at work and bought the cocaine off of the dealer in Kyungsoo’s place. Thankfully, the dealer had seen Chanyeol and remembered him as Kyungsoo’s “roommate”.

It was expensive and Chanyeol silently cursed Kyungsoo for using his well-paying profession to waste on such things. Then again, when Kyungsoo texted him asking for his bank account number to transfer the money, Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel like going back on the deal because he felt like he too was a “waste”.

 

Chanyeol then located Kyungsoo’s stash in the lower drawer of his nightstand before ripping the packets apart and flushing it several times down the toilet bowl. Chanyeol even scrubbed and cleaned out the toilet bowl after to remove any further traces of the cocaine, all with only his left hand and minimally aided by his sprained right hand.

Chanyeol knew Kyungsoo would be mad at him for sure, but Chanyeol gambled on the thought that Kyungsoo would be able to see this in a positive light. Chanyeol believed and trusted in Kyungsoo although he knew it was very heavily one-sided on his behalf.

 

In his head, Chanyeol mentally rehearsed the incoming potential confrontation he would be having with Kyungsoo. Chanyeol also tried to figure out the right way and sentences to break the news to Kyungsoo.

When in doubt, Chanyeol remembered the exact reason he was doing this and that being on the other side of Kyungsoo’s fury would be worth it. He was helping Kyungsoo get better.

Chanyeol later ran down to the store for a bottle of beer which he finished at the cashier counter after making the purchase. The store clerk was rather bewildered at Chanyeol and it wasn’t even noon yet at that time.

Chanyeol did feel like a hypocrite for doing such a thing to Kyungsoo while he still had his drinking habits. Chanyeol didn’t defend or justify his own actions and accepted that he was just shitty at dealing with his own issues.

But still, someone had to do it. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were really just like two blind people trying to lead each other.

 

 

Kyungsoo knocked on the door when he got home, not wanting to unlock the door with Chanyeol being at home. Kyungsoo was less scared but the anxiety still lingered whenever it came to dealing with the LED security panel which was menacingly threatening to Kyungsoo now.

Chanyeol, of course, promptly opened the door and greeted Kyungsoo with a smile. It was a sincere smile but there was a hint of nervousness in it too, especially when thinking about Kyungsoo’s reaction.

 

“Hey” Chanyeol chimed up cheerfully with a smile at the door, “Welcome home. I cooked the rice.”

“Oh, you did? You didn’t have to do it. How is your hand though?” Kyungsoo asked, entering the apartment and setting the shopping on the floor as he took off his shoes by the door.

“The swelling is less” Chanyeol stated, holding up his hand and locking the door.

“That’s better” Kyungsoo mentioned, holding Chanyeol’s injured right hand softly to take a closer look at it.

“Yeah. How was work?” Chanyeol asked, not ready to bring the topic of the day up yet.

“It was good. How are you too?” Kyungsoo assured, heading straight to his room.

“I’m good” Chanyeol gulped, watching Kyungsoo leave for his room.

Chanyeol decided that he would just tell it now instead of waiting for Kyungsoo to find out for himself.

 

Chanyeol walked after Kyungsoo, following the shorter man and standing in the doorway to the room but not entering.

“What are you looking at standing there for? You want to help me change my clothes?” Kyungsoo half-joked, feeling rather light and easy that evening. It was all about the change, however.

Chanyeol almost felt bad for doing what he did but he already decided that Kyungsoo’s anger was worth it for what he had done.

“Kyungsoo, I have a confession to make”, Chanyeol spoke up, walking towards Kyungsoo and standing in front of him beside the bed.

“What is it?” Kyungsoo looked up into Chanyeol’s eyes from his lower vantage point.

Chanyeol paused and bit his lower lip. It was harder than he had expected it to be and Chanyeol almost felt like chickening out of the whole situation. But Chanyeol knew he couldn’t protect Kyungsoo if he ran and he decided to take the plunge.

 

“Chanyeol, tell me what it is, please?” Kyungsoo pleaded and it made Chanyeol feel even worse about himself.

“Kyungsoo, I threw away your stash and made your dealer come here today to buy it so he won’t come around tomorrow and sell it to you,” Chanyeol answered in a single breath, so fast that he was almost rapping the lines.

Kyungsoo’s mouth hung open as he heard what Chanyeol said and tried to process all the information.

“You’re joking right?” Kyungsoo gasped.

“I’m not. I’m doing this for your sake, Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol felt exhausted from even just saying all that.

 

Kyungsoo immediately ducked to the floor, opening the lower drawer and rummaging through it but of course not finding any of his drugs.

“Chanyeol!” Kyungsoo yelled, standing back up and pulling Chanyeol by the collar. “Where did you put it?”

“I flushed it down the toilet several times” Chanyeol looked away and did not fight back against Kyungsoo.

“Why would you do that?” Kyungsoo looked sadder rather than angry. Like a man in the wallows of despair. “That is the only thing keeping me happy and alive! Do you not realize that? Why would you do this to me?”

“-because I don’t want this to happen to you and you’re already halfway there. Look at yourself defending and putting up your drug habits on a pedestal like it does you any good. I’m a cop and I’ve seen with my own eyes what happens to the people that go down that path. It’s terrible and I wouldn’t even wish it on my enemies.” Chanyeol bravely stated, keeping to the objective even though Kyungsoo’s words really did pierce him quite deeply.

“What would you know!? You know nothing! Don’t pretend like you even care! You’re only doing this so you won’t die, isn’t it? Because of that help each other bullshit, am I right?” Kyungsoo sneered, shoving Chanyeol away on the chest.

“Even if you don’t care about yourself, think of the people around you, Kyungsoo. They get hurt too when they see you like this” Chanyeol tugged on Kyungsoo’s arm, desperate for Kyungsoo to listen.

 

“Think of others? I don’t have anyone in my life!” Kyungsoo yelled, pulling his arm from Chanyeol’s grasp.

“Then what about me?” Chanyeol almost felt like sobbing which he almost never did ever in arguments. Chanyeol knew it was very one-sided but he had hoped and he just didn’t expect it to hurt that much to hear the truth.

“You!? You’re only here to save your own ass” Kyungsoo snapped.

“I just want to help you get better, Kyungsoo” Chanyeol sighed, dejectedly, “Even if it weren’t for that god of death thing, I would still want to help you.”

“You’re weird, always spouting nonsense like that. Why would you even want to do that?” Kyungsoo mocked.

“I love you, Kyungsoo. I realize that now that I do.” Chanyeol painfully admitted, knowing that it won’t be likely returned. He who loves more, suffers more after all.

 

Kyungsoo’s eye grew wide in shock at the statement he never expected to hear. In fact, it almost made him panic. In all his almost thirty years of life, Kyungsoo never recalled hearing those words spoken to him- not even by his mother, as if she was ever affectionate with her words to begin with.

Kyungsoo did not know what to do. He had never experienced this and had no idea how to deal or handle it. When faced with a situation one does not know to handle, the usual reaction would be avoidance and Kyungsoo did just that.

“Get out of my house, Chanyeol” Kyungsoo ordered, not even giving himself or Chanyeol the chance to really assess and deal with the situation.

“But Kyungsoo-“

“Get your stuff and leave, Chanyeol” Kyungsoo was relentless and out of his wits, feeling very awful and bad at what he was doing but still could not bring himself to face Chanyeol.

“Kyungsoo, please think this through. Let’s talk through this like adults”, Chanyeol hesitated, trying to reach out to Kyungsoo, obviously not wanting to leave. Chanyeol badly wanted to fix things and not give up yet.

“Stop being weird, Chanyeol. Are you sure you’re in love with _this_?” Kyungsoo remarked, taking a jab at himself.

Kyungsoo didn’t feel like he deserved to be loved.

 

 

Kyungsoo locked himself in his room as Chanyeol packed up his things and promptly left, despite his heart’s wish and desire to stay. Chanyeol’s feet were heavy and felt like it was dragging itself as he took the steps out.

Chanyeol stayed in his car for a while, leaning his head on the window, not able to leave the area yet. Kyungsoo’s car was parked beside his.

Kyungsoo really regretted what he had done but he only knew how to push people away in tough times, even if the people he pushed away had been with good intentions. It hurt when Chanyeol left, even more because of him.

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

“You’re very quiet today” Junmyeon noted, peering up from the glasses perched on his nose. His clipboard and notes were in his hand as usual.

Kyungsoo’s mind was wandering, he wasn’t really in the present and was instead staring at the carpeted floor that covered the small room. Yet another week and another regularly scheduled therapy session with Junmyeon.

It was over a week now since Chanyeol left- or rather Kyungsoo made him leave. Kyungsoo honestly didn’t even know why he still kept coming to these sessions.

 

“Hmm?” Kyungsoo looked confused as Junmyeon’s voice snapped him out of his daze.

“Is there anything on your mind? Do you have anything you want to talk about?” Junmyeon inquired, noticing Kyungsoo’s rather “calm” behavior that day.

No mentions of Junmyeon’s fishes came up that session and Kyungsoo wasn’t spewing something about wanting to die either. Junmyeon’s job was to watch out for that and he certainly noted the lack of it.

“Yeah, I guess I do” Kyungsoo trailed off at the end of his sentence, mind lost in thought again.

“Feel free to let me know what’s on your mind”, Junmyeon gently suggested, sort of relieved that Kyungsoo was actually being cooperative for once.

“I don’t know how to say this but- let’s just say I have a really good friend who cares and loves me” Kyungsoo stopped mid-sentence, hand in his hair as he struggled to find the words to speak.

“Take your time” Junmyeon assured, “Don’t force it”

“Yeah, so umm…I pushed him away when he was clearly trying to help me. But now that my good friend is gone, I really miss him and I regret what I’ve done. I still want him to be a part of my life but I don’t know why I even do this.” Kyungsoo finished his sentence finally, letting out what he needed to tell and feeling exhausted after.

Junmyeon took off his glasses and placed it aside on the couch he was sitting on, “Depression manifests itself in various forms and you are a depressed individual. In your case, it has manifested in the form of anxiety. It’s common for someone suffering from depression to think lowly of themselves and maybe even see themselves as a burden to the people around them, which in this case is the close friend you told me about.”

“Oh…” Kyungsoo gaped.

“Have you ever found yourself thinking that way of yourself? Like maybe you felt that you weren’t good enough for them?” Junmyeon added, “Maybe you pushed them away because you felt like a burden?”

“I think so” Kyungsoo gulped, figuratively swallowing the hard truth.

Junmyeon had spelled out the words for him that he needed to hear and it had come as a figurative slap to Kyungsoo’s face. That was one truth slap that he really needed.

“Well then, if it’s anything to do with you, I can help with that. But if it’s between you and your friend, then it’s up to you to handle that. If you wish, I can help coach you the right words and approach you should say to your friend if you wish to patch things up with them” Junmyeon further added, placing the clipboard down on the table in front of them.

“Do therapists even do that?” Kyungsoo sneered. “Why are you so nice to me?”

“Consider it like a favor from a friend to a friend” Junmyeon tried to explain to Kyungsoo.

“Well, if you consider me a friend, then I suggest you do something about those fishes. Friends don’t let friends-“

Junmyeon cut Kyungsoo off even before the latter could go on another rant why goldfishes are stupid, “It’s a yes or no, Mr. Do”

Kyungsoo immediately shot up, fixing his posture and sitting up straight, “Yes. Please”

Kyungsoo wasn’t used to being agreeable but he felt like that he had to swallow a bit of that pride once in a while. Kyungsoo badly missed Chanyeol and really wanted to fix things between them.

 

 

After Chanyeol left, Kyungsoo had cried himself to sleep without even showering, eating or changing his clothes. He just curled up on the bed and turned his phone off, refusing to be reached or found by anyone. Kyungsoo never knew it would hurt like this or that the strongest feeling he felt was to curl up against Chanyeol and tell the taller man everything.

That was until Kyungsoo realized he couldn’t do that anymore and that it was his fault. Kyungsoo never realized how much he wanted Chanyeol until then. It was true about not knowing what you had until it was gone.

 

Kyungsoo dragged himself to work the next day with sore eyes and a stuffy nose from crying too much. When anyone asked, he lied and said he came down with a cold. Not that anyone was buying it either.

Jongdae was suspicious when he saw Kyungsoo staring into space too long by the water cooler. Lawyers were too smart to be fooled and almost everyone in the office knew Kyungsoo had been crying. Kyungsoo honestly thought he had been able to fool his co-workers.

 

That Friday night after Kyungsoo kicked Chanyeol out, Kyungsoo almost called his dealer to get more cocaine but placed his phone down even before he tried to hit the dial button. Sure, Chanyeol wasn’t there now to tell him no, but Kyungsoo really wished otherwise.

Kyungsoo wore a hoodie with the hood up and headed out to the bar beside the police station where Chanyeol frequented. Kyungsoo wasn’t ready to talk just yet but he would be satisfied even if he managed to get a glimpse of Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo waited at a table in the corner where he wouldn’t be spotted easily but Chanyeol never came that night.

 

It made Kyungsoo think different things. Kyungsoo started wondering if Chanyeol was on a different shift or was held up with work. Kyungsoo was furious, irritated and anxious at the thought of the possibility that Chanyeol was somewhere else with someone else- someone else who wasn’t Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo was jealous and it almost made him want to laugh.

 

Kyungsoo stared a good long time at the screen of his phone even after it dimmed out, staring at the words he had typed out in the message box but not send. It seemed so hard now to just move his finger and hit that send key when he had that countless of times, a number of messages shared between him and Chanyeol as evidence of that.

Kyungsoo never ended up sending the message. Instead, he kept looking at the “last active” status under Chanyeol’s name in the messaging app and wondered what Chanyeol was up to, but never daring himself to ask.

 

 

Driving home from that evening after the therapy session, Kyungsoo hummed to himself a tune as he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he was currently stuck in the usual evening rush hour. Traffic was a slow crawl and Kyungsoo spent a lot of time thinking to himself.

Kyungsoo was thinking of what he should have for dinner and caught himself before he even thought of getting takeaway for two. Chanyeol would not be there to eat the second meal.

Kyungsoo sighed. He never thought that he would actually get used to having Chanyeol around, considering how much he hated the tall policeman and his guts.

 

 

“What is even going on?” Kyungsoo snapped to himself in his car, growing impatient seeing that the traffic was moving slower than ever.

The time on the dashboard showed that it was past 7 pm, way later than usual for him to be stuck in traffic. Kyungsoo was almost if not always home at this time.

Kyungsoo reached for his phone in the glove compartment to check for traffic updates and sighed to himself to read that a police roadblock was just up ahead, that being the cause for the slow crawl in traffic because there was apparently a bank heist earlier on and the police were being wary.

“Why now out of all times?” Kyungsoo mumbled, leaning his head on the steering wheel and feeling so restless while wondering that walking home would probably be faster.

 

As traffic slowly moved, Kyungsoo slowly approached the police standing by the roadside with their blockades, dogs, and flashlights, inspecting and looking into everyone’s car. The traffic flow was noticeably clearer and moving after that pit stop.

Kyungsoo quickly reached into his back pocket for his driver’s license and identification card, putting it on the dashboard in front of him so he could easily show it to the police later.

Slowly, Kyungsoo drove up and wound his window down.

“Good evening sir, may I see your license and ID please?” The tall police officer with a rather sharp jawline who happened to be Sehun shone a flashlight in Kyungsoo’s face.

Kyungsoo smiled, not that he was guilty, but felt like he should be at ease to show that he wasn’t up to anything. Kyungsoo handed out his driver’s license and identification card as instructed. In the meantime, another police officer brought up a sniffing dog to circle around Kyungsoo’s car

“Looks okay” Sehun announced, double checking the documents, looking at Kyungsoo and to the cards in his hand with the flashlight in his other hand.

 “Will that be it?” Kyungsoo asked, taking his license and ID card after Sehun had passed it back. Kyungsoo was eager to get home and get going.

“Can you open your trunk for us please?” Sehun asked, shining the flashlight into the empty passenger rear seat so he could have a better look behind.

“Yeah, sure” Kyungsoo complied, pushing the button to open the trunk, slightly feeling squeamish and nervous even if he had not really done anything wrong to warrant an arrest.

 

“Chanyeol hyung, over here” Sehun beckoned for another police officer to come over to help inspect Kyungsoo’s trunk.

Chanyeol, who was busy patting the police dogs that didn’t seem to quite like him back, heard Sehun calling out for him and headed there.

“Wait? Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo muttered to himself under his breath, looking to his side and seeing Chanyeol jog up to the car. Kyungsoo felt like a deer in headlights. He wasn’t ready to face Chanyeol, especially not in this situation where he just couldn’t run away.

Chanyeol did not realize it was Kyungsoo’s car until he saw the man himself slouching his shoulders forward and lowering his head, trying hard not to be spotted and recognized.

Chanyeol was just glad to see Kyungsoo well and alive. It was more than he could ask for.

 

* * *

 

 

After Chanyeol left Kyungsoo’s apartment, things really felt rather different for Chanyeol. Chanyeol was back in his own place, sleeping on his smelly bed, waking up whenever he wanted, sleeping whenever he pleased, leaving dishes in the sink and not bothering to pick up after himself.

But still even without Kyungsoo there to nag him, Chanyeol could almost hear Kyungsoo’s voice in the back of his head telling him to wash his bowl and not leave the trash on the table.

Chanyeol threw away the remnants of the broth from his instant noodles into the sink, washing the bowl just after. Chanyeol also made sure to tie up the trash bag and take it out with him to the curb for the garbage collectors.

Chanyeol only had one bottle of the cheap variant of soju the previous night. Although he was still back with his drinking habits, Chanyeol had been trying his best to reduce the amount he took by the day. It was the method suggested on the internet forums that Chanyeol found himself searching up late one long restless night where he couldn’t quite fall asleep.

Somehow, Chanyeol also found himself wandering around on social media sites where he had Kyungsoo added on his friend’s list. Kyungsoo barely, if ever, posted anything but Chanyeol found himself still going through the not updated picture albums on the site as he couldn’t help but smile to himself.

Chanyeol typed out a lengthy email to Kyungsoo on that same night he couldn’t quite go to sleep, pouring his heart out in the words and sentences that he wanted Kyungsoo to read and know. But no matter how hard Chanyeol tried, he just couldn’t bring it in himself to actually send the email out, instead backspacing and erasing everything he had written.

Love made him do stupid things like falling for a man who was probably emotionally unavailable.

 

 

Chanyeol was back on the morning shift and he was actually early and sober for once as he headed out of his house that morning.

The late November air was cold and biting. It looked like the first snowfall of the year would be coming very soon. Chanyeol had not even changed to his snow tires and he knew Kyungsoo would have nagged him about that.

Chanyeol set the garbage bag down into the trash bin on the curb when the familiar sound of the whirring engine of a bike was heard behind him.

Chanyeol sighed to himself, “Not again”.

Yifan whistled over to Chanyeol, “Looks like you’re back.”

Chanyeol turned around, standing on the curb above the street level from Yifan, “Did you not get the money or what?”

“We sure did” Yifan laughed, leaning forward on his bike.

“Then? Stop bothering me. We had a deal.” Chanyeol firmly stated, standing his ground.

“Calm down, kid” Yifan raised both his hands as if to jokingly surrender before laughing out loud, followed by a roar of laughter from Yifan’s gang on their own bikes behind him.

“Whatever then. I don’t have the time to waste with you people here” Chanyeol pulled his coat closer to his person for more warmth before heading down to the parking lots.

“Wait up” Yifan hollered.

“What is it now?” Chanyeol hissed, starting to get annoyed.

“I bet you got the money to pay us from somewhere else didn’t you?” Yifan asked, slowly following Chanyeol down the path on his bike.

“That’s none of your business” Chanyeol continued walking down, headed to his car.

“Poor thing. That’s up to you but you shouldn’t take more debts to get rid of one. You just jumped out of the pot into the fire.” Yifan sounded apologetic for once.

“What do you care?” Chanyeol snarled.

“-because you’re our customer and if you don’t get stabbed by some other gang, you can probably stay alive to give us more business” Yifan laughed, throwing his head back, as his entire biker gang followed suit. They always seemed to laugh whenever Yifan did and Chanyeol honestly found that sort of off-putting.

Chanyeol stepped off the curb, walking onto the street towards Yifan and threateningly pointing a finger right between the Chinese man’s eyes, “Another gang? I’m dealing with a mini Satan here and I love that demon.”

Chanyeol walked off towards his car, leaving a bewildered Yifan behind with his biker gang entourage.

 

 

Chanyeol clocked in for duty early and on time that morning. Minseok had to take a double look during the briefing and roll call that day when he saw Chanyeol standing there, sober, not half asleep, on time and actually being attentive.

“Chanyeol, is that you?” Minseok called out, spotting him standing in the back row during the roll call. Chanyeol wasn’t really hard to miss due to his height and his presence or rather, lack of presence was very much noticeable.

“Yes, sir. It is me” Chanyeol responded, firmly and seriously.

“Did the world end last night or am I going blind? You are actually early on a morning shift?” Minseok couldn’t help but chuckle to himself, losing his serious composure.

Chanyeol’s fellow police personnel in the roll call with him were trying hard to not break out into laughter themselves. Sehun, standing beside Chanyeol, in the back row had tears running down his eyes as he tried to stifle his laughter.

“No, sir. Your eyesight is perfectly fine. I am performing my duty as a police officer and role model to the people. Therefore, I must be punctual.” Chanyeol chimed up.

“Are you still sick, Chanyeol? Do you want us to drive you to the hospital?” Minseok was actually worried that Chanyeol might have hit his head somewhere.

By that point everyone was laughing out loud, clutching their stomachs. Chanyeol was the only one who couldn’t really understand what was so funny about the situation.

 

 

Chanyeol still dropped by at the bar after work but made sure that he would have no more than one bottle of soju or two cans of beer, whichever he was having that night. Chanyeol tried to be strict on himself, so if he drank at the bar, he wouldn’t drink anymore when he came home and vice versa.

Being strict and actually following rules he set for himself, sort of made him feel like Kyungsoo, who was the more disciplined one out of them both. Even then, he still found himself thinking of Kyungsoo.

 

“You know, that friend of yours was here the other day.” Yixing, the bartender, noted, serving Chanyeol the shot glass and sole soju bottle he would have for the night.

“My friend?” Chanyeol scrunched his nose in thought, trying to think of who Yixing would be talking about.

“The one with you here the other day, the guy who ate a lot of ice cream” Yixing pointed out.

“Oh, that’s Kyungsoo” Chanyeol sighed, feeling melancholic already.

“Well that Kyungsoo guy came in here late one night but all he did was sat around and left without ordering anything. I think he may have been looking for you?” Yixing shrugged his shoulders.

Chanyeol stared at his empty glass in thought, mumbling, “I’m not so sure.”

 

 

Being early to work before 8 am was tough for Chanyeol, at least, and even though he wasn’t as early as that one time he made everyone burst into laughter, Chanyeol maintained his streak and was on time at least. He did come close to being late one day but everyone was still impressed somewhat because Chanyeol really had lowered the expectation bar on himself.

It was so much work, effort, and change on Chanyeol’s behalf that the one and a half week which had passed since then seemed to feel like an eternity. It sure didn’t feel like it and Chanyeol couldn’t almost believe that it had only been about ten or eleven days since he last saw or heard from Kyungsoo.

 

Chanyeol didn’t really realize his birthday was coming until the day before it when Chanyeol was at work typing up a report and had to key in the date- for report’s sake. Then he remembered he would be thirty years old tomorrow, thirty and still alone that was.

Chanyeol shrugged to himself. At least tomorrow and the day after would be his day off according to the shift rotations and he felt like it was a lucky coincidence enough. He felt like he had been good and disciplined lately, enough to deserve to spend his birthday night smashed out drunk without the limitations he imposed on himself and in the company of someone else.

Chanyeol had hoped “someone else” might have been Kyungsoo but the possibility didn’t seem too plausible now, and Chanyeol would probably just settle with some random person who identified as a male that he could manage to bring home that night.

 

Chanyeol still had to work extra hours the day before his birthday due to a bank heist that happened one district down earlier during that day. As instructed by the higher-ups of the Seoul metropolitan police force, their department would also have to conduct a roadblock as part of a security measure to possibly apprehend and arrest the culprits.

Everyone who was a police officer knew there were actually ulterior motives behind roadblocks, which was really to enforce stricter driving laws and collect more funding through the summons they could issue.

It was freezing cold that night and Chanyeol had to stand out by the roadside with his fellow colleagues to conduct the roadblock. Chanyeol just wanted it to be done with so he could get going and start his birthday bash he had planned for himself.

 

Chanyeol was patting the dog from the canine unit out of boredom because no one had told him what to do when Sehun called out for him.

“Yes!” Chanyeol yelled back, heading to the car Sehun was inspecting until he stopped about a few meters away, seeing that the car was very much Kyungsoo’s and the man himself present.

 

Chanyeol did not know if Kyungsoo saw him but Kyungsoo sure had to hear Sehun yell out his name. That would definitely catch Kyungsoo’s attention did it not? Sure, he couldn’t be the only Chanyeol in all of South Korea but neither was Kyungsoo.

But even in a crowd of people named Kyungsoo, Chanyeol would only be looking for one Kyungsoo. The one he loves and thought he couldn’t have.

 

Kyungsoo did not even leave the car as Sehun and Chanyeol had a go at inspecting Kyungsoo’s trunk. There were just a spare tire, the basic toolkit, and an umbrella. Nothing suspicious or anything the police needed to note.

Chanyeol was lowkey irrationally nervous that Kyungsoo might have drugs in there, knowing Kyungsoo’s habits. Even though Chanyeol knew Kyungsoo did his deals from his house, there was just that part of him that was scared for Kyungsoo.

Sehun slammed the trunk shut and walked to the front to inform Kyungsoo that he could go but Chanyeol stopped Sehun even before that.

 

“It’s ok; let me do it so you can check the car behind. It’ll be faster.” Chanyeol offered, lightly tugging onto the back of Sehun’s police jacket.

“Sure” Sehun agreed, changing his course and moving down the line of cars.

Chanyeol walked up to the rolled down driver’s side window of Kyungsoo’s car and leaned forward, “Hey”

Kyungsoo was startled, clutching a hand to his chest, “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

Chanyeol dryly chuckled, “Sorry about that. You’re good to go now.”

Kyungsoo only turned momentarily to look at Chanyeol before releasing his brake and shifting the gear into drive but not moving yet. Chanyeol was still standing beside, eyes not moving from Kyungsoo.

“Take care of yourself, Kyungsoo” Chanyeol was heard telling Kyungsoo as the car window was sliding up shut. Chanyeol sounded very heartbroken and sad

There was a lot Kyungsoo wanted to say but couldn’t bring himself to say in that short span of the moment. Especially when Kyungsoo was waved off by another police officer to move so the next car could come up front.

 

 

The drive home was really a feels trip and emotional ride for Kyungsoo. His internal voice was screaming at him to go back and apologize to Chanyeol but the logic in him was saying that it wasn’t the right time to do so, Chanyeol was still working and on duty after all.

Kyungsoo had honestly thought that Chanyeol would be mad and not want anything to do with him but even in that moment, Chanyeol was looking out for Kyungsoo and only wished him to be well.

If Kyungsoo doubted Chanyeol’s love then, he sure believed it now. It certainly got Kyungsoo thinking too about how he felt on his part.

 

Kyungsoo immediately texted Chanyeol when he got home, wishing him a happy birthday and then asking Chanyeol if the latter would be free. Kyungsoo no longer felt like he was hesitating on sending the messages. His fingers and mind moved fast and precisely.

Kyungsoo knew what he wanted and that was Chanyeol.

Now, Kyungsoo actually anticipated the response to hear from Chanyeol. It suddenly felt all too familiar all over again, even if it was just texting the other. Kyungsoo now realized that he too missed this.

And then Kyungsoo played the anxious waiting game. His finger pads felt tingly, he was breaking out in cold sweat and his heart was racing as he waited for Chanyeol to read or return his texts.

Kyungsoo tried to pass the time by cleaning up his place, even scrubbing the toilets and sink and doing a mid-week laundry load. All the while with his phone in the pocket of his shorts so he could hear the notifications. Also for that one time, Kyungsoo actually wore something to cover his lower half at home.

 

When the text notification sound came up, Kyungsoo dropped the pile of clothes in his hand onto the couch near him so he could fish his phone out from his pocket.

Chanyeol apologized for texting back late as he had just gotten off work, followed by a short thank you message and then stating that he would be going out drinking that same night. Chanyeol did too ask through text whether Kyungsoo would like to go out with him that night, making sure to let Kyungsoo know that Chanyeol would understand if he didn’t show up. It was a work night after all.

It almost felt like Chanyeol was asking Kyungsoo out on a date to celebrate his birthday. Kyungsoo wondered to himself whether he was even worthy of spending such an important date with Chanyeol, especially considering how he had pushed Chanyeol out of his life.

 

Kyungsoo checked the time and saw that it was past 11 pm. He had work the next morning and it was about his bedtime too now. Kyungsoo knew he would dread the next morning if he went out now but Kyungsoo also knew he would dread losing the opportunity.

Without even texting back Chanyeol to confirm; Kyungsoo quickly put on whatever clothes from the laundry pile he had set aside before pulling his coat off the rack, reaching for his keys, stuffing his phone and wallet into the pockets and not even bothering to properly slip into his shoes before slamming his door shut and running out.

Kyungsoo only screamed a loud “What!” when he was in his car and reread the text Chanyeol had sent him regarding where they would meet up that night.

 

 

Chanyeol wanted Kyungsoo to be there and he didn’t even know why he bothered asking in the first place. Chanyeol knew it was late and unlike him, Kyungsoo didn’t have the day off tomorrow. Chanyeol was inconveniencing Kyungsoo, who would most likely not show up.

Chanyeol chose to meet up at the flashy gay bar in that shady part of town where half the outlets were owned by the mob. Chanyeol thought that if Kyungsoo likely did not show up, he could find someone else at least to substitute the gap that Kyungsoo had left him with.

Chanyeol hated himself for thinking like that but he also knew that torturing himself to be in an unrequited love wasn’t really the best idea either. Chanyeol’s hope slowly waned by the minute as Kyungsoo stopped replying to his texts.

 

 

A rather young looking man who looked like he couldn’t be older than the early twenties, wearing a tight pair of jeans, walked up to Chanyeol and sat at the empty seat beside him.

“Hey there”, The young man grinned wide under the fluorescent lighting, both arms stretched on the countertop in front of him and bumping his knee against Chanyeol.

“Hi” Chanyeol replied, almost having to force the words out of his mouth. He sort of felt reluctant to be interacting with that young man.

“I’ve been watching you and think you’re pretty cute but you look so lonely- so I decided to keep you company if maybe for the entire night too?” The young man added, a sweet tone in his voice as he was trying to persuade Chanyeol.

“Uh…” Chanyeol gaped, not knowing the words to say. A part of him felt like he should take the opportunity lest he missed it and couldn’t pick up anyone else that night. Then, he would have to spend his thirtieth birthday alone in the cold harsh winter.

But there was a part inside Chanyeol that held himself back from agreeing and going with that young man whose name Chanyeol didn’t even know. That part of him felt like it should be Kyungsoo instead.

 

“No, he’s with me”

Chanyeol felt an arm slumped over his shoulders and heard the familiar breathy voice that was definitely Kyungsoo’s.

“Alright then, you two have fun” The young man got up and left, clapping his palms together.

Chanyeol lifted his head, turned to look and saw Kyungsoo removing the arm he had placed on Chanyeol’s shoulders.

“You came” Chanyeol gasped.

“I did. Can we talk outside? It’s a bit crowded in here” Kyungsoo suggested going out to the back alley.

“Sure” Chanyeol agreed, lifting himself up from the seat and finishing his shot glass before following Kyungsoo out the back door. The both of them knew the place around pretty well, being sort of frequent customers in the past.

 

It was colder now and their breaths formed mist in the air whenever they spoke or opened their mouths. The air out there was damp but it was indeed quiet and sort of slippery out there in the dimly lit back alley between the rows of buildings.

Chanyeol had his hands tucked into the pocket of his coat, “So, what is it?”

“Chanyeol…” Kyungsoo looked up into Chanyeol’s eyes, where they met each other.

“Yeah?” Chanyeol followed.

“Chanyeol, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Will you forgive me please?” Kyungsoo genuinely apologized, dark brown eyes staring back into Chanyeol’s.

Chanyeol lowered his head, “It’s alright. I-I shouldn’t have told you things that you weren’t ready to hear. I’m sorry too. “

“No” Kyungsoo lifted both his hands to cup either side of Chanyeol’s face, pulling his arms up to meet the height difference.

Chanyeol’s lip was slightly parted, he was overwhelming with emotions that felt about to spill over any moment and the look in his eyes made it evident. Chanyeol had to slightly bend down when Kyungsoo had held his face.

The contact and touch made Chanyeol even more emotional. It was so cold but Kyungsoo was so warm and inviting. It was like a false façade of hope in a grief-stricken time.

 “It’s true that I wasn’t ready for what you had to tell me at that time” Kyungsoo followed up, “but your words planted a seed in me, in my head, and it made me think things through and-“

“-and what?” Chanyeol now circled his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist, bringing Kyungsoo closer to him till their chests almost brushed against each other.

“I think I love you too” Kyungsoo immediately added, flustering, “I just think but I don’t know really. I can’t tell-”

 

Kyungsoo was shut up by Chanyeol’s lips smashing against his. If not for that, Kyungsoo could and would have probably ruined the moment by going on about how unsure he was. Chanyeol didn’t care about the details. Kyungsoo saying that was already enough, considering how uptight he could be.

Kyungsoo kissed Chanyeol back too, wrapping his hands around Chanyeol’s neck and tiptoeing to give him the leverage he needed. It was the first time Kyungsoo had actually kissed Chanyeol back, sober and thinking straight because he wanted Chanyeol out of his own pure will and volition.

It was past midnight and it started to snow together with light rain there while they were still outside in the back alley.

When their lips left each other and they pulled away to breathe, Kyungsoo, of course, had to say something, “I’m still confused. I don’t know but I think I do love you.”

Chanyeol smiled, hugging and resting his forehead against Kyungsoo’s “We still have time to think of that before our year is up.”

“I would like to spend the rest of that time with you please.” Kyungsoo almost pleaded.

“Me too. Let’s go home” Chanyeol fondly mentioned, caressing Kyungsoo’s cheek with the back of his hand.

“I bet you want to go home because you want ass tonight because it’s your birthday” Kyungsoo winced.

“Maybe” Chanyeol chuckled dryly, knowing that he was busted.

To which Kyungsoo sighed, "Then you better hurry."

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

Kyungsoo stood at the top of the stairs leading down to Chanyeol’s basement apartment unit one floor below ground level. Kyungsoo winced, pursed his lips, scrunched his nose and hesitated about going down there into that “place”.

“Come on in. It’s cold outside” Chanyeol held the wobbly door open, gesturing for Kyungsoo to enter.

“I think we really should go back to my place instead. I’ll drive” Kyungsoo grimaced, reluctant to really spend the night there in Chanyeol’s residence.

“It’s late already. You still have to go to work tomorrow, don’t you? Let’s just go in” Chanyeol replied from the bottom of the stairs, slightly trembling at a sudden cold draft of air that passed by.

Kyungsoo cringed at the thought, body backing away a step or two from the stairs, “I don’t think I can do it. What if your place catches on fire while we’re there? That ‘thing’ isn’t safe, Chanyeol.”

“Just get in. I never complained about your place.” Chanyeol sighed, blowing cold air that formed mist out of his mouth.

“That’s because my place is decent” Kyungsoo defended.

“You mean you pay so much rent for such a small place just because it’s in a nice area. What’s wrong with you people with high paying jobs?” Chanyeol responded, dazzled.

“That’s the price of exclusivity, Chanyeol. Not everyone can afford it so-“

“Go in?” Chanyeol held out his hand, ushering and as if to welcome Kyungsoo into his residence.

“Fine. I’m only doing this because it’s your birthday but I’m never stepping foot in here ever again” Kyungsoo ranted, walking down the steps and pass Chanyeol to enter through the doorway.

 

 

It was dark and the air was warm but damp in Chanyeol’s home- not that Kyungsoo could even come to regard it as a home in the first place. It didn’t live up to Kyungsoo’s standards of a “home”.

Kyungsoo heard Chanyeol close the door shut behind and set the lock in place. It was such an old place that the old deadbolt key lock was still in use, in an era where keyless electronic locks were in favor.

“Hey, where is the light switch? Its dark in here” Kyungsoo turned around, looking for Chanyeol but his eyes had not yet adjusted to the darkness and thus was unable to see anything but pitch black.

“Wait, let me get it” Chanyeol announced, his voice heard but figure unseen in the dark.

“You should have turned the lights on the moment we got in” Kyungsoo complained, feet scuffling on the creaky wooden floor as he tried to move from his position only to trip over a hard object and falling flat onto the floor with a loud thud.

 

Chanyeol turned the lights on the moment Kyungsoo fell onto the floor. Luckily for Kyungsoo, he had managed to catch himself by putting out his hands in front of him before he fell into what seemed to be a medium-sized ceramic vase lying on the floor.

The dirt from the vase was spilled onto the floor and Kyungsoo was glad that he had not fallen onto and broke the vase. The broken ceramic pieces would have injured him badly should he have shattered it with his falling weight.

 

“Are you alright?” Chanyeol quickly scurried over to Kyungsoo, helping Kyungsoo get up.

“Why do you have a vase full of dirt on the floor in the middle of the living room?” Kyungsoo snapped, shaking the dirt off his hands.

“Grandfather! Grandmother!” Chanyeol loudly shrieked, jolting up and crawling onto the ground, sweeping the dirt back into the fallen vase with the palm of his hand.

“Wha-“Kyungsoo stepped aside, puzzled, watching Chanyeol scoop up the dirt back into the vase. “Oh shit, are those your grandparent’s ashes?”

Kyungsoo held up his hands still stained from the dirt-presumed ashes and was utterly confused.

 

“Yeah. I was cleaning up the shelf where I keep the ashes so I put the urn on the ground and forgot to put it back up” Chanyeol admitted, rubbing his hands against each other on top of the vase to shake off the ashes.

“Holy fuck” Kyungsoo swore, his pupils blown wide in horror looking at his hands stained with the ashes.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure they won’t mind. Here, just shake it off.” Chanyeol stood up, holding the urn in his hands near to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo couldn’t even complain as he wiped off the remaining ashes on his palm back into the urn thing.

 

“Couldn’t you give your grandparents a proper urn at least? That’s like a vase for a flower pot. Also, why don’t they have their separates ones?” Kyungsoo shook his head, disapproving.

“Well, my parents were really in a tough spot financially when my grandfather passed away so we could not afford burial plots for him. We had to get him cremated and when grandmother passed away after that, we had her cremated too and mixed their ashes just like she wanted even if we could afford a grave by that time.” Chanyeol explained, shaking the urn slightly to even out the ashes.

“Oh, so they could be together even in death? They must have missed each other” Kyungsoo asked, looking into the vase-urn in Chanyeol’s hands. Hearing it sort of made Kyungsoo feel sentimental and believing in everlasting love.

“Nah” Chanyeol chuckled lightly. “Grandpa was a cheating ass and grandma just wanted to make sure he wouldn’t cheat on her in the afterlife.”

Kyungsoo sighed. Everlasting love didn’t exist here in Chanyeol’s family after all. Maybe that’s where Chanyeol got all his “weird” from.

“I’ll just be a moment” Chanyeol excused himself, carrying the vase to another room to put it back where it belonged.

Left alone in the living room, Kyungsoo took a look around the place. It was still messy but considerably less and also less dusty than the last time Kyungsoo had been here.

There was no sign of leftover alcohol bottles. The stacks of old newspapers and books had been tied up neatly with a string, presumably to be recycled later on.

 

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but notice the book on the top of the stack. It was a class yearbook album from the same school and year that Kyungsoo graduated high school from. How did Chanyeol come across this?

Inquisitively, Kyungsoo pulled the book out from the top of the tied up stack and flipped it open. The name inside the cover read “Park Chanyeol, class 3-3 of 2010”. So Chanyeol actually went to the same school as he did?

Kyungsoo began to wonder how he actually missed out on this important fact. Did Chanyeol know about this too?

Kyungsoo continued flipping through the yearbook until he came to the page of the class pictures. Kyungsoo remembered being in “class 3-1”, the class for the top students in the grade and sure enough found himself pictured there sitting in the front row with a bowl cut hairstyle he sported during those years.

Kyungsoo was always made to sit in the front row during any kind of photo sessions because of his less than average height.

 

“Hey, sorry I took a while”, Chanyeol announced, stepping back into the living room and finding Kyungsoo looking through the yearbook.

“Look at this” Kyungsoo held out the book on the page of his class photo to show Chanyeol. “Do you see anything familiar?”

Chanyeol took a rather long look at the page, trying to spot whatever it was Kyungsoo was trying to point out before shaking his head, “No. I don’t.”

Kyungsoo almost wanted to slap his forehead, pointing to his image in the picture, “Here”

“Oh wow, is that you?” Chanyeol squinted his eyes to make sure he wasn’t seeing things wrong. “That is interesting. I didn’t know we went to the same school. So, that’s why I always felt like I knew you from somewhere. No wonder you rubbed off so strongly on me when we first met.”

“I beg to differ” Kyungsoo closed the book shut and carefully placed it back on the top of the stack.

Kyungsoo wasn’t interested in pursuing the topic any further. It was too much for one night. There was always time later on. Somehow, knowing that you were meant to die on another day was comforting when it came to postponing things, even if it still meant an imminent death.

 

“-but you love me” Chanyeol playfully teased and casually reminded, hugging Kyungsoo from the back and pressing the side of his cheek against Kyungsoo’s head of thick black hair.

Chanyeol was a very happy man indeed at that moment.

“I said I’m not sure yet-“Kyungsoo freed his arms, pinned to his side from within the clasps of Chanyeol’s embrace.

“I know I know” Chanyeol muttered, peering over the top of Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“I don’t know, Chanyeol. I don’t want to hurt you because I don’t feel too sure about how I feel yet. I feel like I do love you but I’m not confident about it. This is all new to me.”

“Feelings are different for everyone. I don’t expect you to fall for me right away too so you can take your time” Chanyeol assured, arms wrapped around Kyungsoo’s waist.

“This feels weird”

“What does?”

“Tonight just feels weird. I don’t know. I’m not even sure about anything anymore and it’s kind of scary.” Kyungsoo admitted, lightly squirming around with his feet.

“Do you feel uncomfortable?” Chanyeol asked, concerned.

“Kind of” Kyungsoo stated, breaking away from Chanyeol’s hold and taking a step back.

 

Chanyeol held out an arm to reach out to Kyungsoo who had stepped away from him, seeing how scared and worried Kyungsoo looked. Kyungsoo was also avoiding eye contact on purpose.

“Are you alright?” Chanyeol asked out of worry, pulling his arm back.

Kyungsoo felt his hand shaking and balled his fists up to stop it from being too obvious. Chanyeol, of course, noticed that.

“I’m alright. I’m just feeling a bit anxious” Kyungsoo pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt his eyes watering up and his heart pounding as he tried to even and pace his breathing.

“I’ll get you some water” Chanyeol offered.

Kyungsoo nodded and Chanyeol left for the kitchen to grab Kyungsoo a glass of water.

 

“Wait no, I change my mind. I don’t want water” Kyungsoo followed Chanyeol to the kitchen, trailing after the taller man.

“Excuse me?” Chanyeol watched Kyungsoo walk up ahead of him and headed towards the fridge.

Kyungsoo swung the fridge door open and bent slightly at the waist, looking inside Chanyeol’s fridge.

Chanyeol stood behind Kyungsoo, asking, “What are you looking for? I can get it for you.”

Kyungsoo retrieved a large bottle of soju which was half full, reading the label description under the fridge light and telling himself, “Good enough.”

 

“I’ll get you a glass” Chanyeol suggested, not quite sure what Kyungsoo was really up to.

“No need for that” Kyungsoo declared, taking the cap off and chugging down the soju straight from the battle, not bothering with etiquette or whatnot.

When the taste of the burn hit the back of Kyungsoo’s throat, he had to pull away and gasp, screwing his eyes shut.

Chanyeol snickered, holding back a laugh seeing Kyungsoo go about.

“I’m sorry, Chanyeol, but I think I still need to be a bit buzzed at least for what I’m about to do” Kyungsoo claimed, “It’s just different without cocaine and I swear to you I haven’t had any in six days.”

“Six days” Chanyeol repeated, shrugging his shoulders, “That’s not so bad. We’ll just work something out from there on I guess.”

 

Kyungsoo half of what was left in the bottle; leaving the remaining amount behind and setting the bottle down on the kitchen counter so he could work on stripping from his clothes. Kyungsoo spun around, shaking his head and hopping on the creaky wooden floor.

The soju left Kyungsoo feeling warm, fuzzy and slightly less inhibited. He was less hesitant and feeling boisterous as he peeled off his coat, shirt, and pants. Kyungsoo sure proved to possess a low alcohol tolerance which was laughable compared to Chanyeol’s.

Chanyeol picked up after Kyungsoo, collecting the articles of clothing Kyungsoo had thrown onto the floor. Chanyeol had enough experience as a policeman, dealing with drunken people loitering around on the street and while booking them.

Kyungsoo was still considered rather tame than what Chanyeol had faced.

 

Whenever Chanyeol picked up a piece of clothing, Kyungsoo would pull it from Chanyeol’s hand and throw it back onto the floor before giggling.

“Ok, I give up” Chanyeol surrendered after a few tries, lifting his arms up.

“Yay, I won” Kyungsoo gleefully announced in his naked glory, climbing butt first onto the counter facing Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo trapped Chanyeol between his legs, hooking his thighs around Chanyeol’s waist and clinging his hands from Chanyeol’s shoulders to slightly pull himself up and passionately lock their lips together.

Chanyeol returned the kiss with equal passion and fire, hands firmly planted on the counter on either side of Kyungsoo. Chanyeol could taste Kyungsoo’s breath which reeked of soju, the particular brand that Chanyeol loved on the man he loves.

 

Chanyeol ground his hips into Kyungsoo’s naked front. Kyungsoo, however, pushed Chanyeol away with a hand on the taller man’s shoulder.

Breaking away from their sloppy kiss, Kyungsoo unhooked his thighs from around Chanyeol’s waist and moved his butt further up the counter.

“What’s up?” Chanyeol asked, brushing the back of his palm against Kyungsoo’s flustered red cheek.

“I’m going to hell for this but whatever, I’ve been there once anyway” Kyungsoo shamefully declared, pressing his thighs tightly together, lifting his flaccid penis and balls up so it wouldn’t be squished between his thighs.

Chanyeol watched intently, eager to see what Kyungsoo would try to pull off this time. Least to say, it was interesting for Chanyeol to see what new idea Kyungsoo had come up with. Kyungsoo was the least bit vanilla when it came to sex which he had yet to have since dying on Chanyeol’s dick.

 

Kyungsoo reached to his side for the unfinished soju bottle on the countertop and slowly but carefully poured the alcohol onto his tightly pressed together thighs, where the cool liquid formed a small pool of soju on his thighs, also wetting his scrotum and penis lying in the liquor.

Kyungsoo placed the bottle back down on the counter beside him and leaned back slightly, supported by his arms.

“Drink up” Kyungsoo grinned towards Chanyeol, tilting his head and resting it on a raised shoulder.

Chanyeol couldn’t help but smile and was sort of embarrassed at the scene displayed in front of him. But it was as equally thrilling as it was embarrassing.

Chanyeol pulled up a chair for him to sit on before placing each hand on Kyungsoo’s knees, pressing his face close to the pooling soju on Kyungsoo’s thighs. Chanyeol took a deep breath in and he could smell the fumes of the alcohol and almost feel it at the back of his throat.

 

“Be quick, my legs are falling asleep and it’s trickling down my ass” Kyungsoo whined impatiently, slightly twitching his hips, urging Chanyeol to get done with it.

“Fine. I get it”

Chanyeol stretched his neck forward and sipped at the soju, kissing and licking the damp skin on Kyungsoo’s thigh whenever his mouth reached the end of the pool of soju. The soju didn’t taste any different and Kyungsoo’s skin just tasted like him, Chanyeol thought.

Chanyeol purposely avoided touching and grazing his lips or tongue at Kyungsoo’s limp cock. Kyungsoo expected it but the proximity of being so close but still so far frustrated him.

Kyungsoo was biting down on his lower lip to stop himself from growling out his frustrations but the sounds of muffled whimpers and groans still escaped his throat.

 

Chanyeol chuckled to himself hearing that from Kyungsoo, lapping up and finishing up the soju before giving a light teasing peck on Kyungsoo’s shaft.

“My my, getting impatient are we” Chanyeol sat up, straightened his back and faced Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo sighed and closed his eyes but did not comment.

Chanyeol got up from his seat, kicking the chair back and helped Kyungsoo off the countertop, “Let’s go to my room?”

“Are you sure it’s safe?” Kyungsoo cautioned, having never entered Chanyeol’s room ever.

“Well I’m still alive and I’ve been sleeping there for years” Chanyeol explained, amused at Kyungsoo’s misplaced worry.

“Fine” Kyungsoo gave in, letting Chanyeol lead him to the room.

 

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol tumbled into the room and onto the bed in a heated kiss where they were basically sucking each other’s faces off. When Kyungsoo felt himself plop down back first onto the bed, he jerked away, pushing Chanyeol off.

“Oh my god!” Kyungsoo exclaimed.

Chanyeol backed away; worried that Kyungsoo was hurt, “Are you alright?”

“No. When was the last time you washed your sheets?” Kyungsoo asked out of the blue and Chanyeol did not see that coming.

“I had it washed last week, okay?” Chanyeol claimed, removing the clothing he was wearing one by one. Chanyeol had been fully dressed all this time while Kyungsoo on the contrast had not been.

“Okay, I believe you” Kyungsoo gave in, lifting himself up to sit on the bed.

 

Kyungsoo helped Chanyeol undress, neatly folding the clothes and putting it aside on the floor in a neat stack beside the bed.

“Crap, my clothes are still in the kitchen” Kyungsoo was reminded and tried to leave the bed to go to the kitchen.

Chanyeol caught Kyungsoo by the arm, “It’s ok. We can get it later.”

“Fine” Kyungsoo easily surrendered, returning to the bed.

 

Kyungsoo laid down on the bed looking up at Chanyeol’s peeling ceiling, while Chanyeol trailed kisses down Kyungsoo’s hipbone and inched lower and lower.

“You have some lubes and condoms do you?” Kyungsoo asked, lifting his neck to look at Chanyeol fisting his slowly hardening cock.

“Lube yes, condom no. It’s in the drawer beside the bed” Chanyeol answered, slowly but firmly jerking off Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo sat up, propping himself up with his hands and groaned, feeling himself turn hard in Chanyeol’s hand.

“I don’t want to take the risk, Chanyeol” Kyungsoo sighed in pleasure despite the warning in his head as Chanyeol continued moving his hand up and down Kyungsoo’s hardened length.

Kyungsoo was leaking precum and Chanyeol thumbed the slit, wetting his thumb with the liquid and running it along Kyungsoo’s length as lubrication.

“So, what do you want to do then?” Chanyeol asked softly, keeping up the pace his hand worked at.

“I’m clean; Chanyeol, but we’re still two gay men and our community is known for that ‘stuff’. Let’s not kill ourselves before our time is up” Kyungsoo managed to speak coherently, tipping his head back and bucking his hips into Chanyeol’s fist.

“Fuck” Chanyeol cursed under his breath, finally being aware of the situation. There was nothing but truth in Kyungsoo’s words.

Chanyeol’s hand left Kyungsoo and he hopped off the bed, picking up his neatly folded clothes beside the bed. Chanyeol quickly got dressed, leaving an aroused and bothered Kyungsoo on the bed.

 

“I’ll run down to the convenience store just at the end of the street for condoms. I’ll be back” Chanyeol hastily ran out of the door, leaving Kyungsoo behind.

Kyungsoo groaned, turning to lie down on his side and palm his hardened cock, thrusting his hips into his own hand until Kyungsoo remembered where Chanyeol had told him the lube would be at.

Kyungsoo got up from his lying position to look inside the unorganized drawer beside the bed until he found the bottle of lube from a popular brand which still looked new and mostly unused. Kyungsoo suspected that Chanyeol had only gotten it recently to probably masturbate since Chanyeol didn’t have it the last time and still had no condoms either now.

 

While waiting out for Chanyeol to return, Kyungsoo lubed up his fingers, smearing it generously on his digits.

Lying down on the bed on his back with his legs pressed against his chest, Kyungsoo fingered himself with his middle finger first. Kyungsoo pushed the finger in as far as he could press on. Kyungsoo was slightly squeamish about going in too deep and hitting something he rather would not have there but thankfully it was all clear that night.

Kyungsoo circled his finger, pressing it against the ring of muscles and tried his best to relax to loosen things up until he could press a second finger in. Kyungsoo now wished he really had a dildo or butt plug instead to help things down there.

Kyungsoo was almost tempted to use his other hand to jerk himself off while he fingered himself but he didn’t want to cum so soon yet. Kyungsoo was the type to pass out and fall asleep after an orgasm and he didn’t want Chanyeol to come back to find him sleeping and snoring.

 

Chanyeol ran down the steps quickly with the box of condoms in his hands and slammed the door shut when he arrived. Kyungsoo heard the door slam shut and knew Chanyeol was home, eagerly continuing to pleasure himself.

Chanyeol was more than pleased and turned on to enter his room and find Kyungsoo spread out on the bed with almost three fingers in his hole.

“Don’t make me wait anymore”, Kyungsoo grunted.

Chanyeol threw the box of condoms onto the bed and quickly undressed again, throwing the clothing onto the floor again, to which Kyungsoo moaned out of frustration and not pleasure. Kyungsoo did not want to get up and fold the clothes again; afraid it would break and disturb his concentration and pace.

 

Chanyeol too lubed up the fingers on his right hand with a generous amount that trickled down his hand and onto Kyungsoo below him. Chanyeol was so glad his sprained fingers had healed since then or else he wouldn’t be able to do this.

Slowly, Chanyeol inserted a single finger into Kyungsoo, alongside Kyungsoo’s own fingers. Kyungsoo was tight around his finger and Chanyeol imagined how it would feel on his cock. The sight and thought of it was a major turn on indeed.

 

“Keep fingering yourself” Chanyeol instructed, breathily, voice dropping into a lower octave as if it wasn’t low, to begin with.

Kyungsoo, usually being the one to boss or order Chanyeol around, was turned on himself to hear Chanyeol being surprisingly dominant in the situation. Gladly, Kyungsoo fingered himself even more vigorously with the encouragement and knowing that Chanyeol wanted him to do so.

Chanyeol removed his finger from within Kyungsoo to pour more lube on his hands to palm his own cock until it stood erect.

 

Chanyeol tore off the condom wrapper with his teeth but accidentally ripped the first one for being too clumsy and tossed it aside, attempting it the second time before getting it right and rolling it down the length of his erection.

“I’m ready”, Kyungsoo announced, pulling his wet sticky fingers out from his hole.

“Okay,” Chanyeol acknowledged and leaned down to kiss Kyungsoo before spreading more lube on Kyungsoo’s stretched out hole.

 

Chanyeol knelt between Kyungsoo’s thighs, lifting Kyungsoo’s legs and bending it at the knee to rest on his broad shoulders. Kyungsoo was stretched out, spread, hard and ready.

Kyungsoo turned his head to the side to avoid the eye contact, pressing his face onto the sheets and gasping out loud when he felt the length of Chanyeol’s erection slide against his perineum and inching down towards to his entrance.

“Kyungsoo, look at me”, Chanyeol tried coaxing Kyungsoo gently, resting a hand on Kyungsoo’s cheek to persuade him.

 

Kyungsoo still had his face pressed onto the sheets and his eyes screwed tightly shut. It was hard to admit and accept but Kyungsoo actually felt shy to look at Chanyeol. His head had cleared up now and he hadn’t drunk enough to feel drunk or even buzzed anymore. No drugs were also involved that night. Kyungsoo was very much sober.

It was something completely new and foreign for Kyungsoo, to actually be having sex with someone and have feelings involved. Kyungsoo was too shy to admit that especially in front of Chanyeol.

“It’s ok” Chanyeol assured Kyungsoo, caressing Kyungsoo’s cheek with his hand.

“I’m alright” Kyungsoo slowly opened his eyes and turned his head to face Chanyeol, smiling slightly.

“It’s ok if you change your mind about this. We can stop. You don’t have to force yourself for me,” Chanyeol reassured, cautious at seeing Kyungsoo’s hesitation.

“No” Kyungsoo denied, shaking his head, “I want to.”

“Really?”, Chanyeol had to confirm one more time to be sure.

“Yes, please” Kyungsoo leaned his face, pressing it into Chanyeol’s warm hand.

 

Chanyeol held Kyungsoo’s hand, fingers locked and palms pressed against each other when Chanyeol pushed the head of his cock past Kyungsoo’s entrance.

“More” Kyungsoo groaned and sighed in pleasure, locking his fingers tighter against Chanyeol’s at the pressure of the penetration.

Chanyeol was happy to oblige and forgot that it was actually his birthday, but Chanyeol liked being on the giving end anyway and it worked out well for him.

 

Chanyeol was gentle and patient as he slowly inched himself deeper within Kyungsoo, giving ample of time for Kyungsoo to adjust and relax to the size. Kyungsoo liked feeling so full and Chanyeol was right, it sure did feel so tight and better on his cock. The real deal was way better.

Chanyeol lightly moved his hips around to test Kyungsoo’s reaction, earning him a pleasured sound from Kyungsoo.

“You can move” Kyungsoo gave the permission and Chanyeol took the cue to begin thrusting.

 

Chanyeol was sloppy and out of a proper rhythm and pace in the beginning. Kyungsoo, surprisingly, found himself liking that and riding the uncertain waves of pleasure, but it left as soon as it would come and Kyungsoo did not want to end the night frustrated and voided of his release.

Even though Chanyeol was topping here, Kyungsoo was the one who voiced out for Chanyeol to move faster, harder or deeper, moving around until Chanyeol found a rhythm for his thrusts and the right spot to hit that always made Kyungsoo moan even louder.

Kyungsoo too adjusted to the steady rhythm, letting the steady movements build and pick him up closer and closer to that desired peak and edge.

 

Kyungsoo was a writhing and loud moaning mess on the bed sheets, having Chanyeol make love to him so hard and so good. Kyungsoo released his hand from Chanyeol’s hold to fist his own neglected erection which was pulsating and sore, leaking precum down the length and onto his stomach.

Chanyeol, on the other hand, was rather quiet when having sex, cursing profanities lowly under his breath but his heavy uneven breathing and the few throaty moans that escaped his lips were proof of the pleasure that he was getting too.

 

Kyungsoo moved his hand along the length of his cock, fisting himself in time and rhythm with Chanyeol’s thrusts.

Kyungsoo got even louder at the added stimulation he provided for himself, moaning Chanyeol’s name loudly and his head an utter mess from the pleasure. The only time Kyungsoo had gotten close to thinking straight throughout the whole thing was right before he came before he lost it again.

It was a strong release which burst like a sudden wave coursing through his crotch area. Kyungsoo almost shrieked out loud and bucked his hips up and against Chanyeol one last time before spilling his seed onto his hand and stomach.

Kyungsoo whined, pressing his hand against his forehead, head clearing up and realizing the mess he had made that would need to be cleaned up later.

 

Kyungsoo’s legs slipped off of Chanyeol’s shoulders. Chanyeol too was running out of strength to keep holding it up, leaning forward and lying down on top of Kyungsoo as he continued thrusting with his face pressed against the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck.

“You didn’t call me oppa tonight” Chanyeol groaned near Kyungsoo’s ear, thrusting one last time inside Kyungsoo before climaxing and coming into the condom.

“Oh, right I didn’t” Kyungsoo yawned, feeling tired already, running his hand through Chanyeol’s hair as the both of them laid down there panting and feeling the fatigue wash over them.

 

Chanyeol pulled out of Kyungsoo and left for the washroom to get a towel and wash up himself. By the time Chanyeol returned, Kyungsoo was asleep spread eagle on the bed and snoring out loud.

“Oh well” Chanyeol shrugged, wiping off the sleeping and heavy breathing Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol did not bother to put the towel back, tossing it onto the floor and curling up in the small empty space beside Kyungsoo- who had taken most of the bed. Chanyeol draped the blanket over their forms and went to sleep quite well that night.

 

 

Until they were awakened the next morning 6 am sharp- just about five hours since they went to sleep from the sound of Kyungsoo’s phone alarm coming from the kitchen just outside the room. Chanyeol had not shut the door to his room and the sound of the alarm was well heard outside.

Kyungsoo was startled awake, immediately getting up from the bed and waking Chanyeol in the process.

Kyungsoo’s head was pounding and his vision was blurry and black from getting up too fast as he headed to the kitchen. Kyungsoo was slightly disoriented but caught himself before falling over by holding out a hand on the kitchen counter, taking a few moments to even himself.

“Are you alright?” Chanyeol asked, putting his shirt on, walking towards Kyungsoo.

 

“I’m good” Kyungsoo answered, shutting off the alarm on his phone and picking up his clothes from the kitchen floor, getting dressed immediately, “I have work today. I need to go back home and get ready.”

“Are you really alright? You looked like you were about to pass out” Chanyeol raised his concern, standing beside Kyungsoo.

“Yeah” Kyungsoo lied, feeling very light headed actually and pinching the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes to stop himself from passing out.

“You don’t look okay. Did you even eat at all yesterday? I should have taken you out for dinner” Chanyeol spoke so fast out of worry.

“I don’t think I did actually” Kyungsoo admitted, bumping into Chanyeol and almost losing his balance.

 

 

Kyungsoo stubbornly insisted on going home and getting ready for work despite being on the brink of fainting.

Chanyeol drove Kyungsoo’s car to send him home as he had requested while Kyungsoo himself kept falling asleep and waking up, sitting in the passenger seat of his own car while someone drove him.

Kyungsoo only woke up when they pulled up at the drive-through of a fast food chain to get breakfast so Kyungsoo could order something to eat and regain his energy.

Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel bad, thinking that he was probably the cause of Kyungsoo being sick that morning since he had made Kyungsoo accommodate him enough last night. 

Kyungsoo was probably too busy that he even forgot to eat.

 

Chanyeol walked Kyungsoo up to his apartment, making sure Kyungsoo did not fall over and pass out again halfway there. Chanyeol was also stuck without transport to go back home until Kyungsoo was well enough to drive him back home.

Kyungsoo rested his head against Chanyeol’s shoulder while they stood in front of the door, Kyungsoo munching on the half-eaten burger in his hand.

Chanyeol stretched his arm forward to key in the passcode to Kyungsoo’s door onto the security panel.

“Wait, I changed the code” Kyungsoo exclaimed, swallowing down on the food.

“Oh, what is it now?” Chanyeol asked, retracting his arm.

“You would know. It’s your birthday” Kyungsoo grinned, burying his face in Chanyeol’s shoulder, thinking he had done a good job at impressing Chanyeol.

Chanyeol chuckled, having to ask the important question even if it meant ruining the moment, “So, I know it’s my birthday but what’s the date again today?”

Kyungsoo groaned, frustrated, “It’s the same date every year.”

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

It was not a good day to be Kyungsoo. The thermostat in the state prosecutor’s district office was just set too high as a contrast to the freezing cold outside in the early winter. It didn’t seem to bother his co-workers there in the office however and it was just him who seemed to have an issue with how high the temperature was set.

Winter was early this year and had come harsher for Kyungsoo than all the previous ones before this, despite being a winter baby and all; Kyungsoo did not like the winter.

 

Kyungsoo knew he was probably being suspicious now because for the umpteenth time that day, he had gotten up from his seat and awkwardly walked down the hallway with his coffee mug trying to look normal as possible.

Kyungsoo tried walking properly and pretending to smile and greet everyone at their desks on the way to the pantry. The fact that Kyungsoo actually tried to greet people were already suspicious enough and Kyungsoo wasn’t helping himself out.

 

Kyungsoo was sweating uncomfortably in his underwear and it just seemed that no matter how careful he tried to restrict his movements, his balls couldn’t help but be wedged and uncomfortably stuck in sticky sweat to his leg.

The first time it started happening that day, Kyungsoo had attempted to stick his hand down the front of his pants to fix the problem but his female co-worker at the desk across him was beginning to look at him funny.

 

“Oh god, please, I’m gay” Kyungsoo whispered under his breath, wishing he could actually say that out loud to dispel all the “pervert” and “sexual harassment” comments that might come his way.

But still, getting sued or charged by a room full of lawyers by profession wasn’t a good idea. It didn’t stop the feeling of wanting to throw his mug towards people’s heads that day, however.

Cranky Kyungsoo was clearly the worst Kyungsoo.

 

Earlier on, Kyungsoo had texted Chanyeol to tell the latter about the dilemma he was going through that afternoon.

Kyungsoo thought that Chanyeol could relate to the situation too and sympathize with him. Instead, Chanyeol began teasing through text about Kyungsoo that he was just bragging about his dick size.

Disappointed and worked up at the response Chanyeol had, Kyungsoo almost sent that text to insult Chanyeol’s dick too but he would just be a hypocrite if he did that because he actually liked that dick.

Chanyeol unceremoniously won that day’s argument over text messages.

 

Kyungsoo sighed in relief when he saw that the office pantry was empty. There was nobody there so he wouldn’t have to walk further down to the toilets to adjust his dick and balls in his pants. Kyungsoo wasn’t keeping count but that was probably the third or fourth time that day that he had to get up from his desk to settle his penile issues.

Kyungsoo was sort of glad he was on the shorter and smaller side because he could almost fully hide beside the water cooler and its stand, while he stuck his right hand down the front of his pants and adjust his dick.

It was quiet there and even the sound of the occasional air bubbles breaking the surface in the water cooler was drowned out by the rustling of Kyungsoo’s pants. Kyungsoo actually felt comfortable and unaware that he failed to hear someone else walk into the pantry.

 

“Don’t mind me. Just do your thing. Let me know when you’re done. I’ll be here” Jongdae told Kyungsoo, standing on the other side of the water cooler, his back to the wall and arms folded over his chest.

“What the fuck, Jongdae” Kyungsoo yelped, leaping backward and hand pulling away leaving the front of his trousers immediately.

“It’s ok. Don’t worry. I just came here to talk to you about something. Keep doing whatever it is” Jongdae assured, brushing it off with a wave of his hand and smile.

“Really? Couldn’t you have just gone to my desk and talked to me there?” Kyungsoo backed away from Jongdae until his back hit the edge of the cabinet.

Jongdae walked closer to Kyungsoo, closing the gap between them that Kyungsoo had tried to put. Kyungsoo was wary now and flinched lightly when Jongdae leaned into his ear to whisper something.

                                                                                                                     

“Guess what?” Jongdae whispered right into Kyungsoo’s ear. This was possible and done easily because of their similar statures in height.

Kyungsoo backed his head away, feeling sort of creeped out and the hairs on his neck standing from such. Kyungsoo pushed away Jongdae’s face with a finger pushed into Jongdae’s chin. Jongdae didn’t seem to mind or comment about it.

Kyungsoo was even more scared when he began to think about what Jongdae could possibly mean or was trying to tell him. Making Kyungsoo guess was borderline cruel, something Jongdae was unaware of.

Kyungsoo was sweating even more, especially in his pants and balls now, when his thoughts started to race.

Did Jongdae know he was gay and was trying to report him for “improper conduct”? -that being how the country’s public service system tried to reason and remove homosexual people from the public force.

That really wasn’t bad, Kyungsoo thought. He could just find another legal job at a private firm. Or did Jongdae somehow know about his drug habits? That was the bad part. Kyungsoo would probably be seeing jail time and good luck to him ever finding a job with a convict history.

Even if there was no thought of a comprehensible way for Jongdae to actually find about this, Kyungsoo was still irrationally worried because he knew he was guilty.

 

“No” Kyungsoo shook his head, playing dumb, “I can’t guess. What is it?”

Jongdae leaned in again to whisper in Kyungsoo’s ear again, this time pulling Kyungsoo in by the shoulder so he could not escape.

“You know Byun Baekhyun?” Jongdae suggested.

“Yeah, what about him? Didn’t he get transferred out to the high court office earlier this year for outstanding performance?” Kyungsoo scrunched his nose, not expecting that type of question to be honest. Otherwise, it did work in his favor.

Jongdae nodded, whispering, “Yes, him. I got a tip-off that he has been doing some dealings with the higher-ups in the prosecution system for him to get promoted so fast like that.”

“Well, that’s not our business, isn’t it?” Kyungsoo backed away slightly, feeling a bit too close for comfort.

“It isn’t but it’s not fair that he got the position through squandering and backdoor dealings.” Jongdae tried to explain.

“Weren’t you two like close friends before this?” Kyungsoo arched an eyebrow. “I thought you’d be happy for him.”

“Baekhyun has not been talking to me since then so no we’re not friends anymore but that’s not just it. There’s more actually”, Jongdae pulled Kyungsoo by the shoulder again to whisper into the latter’s ear.

“I heard he was promoted up there in exchange to not pursue a prosecution or case for one of the senior prosecutors in the high court office being investigated for corruption,” Jongdae revealed.

“Whoa” Kyungsoo was startled, “If that’s true, that’s a big case and it’s not something we should be messing with. Don’t do it, Jongdae”

“Yes I am going to do it, Kyungsoo, and I need your help.” Jongdae tightened the grip on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“-and what if I say no?”

“Then I’m going to tell everyone that you are a pervert secretly masturbating to the women in the office.” Jongdae threatened, cocking his head to the side.

“I wasn’t masturbating! Come on, you have a dick too and you know how hard it gets when it gets stuck in there” Kyungsoo sighed out of frustration. He wished he could just run into the office and scream out that he was gay. That would solve things but it would just make things harder than it already was.

 

That was how Kyungsoo found himself with Jongdae, hiding in a prickly bush outside of Baekhyun’s home later that evening after dark.

It had just snowed and the snow had settled a few inches on the ground and on the bush. If Kyungsoo so as much moved a little, he would either get himself pricked by the thorns or get tangled in the Christmas fairy light decorations arrangement on the bush. It was dark out there behind Baekhyun’s house while Jongdae was trying to pry open Baekhyun’s back door.

Kyungsoo was squatting under the bush and his legs were beginning to feel numb either from the cold or from sitting in a position which provided poor circulation to his legs.

Feeling impatient and anxious from being made to wait there, Kyungsoo stormed out of the bush and got himself stuck in some thorns and tangled in the cords of the Christmas decorations before strutting up the path to soon to be intruder Jongdae.

 

“This is illegal and you should know better. We went to law school for crying out loud. Do you want to go to jail with all the other people you locked up there?” Kyungsoo whispered as loud as possible.

Jongdae had some sort of metal pin in the lock he was trying to pry open, looking blankly at Kyungsoo, “We just have to hurry before he gets home then.”

“Why do we need to break into his house anyway? Why can’t we just kidnap him and interrogate him for answers?” Kyungsoo stomped his foot down on the snowy ground.

“You know the penalty for that is much worse than breaking and entering. I’m sure he keeps the documents we need in there” Jongdae pointed to the door, returning to attempt to pry the lock open.

 

Kyungsoo walked away from their potential crime scene, throwing his scarf which had come undone over his neck, walking back towards the road and his car parked just a block down.

Kyungsoo’s pupils were round in horror and his feet were now figuratively frozen to the ground as if being literally frozen to the ground wasn’t actually a very comprehensible situation too now.

The flashing lights of blue and red were reflected on his face and Kyungsoo hadn’t gone deaf yet to hear the sounds of the familiar police sirens. A police patrol car had just pulled up outside on the road and even people from the surrounding houses were peeking out their windows to see what was up.

 

“Oh fuck” Kyungsoo cursed under his breath, ready to sprint away and run from the situation. Instead, he turned around to check on Jongdae and saw him walking towards the police car with his hands raised above his head.

“Just surrender. I got this. Cops are stupid anyway” Jongdae muttered softly to Kyungsoo, his hands on his head.

“No they’re not”, Kyungsoo shook his head, scared at the possible confrontation and fate that would await them.

 

Two policemen exited the car and Kyungsoo instantly recognized Chanyeol.

“Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo exclaimed, his hands subconsciously reaching each other to habitually pick his nails, except it wasn’t possible now because he was wearing gloves.

Even in the freezing weather, Kyungsoo could feel himself cold sweating under his clothes and his balls stuck between his legs again. This was not the time to be fixing that, however.

“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol chuckled, walking up to Kyungsoo and slapping the shorter man on the back, “What are you doing here?”

“Uh…we came to see an old colleague of ours who lives here. This is Kim Jongdae. We work together” Kyungsoo lied about the reason for being there. He couldn’t tell Chanyeol the exact truth now.

“-hyung, you know him?” Sehun asked, standing behind Chanyeol.

“Yeah, this is my roommate I was talking to you about. His name is Do Kyungsoo” Chanyeol patted Kyungsoo on the back, smiling, seeming rather fond to introduce Kyungsoo to people that he knew.

“Oh, I remember you from the other day on the roadblock” Kyungsoo smiled awkwardly, trying to make the situation lighter and less tense and reaching his hand out to shake Sehun’s.

“Yeah, I’m Oh Sehun. Nice to meet you” Sehun too reached his hand out which Kyungsoo thought would be a handshake.

 

Instead, Sehun revealed that he had only reached his hand out to handcuff Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo stared awkwardly at his two wrists now handcuffed to each other in front of him, chuckling dryly and shaking his head, “What is this?”

Sehun had now moved to handcuff Jongdae but with his arms behind his back.

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo. We received a call from someone in the neighborhood that two men were trying to break into this house while the owner is known to be on vacation so we’ll just take you two in for questioning.” Chanyeol explained to Kyungsoo, pursing his lips together after

“No” Kyungsoo shook his head side to side repeatedly, denying the whole thing, “Like I said earlier, we are just here to see our old friend.”

Kyungsoo elbowed Jongdae who flinched away, “Shh, don’t say too much. Be quiet. You’re supposed to know better that they can use whatever we say against us.”

“I don’t want to get arrested” Kyungsoo hissed to Jongdae. He realized he made a mistake already by talking too much but there was no turning back now. He was scared and had done it without much thought out of panic.

“Tough luck. You already are” Sehun pointed out, walking Jongdae to the patrol car.

 

“Chanyeol, please, help me” Kyungsoo tugged on the front of Chanyeol’s police uniform jacket with his handcuffed wrists.

“It’s ok, we’ll just take you down to the station for questioning and we’ll call the owner of this house. If he can confirm that you two were just indeed visiting, we’ll let you go because this was just a misunderstanding” Chanyeol held Kyungsoo on the shoulder, trying to walk Kyungsoo up to the patrol car.

“Oh, come on. Just let me go. You never do your job anyway. Look, I’ll pay you money so let me go” Kyungsoo pleaded, refusing to be walked up to the patrol car.

“That’s bribery and a corruption case, Kyungsoo, which is against the law. Don’t say that in front of Sehun. You’ll get into more trouble and I won’t be able to help you out of it. I'll take care of this, okay? Don’t worry” Chanyeol softly mentioned into Kyungsoo’s ear, blowing warm air against Kyungsoo’s skin.

“Wow. That’s so ironic coming out of you. I bet Sehun does not know what you actually do while on traffic duty” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, shaking Chanyeol off and voluntarily walking to the patrol car himself.

 

 

Kyungsoo and Jongdae were held up at the station, sitting in the row of chairs in the waiting area still handcuffed. Jongdae was calm and quiet, trying to think of how to get them out of the situation.

There were not many people there that day except for the police officers walking to and from out of the station. Apart from them, there was just an old lady who came to report her missing purse and some teenager being arrested for vandalizing.

Bored from being made to wait, Kyungsoo looked around the police station where Chanyeol worked at. The walls were pasted with missing people fliers, wanted fugitive pictures and posters promoting the police force’s integrity and their contribution towards the country.

Kyungsoo laughed to himself at one poster to encourage transparency among policemen. Chanyeol probably saw this poster on a daily basis ironically.

 

“You are up first” Sehun announced, holding Kyungsoo by the arm and walking him to the service desk with Chanyeol sitting behind it.

Kyungsoo complied without resistance and plopped himself down on the chair, resting his handcuffed wrists on the table. Sehun stood behind the table, watching Kyungsoo and occasionally turning behind to look at the unmoving Jongdae.

“Ask away” Kyungsoo grinned, almost maliciously, at Chanyeol. If how Kyungsoo was looking at Chanyeol meant anything, Chanyeol was in for a good scolding later at home even if he had done remotely nothing wrong.

 

Chanyeol gulped, looking away and turning his attention to the report in his hands instead. Chanyeol was soft and weak when it came to Kyungsoo but he couldn’t do that now. Not while at work at least with so many eyes on them.

Chanyeol was beginning to feel scared should Kyungsoo should actually be guilty. Not that Chanyeol minded if Kyungsoo chose to become a robber who intruded homes. Chanyeol could overlook that but he was scared on Kyungsoo's behalf and what he would face hereon.

If Kyungsoo was guilty indeed and charged, Chanyeol would just have to help him out the illegal way. He was already a corrupted policeman, to begin with. This wouldn’t make much of a difference especially for the man he loves.

But of course, that would just make things more complicated than it already was. They were supposed to help each other and get better. The rules and condition were vague however and Chanyeol didn’t know if what he planned to do was helping at all.

Dying was not a good option either, especially not from slipping on vomit and hitting his head. Chanyeol couldn’t argue about that one. Kyungsoo sure had it worse.

 

“We are going to have the owner of the house we saw you two were allegedly trying to break on the phone with us soon. Do you want to explain anything to us before we put Mr. Byun Baekhyun on the phone with us?” Chanyeol calmly explained, obviously avoiding eye contact from Kyungsoo.

“Jongdae made me do this. You should ask him. I was being threatened, therefore I am a reluctant participant and I will represent myself in court to further prove my innocence should I need to” Kyungsoo honestly answered, throwing Jongdae under the bus.

“What is your relationship with Mr. Kim Jongdae and Mr. Byun Baekhyun?” Chanyeol asked, following through the procedure, typing down the notes.

Kyungsoo confidently answered, “Kim Jongdae is my co-worker. We went to college together with Byun Baekhyun too. We were in the same class and graduated at the same time too. Mr. Byun worked with us too up until earlier this year when he received a promotion. I don’t even know Mr. Byun that well. He was closer to Jongdae than he was to me.”

“-and what were you doing there at Mr. Byun’s house tonight around 7.30pm? We received a report that you and Mr. Kim were trying to break into the house.” Chanyeol read out the report to Kyungsoo.

“We were visiting Mr. Byun of course” Kyungsoo answered, obviously faking a boisterous expression.

“Mr. Byun is on vacation in Japan at the moment. Why would you go to his house to visit him if he is not there?” Chanyeol was afraid to ask, but he had to especially under Sehun’s scrutiny.

Chanyeol was even thinking of ways to get rid of Sehun. Right now, Chanyeol just wished a major emergency case would occur, requiring a lot of personnel to be deployed, so they could just drop a minor case like this.

 

“Well, we didn’t know he was on vacation. We didn’t say we were coming, however.” Kyungsoo didn’t lie but didn’t fully reveal the truth either. He was good at this method of revealing information. He literally made a living off of this skill.

“Okay, we’re done with you. We are going to call Mr. Byun after this to confirm the truth before we can let you go” Chanyeol wrote off Kyungsoo, putting aside a piece of paper before turning to instruct Sehun, “Get Mr. Kim here.”

Sehun walked Kyungsoo back to the row of chairs, still handcuffed, and brought Jongdae up to the desk.

Jongdae looked over his shoulder as he was walked to the desk, telling Kyungsoo, “I got this.”

Kyungsoo only shook his head disapprovingly at Jongdae and observed Chanyeol at work. Kyungsoo noticed that Chanyeol actually looked serious and determined while on duty. Kyungsoo had thought that Chanyeol would be somewhat more aloof and unorganized, knowing him from a personal standpoint.

 

 Kyungsoo still found it hard to believe they were almost the same age. Chanyeol’s baby face and personality didn’t help either. What was more surprising was the fact that they went to school together and Kyungsoo did not even remember that.

Then again, Kyungsoo admitted to not bother getting to know his former schoolmates from a lower class because he deemed them “problematic” and a waste of his time. To easily put it, Kyungsoo used to look down on them.

If Kyungsoo knew that he would one day end up falling for Chanyeol, he would have changed his mind earlier about it. It was too late to regret it now but like his depression, it didn’t discriminate and came for everyone regardless of social status or background.   

Kyungsoo learned that the hard way.

 

“What were you doing at Mr. Byun’s house tonight at 7.30pm?” Chanyeol repeated the question to Jongdae.

“We were going to pay him a visit but we didn’t know he was on vacation. We thought he just wasn’t home so we thought we’d surprise him. You can call him to confirm” Jongdae answered confidently, sitting with his back straight on the chair now that the handcuffs had been taken off.

Jongdae was lying of course. He was confident with his lies but not confident about that part where he needed to call Baekhyun.

“Well then, I will call Mr. Byun Baekhyun now to confirm this before we can let you go” Chanyeol claimed. Even if things went awry, he would have to find a way to get Kyungsoo out of this.

 

Kyungsoo was made to sit on the chair beside Jongdae, opposite from Chanyeol, while the phone rang on loudspeaker waiting for Baekhyun to pick up the call.

Baekhyun answered the call shortly later and Chanyeol introduced himself as the cop who had caught two people allegedly had been trying to break into his house. Chanyeol also informed that Kyungsoo and Jongdae had claimed to know Baekhyun.

Baekhyun confirmed that he indeed knew Kyungsoo and Jongdae, sending a course of relief to everyone there but Sehun, who didn’t understand anything that was going on or Chanyeol’s actual relationship with Kyungsoo.

 

Baekhyun chose to not press any charges so Kyungsoo and Jongdae could be let go.

Chanyeol hated to ask this but he had to in respect for his duty, “Are you sure regarding your decision, Mr. Byun Baekhyun?

“Yes, I am.” Baekhyun’s voice croaked over the speaker.

“Well then. Thank you for your cooperation.” Chanyeol replied and was about to end the call when Jongdae lurched forward to pull on Chanyeol hands to stop him.

“Wait. No. Don’t hang up. Baekhyun, talk to me please” Jongdae pleaded and sounded so sad, half of his body over the table.

A surprised Chanyeol looked towards Kyungsoo, looking for an answer which Kyungsoo did not have too.

“We’re over, Dae. I’m hanging up and just go when the police let you go, alright?” Baekhyun answered.

“No, Baek, no. I still love you” Jongdae yelled in the quiet room at the phone as the line went dead.

 

Now, Kyungsoo was looking at Chanyeol funny, while shaking their heads. There was a lot to talk about when they went home later on.

 

Kyungsoo and Jongdae were let go shortly later. No one said a word to Jongdae or regarding his confession over the phone. It was uncomfortable to overhear someone accidentally coming out as gay in public, especially when it wasn’t intended and worst still in the kind of society they lived in.

Jongdae took a taxi alone even when Kyungsoo offered to share the ride. Kyungsoo ended up waiting at the bar near the station until Chanyeol got off his shift a few hours later, even drinking a few shots that night.

Chanyeol had to drive Kyungsoo back to where Kyungsoo left his car, so he could bring it back home. They managed to arrive back at Kyungsoo’s apartment just seconds after the other.

 

 

“So, did you know?” Chanyeol asked, locking the front door shut after entering the apartment.

“About my co-worker? No, not at all. I had no idea” Kyungsoo answered, taking his scarf and gloves off.

“Scary” Chanyeol commented, hanging up his coat and taking his shoes off. "So were you two actually trying to surprise this friend of yours?"

"Of course not. He said he wanted to break in to expose Baekhyun for corruption but it doesn't seem to add up now that we know they dated." Kyungsoo explained, “I never suspected it either, to be honest” Kyungsoo asserted, heading to the kitchen.

 

Chanyeol followed Kyungsoo to the kitchen, who was taking a peanut butter jar out of the fridge.

“Do you want a sandwich?” Kyungsoo asked, untying the knot on the plastic bag of bread loaf.

“Sure” Chanyeol agreed, standing behind Kyungsoo and hovering around him. Chanyeol was definitely standing a bit too close.

“Uh...can I get some space please?” Chanyeol requested, after the second time he bumped his back into Chanyeol. Chanyeol complied this time, moving a few steps backward but still close enough.

“I’m worried” Chanyeol expressed, his arms folded across his chest.

“Why are you worried?” Kyungsoo looked up above to look at Chanyeol in the face. Their staggering height differences really helped to add to the gay couple stereotype.

“You can lose your job if you openly come out as gay, don’t you? I trust you, Kyungsoo, but I’m just scared that something similar might happen to you. It even happened to someone you work with today and I couldn’t help but worry if it happened to you.” Chanyeol admitted his worry.

“What happened to Jongdae was an accident and I won’t tell anyone about it so I think he should be alright. I’ll respect his privacy” Kyungsoo stated, spreading the peanut butter onto the bread. “Besides, no one knows about us yet so we’re good. Let’s keep that way so you should worry about yourself too, Chanyeol.”

“I’d feel very bad if it would happen to you” Chanyeol mentioned, nipping on his lower lip.

“It is my choice to be with you too so if it happens to us, it is as much as my fault. You didn’t force me into this. I made the conscious decision to be with you” Kyungsoo reasoned.

“I guess if we do end up dying, it won’t matter then” Chanyeol sighed, being pessimistic.

“No, we’re not dying” Kyungsoo set the knife down and turned around to face Chanyeol behind him. As hypocritical as they both were, Kyungsoo could not accept Chanyeol being negative about himself even though Kyungsoo was about his own self.

Kyungsoo spun around too fast however and slipped on his feet, losing his balance and falling into Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol could not catch Kyungsoo fast enough either. Kyungsoo ended up hanging with his hands around Chanyeol’s waist as he tried to get up.

“Thanks for falling for me” Chanyeol teased, helping Kyungsoo stand up on his feet.

Kyungsoo playfully punched Chanyeol in the chest, couldn’t help but smile to himself as he tried to hold back his laughter. The situation was supposed to be a tense and serious one but it had turned into light banter.

“Who’s going to catch me if you die?” Kyungsoo softly smiled.

“I won’t. I promise we’ll get through this” Chanyeol too smiled back, pulling Kyungsoo into a hug.

 

Although their relationship was still kind of complicated, Kyungsoo acknowledged being in a relationship with Chanyeol, even if he hadn’t said the “boyfriend” word yet.

For Chanyeol, that was good enough at that moment, because it meant he was upgraded from sleeping on the floor in the living room to actually sharing a bed with Kyungsoo. Considering that Kyungsoo used to make a big fuss about sharing a bed with someone being more intimate than having sex, Chanyeol was pleased indeed.

Not to mention that he was now back to living with Kyungsoo again.

 

Kyungsoo usually went to bed earlier because of their respective working times. He was surprised indeed to find Chanyeol in bed already that night.

If there was one thing, Kyungsoo still couldn’t get used to Chanyeol leaving his issued gun and handcuffs on the nightstand when they slept. Although Kyungsoo was less tempted to do so now, he didn’t tell Chanyeol of a time where he used to want to pull out that gun and shoot himself in the head.

If Chanyeol had not appeared in his life right when he did, Kyungsoo probably would have done that.

 

“Hey, Chanyeol, are you awake? Are you sure you can sleep after only a few glasses earlier?” Kyungsoo laid down in bed facing Chanyeol and poking him lightly on the shoulder.

“Mmm…” Chanyeol groaned in his sleep, grabbing Kyungsoo’s hand that was poking him and holding it in his own hand.

“I still want to talk” Kyungsoo grunted, pulling his hand away from Chanyeol.

Chanyeol’s hold was surprisingly strong even in his sleep. Chanyeol roused from his sleep hearing Kyungsoo.

“We’ll talk tomorrow, okay? I’m tired” Chanyeol mumbled, eyes half closed and pulling Kyungsoo towards him, spooning the shorter man from behind in a tight snuggle.

Kyungsoo tried prying Chanyeol off of him, sighing, “Chanyeol, I still have to turn the lights off in the living room. Can you let go of me?”

“Leave it be” Chanyeol groaned.

Kyungsoo still tried to resist, only to have Chanyeol get up and pin him down, pulling one of his arms and handcuffing him to the bed.

 

“What?” Kyungsoo exclaimed, looking above his head, to see his right arm chained to the bedpost.

“Why not? Can’t adjust your balls while handcuffed? Especially because you have to wear pants at home during the winter?” Chanyeol teased, lying on his side with his head propped up on his palm, facing Kyungsoo.

“Ugh. I regret ever telling you about my problems.” Kyungsoo regretted.

“Here, let me do it for you” Chanyeol insisted, sticking his hand down the elastic band of Kyungsoo’s  pajama trousers.

 

As Chanyeol would have guessed it, Kyungsoo may have been wearing pants now but he was not wearing any underwear for sure. Being as light as possible with his touches, Chanyeol used his hand to adjust Kyungsoo’s balls and dick from being wedged and stuck somewhere between his legs.

Kyungsoo kept sighing, not even caring or trying to stop Chanyeol.

“There, done” Chanyeol pulled his hand out from Kyungsoo’s pants and patted down the front.

“Thank you. Now, can you free me please?” Kyungsoo was being half sarcastic.

“The keys are down my pants. Get it yourself” Chanyeol chuckled, burying his face in Kyungsoo’s hair.

Kyungsoo elbowed Chanyeol behind him with his other arm.

“Alright, okay. I’ll get to it. I’m just playing with you” Chanyeol laughed.

Kyungsoo had completely forgotten what it was he wanted to talk to Chanyeol about.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

“If you promise me that you won’t snitch, then I’ll tell you something too” Kyungsoo tried to negotiate with Jongdae.

Jongdae was seated in Kyungsoo’s passenger seat in the latter’s car. After taking a few days of emergency leave under the pretense of a family situation, Jongdae finally returned to work after accidentally coming out gay in public in the police situation.

In reality, Jongdae was really just recovering from an emotional breakdown from the aforementioned unwillingly coming out as gay.

Jongdae had tried to pretend nothing happened at all when he returned to work. Kyungsoo invited Jongdae out for lunch that day, also offering to drive and pay for the meal, which was how Jongdae found himself lured into Kyungsoo’s car and forced into a conversation he didn’t want to have.

 

“Snitches get stitches, Kyungsoo. We made that pact in college, remember. You know I won’t tell”, Jongdae reminded and then looking around from inside the car, “Where are we anyway?”

“-outside my therapist’s office. I have an appointment today and I wanted to bring you with me to meet my therapist. Maybe you can talk to him and see if you want to schedule a session too”, Kyungsoo suggested.

“Why would you want to do that?” Jongdae asked, confused.

“Well, I thought you might want to talk it over to a professional about you know- your problems?” Kyungsoo implied.

“I don’t have any problems.” Jongdae denied, shaking his head.

“Sure you do. Breaking into your ex-boyfriend’s house out of jealousy while he is on holiday is a red flag.” Kyungsoo pointed out.

“Who said I was jealous!? So, is me being gay a problem to you?” Jongdae began acting defensively.

“I never said that!” Kyungsoo exclaimed, acting appalled as much as he could.

“Oh, come on. I get the whole routine. You think that being gay can be treated and changed just like everyone thinks, isn’t it? I heard that a lot. So you think that by seeing your therapist, he can talk me out of being gay?” Jongdae was offended, to say the least.

“You really don’t get it do you?”

“Get what?”

Kyungsoo sighed, blowing air out of his mouth, “Promise me you won’t tell anyone and I won’t tell the cops that you actually were trying to break into Baekhyun’s house. I have friends in the police department you know.” Kyungsoo ended his sentence with a slight threat as his insurance.

“Fine. What is it you want to tell me?” Jongdae gave up, shaking his head disapprovingly.

“I’m gay too” Kyungsoo revealed, casually and not even stressing about his revelation.

 

Jongdae took a few seconds to process the information, even looking away out of the window for a moment before snapping his head around to face Kyungsoo again with pupils blown wide.

“You’re joking” Jongdae dryly laughed to himself.

“No, I’m not. I. am. gay” Kyungsoo insisted, trying to get Jongdae to believe him, “That’s why I’m trying to say I understand what you’re going through and I really think you need help since you don’t seem to be dealing well with your problem.”

“You mean you’re not going to report me to HR for being gay and then say you’re uncomfortable working with me so you can get me fired?” Jongdae tried to understand. “I seriously thought you were going to tell me that.”

“No. Of course, I won’t. I’m in the situation as you and I will never do that to you.” Kyungsoo flatly denied, defending Jongdae. “I just want you  to get help before it gets worse and you know you might end up dying choking on a dick and go to hell and meet the god of death and given another year to live with your enemy and if you don’t get better you end up dying too.”

“That sounds really specific. That last part there. You have anything you want to tell me?” Jongdae asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kyungsoo panicked, breaking out in cold sweat, denying, “No. Of course not.”

“Hmm” Jongdae hummed, thinking hard, “You did say you have connections with the police and that one tall police officer with the moppy colored hair who arrested us the other day seemed to know you and even said he was your roommate.”

 

Oh fuck, Kyungsoo thought to himself. He had said too much already and he couldn’t take the words back now. In his mind, he was already thinking of ways to push Jongdae out of the car and ditch him there in the parking lot beside the building of the therapist’s clinic.

Jongdae scratched his chin in thought while Kyungsoo was half-serious about committing a murder there and coming up with an alibi to defend himself in court. Maybe he could even get Chanyeol to lie for him.

“Park Chanyeol? Yes, that’s him. That was the police officer’s name you wrote on your palm too. I’ve met him a few times too before this.” Jongdae pointed a finger at Kyungsoo, smiling wide with his mouth open and teeth exposed.

“W-what?” Kyungsoo flustered, looked away from Jongdae, pretending to not know what was going on.

“I get it now. I bet Park Chanyeol isn’t just your ‘roommate’ is he?” Jongdae teased, trying to edge Kyungsoo.

“Ok, that’s it.” Kyungsoo instantly announced loudly.

 

Kyungsoo unfastened Jongdae’s seatbelt and reached over Jongdae to open the door on that side, pushing Jongdae out of the car.

Jongdae, of course, resisted and pushed back against Kyungsoo. It was freezing cold outside in mid-December and it was nice and warm in the car still with the heater and engine still running.

“Why are you pushing me?” Jongdae exclaimed, one foot outside the car on the asphalt pavement and the other in the car with his hands firmly holding the dashboard, holding himself down.

“We’re going to therapy together. Now” Kyungsoo firmly stressed, continuing to push Jongdae out of the car.

“I can get out myself” Jongdae voluntarily stepped out of the car, standing outside and looking at Kyungsoo who was inside the car still, “You’re coming?”

“Hold on a second. You go first without me” Kyungsoo waved Jongdae off, fishing for his ringing phone which had fallen between the seats.

 

Kyungsoo had just received a call from Chanyeol’s phone and scrambled to answer the phone. Chanyeol had been told off by Kyungsoo to inform through text first if he was going to call. Kyungsoo didn’t recall receiving a text from Chanyeol and figured something was up.

“Hello?” Kyungsoo spoke through the phone, pressed against his ear.

“Hi. Is this Kyungsoo?” The familiar male voice from Chanyeol’s phone replied.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo responded, eyebrows furrowing and immediately thinking of the worst because someone else had to call him using Chanyeol’s phone as he tried to recall who the voice belonged to.

“It’s me Oh Sehun, Chanyeol hyung’s partner. Do you remember me?” The man who revealed himself to be Sehun informed.

“Yes. I do. Is there anything?” Kyungsoo was beginning to feel scared and dreadful, barely holding on to the last shreds of his composure before he felt another anxiety attack coming.

“Yeah” Sehun paused, “…Chanyeol hyung was shot while on duty and he’s in the hospital right now.  Since he has no family and you live with him, we thought we’d call you to take him home? We didn’t know your phone number so that’s why I’m calling you with his phone.”

“Is he dead?” Kyungsoo spat out, not even thinking his words carefully and simply reacting to the situation.

“Oh no, he’s not. He’s being inspected by the doctors now but he’s good to be discharged so we were calling to let you know.” Sehun explained, clearing things up.

“Good. He better not dies before me like he promised he wouldn't. Which hospital is this?” Kyungsoo snapped, feeling more annoyed than concerned at Chanyeol.

 

After ending the call, Kyungsoo called out for Jongdae, who was waiting for him outside the car standing on the roadside watching people and cars pass by.

“Hey, get back in the car,” Kyungsoo yelled out.

“Why? I thought we were going to see your therapist?” Jongdae asked, bending down at the neck and sticking his head in the car.

“Change of plans. I’m sending you back to the office and can you tell them that I’m taking an emergency leave for the rest of the afternoon?” Kyungsoo requested.

“What’s up?” Jongdae inquired, sitting back in the car and closing the door shut.

“Uh-family matters.” Kyungsoo lied, purposely avoiding Jongdae’s glare.

“If you’re going to lie, at least be original. You are the worst lawyer I have ever seen” Jongdae shook his head at Kyungsoo.

 

 

 

At last, the hideout and location of the robbers from the bank heist from late last month were discovered by the police and they set out to raid the property and apprehend the suspects. The location was an abandoned warehouse, downtown in an old, mostly deserted industrial area.

Chanyeol happened to be on the raiding task force together with the police department unit he was attached to.

Minseok, however, wasn’t really down to let Chanyeol do the heavy and dangerous work of storming into the warehouse. The main work was left to a more experienced, combat-ready unit.

The entire police department somehow believed that Chanyeol couldn’t even fire a gun even if he had to. He was always known to score the bare minimum to pass on the bi-yearly target shooting evaluations. Hence, Chanyeol usually finding himself filing reports and taking care of traffic duties instead.

Everyone knew Chanyeol still managed to keep his job as a police officer because Minseok pitied him and would not write up a complaint or bad report to the higher-ups regarding Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol found himself on the backup unit, waiting outside on standby the back entrance of the warehouse with Sehun and a few other police officers. It had been ages since Chanyeol actually found himself in a situation having to wear the bulletproof vest, helmet, and protective gear.

Not being used to it anymore, Chanyeol found it uncomfortable, bulky and hard to move around in.

Chanyeol was hiding behind an oil drum, crouched on the ground with Sehun when he burped, adjusting the helmet on his head after.

“Shh” Sehun hushed.

“Sorry man” Chanyeol yawned loudly.

“He’s going to get us shot” Another police officer whispered to Sehun.

Sehun only shook his head disapprovingly.

“It’s ok. Chances are they’re not going to use this back door at all.” Chanyeol shrugged it off, overhearing the others talking about him.

 

Being the unlucky man he was known to be, Chanyeol jinxed himself, however, and as soon as he said it, the suspects stormed out of the back entrance as the combat unit rushed in from the front entrance.

“What the fu-“ Chanyeol laid low on the ground pulling his helmet closer to his person and his hands firm on his gun, hearing shots fired and returned as the bullets ricocheted off the walls, oil drums and abandoned fixtures behind the warehouse.

Everyone else was lying low too and alternating between rounds of shots, everyone except Chanyeol that was. Chanyeol himself was frozen on the already frozen ground, only peeking to look up every now and then.

 “-hyung, get up!” Sehun alarmed, tugging on Chanyeol’s vest, before firing all his rounds and ducking to reload his gun.

 

Chanyeol crept to a crouching position. His gun was fully loaded gun in his hand and he reached around on his waist, feeling the magazines to reload the gun on his belt. Chanyeol did it to make sure and sure enough, it was all there.

Empty bullet shells were scattered and falling beside them on the ground, clinking as they hit the frozen soil. The loud firing sounds were deafening and echoing all around the area.

When another police officer beside Chanyeol completed his rounds and ducked to reload, Chanyeol took a deep breath and lifted himself up high enough behind the empty oil drums just enough so he could fire a round of bullets.

There was only one suspect left standing and somehow, some lucky star was on Chanyeol’s side for a brief moment and he landed a headshot but not before the moment the suspect fired his gun at Chanyeol.

Both the suspect and Chanyeol fell at the same time to the ground. Chanyeol had used up his entire pot of luck for a while now.

 

“Chanyeol hyung!” Sehun yelled, catching Chanyeol before he fell to the ground.

“Officer down. We need a paramedic team behind here now”, another police officer radioed over the walkie-talkie. 

Minseok rushed behind the warehouse together with the paramedic unit to assess the situation, crossing his fingers and hoping it wasn’t Chanyeol. If there was anyone who would likely get shot in the entire department, Chanyeol was top of that list.

But the police department didn’t want another history repeating itself should Chanyeol be the one who got shot.

 

The paramedic unit arrived moments later, lifting an injured Chanyeol onto the stretcher, noting that the gunshot wound came from his arm.

“Am I dead?” Chanyeol groaned in pain, disoriented, as the paramedics undid his helmet and vest to assess the wound and give him immediate first aid.

“I hope not” Minseok sighed.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m dead because I wouldn’t be seeing your faces if I was. Hey, do I get a raise for being shot on duty?” Chanyeol chuckled to himself, wincing at the pain after.

“You better not die” Sehun took off his helmet, almost wanting to hit Chanyeol with the helmet for his snarky comment.

“I know you’ll miss me” Chanyeol joked, finding humor in the situation, laughing all the way as he was carried on the stretcher to the ambulance.

 

There were worse things than getting shot, like slipping on vomit trailing down from your dick and hitting your head in the washroom. Chanyeol had done it all to be worried about something like getting shot.

“Oh shit, Kyungsoo is going to be pissed,” Chanyeol grunted in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

 

 

 

 

After dropping Jongdae off back at their office, Kyungsoo drove even faster to the hospital where Chanyeol was admitted. Kyungsoo was basically running red lights, ignoring stop signs and speed limits to get there as soon as possible.

“Get out of my way, idiot. Go back to driving school!” Kyungsoo yelled to particularly no one in his car, pressing hard on the horn and feeling the urge to fling his middle finger up in a fit of road rage.

 

The guest’s parking lots in the hospital were full when Kyungsoo arrived. Not to mention there was already a line of cars waiting for the next available parking space. It was a normal sight in the middle of the day at the hospital with people coming during visiting hours and for scheduled appointments.

Not bothering to wait to find an empty parking spot, Kyungsoo parked outside the compounds on a pedestrian pavement knowing that was a traffic offense as it is. Despite being a legal practitioner and memorizing by heart the penal code book, Kyungsoo never cared much for abiding the law himself.

Kyungsoo was pretty convinced that that was the reason he ended up in hell for.

 

Running to the emergency room entrance with the cool winter air blowing in his face and his scarf flailing behind him in the wind, Kyungsoo stormed into the busy emergency room. There were lots of people sitting on plastic rows of chairs, hospital staff scurrying to and from doing their duties and there was Kyungsoo frantically running towards the information counter.

“I’m looking for Park Chanyeol. He is a police officer who was admitted earlier today. Where is he?” Kyungsoo panted, catching his breath, placing one hand on the counter.

“I’m sorry but I cannot disclose that kind of information especially if it’s concerning the police.” The lady behind the information counter clarified for Kyungsoo.

“The police were the ones who called me to be here to pick him up. Let me see Park Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo demanded, stern in his voice.

“I’m sorry, sir, I cannot do that. I’m just doing my job here” The lady refused Kyungsoo politely, slightly scared at how serious Kyungsoo looked.

“Let me see my boyfriend, damn it, or I’m going to sue your ass in court-“

“Kyungsoo! Over here” A male voice called out for Kyungsoo from across the room.

 

Cut halfway in spewing his threat at the shaking young lady behind the information counter, Kyungsoo turned his head to see Sehun calling out for him, beckoning him to come forward.

Kyungsoo snickered at the lady he was threatening, smiling awkwardly and followed Sehun down to the emergency care section with the rows of beds covered by the curtains for privacy.

There were quite a lot of patients there too as the hospital staff attended to them. Kyungsoo avoided looking at the people he saw that were bloodied up, fixing his gaze on the floor instead as he followed Sehun. Kyungsoo felt squeamish when it came to blood and seeing that didn’t help either.

 

“He’s inside here” Sehun announced, pulling the curtain open for Kyungsoo to step in.

Kyungsoo stepped in behind the curtains where Chanyeol was lying asleep on the hospital bed, hooked to the IV drip and a cardiac monitoring machine beeping together with Chanyeol’s heartbeat.

Chanyeol was topless and his upper half around his left shoulder and arm were bandaged up and he was lying asleep on his uninjured right side.

“Is he alright?” Kyungsoo quietly asked Sehun, not wanting to wake Chanyeol up.

“Yeah. The doctors said he’s good to go and he can be discharged now. That’s why we called you to take him home because you two live together” Sehun nodded, lowering his voice too.

“Didn’t he get shot though?”

“He did. The bullet just grazed him so he’s fine really.” Sehun assured.

“Alright then. Thank you very much, Sehun.” Kyungsoo bowed his head in gratitude towards Sehun.

“Okay. I’ll leave you two. I need to go talk to my commanding officer outside.” Sehun excused himself, leaving Kyungsoo behind there with a sleeping Chanyeol.

 

Kyungsoo sighed in relief once Sehun left, closing his eyes and holding a palm against his face as he tried to calm and ease his breathing to reduce the anxiety he was feeling.

Kyungsoo then walked around the bed and leaned over the bed to face a sleeping Chanyeol. Kyungsoo’s hands grabbed the mattress on the edge of the bed; his head hung low hovering above Chanyeol and letting his hair falling over his face.

Kyungsoo began to cry out of relief that Chanyeol was actually alright. Kyungsoo started to feel bad that he only felt anger, annoyed and irritated when he heard the news which led to him storming into the hospital in a fit of boiling rage.

He wasn’t even sure why he felt that way and why the thought on the top of his head was to scold Chanyeol when he got here. Kyungsoo definitely didn’t feel that way now.

He just cared too much. He loves Chanyeol.

                                                

Kyungsoo sniffled back his tears but a few drops had rolled down his cheek onto Chanyeol sleeping below him on the mattress. The moist and warm tears hitting Chanyeol’s cheek slowly stirred the taller man awake.

Chanyeol opened his eyes to see Kyungsoo crying above him with a hand cupped over his mouth, trying not to sob too loud.

Seeing Kyungsoo cry and break down was one of Chanyeol’s biggest weaknesses, the biggest weakness being Kyungsoo himself. Chanyeol would drop everything at hand to hold Kyungsoo until he felt better. He wouldn’t rest until Kyungsoo was alright.

 

Chanyeol immediately got up from his lying position, ignoring the pain in his shoulder, attempting to sit up and pull Kyungsoo into a hug.

Chanyeol moved too fast and Kyungsoo, who had his eyes closed, didn’t even realize Chanyeol had woken up. Instead, Chanyeol ended up knocking his head into Kyungsoo’s chin, head butting the crying Kyungsoo.

That did help stop Kyungsoo from crying, however.

 

“Ow,” Kyungsoo winced, immediately pulling back and holding his chin from the sudden blow.

“Kyungsoo, I’m sorry” Chanyeol sat up on the bed, attempting to reach out to Kyungsoo.

“No, it’s alright” Kyungsoo held out a hand, stopping Chanyeol from trying to get up from the bed.

“Are you alright?” Chanyeol asked, concerned.

“I’m fine. Worry about yourself first, you idiot. You were stupid enough to get yourself shot.” Kyungsoo snapped.

Chanyeol chuckled, “That’s the Kyungsoo I know. I was worried you were possessed by some spirit like in the horror movies when I saw you crying for me.”

“Who said I was crying for you?” Kyungsoo rebuffed, flatly lying before composing himself and standing up straight.

“Aw, look who’s a bit shy to admit it.” Chanyeol joked, “It’s okay. Take your time to admit your feelings about me.”

 

Kyungsoo too softened up a little when he saw Chanyeol smiling wide, looking happy and at ease despite being injured.

Kyungsoo held himself back from being confrontational towards Chanyeol. Kyungsoo knew that wasn’t really how he felt about Chanyeol. He was just as scared, clueless and felt lost in a situation he had no prior experience on how to deal with.

 

Chanyeol pulled the standing Kyungsoo into a hug from his sitting position on the bed, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist and resting his head on his lover’s chest.

It was usually the other way around but today; Chanyeol was the one leaning against the warmth of Kyungsoo’s chest, pressing his face so close until he could hear Kyungsoo’s heart beating amidst the sound of the beeping hospital machines and monitors.

 

And Kyungsoo let him; resting a hand behind Chanyeol’s head, letting his fingers run through the moppy hair as he planted a soft kiss on the Chanyeol’s crown.

They stayed like this for a while as if time had stopped for them to embrace and hold each other, not caring even when they heard a woman screaming at the doctors and nurses behind the curtains or a child crying somewhere.

Even if someone had walked in on them, they wouldn’t have cared and would just face the music together.

 

 

“This is the second time you hurt yourself in the past two months. First, you got beat up by some gangsters and now this. You really are intent on dying first before our times are up aren’t you?” Kyungsoo scolded, folding his arms across his chest.

Chanyeol was getting dressed after being officially discharged and allowed to go home. Kyungsoo had offered to help Chanyeol get dressed but Chanyeol had turned down the help.

Somehow, Chanyeol still wanted to prove to Kyungsoo that he was capable and fine despite his injury. That was a part of his ego and self-pride he couldn’t just quite let go yet. He didn’t want to lose Kyungsoo but he also did not want to make Kyungsoo worry too much about him either.

“Well, this part of my duty. It has nothing to do with borrowing money from shady people. I’m a policeman and my job is to protect and to serve.” Chanyeol grinned wide, struggling to button his dress shirt with his injury and not wanting to admit he needed help now with that.

 

Kyungsoo stepped forward, slapping Chanyeol’s hands away from the buttons and buttoning up Chanyeol’s shirt himself, starting from the bottom and making his way to the top.

“So, you’re a trustworthy cop after all” Kyungsoo smirked, buttoning up to the second last set in the row, knowing Chanyeol liked wearing his shirt the last ones undone.

“I learned my lesson. I’m not taking any more bribes after this I promise.” Chanyeol swore, caressing Kyungsoo’s cheek with the back of his hand.

 

Kyungsoo tilted his head up to look into Chanyeol’s eyes, dark brown eyes meeting each other and gleaming under the strong fluorescent hospital lighting.

“I won’t die before you, I promise.” Chanyeol declared. “If we fail by the end of the year we were given, I will die with you. I won’t leave you.”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and took a deep breath before releasing it, chest and shoulders heaving from the exhale.

“We have time. It’s alright. We shouldn’t worry about it too much and actually spend our energy fixing things.” Kyungsoo reassured and comforted Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo knew Chanyeol was as scared as he was about the whole thing, despite how much they pretended to be brave and confident about their imminent deaths. Neither of them wanted to admit that they actually knew nothing about the whole setup or how to actually get out of dying.

Everything was so vague and up in the air.

 

“God is a bitch.” Kyungsoo grimaced.

“I don’t think you should be cursing God. Shouldn’t we be trying to get on his side instead?” Chanyeol suggested.

“Even if we end up surviving the year, we’re going to die for some other reason too eventually. I’m pretty sure I’m pre-destined to go to hell as it is.” Kyungsoo informed.

“Why do you say so?”

“You ever heard about the joke?” Kyungsoo snickered.

“What joke?” Chanyeol inquired, fixing the hem of his shirt, choosing to wear it tucked outside his pants.

Kyungsoo began retelling, “Okay, so an engineer dies and goes to hell. He finds out that it’s hot there because the AC is busted.  So, the engineer fixes it and now the people in hell are chilling. The devil thanks God for sending an engineer down to hell. God is furious that people are enjoying being in hell and believes it’s a mistake and demands the devil to send the engineer to heaven. The devil refuses and God threatens to sue the devil. Then the devil laughs and says, ‘sure where are you going to find a lawyer.’

Kyungsoo laughed out loud with his head thrown back after delivering the punch line, clasping his stomach. Basically, Kyungsoo was laughing at himself.

Chanyeol too wanted to laugh but couldn’t help feeling morbid about the whole joke. Chanyeol just ended up half-laughing and half-snickering, mostly because of how awkward it turned out to be.

 

 

Chanyeol was discharged from the hospital with Sehun seeing him off. Chanyeol was told that he only had to come down to the police station tomorrow for some debriefing. Other than that, he could have the next few days off.

When they arrived at Kyungsoo’s car, parked illegally outside the hospital compounds, sure enough, a few tickets for parking summons and offenses were found wedged under the windscreen wiper.

Chanyeol laughed seeing all that and where Kyungsoo had parked, on a sidewalk pavement.

“What!? I was in a hurry” Kyungsoo growled, pulling the tickets out and reading the papers to see what he had been fined for.

There went his few weeks supply of money for crack cocaine.

“It’s ok. I can get you a discount on the summons. I’ll let you know when I’m working at the front desk so we can arrange something.” Chanyeol offered to help.

“Discount? I’m paying for what I did wrong but I’m not paying for this ‘parking at a yellow line’ shit. I was behind the yellow line on the pavement and not _at_ or _on_ it. I can sue for this you know. I am a lawyer.” Kyungsoo threatened, waving the ticket in front of Chanyeol.

Chanyeol only laughed more. This was the Kyungsoo he knew after all.

 

 

On the way back to their apartment, Chanyeol asked to stop at a liquor store to grab some alcohol. Kyungsoo was reluctant at first but gave in without fuss when he considered that Chanyeol had a close shave with death that day and that he should at least deserve to do something he liked which happened to be drinking.

Chanyeol loved drinking only second to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo even went out with Chanyeol, accompanying him to the store to help him pick out something to drink and even offering to pay for the purchase.

 

 

Chanyeol saw the baseball field on their way there, just down the road about a few minutes’ walk from the apartment blocks. Chanyeol suddenly felt a strong longing to play baseball again despite passing by the field almost every day now and never having that urge before this.

Kyungsoo had parked his car in the designated parking lot and was about to reach to grab the paper bags from their liquor shopping in the back seat.

 

“Hey, Kyungsoo, want to play some baseball?” Chanyeol asked; face lighting up and beaming with excitement as he pointed to the basketball court.

“I haven’t played since high school and didn’t you just get shot too? Should you really be playing baseball now?” Kyungsoo raised his concern.

“I’m still on painkillers and I just got grazed by the bullet anyway. It’s fine, let’s go play. I’ll be the pitcher and you can bat then. Let’s see if you can get a home run. I can do that with one hand” Chanyeol brushed it off, persuading Kyungsoo.

“Chanyeol, I don’t have a baseball bat or glove we can use though.” Kyungsoo reminded.

“We’ll just borrow it from the security guard in the apartment lobby,” Chanyeol suggested.

“How do you know the security guard in the lobby and how do you know that he has a baseball bat and glove?” Kyungsoo was astonished to say.

“Oh, I talk to him sometimes when I go or come back from work. We’re basically friends now. He keeps his bat and glove at his desk so he can go play with the neighborhood kids after his shift.” Chanyeol revealed.

“You’re weird, Chanyeol. I feel like I know you but I don’t know you too” Kyungsoo admitted.

“I know” Chanyeol smiled fondly back at Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol was alright with all that and so was Kyungsoo.

 

For the first time in over a year since moving into the apartment, Kyungsoo only now learned the name of the security guard. Chanyeol had barely been living there for two months and had figured that out way sooner and even befriended the said security guard to boot.

After some small talk where Kyungsoo just stood by awkwardly, Chanyeol managed to borrow the bat and glove so they headed down on foot to the empty baseball field.

It was about half past four in the afternoon. The sun was already low in the sky and beginning to set at that time with it being winter. The sky was cloudless, painted a dull grey and blue color. The grass on the ground had long withered in the autumn and what was left were just a few scattered patches on the earth.

 

“Be careful” Kyungsoo reminded Chanyeol as the taller man headed to the pitcher’s mound in the opposite direction.

“I’ll be alright” Chanyeol assured, excited to be doing something with Kyungsoo.

After stretching and warming up for a few minutes to avoid unwanted muscle sores, later on.

Chanyeol shouted from across the field, “Kyungsoo, are you ready?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo yelled back, holding the bat up and waiting for the ball.

Chanyeol took a deep breath, ball in his hand before delivering his pitch towards Kyungsoo. This wasn’t an official game but Chanyeol wanted Kyungsoo to actually be able to bat his pitch.

 

They were both rusty, however, and Chanyeol ended up pitching the ball into Kyungsoo’s face, hitting him in the chin. That was the second time that day that Kyungsoo received a blow to his chin, the first being headbutted by Chanyeol in the hospital.

“Oh, shit” Chanyeol threw the glove onto the ground and ran towards Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo was on his knees, bat also thrown onto the ground as he clutched his chin and winced from the pain. Any more blows and Kyungsoo was convinced he’d lose his chin next.

“Kyungsoo, are you alright?” Chanyeol approached Kyungsoo, frantically checking up on Kyungsoo’s condition.

“I’m alright” Kyungsoo mumbled, dropping and lying down on his back on the frozen ground, one hand still cupping his injured chin.

Chanyeol followed suit, lying down on the dead grass beside Kyungsoo, totally ignoring or uncaring about getting dirt on their coats.

Their heads touched other as the two adults laid down on the ground, looking up at the sky beginning to darken and the sun setting somewhere in the distance. Somehow, it seemed to invoke a past and long forgotten memory.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes, resting his hands on his belly, “You know, I think I remember you from high school now.”

“Oh yeah?” Chanyeol tilted his head to the side to look at Kyungsoo.

“We were in the baseball club together weren’t we?”

“I was in the baseball club but I’m trying to remember” Chanyeol pursed his lips and closed his eyes.

“Never mind that” Kyungsoo leaned his head in closer to Chanyeol’s.

“Hey, let’s go camping. I always wanted to go camping. Let’s do it over the Christmas or New Year’s break. I’ll take a leave” Chanyeol suggested.

“You want to go camping in the dead of winter?”

“Yeah, why not. Let’s do it” Chanyeol insisted.

“Fine” Kyungsoo gave in.

Only for Chanyeol, he did.

 

“Oh, by the way, I told Jongdae that I’m gay and he knows we’re dating,” Kyungsoo added, lying down peacefully, unfazed by anything anymore.

Chanyeol opened and squinted his eyes in thought after hearing Kyungsoo.

“You’re not going to say anything?” Kyungsoo asked, still calm and unbothered. He would have panicked about it any other time.

“You said Jongdae knows we’re dating. You said ‘dating’, so I’m officially your boyfriend now?” Chanyeol felt happy, smiling hard until his cheeks were sore.

“What else are you going to be in my life if you weren’t my boyfriend then? Every other position is taken” Kyungsoo indirectly confirmed.

“I like that”, Chanyeol piped up.

“Me too”, Kyungsoo agreed.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

“This doesn’t count as camping, Kyungsoo. We’re just staying in a house while the tent is pitched outside.” Chanyeol complained as pursed his lips, peering through the curtains, looking at the tent outside in the snowy forest landscape.

 

Chanyeol had left their entire “camping trip” planning and decisions entirely to Kyungsoo, who chose a nice cabin in the woods somewhere in Gangwon. Chanyeol had expected that they would be staying in tents instead and camping around a fire while singing the night away. He had even brought his acoustic guitar for that sole purpose.

Only to find out, Kyungsoo had a different idea of “camping”; which was spending time indoors in a warm lodge with a fireplace, a hot cup of coffee and a good book.

Chanyeol had excitedly taken over an hour to set up the tent, in the freezing cold, only to find out that they were going to spend time indoors instead. Chanyeol had even hit himself in the face with the tent poles during the struggle to get the tent up.

Chanyeol was just happy to spend time with Kyungsoo, but Kyungsoo himself was beginning to feel his seasonal depression wear on him with the constant reminders of the holiday season wherever he went. Christmas jingles were everywhere on the radio, TV, newspapers, and internet. Decorations, large posters, and banners to remind people of the festive season were literally plastered everywhere and Kyungsoo almost felt like knocking over and trashing the Christmas tree in the supermarket.

Chanyeol had to personally restrain Kyungsoo from attempting to rip off the fake beard of the mall Santa Claus, whose only fault was approaching them. Kyungsoo was frustrated, to say the least, and Junmyeon, his therapist, had inconveniently-for Kyungsoo taken the holiday off too.

It was the day before Christmas’ Eve and the two loners without much friends or any family had taken the entire week off to hide in the woods away from the holiday crowds.

 

 

“It’s subzero outside and there’s like a foot of snow on the ground. Go ahead if you want to freeze to death sleeping in that tent because I’m not.” Kyungsoo shook off Chanyeol, who was clinging to his arm and pleading.

“It’s only six inches, damn it. So, let’s go” Chanyeol stubbornly pressed on.

“Oh yeah, did you just pull a ruler out of your ass to measure it?” Kyungsoo snickered, slightly mocking Chanyeol.

“No. I stuck my dick in the snow to measure” Chanyeol chuckled, pulling on the sleeves of his sweater to adjust the length.

“Oh please. You’re not even six inches fully erect least to say flaccid” Kyungsoo scoffed, returning to reading the book in his lap.

“I’m a grower, Kyungsoo. I top six inches and I’m sure of that” Chanyeol was proud to state.

“Then you have to have a hard-on to measure the snow outside. I don’t see any” Kyungsoo glared at Chanyeol’s clothed crotch, raising an eyebrow.

“Ok fine. I lied about measuring the snow, but I am six inches hard. Admit it” Chanyeol insisted.

“You tried to lie to someone who lies for a living. Good luck with that”, Kyungsoo mentioned sarcastically, rolling his eyes, returning his attention to the book.

“You hurt my ego, Kyungsoo” Chanyeol pouted.

Kyungsoo sighed and heaved, slamming the book down back onto his lap, “Fine! What do you want me to do then?”

“Nothing”

“You annoying piece of-“, Kyungsoo stopped himself before he snapped further at Chanyeol, biting himself on the tongue to stop himself.

 

Kyungsoo was warned about depression manifesting as feelings of anxiety and irritation. Kyungsoo was trying his best to control how he felt and his reactions when he was anxious and irritated.

Kyungsoo was sure he had hurt Chanyeol before because of his tirades and he didn’t want it happening again anytime soon. Kyungsoo believed that Chanyeol didn’t deserve that, no matter how annoying Chanyeol got.

There had to be an easier and less frustrating way out of things, without making things harder than it already was.

That didn’t erase the feeling Kyungsoo had of wanting to hit Chanyeol on the head with his book. But there was where Kyungsoo drew the line between thought and action. Sure, he did think and imagine it, but it didn’t mean he would actually do it.

 

 

“I’m sorry. I’ll just believe whatever you say about your dick, okay? It’s not like we have a ruler to measure it. We got into a fight because of this once and I’m not going there again.” Kyungsoo shook his head, massaging his temples.

“It’s alright. Even if it’s not six inches, it’s good enough for you right?” Chanyeol smiled and winked, pointing both index fingers towards Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo dryly chuckled and fought back harder the urge to toss the book at Chanyeol. Kyungsoo couldn’t even believe he had to comfort someone else’s ego over penis length, and the fact that he ended up in arguments because of that.

Chanyeol sure was annoying sometimes, but Kyungsoo was actually worried that Chanyeol was the one who found him annoying instead.

 

 

Early the next morning on Christmas Eve’, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo set out just after sunrise to go hiking in the snowy trails and forest path. It had stopped snowing and the weather forecast was slated to be clear until evening.

The snow from the previous night had settled down onto the ground and Kyungsoo had the honor of walking straight into the icy nightmare, taking the wrong step and sinking his foot down into the layer of snow up to his calf.

“You’re right. I think it is six inches” Kyungsoo scowled, calf-deep in the snow and almost losing his balance.

A laughing and rather satisfied Chanyeol certainly had his ego boosted and lifted from Kyungsoo’s misery, but still ended up helping Kyungsoo get up from the snow anyway.

 

Chanyeol was happy enough, walking and trudging through the snow just one step behind Kyungsoo with a trekking pole in his hand. Kyungsoo walked just slightly ahead with a map and his phone in his hand, alternating between checking both items to guide their way.

It was still early and the sun was coming in strong. Kyungsoo wanted to be out of the way before the strong sunlight would give them snow blindness, considering that they were surrounded everywhere by snow and ice on the forested mountain path.

At least, the guided path on the trail had not been buried by the snow and they could still make their way around, with only minimal cover of about an inch or two on the designated path.

There were some traces of footprints on the thin snow ahead of them, so they assumed there were other hikers in the area. But so far, they hadn’t seen anyone yet and it was practically just the both of them there at the moment.

 

“Where are we going anyway?” Chanyeol held a hand over his eyes, looking up at the sky and a few birds flying to and fro in the desolated winter landscape.

“We’re going to a temple somewhere here. Just follow me” Kyungsoo heaved, pulling on the straps of his knapsacks to bring it closer to his person.

“What are we going to do? Pray? I never took you for the religious kind” Chanyeol asked, scrunching his nose and walking a few steps to catch up with his Kyungsoo.

“You are right but there is a Buddhist temple up here and I think they can help us maybe fix our problems,” Kyungsoo suggested

“What problems?”

“Everything that comes out of your mouth is a question.” Kyungsoo sighed, shaking his head.

“You mean the part about us dying?” Chanyeol playfully poked Kyungsoo’s butt with the trekking pole.

“I died because of you and your ‘six inches’” Kyungsoo snapped, pushing the trekking pole away from his butt.

“Hey, I died because of you too. You threw up all over my dick because you had to drink and take cocaine at the same time. Drugs are bad” Chanyeol pointed out.

“I had to take drugs to make you more tolerable because I couldn’t stand breathing the same air as you at that time. Otherwise, I’d have bitten your head off months ago” Kyungsoo smugly announced.

“Bite me, oppa” Chanyeol laughed, continuing to annoy Kyungsoo.

“Don’t oppa me. You’re elder than me”

“You’re so tense, Kyungsoo. I think I told you that a few times now but you need to relax. No one is out to get you, you know. You’re going to miss out on a lot in life you know” Chanyeol walked up to match Kyungsoo’s pace, now walking alongside his boyfriend.

 

Kyungsoo took a while before he responded to Chanyeol’s statement. There were truth and wisdom in Chanyeol’s words, and Kyungsoo didn’t deny that fact.

Chanyeol was actually unexpectedly rather wise and pragmatic despite how tardy and sloppy he actually was. Kyungsoo certainly realized that he had misjudged his initial opinions about Chanyeol.

It really wasn’t as bad as Kyungsoo had thought it out to be.

Of course, that was until he lost his temper when Chanyeol decided to drop some snow into Kyungsoo’s clothes.

 

Kyungsoo had thrown his knapsack to the ground and was hopping around, trying to shake off the cold melting snow in his clothes, which Chanyeol had put there.

“Damn it, Chanyeol. You’re just big in size but you’re really five years old” Kyungsoo hissed, shaking his collar and pulling his coat.

Chanyeol had tried helping by kneeling down and putting his gloved hand under the layers of clothes to brush the snow off of Kyungsoo.

Kneeling down on the snow, Chanyeol looked up at Kyungsoo standing above him and smiled as he pressed his gloved hand against Kyungsoo’s stomach, under all the layers of protective winter clothing.

“There, you’re all warm and clean now.” Chanyeol grinned from below Kyungsoo, his gloved hand pressed against Kyungsoo’s bellybutton.

Kyungsoo smiled back, feeling sort of appreciative but also vengeful.

 

With that being said, Kyungsoo scooped up snow from the ground and dropped it onto Chanyeol’s head before the latter got up from his kneeling position.

“Oh well”, Chanyeol shrugged, brushing off the snow from his hair without even losing his cool.

Kyungsoo laughed to himself, “I saw a balding spot on your crown. Maybe you need to stop dying your hair all these weird colors. I’m surprised the police department actually allows that.”

“I’m getting old, Kyungsoo. I’m thirty already.” Chanyeol sighed, getting up into a standing position with Kyungsoo helping by holding his hand as he got up.

“Be careful then, old man.” Kyungsoo teased.

“I’m your old man, Kyungsoo” Chanyeol wrapped an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder to pull Kyungsoo closer to himself, before planting a sloppy, wet and warm kiss on Kyungsoo’s cheek.

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but beamed, smiling. It was cold outside and everywhere but not between the both of them.

 

It didn’t take long for the lawyer and cop pair to reach the temple along the hiking trail. It wasn’t even that far from their cabin and not really out of the way either. It did feel like they had hiked quite a bit to get there, however.

“It doesn’t look there is anyone here,” Chanyeol commented, standing outside the arch to the temple’s gates, looking into the snowy stone courtyard and the sole temple building there.

The temple could have befitted a shrine title better. It was just one traditional designed building within a small stone wall compound with an open gate underneath the standard temple arch. The temple courtyard had accumulated snow overnight too and there seemed to be footprints ahead of them too, but with no one in sight.

 

“This is the right place” Kyungsoo affirmed, double checking his map and phone.

“Are we supposed to meet someone here?” Chanyeol tapped his chin with a finger, pondering in thought.

Kyungsoo did not answer Chanyeol’s question, instead, looking back at the map and his phone.

“You know, we could have gone to like any other temple. There’s like tons in this country with priests and monks we could talk to and counsel us about our dilemma-dying and stuff like that. What makes this one so special? It doesn’t look like there’s anyone here” Chanyeol shifted his weight on one leg, leaning on the stone walls.

“I was reading some Buddhism forum online and I mentioned my problems and someone replied to my post saying that this is the place to be, which is why I chose this place for us to spend the holidays at. I’m trying to fix our problems, okay?” Kyungsoo insisted.

“So you actually told someone online that we died and came back to life but only for a year and only if we fix ourselves? And they didn’t call you crazy or a troll?” Chanyeol further asked, sounding and being skeptical.

“Well, they said they were in the same situation as us.” Kyungsoo placed his phone back in his pocket, folded the map and stormed off into the deserted temple building.

“Eh?” Chanyeol stood, confused, before catching up with Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo stopped just outside the shut wooden doors of the temple, his hand already held out to swing the door open and barge in.

Suddenly, for reasons Chanyeol did not know, Kyungsoo just froze and hushed for Chanyeol to be quiet.

“What is it?” Chanyeol whispered.

“Shh. I think there’s someone in here.” Kyungsoo whispered back, pressing his ear to the wooden frame of the door, hearing some sounds of feet scuffling and rustling on the wooden floor.

“It could be a priest or something.” Chanyeol loudly mentioned and Kyungsoo had to cup a hand over his mouth to shut Chanyeol up.

 

“Chanyeol. No” Kyungsoo tried to pull Chanyeol back but failed.

Chanyeol ignored Kyungsoo, pushed the shorter man off and swung the door open, proudly shouting out loud, “Hello. Is there anyone home?”

Kyungsoo cringed and felt like cowering into a ball and hibernating the winter away when Chanyeol did just that. Kyungsoo was sure there were people inside the temple, whoever they were, and he was pretty sure about being dead embarrassed because of Chanyeol barging in.

Kyungsoo wasn’t running away this time though, despite how embarrassed Chanyeol made him, and had prepared to bow 90 degrees bent at the waist to apologize on behalf of his man-child boyfriend.

 

The two men of similar height in the temple building had been fiddling around with the miniature idol statue of the deity the temple was dedicated to. They had however broken the statue placed on the altar in an altercation that turned from push to shove.

Both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had their eyes fixed on the broken mess of a former deity’s statue and then to the pair other than them.

 

“Kyungsoo? and uh…Park Chanyeol?” Jongdae was pulling up Baekhyun by the collar during their skirmish before Kyungsoo had stormed in. Jongdae promptly let Baekhyun go, letting Baekhyun fall to the floor below him.

“Jongdae?” Kyungsoo gaped, standing close to Chanyeol by the door.

 

The interior of the temple was not well lit. It was rather dim, lit only by the candles and glowing embers of the joss sticks on the altar. It was considerably brighter now with the door wide open.

“Hey, Kyungsoo. Is that you?” Baekhyun slowly got up, brushing the dust off his knees.

“Isn’t that the dude you work with? You know the other guy?” Chanyeol leaned in to softly tell Kyungsoo.

“Yeah…” Kyungsoo cringed even more, “What are the both of you doing here?”

“This idiot here got me killed” Baekhyun lightly punched Jongdae in the shoulder.

“Shut up. I told you not to tell anyone about this” Jongdae hissed, pulling Baekhyun by the scarf.

“Uh…” Kyungsoo and Chanyeol both stood, confused, with their mouths hung open.

“Oh, whatever. You were the one who came out as gay ‘by accident’ even before I was ready and Kyungsoo and his cop boyfriend know we’re dating so whatever.” Baekhyun pulled his scarf away from Jongdae’s hold.

“I didn’t know you two were dating. I thought you guys broke up already” Kyungsoo corrected.

Chanyeol whistled, pretending to look away.

“Oh, we got back together…uh, last week no maybe…two weeks ago” Jongdae fidgeted, pointing at Baekhyun.

“Yeah” Baekhyun slapped Jongdae behind the head, “-and then this idiot fucked me so hard he hit my head on the bedpost and I died from a concussion. Then he fell off the bed because he panicked and broke his neck.”

“What!?” Both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo exclaimed in unison.

“Baek, stop” Jongdae pulled on Baekhyun’s arm, “They don’t need to know.”

Baekhyun, of course, ignored Jongdae and continued, “I know it sounds crazy but we both died and then this god of death thing came to us and said we had a year to live only if we helped each other get better or some stuff like that. I really couldn’t believe it at first but I’m here alive telling you this right now.”

Jongdae was sighing, pressing his palm to his face.

 

“Haha, right” Kyungsoo dryly laughed, elbowing Chanyeol.

“Some guy online said I should come here so that’s why we’re here. We found nothing though.  Why are you two here anyway?” Baekhyun folded his arms across his chest. “Oh, Dae told me you two were dating too. I never expected you to swing that way, to be honest, Kyungsoo.”

“Yeah…I figured what those ‘private’ study sessions meant when you two left me to be alone while we were in college.” Kyungsoo recalled.

“Should we tell him?” Chanyeol whispered to Kyungsoo.

“Stop, talking already” Jongdae persistently tried to stop Baekhyun.

“I think we actually read the same thing online about coming here to you know solve our ‘problems’.” Kyungsoo clicked his tongue, feeling quite awkward about the whole setup.

“Yeah” Chanyeol nodded, affirming Kyungsoo’s statement.

 

This time, it was Jongdae and Baekhyun who stared at Chanyeol and Kyungsoo judgingly and inquisitively.

“You mean that you two like died and-“, Baekhyun speculated.

“Yeah, we’re in the same boat. Welcome to the family I guess.” Kyungsoo heaved.

“-and I thought we had it bad.” Chanyeol chuckled.

Jongdae only stood still, shaking his head in disbelief, “I cannot believe this shit is real.”

“This shit is real because of you.” Baekhyun snapped back, shoving Jongdae in the shoulders and resuming their argument from earlier.

 

Not wanting to get into another lover’s argument; Chanyeol and Kyungsoo quietly excused themselves, leaving the other couple there to sort out their arguments.

Kyungsoo ran-no longer just trekking down the mountain path, as fast as he could without slipping down and falling flat onto the ground.

Kyungsoo was screaming half the way down, shouting, “What the fuck” repeatedly till his voice echoed off the snowy landscape.

“Kyungsoo, wait up” Chanyeol had to call out for Kyungsoo and often skip his steps to match his pace with Kyungsoo, lest he is left behind.

 

Instead of running into the cabin when they arrived there, Kyungsoo instead made the dash for the tent and hid in there, curling up in the fetal position.

“Kyungsoo, it’s cold out here. Let’s go in” Chanyeol mentioned, almost out of breath as he peered into the tent, looking at Kyungsoo.

“You were the one who wanted to sleep here, right? Let’s do it. Come on” Kyungsoo got up to pull Chanyeol inside the arm.

“Well, yes, but it’s really cold and we don’t have properly insulated sleeping bags like you said. Let’s just stay inside for now” Chanyeol suggested, pulling against Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo, on his hands on knees, inside the empty tent stared back at Chanyeol with doe dark brown eyes, which looked as if it were almost pleading and screaming in a silent voice.

“Chanyeol, I’m scared. I don’t know why but when I heard that it happens to other people, I just don’t know but I feel so scared.  Even they can’t figure out what’s wrong and I feel so helpless.” Kyungsoo was shaking and hugged himself.

Chanyeol entered the tent, plopping down beside Kyungsoo, holding Kyungsoo close and hugging him.

“It’s alright, okay. I’m here.” Chanyeol comforted Kyungsoo, running his hand up and down Kyungsoo’s clothed back.

“I don’t want to die, yet, Chanyeol. I still haven’t done a lot in my life. I take everything back, about wanting to die. Please, not yet.” Kyungsoo sobbed in Chanyeol’s arms, but his tears did not fall.

“I’ll be here” Chanyeol reminded Kyungsoo.

“-but you do stupid shit like get shot and beaten up by gangsters you owe money to” Kyungsoo mumbled, face pressed against Chanyeol’s chest in their embrace.

“Ah, that was a onetime thing, I swear.”

 

It was overwhelming and the feeling too much for Kyungsoo to bear alone. Kyungsoo ended up crying out from the stress and Chanyeol was at a loss for words to make things better. Chanyeol wasn’t really good at comforting people, but he held Kyungsoo close and tirelessly kept reminding Kyungsoo that he would be there no matter what happened to them.

Chanyeol knew at least that he was and would be taking his words seriously, upholding his promise to be with and be around Kyungsoo. Chanyeol had no one else left in his life and he wasn’t ready to lose Kyungsoo yet, especially not now.

 

 

Kyungsoo had yet to develop proper coping skills for his anxiety issues and depression, also having turned down the offer to be referred to a psychiatrist and be prescribed medication.

Kyungsoo was actually not against taking medications, just scared that he might actually end up killing himself for real due to his recreational drug use and the potentially harmful side effects when mixed with prescription medicines.

The way down was always easier than getting back up, however, and cocaine had helped Kyungsoo a lot when he was at a really low point in his life. He was very much a victim of life and to the slavery of opiates.

 

 

Back in the cabin, as night drew on them, the couple had a simple Christmas dinner of canned food and reheated rice. It was more of a holiday cabin rather than a camping in the wilderness since it was fitted with electricity, water, heating and a fridge.

Chanyeol had expected something less conventional but had all forgotten about the tent pitched outside in the dark under the snow.

 

“You didn’t bring anything alcoholic to drink did you?” Kyungsoo cocked his head to the side, asking Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the table near the fireplace, opening up the book that he had brought with him.

“No. I was scared the management had a no-alcohol policy so I didn’t bring any,” Chanyeol answered, looking up at Kyungsoo before flipping the book to the page he wanted.

“Oh” Kyungsoo nodded, mouth forming the word, “I thought I had gone crazy because I thought I was going to see you reading.”

Chanyeol lightly chuckled, “You’re good”.

 

The book was just a ploy. It was just some old thick literary novel Chanyeol had found in his recycling stack at home, with the pages cut out in the middle to reveal a hidden compartment.

Chanyeol retrieved a small clear plastic bag of white power, holding it up to show Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo’s eyes reflecting the glimmer of the burning fire from the fireplace glistened even more at the sight.

“Why do you have cocaine? I didn’t buy any for two weeks now. Where did you get it?” Kyungsoo concernedly asked.

“I bought it from your dealer. I thought we could do it together since you liked it” Chanyeol replied.

“You’re a policeman! That’s against the law!” Kyungsoo stressed.

“I know it is, okay. Please don’t get mad at me” Chanyeol pressed his palms together in apology, the plastic bag of cocaine wedged between his hands.

“Really? We got into a fight because of this, do you remember? You’re just contradicting yourself now. You’re weird, Chanyeol” Kyungsoo reminded, slightly feeling dreadful.

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol genuinely apologized, double guessing his actions.

 

Kyungsoo sighed, sitting down on the floor across from Chanyeol, crossing his legs.

“I’m guessing you want to try it?” Kyungsoo implied.

“-just once but only if you’ll do it with me. I’m not touching this ever again after this, I promise.” Chanyeol swore, crossing his fingers.

“You know this is really addictive. Even I have to stop at once a week or two or else-.” Kyungsoo warned.

“I haven’t drunk in two days too. It should be good” Chanyeol gave two thumbs up, grinning.

Kyungsoo sighed, “You never done any of this before, have you?”

“No” Chanyeol shook his head.

“Only a little bit for you then. The first high will be the best you ever had and you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to chase it. So, I don’t recommend you actually go big with it.” Kyungsoo took the clear bag into his hand and poured out a line on the table top.

 

Kyungsoo hesitated. He had done this so many times before he met Chanyeol, almost religiously every week or two. It was the best hour of his life when he did. He was living his entire life dream in that one hour and when he felt the awful feeling of the emptiness after coming down from the high, he’d just pop sleeping pills to knock out the feeling.

Thus, Kyungsoo never actually learned to deal or cope with his feelings and problems. But when it came to making someone else do what he always did, especially someone he loved, Kyungsoo started to understand why people hated drugs so much.

 

“I feel bad about this” Kyungsoo admitted.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t planning on taking it out actually but you felt bad earlier and this makes you feel good doesn’t it?” Chanyeol revealed.

“You don’t have to do this for me. You’re right, Chanyeol when you said you wouldn’t even wish this on your enemy. I can’t let you do this.” Kyungsoo insisted.

“What if I said I wanted to try because I wanted to? You know- experimenting and stuff? Good friends do crack together, right?”

“Then what about drug tests? You work at a job which requires that constantly. I don’t want you losing your job not if I can help it”, Kyungsoo added, warning Chanyeol.

“Cocaine only lasts 3-5 days in the urine and it’s undetectable in hair strand tests for a one-time usage. For you, that’s a different story. I’m a cop, I know that stuff” Chanyeol informed.

 

 

It still did take a while more for Kyungsoo to actually come up with a decision regarding the choice. Kyungsoo still chose on protesting Chanyeol’s choice, but Chanyeol was the more stubborn one out of the two that night.

Chanyeol was adamant about trying it out, even just once, hoping that he could probably understand Kyungsoo better with this. It was the thought that counts, Chanyeol believed.

Somehow, Kyungsoo actually ended up complying with Chanyeol’s request. He still lowkey felt bad and guilty about it. It was hard to say no to Chanyeol either. Kyungsoo was willing to let it pass as a one-time thing.

 

With his index finger, Chanyeol drew out an “I Love You” line of cocaine on the wooden table top.

Chanyeol was rather pleased and delighted at his “piece” and cheerfully had to point it out to Kyungsoo, “It’s ‘I love you’ in cocaine because I love you.”

Chanyeol held up a heart formation with his fingers, pressing it to his chest as he mouthed again the words, “I love you”.

“I love you too but no, that’s too much” Kyungsoo brushed off a few letters forming the cocaine line by sweeping it away with the edge of his palm.

 

Kyungsoo only left the letters that formed “Loey” from the initial “I Love You” line that Chanyeol had made, albeit with noticeable gaps between the letters.

“Oh, it’s like my name but in reverse” Chanyeol excitedly mentioned, smiling wide and looking very happy.

“Yup,” Kyungsoo nodded.

“I feel like I should get a tattoo of that. Then, I’ll get a tattoo with your name on it. Maybe you can choose a nickname I can tattoo for myself since Kyungsoo is rather long? Or maybe I could do it in Hangul?” Chanyeol proposed.

“Chanyeol, one of the most important unwritten rules in life is to not get a tattoo of your lover.” Kyungsoo tried to refuse.

“Don’t worry about that. We’re not breaking up ever. I’m not letting that happen.” Chanyeol gleefully responded.

Kyungsoo refrained from commenting, letting Chanyeol bask in this moment. He had a lot on his mind regarding that actually. Kyungsoo knew that he wanted to be right here, right with Chanyeol, but he wasn’t confident about the future.

Happy endings were allowed to happen in real life, weren’t they?

 

 

Kyungsoo was the first to snort the cocaine, pulling away after the first line to wipe his nose and let Chanyeol dive in.

It took Kyungsoo a whole minute before he felt the hit, a whole minute of watching Chanyeol do it, and a whole minute of guilt and regret. It was too late to scream and push Chanyeol off because Kyungsoo soon found himself dividing the remaining two lines between Chanyeol and himself, only thinking of how good it felt and how he wanted to share that experience with Chanyeol.

“Oh god, I can’t even feel my mouth” Chanyeol mumbled, cupping a hand over his mouth, pupils dilating and feeling very high.

Kyungsoo, in his euphoric state, only laughed and climbed over the table to fall into Chanyeol’s lap.

 

Chanyeol threw his head back and tried closing his eyes but he just couldn’t do that. He never felt this awake but so drowsy either.

Kyungsoo was pressed against his chest, laughing, “You’re like a cocaine virgin.”

“Mmm…” Chanyeol hummed, lifting Kyungsoo’s head and pressing his face against Kyungsoo’s hair.

“Why was I even scared? That’s stupid. I’m stupid” Kyungsoo continued laughing and mocking himself.

Chanyeol found himself admiring Kyungsoo’s hair, stroking through the dark locks, “You have thick hair. Maybe I should ask you for a hair donation when I go bald.”

Chanyeol followed his urge and nibbled on a few strands of Kyungsoo’s hair, chewing and biting it but not swallowing since it was still attached to Kyungsoo’s head.

“I’d suck your dick but I don’t want to choke on it. You know, I think about you when I poop” Kyungsoo slurred.

Chanyeol did not respond, engrossed in licking Kyungsoo’s hair. It was actually a surprise they managed to fall asleep and make their way to bed after.

 

 

The next morning, Kyungsoo was slumped over the sink throwing up, with disheveled hair sporting several cowlicks caused by Chanyeol.

Chanyeol stumbled out of bed, ran to the sink and had to push Kyungsoo aside to throw up too.

“I’m never doing that again” Chanyeol retched, heaving.

Kyungsoo laughed, resting an arm on the sink, “That's your first and last”.

"By the way, I think your co-workers from yesterday tried calling you. Your phone was ringing all last night" Chanyeol mentioned, wiping off the corner of his mouth with his sleeve.

"Bah. I still think we had it worse." Kyungsoo retorted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't do drugs, kids


	11. Chapter 11

 

“New years, new resolutions isn’t it?” Jongdae pressed his hip against the side of Kyungsoo’s desk while holding a steaming mug of coffee with the words “Best Boyfriend” printed on it.

Kyungsoo was busy typing away and looked up away from the keyboard and monitor screen to see Jongdae dropping by his desk. Kyungsoo’s emotionless and placid face turned into a scowl instead, glaring daggers towards Jongdae.

It was the second week of January. Kyungsoo had just returned to work after his two-week long break over the Christmas and New Year’s, which he had spent together with Chanyeol every day of it.

Kyungsoo thought he would get annoyed and rage quit halfway of having to spend every hour for two weeks with Chanyeol, but quite to the contrary, he actually didn’t. Kyungsoo, instead, found himself not looking forward to going back to work and wishing that the holidays lasted longer so he could spend more time with Chanyeol too.

His ass and legs were suspiciously sore and he knew exactly why too. It made Kyungsoo flush to think about it again, especially now at work in a public space. Over the break, he had been fucking with Chanyeol so much that they had probably put rabbits during mating season to shame.

But that was over and Kyungsoo just didn’t want to lose his composure now especially in front of Jongdae, especially considering how irritated he already felt.

 

Kyungsoo glared up at Jongdae and at the mug in the latter’s hand.

“Best boyfriend” Kyungsoo scoffed, “So good you killed each other. I still can’t believe you and Baekhyun are dicking each other.”

“That’s none of your business. It’s not like you’re any better” Jongdae hissed, looking around and left and right to make sure no one was overhearing their conversation. Thankfully, the lady whose desk was across from Kyungsoo had not yet returned from her vacation and it was pretty much just the both of them there.

“Whatever” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and returned his attention to the screen on his desktop computer.

“So, did you and Chanyeol find out anything?” Jongdae grabbed a chair from an empty desk nearby, pulling it near towards Kyungsoo’s desk and plopping down on the seat, and sitting opposite from Kyungsoo.

“-about what?” Kyungsoo only glanced up momentarily.

“-about us dying of course. Don’t tell me that you haven’t done anything to stop yourselves from dying once the given year is over. You didn’t call me back like I told you to after we ran into each other the other day.” Jongdae sighed, looking up at the ceiling. “I’m so worried here and you seem so complacent with the way things are.”

Kyungsoo snickered, “…right. I forgot I guess. Heh, dying isn’t so bad but I don’t want to see you in hell either. The thought of seeing you there makes me shiver. Scary.”

“I don’t care if I go to hell. I don’t want Baekhyun to go to hell. I love him and I want the best for him, okay?” Jongdae claimed, speaking as low as he could without going down into a whisper. Jongdae was cautious and constantly looked around to see if anyone was overhearing their conversation, which thankfully no one was.

Kyungsoo chuckled softly, “If there’s anyone among all of us who really deserves to end up in hell, it’s your darling Baekhyun. He looks innocent but you know what he’s done.”

Jongdae abruptly stood up, knocking the chair down behind him and pointed a finger threateningly towards Kyungsoo, “Take that back now!”

“Take what back?” Kyungsoo looked from left to right. The office was still rather empty since not many people had returned from their holidays and those that were there couldn’t really hear or bother to know what Kyungsoo was talking about with Jongdae.

“Don’t say that Baekhyun will end up in hell. Take it back now.” Jongdae demanded.

“But it’s the truth and you two did end up in hell anyway. Admit it, Jongdae. My therapist told me that the first step to recovery is by admitting that you have a problem.” Kyungsoo stated, being in quite a disbelief over Jongdae’s denial. He had expected that Jongdae would be the person to actually admit those things, especially one that he had experienced and gone through personally.

“I don’t care. Take it back!” Jongdae firmly insisted, now raising his voice and looking furious to boot.

“Why can’t you accept the truth? You will never fix things if you don’t.” Kyungsoo reiterated, speaking louder than before too.

 

If they had managed to go unheard before, the other people in the office sure had heard them by now. There was a noticeable amount of attention to them now. Everyone else was looking at each other, wondering if Jongdae and Kyungsoo would start fighting each other and if they would have to break it up.

Jongdae slammed his fist down on Kyungsoo’s desk with a loud audible “thud” sound, which rattled and slightly shook Kyungsoo’s computer monitor screen. Kyungsoo had to put out a hand to hold his monitor from wobbling and possibly falling off the table

“I know how to fix my problems. Don’t butt into my life and dictate me on what I should do like you’re all so righteous.” Jongdae scolded.

Kyungsoo actually realized the truth in Jongdae’s words and the fault in his own. Although Kyungsoo was really trying to help out a friend, he admitted on the spot that he had rather been trying to enforce his own beliefs on Jongdae and had been a bit insensitive at that too.

Kyungsoo was stubborn too however and he knew what he knew. He just knew better than to not provoke Jongdae further, even if he couldn’t agree with his fellow co-worker. Kyungsoo didn’t expect and foresee that Jongdae would get so uptight about such a thing either.

 

“Alright, fine. I’m sorry. Why are you even worked up over something I said? It’s not like I am some preeminent bearer of news whose words are the defined truth bound to happen. You’re taking it too seriously” Kyungsoo pushed himself backward together with the chair he was sitting on, to give him more space from Jongdae. The chair screeched on the floor as it was pushed back by the weight. Kyungsoo too raised both arms as if to surrender, seeing how angry Jongdae was.

“I don’t care. Take it back now.” Jongdae leaned over the desk with both his hands firmly planted on it. He looked as if he was about to jump forward and grab Kyungsoo any moment now.

 

Kyungsoo sure tried to put the distance between them. Everyone else in the office was still looking at each other, wondering if they should go up towards Kyungsoo and Jongdae to diffuse the situation or let things resolve by itself.

No one was budging or making the first move to do something about it, however.

“No. You’re the one making mountains out of molehills. I’m not taking it back and I apologized already. Isn’t that enough?” Kyungsoo stood his ground from his sitting position.

“That isn’t enough. How do you feel if I told you that Chanyeol would end up in hell then?” Jongdae sneered.

And that phrase would soon lead Kyungsoo into a downward spiral that he would have trouble getting out from for a while.

 

“Oh no, you didn’t. Take it back now! Don’t bring him into this.” Kyungsoo quickly stood up from his chair from the mention of Chanyeol, so fast that he almost blacked out and lost his balance. Kyungsoo really wasn’t the fittest person there and his drug habits were getting the better of him.

He didn’t care if anyone talked shit or bad about him but certainly not Chanyeol. Not his Chanyeol for sure.

Kyungsoo fell forward onto Jongdae due to the lack of oxygen going to his head from the sudden and rapid movement. Jongdae mistook it as a sign of aggression and pushed Kyungsoo back where he stumbled and almost fell onto the chair behind him.

Kyungsoo managed to still himself by holding onto a shelf nearby before he fell onto the chair and possibly injure himself.

By then, another male co-worker had jogged up near them and was trying to ask what was going on. The loud noise had attracted everyone’s attention now and seeing that it was getting physical, Kyungsoo and Jongdae’s fellow co-workers had to take action.

Jongdae ignored what the co-worker had to say and walked around the table to get to Kyungsoo and pull the latter up by the collar. Still feeling dizzy and slightly disoriented, Kyungsoo couldn’t really react fast or properly to it.

 

“Jongdae, that’s not cool. Don’t do it.” The co-worker held Jongdae on the arm, trying to make Jongdae let go of Kyungsoo.

“Get off me” Kyungsoo whined, his eyes half-lidded, heavy and out of focus as he felt his head spinning and his vision not fully returning to him yet.

Jongdae lifted his dominant right arm with his hand balled up into a fist, appearing as if he was ready to strike and punch Kyungsoo any moment now. Kyungsoo only sighed, turning his head away.

Now, several co-workers were shouting at Jongdae to let it go while they separated Kyungsoo from Jongdae as they held Jongdae back from throwing the first punch.

They had caused quite a commotion which had resulted in half the office trying to hold them back while the other half watched on and talked among each other about whether they should be calling security to deal with the situation.

 

Security wasn’t called in the end. However, the general manager of that district’s prosecutor’s office was alerted instead.  He had heard the commotion from his personal office and rushed out to see what was going on. Least to say, he was furious and disappointed at both Kyungsoo and Jongdae’s conduct.

The entire office fell silent when their superior walked in. Their direct superior was a smartly-dressed middle aged man with a few graying strands in his hair, who was well respected and feared in the department.

The bystanders scrambled back to their desks while those holding back Kyungsoo and Jongdae bowed their heads and stepped aside to make way for their boss.

Kyungsoo and particularly, Jongdae, stood in complete silence, looking the least bit dreadful and guilty with their heads hanging low and bowed down in respect and fear at the consequences of their actions.

“Sajangnim. I can explain all of this. This is not what you think it is. It’s a misunderstanding” Jongdae was the first to speak, starting off on a very anxious note.

 

Kyungsoo merely looked at Jongdae from the corner of his eye, silently judging and questioning Jongdae’s actions. Kyungsoo thought that Jongdae really was a bad lawyer for talking too much and panicking when guilty, which sort of explained why Baekhyun had gotten that promotion first, even though the both of them had been aiming for that same position in the higher court office.

Kyungsoo didn’t really care about promotions or whatnot. He wasn’t exactly fully content with what he had at hand but he really didn’t care about striving for a higher position due to a lack of motivation, confidence and an abundant amount of internalized self-doubt.

Jongdae, on the other hand, had made it clear that his aim since day one was to be the top prosecutor in South Korea who would be prosecuting high profile cases such as corrupted politicians and government officials.

Kyungsoo looked away even when the eyes of his superior was on him. Kyungsoo had a poker face on and was for the most part, unreadable, while Jongdae was going through a minor emotional breakdown.

“In my office now. The both of you.” The order was spoken, loud and clear and firmly directed at the two offenders.

 

It took a while before Jongdae budged and moved from where he stood to move his legs to the general manager’s office, walking down the row of desks and cubicles in what was probably a walk of shame.

Kyungsoo was ahead of him, standing by the manager’s office’s door waiting for Jongdae so they could go in together to be collectively punished. Kyungsoo shook his head. “You’re such a drama queen, Jongdae. You’ll probably end up in hell too like Baekhyun so you can go suck each other’s dick there.”

Kyungsoo just couldn’t let go of it yet and so did Jongdae because that was all it took for Jongdae to throw the first punch.

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol was nodding off, trying to stay awake until his evening shift ended soon. Chanyeol had been checking the wall clock constantly but time seemed to move slower when you wanted it to pass by fast. What he felt like was half an hour was instead proven to be only five minutes in real time when he glanced up at the wall clock to read the time.

Chanyeol swore that he was probably in an alternate dimension or universe, somewhere where perceived time actually flowed slower than the actual time. That was probably the only logical explanation Chanyeol could think of, which explained why he felt so.

 

Disappointed at that, Chanyeol had stopped checking the clock for a while and sat straight looking ahead at the row of empty seats and the potted plant at the end of the room, while he tried his best to not doze off and fall asleep.

Chanyeol was on duty at the front desk counter for the station that day. It was a slow day and boring but in the case of being a police officer, a slow day at the station was a good thing. Chanyeol did really care about the people and the civilians who were his duty to protect but sometimes a little action could be exciting, although he wished no harm to anyone.

 

“-hyung!”

Chanyeol had almost dozed off again when he heard the loud startling voice belonging to Sehun and a hand come down, slapping hard on the table in front of him.

“Yes, Sehun?” Chanyeol quickly scrambled to sit upright, fixing the cap on his head and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand for any possible drool while he had fallen asleep.

“Why are you still here?” Sehun leaned forward over the desk, looking close into Chanyeol’s sleepy face. Sehun had changed out of his police uniform into his casual clothes and had his coat on too, ready to leave and go out.

“I’m working of course. What kind of question is that? We work the same shift” Chanyeol yawned, not bothering to cover his mouth.

“Uh…” Sehun gaped, looking around and then back to Chanyeol, “Our shift ended forty minutes ago.”

Chanyeol almost fell off his seat, “What!?”

 

Chanyeol’s head snapped and focused his full attention on the wall clock. Sure indeed, the time read 10.44pm. Chanyeol’s shift ended at 10 pm.

“Oh shit!” Chanyeol swore, standing up. “I don’t look at the clock and suddenly it’s this! When I’m looking at it, it doesn’t move at all I swear!” Chanyeol looked towards Sehun, his face scrunched up in confusion and disbelief.

Sehun shrugged, “I have no idea. It seems normal to me. Have a good evening, hyung.” Sehun excused himself and left for the night, leaving Chanyeol there.

Chanyeol bit his lower lip, looking at the clock on the wall across from him. He wasn’t really much of a conspiracy theorist or one to be interested in it, but it did feel weird indeed. Maybe his alternate dimensions or parallel universe theories were right, after all, Chanyeol speculated.

Chanyeol only snapped out of it when he heard someone clearing their throat to capture his attention. Chanyeol turned to look at his side and saw the next shift’s police officer on duty to take over from him, already sitting on the chair beside him behind the front desk counter.

“I’ve been here for half an hour now.”

“You were there this entire time?” Chanyeol uttered. “Oh sorry, I didn’t see you. Did I snore?”

 

 

Chanyeol quickly packed up his things and headed to the male’s locker room to change into his normal clothes. It was deserted at this time of the day since the shift change had been almost an hour ago. It was only full of people during that time and sometimes during breaks.

The rest of the time, it was empty like it was now. Rows of steel lockers with assigned units stood tall against the walls with rows of benches in between. Male locker rooms always had the knack to smell like sweat and strong deodorant usually targeted at a straight male audience with television commercials featuring women being attracted to men who used their products, which obviously wasn’t for Chanyeol due to gay reasons.

Chanyeol never liked that and wished he could just say he was gay and change in the female’s locker room, but that didn’t seem like a good idea either, considering the society he lived in and how the views on gay people were. How the female locker room smelled like was a mystery to Chanyeol, one he didn’t care for so much unlike about how time was supposed to flow.

 

Chanyeol changed into his civilian clothes and checked his phone, which he had left in the locker for his entire shift. Leaving it in the locker helped him from being distracted with his phone and not being scolded for texting on the job, and later by Kyungsoo because he had texted nonsense out of boredom.

There were no texts or missed calls from Kyungsoo in the past nine hours that his phone had been lying untouched in the locker. Chanyeol could say that he was honestly surprised since Kyungsoo should have gotten off from work hours ago, and Kyungsoo would at least text to say something by then.

Then again, Chanyeol did say he would be late that night because he would be drinking a little bit at the bar beside the police station, which he usually frequented. Chanyeol smiled to himself, knowing that Kyungsoo trusted him enough to not be worried at such a thing.

 

 

Chanyeol walked out of the police station and down the snowy sidewalk path, headed to the bar which was just one block down from the station.

Chanyeol stepped through the familiar doors, pushing it open and making sure he wasn’t treading snow on his boots onto the carpeted floor inside. Yixing was a nice bar owner but he would surely make Chanyeol pay for the cleaning if he did that.

 

Chanyeol sat in his usual seat by the bar, taking off his coat and placing it down on the empty stool beside him. Chanyeol, however, spotted someone strangely familiar sitting two stools away to his left, wearing a hoodie with the hood up and lying face down on the polished bar counter surface.

It was hard to see who it was at first, with the hoodie obscuring the facial features, but from the shape and the figure of the body, it didn’t take all of five seconds for Chanyeol to realize that it was his boyfriend, Kyungsoo.

The empty cups of ice-cream on the bar counter was a dead giveaway too. Kyungsoo only ever came to the bar to accompany Chanyeol and have ice-cream while not drinking, because he usually had to drive Chanyeol back home later.

“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol exclaimed, tilting his head.

“Chanyeol! I’ve been waiting for you” Kyungsoo immediately lifted his head up from the bar and whined, calling out Chanyeol’s name like they haven’t seen each other in a long time.

“What happened to you!? Where did you get that black eye from? Did someone hurt you? Kyungsoo, tell me what is going on!” Chanyeol flustered, feeling a rush of worry and anger at the same time.

“Chanyeol, I got suspended from work for this.” Kyungsoo pointed to his eye and looked as if he was going to cry any moment. Kyungsoo did not cry this time, however.

“What happened!? What is really going on?” Chanyeol repeated his question and was on the verge of freaking out from seeing Kyungsoo in that state.

“I got into a fight at work but I didn’t throw the first punch. It wasn’t me but that shit of a boss said that I’m getting suspended too. This isn’t fair!” Kyungsoo defended his stance.

“Who was it? Who did this to you?” Chanyeol moved one stool down to the left to sit closer to Kyungsoo, carefully inspecting the blue and black shiner around Kyungsoo’s left eye.

Kyungsoo flinched a little when Chanyeol tilted Kyungsoo’s chin upward, running his fingers on the outer edge of the bruise to see how bad it was. Kyungsoo’s eye was swollen red and he couldn’t fully open it because of the swelling.

“It wasn’t Chinese gangsters I owe money to,” Kyungsoo answered, monotonously.

 

Chanyeol sighed, turning away and ordering the usual drink for himself before returning his attention back to Kyungsoo.

“I’m serious here, Kyungsoo. Who did this to you? I’m a cop. I can help you if you want to lodge a police report for this. Did you see a doctor at least?” Chanyeol expressed his concern, mouthing his thanks to Yixing when his drink was served shortly later.

“It was Jongdae, my co-worker. You met him before, remember? We got into a stupid fight about something I said and I told him I hope he ended up in hell with his boyfriend so he punched me in the eye. It’s my fault as much as it his. Please, Chanyeol. Don’t make a police report about this. I’m already in enough trouble as it is with the job suspension and disciplinary review. I might even lose my job” Kyungsoo sulked, turning to face away from Chanyeol.

Chanyeol’s eyebrows were furrowed and his nose scrunched up. His face was as tense as how he felt about the entire situation.

“-and you were the one scolding me for getting beaten up. You’re as bad as I am.” Chanyeol pressed a palm to his face and shook his head.

“I guess we’re just fit for each other than because we’re like similar trouble magnets, aren’t we?” Kyungsoo meekly replied.

“Don’t magnets of similar poles repel each other?” Chanyeol asked, confused at Kyungsoo’s statement.

“They do, which is also true for the both of us. I don’t know why I love you but if I didn’t, I don’t think I’d be able to stand you.” Kyungsoo honestly replied.

“Been there, done that” Chanyeol murmured, lifting the glass of alcohol to his lips.

 

 

That certainly did cut Chanyeol’s planned alcohol intake for the night. He had to settle on one drink that night and that was it. Chanyeol didn’t want to be drunk that night, considering what had happened to Kyungsoo.

He wanted to be there for Kyungsoo and not drunk off his ass, feeling numb and disoriented from the alcohol.

After the bar trip, the couple went out to a fast food joint to have dinner-or rather some food to fill their stomachs before they went home. It was probably too late to be considered dinner anyway. The entire time they were there, Kyungsoo was picking at Chanyeol’s French fries because he had finished his own too soon. 

 

 

When they arrived back at Kyungsoo’s apartment; Kyungsoo was hasty to walk through the door and go to bed as soon as possible. Kyungsoo threw his shoes and socks away to the side without even bothering to place them properly on the shoe rack.

Kyungsoo too threw his coat away onto the couch, instead of hanging it up, and headed to the room where he immediately plopped himself down onto the bouncy mattress.

“Are you not going to brush your teeth at least?” Chanyeol asked, poking his head through the door after having picked up after Kyungsoo.

“Whatever. Just join me in bed.” Kyungsoo requested, holding out his arms to beckon for Chanyeol to come to him. It was past midnight and hence also past Kyungsoo’s usual bedtime, but it was not as if he had work the next day because of his suspension.

“I’ll be just a minute” Chanyeol excused himself, disappearing from behind the door.

 

Kyungsoo sighed, lying on his side, supporting his head with his arm. He was still wearing the same hoodie and trousers too, having not bothered to change out of his clothes. He was wearing clothes he normally wore at home anyway.

Kyungsoo had returned home after receiving the suspension before deciding he should wait at the bar for Chanyeol to get off of work.

Kyungsoo felt himself nodding off and falling asleep. He had wanted to wait for Chanyeol so they could cuddle up and fall asleep together, especially because Kyungsoo felt like he needed Chanyeol’s comfort now out of all times, considering what had just happened to him earlier that day.

 

Kyungsoo rested his head down on the pillow and closed his eyes, too tired to stay up any longer. Chanyeol entered the room not long after that, climbing under the blankets to join Kyungsoo.

“Did you go to sleep already?” Chanyeol mumbled, nuzzling his face into the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck.

“Not yet” Kyungsoo grunted, sleepily, opening his eyes and looking to see Chanyeol pressing himself close. Kyungsoo could feel Chanyeol’s breath on him.

“So, what was it that you said that got you into a fight with Jongdae in the first place? I know he punched you because you cursed his boyfriend to hell but what was the context, really?” Chanyeol shifted from his lying position, sitting up on the bed with his lower half covered by the blankets still.

Kyungsoo sighed, pressing an arm against his forehead and making sure to not touch the bruised eye, “I’m stressed out, Chanyeol. I’m still having flashbacks about that.”

“Hmm” Chanyeol hummed, pulling the sheets off of himself and Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo instantly shivered, startled by the sudden loss of comfortable warmth around him. His eyes too shot open to glare at Chanyeol beside him, silently questioning why Chanyeol would be doing such a thing if not to purposely annoy him.

“I know of something to relieve your stress” Chanyeol grinned, planting a wet kiss on Kyungsoo’s cheek.

“I hope it’s none of your crazy ideas”, Kyungsoo hoped.

“ _My_ crazy ideas? I think you’re mistaken. You’re the one with the ‘crazy ideas’ between the both of us” Chanyeol lightly chuckled.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes again, trying to go back to sleep. Then, he felt his trousers being pulled down and his bare skin from his waist down feeling the surrounding cool air hit him. Kyungsoo felt his trousers being pulled down all the way to his ankles, where it was left hanging there.

Kyungsoo promptly removed the arm over his forehead and lifted his head and neck to look when he felt the mattress dip and shift from Chanyeol moving around, and soon felt his boxers being pulled down to join his trousers around his ankles.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo interjected, seeing and feeling Chanyeol’s hand on his flaccid cock. Kyungsoo sighed, “I’m too tired to have sex now, Chanyeol. Next time, alright?”

“No no. Not for me. It’ll help you with your stress”, Chanyeol spat on his palm and began lightly stroking Kyungsoo’s dick with his saliva lubricated hand.

 

Kyungsoo pressed his head back onto the pillow, gasping at the touch as his breathing grew heavier and labored. His hands moved to grab the sheets beneath him. It was a nice warm feeling to have Chanyeol’s hand wrapped around his cock while it was cold everywhere else.

Chanyeol smirked to himself, going faster with every stroke of his hand up the entire length of Kyungsoo’s hardening cock. When Chanyeol’s hand reached the head, he would swipe the leaking pre-cum off the urethral opening with a thumb before moving his wrist down back to the base of Kyungsoo’s cock, aided by the extra lubrication of Kyungsoo’s own fluids.

Chanyeol had long slender fingers and a good firm grip. Kyungsoo was moaning and whimpering softly with his eyes closed so he could “feel” it better. He was much more reserved tonight than usual, however. Kyungsoo had his cheek pressed to the side onto the pillow he was laying his head on, as he tried hard to not buck his hips up too wildly into Chanyeol’s fist.

“There there” Chanyeol cooed softly in an almost comforting way at Kyungsoo, using his free hand to caress Kyungsoo’s face and play around with the strands of hair that fell over Kyungsoo’s face.

Kyungsoo opened his eyes, panting, and locked his gaze into Chanyeol’s. Kyungsoo leaned into the touch of Chanyeol’s hand that was cupping and holding his face.

Kyungsoo’s bruised eye felt like it stung and hurt, even more, this time, especially under Chanyeol’s heavy gaze. Kyungsoo didn’t even want to ask or imagine how he looked like with that obvious black eye, but somehow it felt comforting and hot at the same time to not break the eye contact with Chanyeol while a hand was jerking his cock off to completion.

“Oh my god, Chanyeol” Kyungsoo moaned, involuntarily bucking his hip up into Chanyeol’s fist. Kyungsoo tried to still his hips down but he did end up thrusting into Chanyeol’s hand one too many times.

 

“-jagiya, do you like it?” Chanyeol asked, gently.

“Yes. I’m close” Kyungsoo whimpered, grabbing up to cling to Chanyeol’s shoulders as his thighs began to quiver and his body shaking.

Chanyeol sped up his hand and strokes from hearing that, eager and pleased than ever to bring Kyungsoo to his peak. With one hand steady in a rhythm on Kyungsoo’s cock and the other caressing his lover’s face gently, Chanyeol only broke the steady eye contact to plant a kiss on Kyungsoo’s forehead.

Kyungsoo shuddered when he came with a throaty moan escaping from his mouth. Kyungsoo almost curled up into Chanyeol’s arm when his orgasm hit him. Kyungsoo had come and spilled his seed onto Chanyeol’s hand and his own stomach.

“You did well” Chanyeol encouraged, removing his hand gently from Kyungsoo’s cock and reaching to the bedside table for the box of tissues kept there.

Chanyeol wiped off his hand before getting off the bed and retrieving his worn but unwashed shirt from the hamper to wipe and clean off Kyungsoo’s stomach.

“How about you? I can take care of you too” Kyungsoo tried lifting himself off the bed, only to have Chanyeol push him back down.

“It’s ok. You go to sleep. You had a long day.” Chanyeol instructed.

Kyungsoo still got up anyway to put his boxers and trousers back on. “Are you sure?” Kyungsoo asked, throwing his head back to look at Chanyeol who was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I’m sure about that but you still haven’t told me why you had that fight with Jongdae. There must be something else which led to you cursing him to go to hell with his boyfriend. What was it?” Chanyeol lifted a leg onto the bed and rested his chin on his perched knee.

Kyungsoo sighed, standing in front of Chanyeol who was on the bed, “Well, I said Baekhyun was going to hell and he made me take it back but I wouldn’t because hey, it’s the truth. So he then said that you’d end up in hell too and that pissed me off.”

Chanyeol burst out into laughter, throwing his head back, “I can’t believe you, Kyungsoo. You even got suspended from work because of that” Chanyeol honestly found the whole situation rather comical.

“I’m not letting anyone badmouth you while I’m still alive”, Kyungsoo grumbled.

“You really are something, aren’t you?” Chanyeol shook his head, laughing.

 

Kyungsoo plopped himself down onto the bed, sitting beside Chanyeol on the edge of their bed.

“Did I heard you just call me ‘jagiya’, just now?” Kyungsoo inquired, head turned to the side to look at Chanyeol.

“I did. You don’t like it when I call you that?” Chanyeol lifted a hand to brush Kyungsoo’s messy hair.

“No. It’s not that. I just thought that I would never get to hear someone call me that because it’s usually reserved for married couples and as a gay man, you know we can’t-you get what I mean.” Kyungsoo bemoaned. “It’s actually funny that you mention it now.”

“Oh. Why so?”

“My older brother called me earlier this evening to tell me that he is getting married and that he wants me to be his best man at the wedding. There are some wedding preparation and rehearsals I have to attend before that and my parents will be there too. I haven’t seen or talked to them since college after my mother realized she couldn’t really take the gay out of me.” Kyungsoo chuckled.

“You don’t have to force yourself to go if it makes you uncomfortable.” Chanyeol comfortingly placed a hand on Kyungsoo’s lap.

“I know that but my brother has been accepting of me since the whole thing. He helped me get on my feet and be independent when I had to leave the household. I want to be there for him at least on his big day.” Kyungsoo hung his head low, feeling conflicted.

“Then I’ll be there for you too. You won’t be alone.” Chanyeol assured, grabbing Kyungsoo’s hand into his.

“How are we going to lie when people ask who you are though?”

“Oh! We can actually tell them we’re dating or I’m just some random cop there to arrest your mother for being homophobic or we can say that we’re only together because I choked you with my dick till you threw up on it.” Chanyeol laughed till he was rolling over on the bed.

Kyungsoo playfully hit Chanyeol with the pillow, “That’s not funny. You know we can’t say that without looking crazy and you don’t know how I wish anti-discriminatory laws exist in this country so you could actually arrest them.”

“Don’t worry. We got this” Chanyeol lifted a thumbs up from his lying position. “So when do we see your family?”

“Next week” Kyungsoo grimaced.

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

Chanyeol continued knocking his fist against the door to the washroom for what was the umpteenth time that hour, feeling rather worried for the man cooped inside there who was obviously sobbing out loud because the noise was clearly audible from outside.

Whenever someone came to use the washroom, Chanyeol had to explain why they couldn’t like he was being paid to redirect people to the other washroom.

Speaking of which, there were quite a number of people in the house that day whom Chanyeol had never even met before. Some people have indeed mistaken him as the waiter for the engagement party event for Kyungsoo’s brother and his fiancée.

 

“Kyungsoo, please come out” Chanyeol pleaded, now slapping his hand on the door.

“Go away! Leave me alone” Kyungsoo sobbed, blowing his nose onto the tissue in his hand.

“Kyungsoo, we can talk but you have to open the door. At least let me in, alright?” Chanyeol tried to persuade, sighing. He was pretty exhausted at this point too.

“I said just leave me alone. I’m fine. I’ll be out soon so just go!” Kyungsoo yelled back, loud enough for Chanyeol to hear him from outside. Kyungsoo then bemoaned to himself, “This is the worst birthday ever and they say life begins at thirty.”

“I’m not going anywhere till you come out. I don’t even know anyone here and weren’t we supposed to be doing this together.” Chanyeol tried yanking and twisting on the handle to the door in an attempt to get to Kyungsoo.

“Just go and clean the buffet table. There’s an open bar! Go drink! I need to be alone.” Kyungsoo once again had to yell back at Chanyeol.

“Ugh, he’s so stubborn” Chanyeol berated to himself, innately kicking himself.

 

A lady looking like she had to go to the toilet really bad approached Chanyeol and he felt bad to turn her away and point her down to the other washroom further down in the kitchen, especially considering how far it was due to the size of the house.

Chanyeol scratched his cheek in thought. He knew Kyungsoo was pretty well to do but who knew that his family was even better off than that.

Kyungsoo’s family had a large house in an upper-class part of town known for housing wealthy politicians.

The house itself stood atop a hill with a view of the city below. There were so many rooms that Chanyeol had lost count and lost his way around a few times already. But he was most impressed by the swimming pool and yard which one could access from the living room.

Instead of being impressed, Chanyeol just nodded his head went “Oh” when he saw the place because something actually clicked in his head and he sort of understood why Kyungsoo was Kyungsoo.

This was where all the stubbornness, stiffness, holier than thou and condescending attitude to others came from, Chanyeol believed.

 

 

When they had first arrived, Kyungsoo had made Chanyeol drive his car because impressions mattered and Chanyeol’s consumer car was considered too “cheap” for the event.

Chanyeol didn’t question it but he knew why Kyungsoo had made him drive now. Kyungsoo had his head between his legs as if he was on a flight with bad turbulence and was trying hard to not throw up.

Kyungsoo was also obviously trembling and shaking as if he was afraid of something.

 

“Are you alright? Are you cold? Do you want me to turn the heat up?” Chanyeol concernedly asked, patting Kyungsoo’s back with one hand while the other stayed on the steering wheel of the car.

Kyungsoo shook his head, muttering, “No. I’m good. I’m just nervous.”

“Is it about meeting your family again?” Chanyeol hinted.

“No shit” Kyungsoo groaned, lifting his head up and blinking back at Chanyeol with reddened eyes.

“It’s alright. I’m here for you. We’re doing this together. We’ll go out and spend time with just the both of us later” Chanyeol assured, glancing for a moment over at Kyungsoo.

“I know…but” Kyungsoo sighed before continuing “-I’m afraid of seeing my parents again, especially my mother. My dad doesn’t say anything but you can just see the resentment and disappointment in his eyes. It’s stressful.”

“You’re not there for them, alright? You’re just there for your brother so just stick with me and we’ll get through this.” Chanyeol confidently stated.

Kyungsoo sighed heavily, leaning an elbow against the window, “Now it’s just the engagement party and then, there’s the actual wedding a few months from now which I have to go to again. Not to mention, wedding rehearsals and the whole pre-wedding arrangements. Why is getting married so difficult these days?”

Chanyeol chuckled, “My parents couldn’t afford a wedding so they just got registered at the district’s office and went to a street-side stall for dinner afterward with their friends and family.”

Kyungsoo too chuckled, smiling, “That sounds nice actually. No hassle. A big ceremony isn’t for everyone.”

“So, I’m guessing we won’t have a ceremony if we got married?” Chanyeol inquired.

Kyungsoo stared back at Chanyeol with a mute expression, “You’ll be pissed drunk if we ever have a ceremony. I’d like to marry you while sober if that’s possible.”

“So you want to marry me” Chanyeol gleefully added.

“We’ll see” Kyungsoo hummed, staring out the window at the awfully familiar houses and road surrounding them now. There was a sick and wrenching feeling pooling in his guts and rising through his stomach at the sight.

Kyungsoo never thought he’d be back here again after being cut off from the family almost a dozen years ago.

 

 

“What’s up with rich people and these weird looking cars” Chanyeol commented, parking Kyungsoo’s car in the large stone front yard designated as a guest parking spot, among the cars of the other guests.

“My parents are weird, racist and homophobic, that’s why. I forgot to tell you that my brother’s fiancée is a foreigner but I bet they just keep shut about it because they can’t lose another son and maybe they told themselves that at least he isn’t gay.” Kyungsoo dryly chuckled before dry-heaving and feeling like he would actually throw up any time now.

“Not in the car!” Chanyeol alarmed, reaching over Kyungsoo to open the door and unbuckle Kyungsoo’s seatbelt.

“I’m not sick okay. I just throw up when I’m nervous.” Kyungsoo exited the car in the freezing January cold, wearing just his three-piece suit as he gazed at the white stone walls on the grand luxury house he grew up in. How he hated to look at it now. Even the whiteness of the walls seemed to blind him.

Chanyeol locked the car and walked around it to meet Kyungsoo; putting Kyungsoo’s coat on the latter’s shoulders.

“Thanks” Kyungsoo muttered lowly, breath forming mist in the air as he slipped his arms through his coat.

 

Kyungsoo had made Chanyeol rent a suit and comb his otherwise messy and moppy hair, which Kyungsoo put akin to a metal wire but still loved running his hand through that said locks of hair.

“Your tie is messy” Kyungsoo commented.

“Oh?” Chanyeol looked down at his chest to look.

“Here, let me fix it.” Kyungsoo offered, pulling on Chanyeol’s tie and adjusting it around the collar.

“Sure” Chanyeol slightly hunched over so Kyungsoo could reach around his neck to make up for their height difference.

Kyungsoo firmly pushed the knot up near Chanyeol’s throat, setting it neatly in place before brushing off the specks of dust he saw on Chanyeol’s chest.

Kyungsoo smiled, his hands still on Chanyeol’s chest, “You’re good to go now.”

Chanyeol smiled in return, “You should have choked me with the tie and called me oppa.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, playfully shoving Chanyeol at the chest, “Seriously, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol laughed, following behind Kyungsoo, “So, if people ask, I say we know each other from work and that we’re just good friends?”

“Yeah” Kyungsoo agreed, “Nothing more because I don’t want to trigger my parents. I’m sorry for making you do this, Chanyeol.”

“It’s alright.” Chanyeol squeezed Kyungsoo’s left butt cheek when they were approaching the front doors.

Kyungsoo yelped and jumped forward, “Please don’t do that in front of people.”

 

 

Kyungsoo’s brother, Seungsoo, and his fiancée who introduced herself as Zara greeted all the guests that came in including Kyungsoo and Chanyeol.

Chanyeol found out that Seungsoo looked quite a bit like Kyungsoo but with sharper features and slightly taller. When Seungsoo’s fiancée smiled at Chanyeol and tried to shake his hand, Chanyeol was actually busy looking at a chandelier that hung above his head to notice it.

 

“Kyungsoo, I am happy you came!” Seungsoo threw his arms wide open to hug Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo felt awkward as he hugged his brother back, “Yeah…”

“-and this is your boyfriend, right? The cop you told me about” Seungsoo moved to greet and shake Chanyeol’s hands. “You must be Chanyeol. Kyungsoo told me about you on the phone.”

“Nice to meet you too” Chanyeol greeted, feeling his hands being squished by Seungsoo’s surprisingly tight grip.

“Yeah, but we’re just ‘friends’ here.” Kyungsoo squirmed; looking around to make sure no one else overheard them because Seungsoo could be enthusiastic at times.

“I get it” Seungsoo nodded, tapping Kyungsoo on the shoulder. “You always liked taller men because you said they have bigger dicks. I can see why you’re dating each other.”

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes were blown wide in horror when Seungsoo announced his preferences out loud. Kyungsoo shot Seungsoo a you-did-not-just-do-that look.

Chanyeol and Seungsoo’s fiancée tried hard to stifle their laughter and amusement at the subject.

Kyungsoo hissed to Chanyeol, “Shut up.”

“I’m sorry” Chanyeol bit his lower lip trying hard to not laugh.

“Well then, I did tell mom and dad that you were coming but I told them to not bother you. Let me know if they do and if you want to hide too, that’s alright.” Seungsoo informed.

Kyungsoo already regretted coming but he was here now. Kyungsoo grimaced, “-right”.

 

 

While waiting for all the guests to arrive, Kyungsoo mainly spent his time hiding behind Chanyeol to keep himself out of sight while Chanyeol was busy eating food from the snack bar.

Wherever Chanyeol went, Kyungsoo went. Chanyeol being tall was convenient because Kyungsoo could easily hide around Kyungsoo.

The occasional family friend or distant relative, who did spot Kyungsoo, often did come up to greet him and ask how he was doing.

Most of them were unaware about Kyungsoo’s sexuality as it was kept a secret and they just assumed he had a falling out with his parents almost twelve years ago, which they didn’t press on about either.

 

Kyungsoo heaved a sigh of relief, “Looks like my parents aren’t here yet.”

“Don’t they live here too? Where are they?” Chanyeol mumbled, chewing through a salmon roll.

“Late of course. They like to make a grand entrance even if this event isn’t about them. They planned this entire thing just to show off. Seungsoo didn’t really want an engagement party.” Kyungsoo informed.

“They sound like narcissists to me” Chanyeol commented, offering Kyungsoo his plate, “Do you want some?”

“No thanks” Kyungsoo refused the plate full of food, leaning his forehead head against the back of Chanyeol’s neck.

“It’ll be alright. Don’t focus on it too much.” Chanyeol comforted Kyungsoo.

“I hate my life and I am still suspended from work too”, Kyungsoo groaned, burying his face against the fabric of Chanyeol’s suit.

 

 

During the toast to Seungsoo and his fiancée, Kyungsoo hid behind Chanyeol as they both stood near the wall and behind the crowd as far as possible without making it too obvious like they were trying to distance themselves from everyone.

Kyungsoo confided in the fact that at least his parents wouldn’t recognize Chanyeol.

“That’s my mother” Kyungsoo whispered into Chanyeol’s ear while on tiptoes before ducking to hide again.

Sure enough, Chanyeol saw her, Kyungsoo’s mother coming up to make the toast for the guests and congratulating Seungsoo for his engagement.

She was just like what Kyungsoo had earlier described her to be, Chanyeol found out. She was quite heavy-set and “round” with a protruding belly.

Kyungsoo’s father, on the other hand, was a shorter man who looked frail but stern and had a sharp gaze in his eyes.

“What do your parents do anyway?” Chanyeol whispered to Kyungsoo hiding behind his back.

“My dad is on the board of directors for a conglomerate and my mom has a successful business selling bed sheets,” Kyungsoo replied, squatting on the floor beside an ornamental vase.

 “Okay. That’s not what I expected at all” Chanyeol chuckled.

“Well, I don’t know what you were expecting” Kyungsoo sighed, pressing his cheek against the cool surface of the huge ornamental porcelain vase.

“I thought they had law firms or something like that since you’re a lawyer.” Chanyeol theorized.

“I’m the black sheep of the family, Chanyeol. I’m not even a lawyer for money because according to Jongdae, I’m so content prosecuting slipper thieves and petty criminals.” Kyungsoo answered.

“I like you just the way you are.” Chanyeol smiled, looking down at Kyungsoo near his feet.

“That’s on you” Kyungsoo shrugged. “You know what you’re getting yourself into by being with me.”

 

 

The toast ended soon and Chanyeol clapped his hands together with the rest of the crowd while Kyungsoo remained seated near the vase feeling a bit awful and still sick.

Kyungsoo had luckily managed to escape being seen from his parents through the entire fiasco.

 

Then, it was time for the social mingling and dinner party as announced gleefully by Seungsoo and his fiancée.

Chanyeol immediately went for the freshly served buffet style refreshments while Kyungsoo stood in a corner beside the wall watching people, fidgeting with the hem of his coat and grinding his teeth together in his mouth.

Kyungsoo stayed close to Chanyeol as if Chanyeol was his personal clutch that he really needed. He only felt truly comfortable when he was around Chanyeol.

 

“You don’t look too well. Do you want to go home?” Chanyeol noted, placing a hand on the small of Kyungsoo’s back.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and took a deep breath before responding, “No. It’ll be rude for us to leave without saying anything to my brother first.”

“Okay then, let’s go find him and tell us we have to go then?” Chanyeol suggested, looking through the mingling crowd and finding Seungsoo busy talking to the other guests.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. Just eat. I’ll be fine” Kyungsoo assured, but inside he was dreading it.

“He’ll understand. He’s your brother. He wouldn’t want to see you force yourself like this too.” Chanyeol insisted but at the same time also rubbed his hand against the small of Kyungsoo’s back to soothe and comfort his boyfriend.

 

Kyungsoo sighed and lifted his head to look at Chanyeol but instead, by chance, his eyes landed on the glaring eyes of his mother standing not far from behind Chanyeol instead.

She was talking to the other party guests but her eyes were trained on Kyungsoo instead, silently judging and scowling at him much to the unawareness of the people she was talking to.

Then again, she always walked around with what looked like a permanent scowl on her face.

 

“Sh-she’s looking at me right now” Kyungsoo stuttered, unable to move the gaze of his eyes away out of panic.

Chanyeol turned around to look in Kyungsoo’s direction and indeed, he saw her staring down at Kyungsoo.

When Kyungsoo’s mother noticed Chanyeol looking at her too, she pretended to smile and proceeded to walk away as if nothing had happened in the first place.

“Oh look she left already” Chanyeol turned again to face Kyungsoo only to see Kyungsoo dash off, “-and you left too” Chanyeol adding, telling himself.

 

 

Chanyeol put down the plate in his hand and scampered off to look for Kyungsoo in the large house which Chanyeol had trouble navigating in.

Knowing that Kyungsoo was uncomfortable with most of the guests there and not wanting to trouble Seungsoo or Zara, Chanyeol abandoned his idea of asking the people around if they had seen Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol called Kyungsoo a few times, only to reach the voicemail because Kyungsoo had not been picking up his calls.

On the third time, Chanyeol tried calling, he did manage to find Kyungsoo when he heard the familiar ringtone coming from the washroom as he happened to pass by it.

 

 

 

From there on, Chanyeol had been tirelessly trying to convince the obviously sobbing Kyungsoo to come out of the washroom.

“Kyungsoo, we can go home now but I can’t leave without you.” Chanyeol knocked his fist on the door once but with lesser energy this time. Chanyeol was beginning to get tired and worry was plastered on his face.

Kyungsoo was heard sobbing from outside but no reply came from him.

“Kyungsoo, please. You are uncomfortable here so let’s go. You don’t have to put yourself through this anymore. We can go but I’m not going without you.” Chanyeol pleaded, his voice evident of how tired he was getting.

“Leave me alone!” Kyungsoo yelled from behind the door, not really listening to what Chanyeol had said.

“Fine. Then I’m going to break this door down.” Chanyeol threatened, but with good intentions.

“No, you won’t!” Kyungsoo retorted.

“Yes, I will. I don’t care what your mother or father or even if your grandfather came back from the dead, I’m getting you out of there.” Chanyeol was dead set on his words.

Chanyeol tried looking around for something heavy and wouldn’t break easily like a fire extinguisher which he would try to break down the door with.

Chanyeol found no fire extinguisher, however, in such a large house and he wondered if Kyungsoo ever complained about that fact since Kyungsoo was one to complain about Chanyeol’s basement apartment supposedly being a fire hazard.

 

Chanyeol found a few vases but those break easily. He did find a heavy, elephant-shaped paperweight made out of something he thought to be crystal. Chanyeol picked the paper-weight up and then realized he shouldn’t really be breaking down washroom doors in other people’s houses even though Kyungsoo basically challenged him to it.

The logical solution would be to talk to Seungsoo or even his fiancée, Zara, about it and see what they could do about it since talking to Kyungsoo’s parents about well Kyungsoo probably didn’t sound too good.

Chanyeol approached the door again and announced, “Kyungsoo, this is the last time I am going to ask you to come out. If you don’t come out, I will tell your brother about this and get him. If you still don’t come out, I’m actually calling someone down from the station to deal with this.”

 

Chanyeol clicked his tongue and folded his arms against his chest, contemplating his next action and actually thankful that no one else had found out about Kyungsoo locking himself in the washroom.

That would be one hell of a deal to explain in such a place where Kyungsoo’s biggest “enemies” were at too.

 

 

Then, Chanyeol was startled and slightly jumped backward from where he was standing when he heard Kyungsoo shrieking and screaming from the washroom, added with thud sounds and of things falling over in the washroom.

“Kyungsoo, are you alright in there?” Chanyeol knocked his fist hard against the door, twisting the handle, hoping in the low chance that it was unlocked although it hadn’t been.

“There’s a fucking cockroach in the washroom!” Kyungsoo screamed, his voice wailing and ear-piercing even from behind the door.

“Why is there a cockroach in the washroom in a house like this?” Chanyeol yelled in return, almost jumping up and down.

“I don’t fucking know, Chanyeol!” Kyungsoo was heard screaming back. “I’m going to kill it.”

“Forget about that. Just come out.” Chanyeol was frustrated and stressed out, from not being able to get to Kyungsoo for a while now, especially when all he wanted to do was hold Kyungsoo in his arms and say that everything will be alright.

 

Kyungsoo, in the washroom, was busy trying to swat the cockroach with his shoe and in the attempt to chase it around and kill it; Kyungsoo had knocked over the trash can, decoration-purpose potted plant and the painting hanging in the washroom.

To Kyungsoo’s horror, the cockroach turned out to be one from a species that could fly. Kyungsoo dropped his shoe in horror when he witnessed the cockroach gliding down from the marble vanity top and approaching him.

“Chanyeol, this thing can fly!” Kyungsoo cried out before making a dash for the door and quickly unlocking it to run outside and slam the door shut back in place.

 

Kyungsoo leaped into Chanyeol’s arms, who caught him just in time to stop him from running straight into the wall behind with a leather shoe in his right hand.

“That thing was huge,” Kyungsoo exclaimed, trying to balance on one foot as he slipped his shoe back on.

“At least that made you come out from being holed up in the washroom.” Chanyeol shook his head, exhaling through his nose.

“I don’t want anyone to see me crying and with red eyes later.” Kyungsoo defended himself.

“I won’t judge you for that”, Chanyeol stated.

“You won’t but ‘they’ will”, Kyungsoo retorted.

“Well, that’s what I’m here for aren’t I?” Chanyeol confidently voiced out.

 

Kyungsoo sighed, adjusting his tie, “I’m sorry. I just needed some time alone.”

“That’s fine. Do you at least feel better now?” Chanyeol questioned, placing a hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder and squeezing the said shoulder.

“Somewhat” Kyungsoo replied, scratching behind his ear. “The party is still going on isn’t it?”

“Yeah, everyone started drinking last time I checked,” Chanyeol informed.

“That sounds good for you. Go ahead and have fun. It’s free booze and the good stuff too unlike the cheap liquor you usually drink and destroy your liver with.” Kyungsoo remarked.

 

Chanyeol opened his mouth with the intention to tell Kyungsoo that the latter wasn’t really “clean” either but Chanyeol chose to withhold his silence, closing his mouth back again.

Although it was tempting to make a snarky remark in return, Chanyeol knew better than to provoke Kyungsoo and start an argument with each other. Neither of them was free of fault either.

“What is it? You were going to say something.” Kyungsoo noticed.

“No, it’s nothing.” Chanyeol brushed it off. “Do you want to go home now? We’ll go find your brother to tell him we’re leaving so we don’t seem too rude.”

Kyungsoo pulled out a few pieces of tissue paper from the pocket of his trousers and brought it up to his eyes, dabbing the tissue on it.

“Are my eyes still red? Is it still obvious that I’ve been crying?” Kyungsoo asked, turning to Chanyeol.

“It’s pretty obvious.” Chanyeol was afraid to say.

“We’ll wait a bit more before we go. I don’t want to face other people like this.” Kyungsoo then suggested, “I know a place we can wait at. Come with me.”

 

 

Holding Chanyeol by the hand, Kyungsoo led Chanyeol to the second floor of the house up a winding and magnificent white marble staircase, bringing the both of them away from the crowd and where the party was being held.

“Where are we going? Should we be doing this?” Chanyeol asked, lowly and trying to stay as quiet as possible.

Chanyeol was beginning to feel wary and slightly nervous when Kyungsoo brought him down a hallway with doors that obviously led to private rooms. Chanyeol felt quite intrusive and slightly unwelcomed here.

“It’s totally fine” Kyungsoo reassured, glancing back at Chanyeol.

“Kyungsoo, please don’t steal anything. I’d really hate if I had to arrest you.” Chanyeol expressed.

“I’m not doing that, so don’t worry.” Kyungsoo asserted.

 

The pair soon arrived at a door which led to another room that was closed shut. Kyungsoo twisted the handle to the door and sure enough, it opened and allowed them to enter the room.

“Ha! I knew it wouldn’t be locked for sure. Looks like nothing has changed much since then” Kyungsoo lightly chuckled, entering the room without hesitation after he opened the door.

Chanyeol hesitated to enter the room first but Kyungsoo managed to pull him in by the hand, and Chanyeol did not resist either.

“This really feels illegal and wrong” Chanyeol expressed, taking a look around the room which turned out to be someone’s bedroom.

“Nope” Kyungsoo quickly closed the door back again.

 

 

It was a bedroom mostly decorated in white and off-white colors with floral themes. There was a working space in the room with a sewing machine and rolls of fabric arranged neatly on the shelves. The room was comparably larger than any other one which Chanyeol had seen and connected to a washroom and shower, which Chanyeol ceased to be impressed with anymore.

He was now just trying to understand what kind of upbringing Kyungsoo had, since Kyungsoo hadn’t talked much about it, being uncomfortable with the subject.

To Chanyeol, it felt like he was looking right into a person’s darkest secrets and it made him feel a bit squeamish about it even if the said person was his boyfriend, and Chanyeol kept no secrets from Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo plopped down onto the mattress, sitting at the edge of the bed and patting the empty space beside him, urging Chanyeol to come sit down with him on the bed.

Chanyeol slightly hesitated but complied anyway and sat down near Kyungsoo on the edge of the bouncy mattress.

 

“What if someone finds us here?” Chanyeol warily asked.

“Nobody is going to find us here for a while. They’re all busy talking about and planning for the wedding. I bet some of them are even trying to make it about them by taking advantage of the event to promote their businesses” Kyungsoo answered without haste.

“Do you know whose room is this?” Chanyeol inquired with utmost curiosity, turning at his waist to look at the wall behind the headboard of the bad only to find a painting of some flowers.

“My mom’s” Kyungsoo deadpanned. “You see the sewing machine and stuff there? That’s where she designs her bed sheets before she sends it over to the factory for mass production.”

“Your mom’s!?” Chanyeol exclaimed, “-so this is where your dad sleeps too?”

“No. They have a shared room and another room on their own. They spend a few nights together and the other nights separately or at least that’s how it was twelve years ago before I left.” Kyungsoo clarified, looking down towards his shoes.

“That is rather…how do I put it-awkward?” Chanyeol expressed.

“You obviously didn’t pay attention in World History class, did you?” Kyungsoo huffed. “It was in our high school syllabus about industrial-era England where the nobility and wealthier people saw having lots of rooms in a house as a display of wealth so husband and wives often slept separately and only came together to have sex. During the Georgian era, there was even a tax on how many windows you have so obviously more room, more windows to show that you were rich. It was the common folk who had to sleep together because they had lesser rooms and beds were considered a luxury then which was even passed down as inheritances in wills.”

Chanyeol gaped for a moment before responding, “That’s a lot of information to remember but your parents aren’t English nobility? We’re Korean and it’ the 21st century. ”

“You have a point there actually” Kyungsoo nodded, agreeing with Chanyeol.

“So, did you grow up thinking that couples sleep separately?” Chanyeol giggled. “Did it shake your world when you found out otherwise?”

“Not as much as dying” Kyungsoo jeered.

“Yup, I don’t think you can beat that” Chanyeol agreed, and then lying on his back on the mattress with his feet dangling off the edge of the bed. “So, about what you said earlier. Those old rich English couples only come together in the same room to have sex?”

“I guess or when they get lonely I think?” Kyungsoo shrugged his shoulders.

“So you’re thinking what I’m thinking?” Chanyeol poked Kyungsoo in the ribs, causing Kyungsoo to flinch away.

“Ow-no Chanyeol” Kyungsoo reactively jerked himself away from Chanyeol, slapping Chanyeol’s hand away.

 

“Let’s sleep separately and then come together to have sex.” Chanyeol grinned, lying down on the bed on his back, messing up his once neatly combed hair.

“My apartment isn’t as big as this house. You’ll have to sleep in your sleeping bag in the living room in that case because you are too tall and too long for my couch.” Kyungsoo remarked.

“Mmm…long indeed” Chanyeol hummed.

“I meant your legs” Kyungsoo clarified.

“Well, you love these long legs” Chanyeol grinned, when Kyungsoo turned around to look at him. Chanyeol then lifted a leg and draped it over Kyungsoo’s thigh.

“We don’t have to wait till we get home. We can just do it here” Kyungsoo suggested, running his fingers over Chanyeol’s clothed leg draped over his.

“-have sex, you mean? We don’t have any condoms or lube here.” Chanyeol placed an arm under his head to elevate it.

“You don’t need really need those for blowjobs” Kyungsoo clarified.

“Okay, I’ll suck you off then.” Chanyeol was easily compliant and lifted himself to sit up on the bed.

“No!” Kyungsoo held Chanyeol by the shoulder, “I’ll do it.”

“Okay? What about choking on my dick? I thought you were still uncomfortable with that?” Chanyeol tried to reminder Kyungsoo.

“I don’t really care about that because I trust you to be careful this time. Besides, I really want to do this.” Kyungsoo informed, getting on his knees between Chanyeol’s legs to unbuckle Chanyeol’s belt and undo the trousers.

 

“I’m fine with it but why so sudden though?” Chanyeol questioned, lifting his hips to help Kyungsoo pull down his pants.

“I always wanted to blow a dude in my mother’s bedroom. She hates me for me being gay and I want to be gay as hell in her room with a guy’s dick down my throat.” Kyungsoo honestly answered.

“Ok sure” Chanyeol went along with Kyungsoo’s decision, not wanting to turn down Kyungsoo in the latter’s spiteful attempt even if he did feel a bit weird about it.

 

Chanyeol nipped his lower lip and closed his eyes, anticipating Kyungsoo’s next move.

Chanyeol’s pants which were a matching set in a black color with his suit was now pushed down around his ankles, while his boxers were somewhere a bit above the said pants.

Kyungsoo held Chanyeol’s flaccid dick in his right hand and gritted his teeth, trying to remember the last time he ever gave someone a blowjob when he was actually sober and not high.

Kyungsoo looked up towards Chanyeol and was glad that at least Chanyeol had his eyes closed, which made him feel a bit more relaxed and less pressured.

Kyungsoo spat on his left hand and brought it to Chanyeol’s dick to run his fist up and down along the length of the member. Halfway through, Kyungsoo realized he should have used his dominant right hand instead because his untrained left hand was getting tired fast.

 

Kyungsoo continued giving Chanyeol’s dick a few slow strokes and tugs before he decided it was hard enough for him to begin sucking on it.

Chanyeol was pretty quiet throughout the sloppy and unconfident handjob that Kyungsoo was giving, although Kyungsoo did hear a few suppressed and muffled whimpers from the man above him. Chanyeol’s breathing was obviously getting heavier however and Kyungsoo noticed that.

Silently and innately, Kyungsoo already admitted his defeat and that Chanyeol was way better at these things.

 

Kyungsoo had been collecting saliva in his mouth and when he was ready, Kyungsoo skipped the entire tonguing part to press his lips against the head of Chanyeol’s erection before parting his lips apart to sink the length down his wet mouth.

Kyungsoo was breathing through his mouth as he slowly sunk his lips down inch by inch on Chanyeol’s length, constantly reminding himself to keep his teeth out of the way.

Kyungsoo took down Chanyeol’s erection in his mouth and stopped just before he could trigger his gag reflex, worried about a possible mess happening if he pushed down further.

Kyungsoo wrapped his right hand around the remaining length near the base which his mouth was unable to cover.

 

Kyungsoo felt Chanyeol’s hand gently resting on the back of his head and it felt like a slight boost for him especially when he heard Chanyeol gasping and letting a low guttural sound that was undoubtedly music to Kyungsoo’s ears.

Kyungsoo counted to three in his head, then closed his eyes and proceeded to suck and bob his head up and down on Chanyeol’s erection.

 

Chanyeol hissed and cursed under his breath at the sensation, hooking and grasping his fingers on Kyungsoo’s hair.

Chanyeol opened his eyes and looked down to Kyungsoo blowing him and the sight of his dick in Kyungsoo’s mouth sent his hips jerking upward. Chanyeol managed to still himself, however, not wanting to thrust into Kyungsoo’s mouth.

Chanyeol wanted Kyungsoo to be in control here. He enjoyed the feeling of that too.

It was hard for Chanyeol to not want to thrust upward into the wet heat of Kyungsoo’s mouth which felt so good on his dick, especially when Kyungsoo was using his other hand to fondle and stroke Chanyeol’s balls.

Chanyeol could barely hold his voice down either. His moans were involuntary and he threw his head back at the pleasure, where he could even feel his Adam’s apple moving against his larynx as he moaned.

Chanyeol entirely forgot where he was and his fear of being caught was deeply buried in the back of his head, totally irrelevant now.

 

Chanyeol moaned, now firmly gripping the back of Kyungsoo’s head with his hand but not pushing down, “Kyungsoo, I’m close.”

As if on cue, Kyungsoo took the words to speed up and he was beginning to feel his neck ache already. Kyungsoo also moved his hand harder around Chanyeol’s erection to match his mouth.

Kyungsoo still had his eyes closed and was just going off Chanyeol’s moans and the hand firm on the back of his head- to tell that he was doing it right.

“Kyungsoo” Chanyeol breathed out Kyungsoo’s name, voice coming out deep and almost in a growl when he came right into Kyungsoo’s mouth.

 

“Oh god, Kyungsoo. I’m so sorry” Chanyeol swore, looking down to see if Kyungsoo was alright when he finally realized that he came, dick still twitching in Kyungsoo’s mouth.

Kyungsoo slowly lifted his mouth off of Chanyeol’s dick, closing his mouth back right after to stop the cum from spilling from his mouth and making a mess.

Kyungsoo pressed a hand over his mouth and quickly got up on his feet, immediately dashing over to the washroom attached to the room. His knees did feel a bit sore from the kneeling.

 

Kyungsoo turned the faucet on to run the water before spitting out the cum and his saliva into the sink’s basin, flushing down it with the running water.

Chanyeol was standing near the door to the washroom as he fixed his belt back around the loops on his trousers, “Are you alright there?”

“I’m good. I think we can go now.” Kyungsoo replied, wiping his mouth with paper towels.

Chanyeol snickered, “You look pleased with yourself. I’m actually surprised no one caught us.”

“That was the fun part” Kyungsoo grinned.

 

 

 

In the car on the way back home, Kyungsoo had a good time laughing about the events from earlier that day.

Even if just for a short moment, Kyungsoo felt like he had forgotten the dread and the turbulence of uncertainty in his heart.

Kyungsoo was reminded of it again, however, right in the middle of a sentence as he speaking and he felt that sinking feeling deep down inside himself.

Things and life did feel bleak and hopeless but when he glanced over at Chanyeol driving beside him, Kyungsoo felt a small glimmer of hope and confidence that he could probably get through it, if not for himself then at least for Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo forced a smile and continued saying things were alright when Chanyeol asked why he suddenly became quiet.

 

Chanyeol had a stomachache later that evening from eating too much food at the party.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

“Kyungsoo, I’m home!” Chanyeol gleefully announced at the front door once he had stepped into the entryway and was balancing on one foot as he tried to take off his shoes while standing.

Kyungsoo was lying on the couch reading through some materials when Chanyeol entered the apartment which they now shared.

Kyungsoo only looked up from the magazine in his hand for a split second before going back to reading, muttering, “Welcome back.”

Chanyeol threw his coat away onto a chair and promptly ran to the couch to sit on the empty space beside Kyungsoo, plopping himself down on the couch and shifting it under his weight.

“Guess what happened today at work?”, Chanyeol excitedly told Kyungsoo to guess.

“Uh…you got caught sleeping at work and you’re back to traffic duty on that boring intersection on that bridge I tried to jump from?”, Kyungsoo chuckled to himself, his eyes unmoving from the magazine in his hand.

“No”, Chanyeol corrected, “Do you remember that I’ve been trying to apply for a detective position in the police force?”

“Yeah, you abandoned that ambition really fast though,” Kyungsoo shrugged, “You do not exactly have a clean history even if it’s for petty things like bribing people to get out of speeding fines.”

“I know that but that’s not the point. My commanding officer actually is considering my application finally and if everything goes well, I will be going to detective and criminal investigation school for six months until I can get my detective certification.” Chanyeol happily revealed.

Kyungsoo was stunned and frozen, staring into Chanyeol’s eyes; partially in disbelief and partially in excitement at his boyfriend’s career advancement.

 

“That is…good,” Kyungsoo finally managed to answer, then nodding.

“I might even earn more than you in the future so I can support you,” Chanyeol boasted.

“Don’t count on that, Chanyeol. I have an advanced Law degree. I don’t mean to undermine a police’s duties but I’m sure a Law degree is harder. I will support you instead,” Kyungsoo wasn’t backing down either.

“Oh yeah? What happens when you can’t reach for something on a shelf and you need my help? That is an example of me supporting you,” Chanyeol tried to point out.

“I’m just a bit below average the country’s average height. I am pretty normal. You are just abnormally tall and I can always use a stool,” Kyungsoo sassed.

“A stool can’t suck your dick,” Chanyeol deadpanned.

 

Kyungsoo actually agreed, “You’re right about that one. Good luck with that detective thing. I’m happy for you and I hope you make it. Let me know if you need any help,” Kyungsoo smiled, returning to the magazine in his hand and flipping through the pages.

“What are you reading?” Chanyeol crouched low on the couch and tilted his head to see the title on the back of the magazine that Kyungsoo was currently reading.

“Oh, it’s the monthly catalog for the home improvement and hardware store,” Kyungsoo replied.

“What are you looking for specifically?”, Chanyeol looked over Kyungsoo’s shoulder easily to take a look at the magazine contents, “-a new hobby?”

“Nah,” Kyungsoo shook his head, “There’s a big sale for the coming Lunar New Year and I heard they were selling readymade coffins so I wanted to look.”

Chanyeol choked on air and held a fist over his chest as he tried to breathe, “W-what? Coffins!? You mean like those wooden boxes to put dead people inside? They sell coffins?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo nodded, turning his head to look at Chanyeol.

“Why would you need a coffin? Who’s dying?”, Chanyeol confusedly asked.

“I am,” Kyungsoo monotonously answered, “It’s been half a year since that ‘thing’ and I don’t really think that I have improved since then. I thought that I might as well be ready for when my bell tolls,” Kyungsoo solemnly added.

“Then what about me?” Chanyeol questioned, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Oh, I’ll get a coffin for you too but I don’t think the readymade ones are long enough for you. Besides, between the both of us, I think you’ll actually survive the year so don’t worry about it,” Kyungsoo replied.

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Chanyeol lifted a leg, propping it on the couch. “What happens to me when you go? You said you weren’t going to leave me.”

Kyungsoo sighed, putting down the magazine on his lap with the page open on the promotions for shelves and cabinets. “Don’t worry. I plan to give you power of attorney when I’m gone so you’ll be in charge of my estate. I don’t have much but you can have my car, apartment, and savings. I’m drafting the document and when I have it ready, I think I’ll get Jongdae or someone to act as the attorney and we’ll go sign it together.”

“No no,” Chanyeol grabbed Kyungsoo’s hands and held it in each of his as he worriedly looked into Kyungsoo’s blank eyes, “We’ll get through this, remember? No one is dying. It’s not in stone whether we die again or not so we can still do something about it.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t have that amount of hope and motivations like you do,” Kyungsoo apologized, looking away. “I don’t think I’ll actually make it.”

“You will,” Chanyeol patted Kyungsoo on the back reassuringly.

The pat came off more as a slap instead, sending Kyungsoo lurching forward unexpectedly and muttering “Ow” before removing Chanyeol’s hand from his back and rubbing it himself.

 

“I believe in you, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol grinned, giving two thumbs up.

“Uh…sure,” Kyungsoo appreciated the sentiment but he didn’t know what to do with it. “I still want to make sure that everything is taken care of if I die though. I think it’s a privilege to actually know when you’re going to go so I want to make use of that and settle things then.”

“That is good but only ‘if’ you die,” Chanyeol made sure to remember Kyungsoo to believe in the possibility that it wouldn’t happen at all, “You will make it.”

“It’s a 50/50 chance if you look at it so it’s good to be on the safe side,” Kyungsoo stated.

“Wait, did you just mention Jongdae? I thought the two of you weren’t talking to each other since that office fight,” Chanyeol inquired.

“We’re good,” Kyungsoo folded his arms over his chest and clicked his tongue at the less than pleasant memory, “Baekhyun helped clear things with our boss who was giving us a suspension because it turns out that the boss is Baekhyun’s uncle. Then, he made Jongdae and I apologize to each other. They have their own problems to deal with after all which is not so much different from ours.”

Chanyeol chuckled, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth, “You two sound like a bunch of preschoolers.”

“The profession makes you crazy,” Kyungsoo insisted. “So, you are free tomorrow, aren’t you?”

“Yeah”

“Well then, we’re going to the store tomorrow so I can look at the coffins,” Kyungsoo expressed his plans.

“Fine. We’ll go and see those coffins. I have no idea why they sell coffins in the first place. I do hope they take refunds because you won’t need it when the time comes,” Chanyeol gave in and agreed.

“It’s because funerals are expensive and a rip-off. Evil corporations are trying to take advantage of people’s grief so departmental stores are making it affordable again. Also, I want to make sure everything goes well and that I don’t end up in a cheaply discounted vase like your grandparents.” Kyungsoo clarified.

“That vase was all my parents could afford at that time,” Chanyeol informed, leaning an arm on the back of the couch. “I’m pretty sure my dad got it at the clearance bin at the back of some store that was about to go out of business.”

“I can see why you’re so cheap,” Kyungsoo shook his head but he was smiling to himself. It was a considerably hilarious thought in a more humorous light.

 

 

 

It wasn’t often that the weekends coincided with Chanyeol’s off days due to his irregular schedule as a policeman who worked shifts around the clock, contrary to Kyungsoo who worked the basic Monday to Friday.

Taking advantage of the fact that Chanyeol’s off day landed on a Sunday, Chanyeol could not refuse to follow Kyungsoo to the store that day in what was to be “coffin shopping”.

Chanyeol definitely would have preferred spending their day off together doing whatever a closeted gay couple posing as friends could do in such a setting. Certainly anything other than shopping for coffins but Chanyeol couldn’t let Kyungsoo down that day.

Chanyeol was way too soft for Kyungsoo.

 

“Are you really sure that they are selling coffins here? I don’t think anyone is shopping for coffins this time of the year.,” Chanyeol questioned, the moment the pair stepped through the automatic sliding doors of the large department store.

There was a sizeable crowd of people shopping at the store and numerous posters and banners promoting the Lunar New year’s sales were prominently hung and displayed within the store.

“Yes, it’s supposed to be in the hardware department. People can die anytime, Chanyeol. I’m sure it’s there,” Kyungsoo answered.

Chanyeol tugged on the sleeve of the sweater of Kyungsoo’s sweater, “I’m holding on to you in case you get lost in the crowd.”

“I won’t get lost,” Kyungsoo threw his head back at Chanyeol to glare at his boyfriend.

“I’m buying a helium balloon then before we go shopping,” Chanyeol declared.

“What is it for?”

“I’m going to tie it to you so I don’t get lost,” Chanyeol revealed.

“I’m not a child, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo stressed.

“I know you’re not,” Chanyeol smiled, “-because if you were, I’d put you in the shopping cart with the basket where children can sit in, then I’d be pushing you around the place.”

 

Just as Chanyeol made the statement, a mother with a child sitting in the shopping cart passed by in front of them.

“See, like that,” Chanyeol pointed.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and shook off Chanyeol’s hand tugging on his sleeve, “That’s what phones are for, Chanyeol. I’m going to look at the coffins. You go look at whatever it is you said you wanted to look for. I’ll call you when I’m done. Bye.”

“Don’t get into trouble,” Chanyeol advised, light-heartedly.

 

 

Kyungsoo waved off to Chanyeol and walked away with his hands in the pocket of his jeans, where he headed to look for the hardware department where the coffins were supposedly at.

Due to the sheer size and the multiple floors of the departmental store, Kyungsoo had to follow the signboards and direction guides to the hardware department especially because he was unfamiliar with the store’s layout.

Kyungsoo followed the signs and asked a few employees he saw on the way until he came to a quieter section of the store which displayed types of equipment such as power drills and hammers on the shelves.

 

There were fewer people in this section and Kyungsoo actually preferred that over the crowd.

Kyungsoo was actually getting anxious to be around so many people and the longer he stayed in the crowd, the more he felt like everyone’s eyes were on him and that he was doing something wrong even while standing still.

 

It was better here and Kyungsoo was beginning to feel relieved. He didn’t expect or think that anything unwanted would be happening to him after this.

Kyungsoo continued strolling down the aisles with construction tools; trying to not look suspicious even if he wasn’t up to anything because he was sure he was being watched dozens of security cameras and probably a store detective.

 

“Where could the coffins be? Those things are supposed to be huge. I couldn’t have missed it,” Kyungsoo mumbled to himself under his breath as he walked down another aisle, looking up every shelf from top to bottom.

The more Kyungsoo looked the less hopeful he was becoming that the coffins he was looking for were still being sold.

Kyungsoo was even coming across the thought of possibly suing the store for false advertising if he went home later on and didn’t find a disclaimer in the catalog he had back at home.

Then again, Kyungsoo wasn’t convinced that he could settle a theorized lawsuit against the departmental store within six months; before he thought he would die, and he quickly abandoned that thought too.

 

At the end of the aisle he was walking through, Kyungsoo noticed the back of someone very familiar to him.

Kyungsoo knew and recognized this person even from their back but at that moment his brain completely stalled and he was struggling to remember where he recognized this well-dressed man with neatly combed black hair.

“Do Kyungsoo!? It’s nice to see you here. I haven’t heard from you lately since you decided to cancel all your upcoming appointments with me.”

“Oh shit, Dr. Kim,” Kyungsoo finally remembered Junmyeon, his former therapist, but it was too late for that now because Kyungsoo felt cornered and he couldn’t just run away from this now.

Junmyeon had a hammer in his hand as he was inspecting the other hammers hung on the rack for display. Junmyeon greeted Kyungsoo warmly, “How are you doing lately? I assume you’re doing well.”

“I’m fine,” Kyungsoo wasn’t sure if he was lying or telling the truth because he didn’t know the answer to that himself.

“That is good. I am glad to hear that from you. You know, you never emailed me back the review form I sent out to you. As my former patient, I would like to know what you think of my services and how I fared and the actual reason you stopped coming to therapy. It helps me do better in my job.” Junmyeon clearly stated.

 “Uh…I think I completely forgot about that,” Kyungsoo was sure he was telling the truth about that now.

“Well, don’t forget about it now,” Junmyeon patted Kyungsoo on the shoulder with a firm grip.

Kyungsoo slightly winced, not expecting that shoulder pat to be that firm. Kyungsoo was now convinced that it wasn’t the people around him who were strong, he was just probably weak.

 

“Yeah, I’ll try to remember,” Kyungsoo pretended to laugh it off albeit awkwardly.

“So, you’re shopping for the New Year too?”, Junmyeon tried making small talk.

“I’m looking for coffins,” Kyungsoo bluntly answered.

“Coffins? Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Junmyeon quickly apologized, instantly assuming that someone close to Kyungsoo had passed away before wondering if the departmental store actually even sold coffins. It seemed odd and it was odd indeed.

“Don’t be. Nobody died. It’s for me,” Kyungsoo chuckled and it wasn’t even in dry humor.

“That sounds concerning. I’m sorry to intrude but are you really alright?”, Junmyeon knew he had to inquire further.

“I’m fine,” Kyungsoo assured, “Besides, we’re friends, aren’t we? You’re not my therapist anymore so you don’t have to worry. Dead people don’t need therapy,” Kyungsoo tried to brush it off.

“That actually makes me worry more about you, as a friend,” Junmyeon added, a bit more firmly.

“I said I’m alright!” Kyungsoo raised his voice but he wasn’t visibly angry yet. His remaining sense of self-restraint was diminishing, however.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t want Junmyeon or anyone, in particular, to be around with him right now. Kyungsoo just wanted to be alone and maybe scream his frustration.

Kyungsoo hated to be asked about this whole “imminent death” thing that he had got going due to some poor decisions and the fuel of alcohol and cocaine. It did sound stupid but Kyungsoo was done shaming himself about that.

It was already worse enough that the thought of possibly dying seemed unstoppable and metaphorically, Kyungsoo felt like Damocles with a sword hanging above his head by a single thread.

 

“How often have you had suicidal thoughts within the last few weeks?” Junmyeon placed the hammer back on the display rack, firmly addressing Kyungsoo in his therapist persona now.

“You know what? I’m done here!,” Kyungsoo ignored Junmyeon and stormed off in the opposite direction.

Junmyeon followed Kyungsoo; however, easily catching up with the lawyer’s pace. “You have had a history of suicidal ideation and thoughts. This is very concerning and I have to address this! I have your-“

 

Kyungsoo felt like he was in luck, at least, when he spotted Chanyeol pushing a shopping cart just a few rows from where he was at.

Chanyeol too spotted Kyungsoo and quickly made his way, pushing the shopping cart together with him.

“Chanyeol, get this man off me,” Kyungsoo pointed to Junmyeon just a few feet behind him.

“Is he bothering you?” Chanyeol asked.

“Hi there. I’m Kim Junmyeon, Mr. Do Kyungsoo’s former therapist,” Junmyeon introduced himself and presented a business card from his wallet, politely handing it to Chanyeol.

“Oh, you’re the therapist he talked about!,” Chanyeol noted, accepting the business card.

“Yes, I am. I see you are familiar with me,” Junmyeon added.

“I am Kyungsoo’s roommate actually. We’re good friends,” Chanyeol informed, repeating the same words he told people when asked about his relationship with Kyungsoo.

Of course, they were more than just friends but coming out as gay and being in a relationship wasn’t actually the best of decisions for them at the moment.

 

 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes; feeling annoyed now at Chanyeol too before storming off away from the both of them, sulking and wishing Chanyeol would chase after him.

Kyungsoo did realize that he was being a bit immature and maybe even dismissive and non-admitting of his problems but he had yet to have a taste of his own medicine.

Kyungsoo glanced over his shoulder and saw that Junmyeon and Chanyeol were still talking about goodness knows what, since he was out of earshot to hear what the conversed topic was about.

 

Junmyeon seemed to be explaining something quite intently to Chanyeol and even made several gestures with his hand while he was talking.

Chanyeol, on the other hand, was nodding along to Junmyeon’s words and seemed to be taking what was being said to him rather seriously too.

Rather than piquing Kyungsoo’s curiosity at what was actually being talked about, Kyungsoo just wanted Chanyeol to be done talking with Junmyeon already.

 

 

Kyungsoo walked over to a fast food outlet within the department store and helped himself to a sandwich, several pieces of fried chicken and a large cup of soft drink.

Kyungsoo wasn’t used to eating fast food or food he deemed “cheap and unhealthy” but since knowing that he could die within a specific timeframe, Kyungsoo just wanted to live life without restraints even if that meant eating unhealthily.

Kyungsoo tried his best to shut out the noise coming from the crowd in the restaurant who were talking among themselves.

It made him notice that he was the only person eating alone there and he hoped that no one else noticed, although it was just his anxiety speaking and no one actually noticed him being the loner in the crowd.

 

Not that there was anything wrong with eating alone either, Kyungsoo just felt odd in a place where everyone else had someone else with them. 

It made him feel isolated and detached from the current world; like he was just lost adrift in the sea of people without anywhere to go or anything to cling onto.

For a moment, Kyungsoo felt utterly alone as he sat in front of his plate of half-eaten sandwiches and fried chicken.

Even the thought of Chanyeol, his reliable companion, completely slipped through his mind.

 

Kyungsoo had his arms wrapped around his waist. He was warm here but all of a sudden, he just felt cold and utterly dreadful of both life and death. The feeling was suffocating.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to say something to no one in particular and his voice wouldn’t come out.

Kyungsoo wondered if it was too late to chase after Junmyeon and reschedule all those canceled therapy appointments. Kyungsoo was sure as hell he needed it now.

 

“Hey, are you okay?”

Kyungsoo was brought back to reality when he heard the familiar and soothing baritone voice address him, the said person poking him on the back with a finger.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Kyungsoo forced a grin, not wanting to worry Chanyeol too much.

“Alright then. I have been looking for you since you haven’t answered your calls. I’m glad I found you here,” Chanyeol mentioned, taking the seat opposite from Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo fished into the back pocket of his jeans for his phone and found out that it had run out of battery, that being the reason why his phone didn’t ring when Chanyeol had tried calling.

“Oh, I asked some of the employees about the coffins you were looking for and they told me that they’re actually helping sell it for the funeral house. They don’t have it on display but if you want to, it’s made to order,” Chanyeol informed.

“Maybe next time,” Kyungsoo groaned, resting his chin on his hand and sliding his plate of half-eaten food over to Chanyeol, “You can have it. I’m full.”

 

Chanyeol gladly accepted the food and began chewing away on the skin of the fried chicken. Chanyeol too took a sip from Kyungsoo’s soft drink cup without having to ask.

Food sharing and taking a bite of each other’s plates was a common occurrence and nothing strange for the both of them.

Chanyeol always thought it was okay to do that and Kyungsoo just didn’t care anymore.

 

Kyungsoo sighed, watching Chanyeol eat, “We still need to get the regular groceries before the store closes for the holidays.”

“Sure, but I want to stop by at the party supplies section first before we start.”

“Why?”, Kyungsoo grunted, “Is the police department having a party or something?”

“You’ll see,” Chanyeol snickered.

 

 

It turned out that Chanyeol was dead serious about it because Kyungsoo ended up with a helium balloon tied to his left wrist while they were shopping for groceries and basic supplies.

Kyungsoo glared daggers at Chanyeol at first, refusing to have it tied to him but Kyungsoo gave in when Chanyeol pleaded and gave him that look which Kyungsoo put akin to a cute whining dog.

“You won’t get lost now,” Chanyeol gleefully stated once Kyungsoo had given in to his request, making sure the balloon properly floated above Kyungsoo’s hand without getting tangled up.

“I’m not a child, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo hissed.

“Younger brother, then?”, Chanyeol proposed.

“Where is all of this coming from?”, Kyungsoo winced but it was not like he wasn’t already used to Chanyeol’s antics.

“Well, you still can’t seem to decide where to call me oppa or Daddy in bed,” Chanyeol chuckled.

Kyungsoo didn’t scold Chanyeol for that but had to take a look around to see if anyone overheard Chanyeol saying something as risqué as that, which thankfully wasn’t the case.

For now, in the eyes of society; they were just two good friends who might seem a bit closer to each other than most but for their own security, this was the best option.

 

 

While looking at the shelves together for packed foods such as oatmeal’s and cereals, the same woman with short hair and a pink blouse pushing her child in the shopping cart passed by them again.

The child, a boy of about four or five years old stared at Kyungsoo while the mother was busy picking cereals from the shelves.

“Chanyeol, the kid is staring at me funny,” Kyungsoo whispered under his breath, tugging on Chanyeol’s sleeve while the taller man was comparing prices.

“You just probably look like someone he knows,” Chanyeol casually brushed it off, reassuring Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol wished he was right because he wasn’t when the child started crying and bawling his eyes out, screaming for his mother and sobbing out, “It’s the clown from that scary movie with the red balloon who eats children!”

“What the fuck?”, Kyungsoo cursed under his breath, “Who lets their child watched a rated 19 movie?”

Chanyeol was stunned in surprise at the child’s reaction, with a jar of preserved plums in his hand. Chanyeol wasn’t the best around children

 

The mother quickly apologized to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, bowing repeatedly before picking up her son from the shopping cart and leaving the cart behind as she ran off to pacify her still loudly crying son.

“Hey, I don’t look like ‘It’ do I?”, Kyungsoo had to ask.

“Of course not. You’re way prettier than that clown,” Chanyeol humored, “I didn’t see that coming when I got the balloon for you. I swear the balloon was just so I could spot you in a crowd if you got lost since your phone is dead.”

 

Kyungsoo began taking out the abandoned shopping items from the shopping cart left by the mother with the crying son. Kyungsoo stacked and squeezed the items onto the nearest shelves, even if it wasn’t where it supposed to belong on.

“Hey, Chanyeol, can you push me around in the cart for little bit since there is no one here?”, Kyungsoo requested.

Chanyeol laughed, “So you do want me to push you around in it like I’m your daddy.”

“Sure, whatever, just do it,” Kyungsoo grunted as he climbed into the cart and thanked himself for being on the smaller side because he actually fit well in it, although he had to fold his legs and pressed it to his chest.

 

Chanyeol gladly obliged and pushed Kyungsoo around in the cart all while the both of them were laughing until a store employee began to give them judgmental glances.

Then, Kyungsoo had to climb out of the cart and the both of them apologized before carrying on their shopping but still laughing about it.

For a moment there; Kyungsoo felt happy, warm and elated even if it was for a brief period. It gave him a slight motivation and reason to be alive.

Kyungsoo actually began to believe that he might be able to do it, even if he wasn’t so sure about himself.

 

 

 

Stuck on another graveyard shift where almost nothing happened at the boring police precinct that Chanyeol was assigned to, Chanyeol found himself tasked behind the front desk again in the station.

It was two in the morning, however; and other than the occasional drunk who was brought in every few days for loitering or causing a fight somewhere, Chanyeol was sure that his shift would just end without anything noteworthy happening in between.

Sehun, sitting beside him behind the front desk was busy typing away and finishing reports on the computer while Chanyeol yawned with a mug of coffee in his hand.

 

“-hyung, why don’t you go out and take a walk? Maybe that will wake you up.” Sehun suggested.

“It’s still February. Too cold. I think I’ll stay here,” Chanyeol rubbed his eyes, and then stretched his hands above his head.

“Minseok-sunbaenim is on the shift too. You don’t want him to catch you falling asleep again when something urgent happens,” Sehun warned.

Chanyeol chuckled lightly, “It’s the third shift, Sehun. What’s the worst that could happen when we’re in charge of an upper-middle-class area? If we were in some other district with rampant street gangs then we might be up to something right now.”

“Don’t take it too lightly.  I heard about some Chinese biker gang, one district down from here who have been involved in a few cases.” Sehun informed.

Chanyeol dryly chuckled, still holding the mug up in his hand, “I hope it doesn’t involve beating up police officers.”

“That would be serious,” Sehun replied with a worried look on his face, obviously not knowing that Chanyeol was speaking from experience.

 

 

A few minutes later, Chanyeol was handed a letter by Minseok who had come forward to the front desk to pass it to him.

“This is about your detective application. Good luck,” Minseok announced, then promptly leaving the front desk again.

Sehun peered over as Chanyeol opened the letter. “What do you think it is about?”

“Maybe another rejection. I’m not too hopeful,” Chanyeol laughed.

Chanyeol finally pulled out and unfolded the letter from the envelope while Sehun was too reading it from over Chanyeol’s shoulder.

It did seem like Sehun caught onto the contents faster than Chanyeol did. “Congratulations, hyung! You did it,” Sehun applauded.

“I did?”

“Yes, you did,” Sehun reiterated.

Chanyeol smiled to himself and thanked Sehun but all he wanted to do now was tell Kyungsoo about the good news.

 

When break-time came around less than an hour later, Chanyeol headed to his locker in the locker room and retrieved his phone.

Just when Chanyeol was holding up the letter behind his phone to take a picture of it so he could text it to Kyungsoo, Chanyeol’s phone started ringing and his attorney boyfriend’s name appeared on the caller ID.

Chanyeol quickly answered the call, wondering what Kyungsoo would still be awake at this time for, “Hello? Kyungsoo, what’s up?”

“Shit,” Kyungsoo replied, then pausing for a moment where Chanyeol could hear sounds of stumbling and things being moved around.

“Kyungsoo, are you alright? What is going on?” Chanyeol asked, growing more concerned.

“Uh…,” Kyungsoo gaped, “Fuck, Chanyeol. I think I’m d-dying,” Kyungsoo noticeably slurred his last sentence.

“What is happening!?” Chanyeol boomed, “Are you still at home? Are you safe?”

“Yeah, I’m home,” Kyungsoo nodded off, feeling a bit hazy and disoriented. “My dealer gave me a free sample of heroin a while ago and I hid it somewhere and I found it again so I decided to have a go at it but I think it was a bad one. I never had heroin before…”

“Stay where you are. I’m going home right now and don’t you dare hang up on me either!,” Chanyeol threw the letter into his locker and slammed it shut before running out of the locker room.

 

Chanyeol headed to the emergency supply kit and scrimmaged through it for the Narcan, the opioid reversal drug that was recently distributed to the police to help in opioid overdose cases, especially if the police arrived before the emergency services could.

Chanyeol quickly grabbed the keys to the patrol car and went out through the back door all while still on the phone with Kyungsoo.

“Kyungsoo! Stay with me!” Chanyeol yelled, putting his phone on speaker and throwing it into the seat beside him before turning on the patrol car’s engine and reversing out the parking lots.

“Yeah, I’m still here,” Kyungsoo groaned. “Please don’t call the ambulance, Chanyeol. They’ll…they’ll report drug overdoses and I-I don’t want the police to find out. No police too, please. Don’t…don’t call them on me.”

“Kyungsoo, I am the police!”

“Right,” Kyungsoo laughed hysterically, feeling both panicked and humored at the same time as a side effect of the drug.

 

Chanyeol knew that it was probably a violation since he wasn’t on an official emergency dispatch out but he turned on the sirens anyway to avoid the traffic and drove past the speed limits to get to the apartment block.

Chanyeol stuffed his phone into his pocket and pulled out the Narcan kit and took the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator since the unit was only a few floors up.

 

Chanyeol quickly stormed into the unit after keying in the passcode for the security lock.

“Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol called out before finding Kyungsoo on the floor in the kitchen, slumped against the fridge.

Kyungsoo was drifting in and out of consciousness. When Chanyeol arrived, Kyungsoo stirred awake albeit obviously very weak.

“No. No police,” Kyungsoo weakly cried out, unable to recognize Chanyeol and only being able to recognize the police uniform that Chanyeol was wearing.

“Goddamn it, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol swore; proceeding to check Kyungsoo’s pulse, breathing, and pupil’s dilation. Chanyeol thanked the heavens that all Kyungsoo’s vitals were not in critical condition, then asking, “When did you take the heroin and how much?”

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo slurred.

 

Chanyeol was shaky and nervous. He was trained to do this and he had done it previously on the field to some college girl who had overdosed on heroin too last year.

But that person now being Kyungsoo made things difficult for Chanyeol and he was on the verge of tears from the pressure.

With shaking hands, Chanyeol forced himself to draw the drug into the hyperbolic needle before injecting it into a vein on Kyungsoo’s arm.

 

“It’s only going to last half an hour. I have to call an ambulance now,” Chanyeol mentioned, still trembling.

“No, please don’t,” Kyungsoo sobbed, finally recognizing Chanyeol slowly, “They’ll tell the police and I’ll lose my job. Don’t.”

“But I have to! You’ll die if I don’t.” Chanyeol sternly stated.

“It’s just a little bit. I didn’t even take much. We’ll go to some back alley doctor. Don’t call the ambulance, please,” Kyungsoo sorrowfully pleaded.

“I can’t be soft on you any more about this, Kyungsoo. I’m sorry,” Chanyeol felt his eyes tear up, “I’m going to make you get professional help and an intervention for this. If you carry on like this, I fear that I will lose you even before the end of the year. You won't even get to see your brother get married next month!”

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

Kyungsoo stayed up, behind a computer screen as he sighed and pressed his face in between his palms and tired fingers.

For the past few hours or so, Kyungsoo had been typing up a letter which he was ordered to do. But Kyungsoo was almost a perfectionist. He knew perfect was not possible but he liked to settle to close to perfection.

So far, the letter he had come up with was a bit below than what he expected. Kyungsoo thought that he would be done with it by now but not yet he wasn’t.

The clock on the wall was already ticking past midnight. Kyungsoo didn’t have to worry about work for now but it was late and he just wanted to get the letter done over with now. He wouldn’t be relaxed until he got it done with.

 

Kyungsoo pushed himself back on the wheels of his chair, away from the computer table and looked over his shoulder to see Chanyeol asleep on the couch behind him.

Chanyeol slept soundly with a pillow to support his head and a book on his chest. Chanyeol had stayed up and read the book to accompany Kyungsoo but had fallen asleep instead.

Kyungsoo didn’t blame Chanyeol though. Chanyeol had a long day after work and he was tired. Despite that, he still chose to stay up with Kyungsoo until sleep triumphed over him.

Kyungsoo wouldn’t be lying if he sometimes believed that Chanyeol was too good for him; so good that he probably didn’t even deserve Chanyeol.

 

Furthermore, Chanyeol had done so much for Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo felt like bawling and crying at the amount of sacrifice that Chanyeol had given just for Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo didn’t feel like he deserved it at all.

Kyungsoo sobbed, muffling his cries with his mouth as he sat on the computer chair, not wanting to wake Chanyeol up and making his boyfriend worry anymore.

Kyungsoo didn’t know if he could ever make it up to Chanyeol but first things first, he had to finish that letter.

 

 

 

That one February night where Kyungsoo made the mistake of mixing his regular cocaine with heroin, Kyungsoo suffered from a drug overdose thanks to the mixing but Chanyeol had just come in time to assist him.

Despite Kyungsoo’s protests, Chanyeol flung Kyungsoo over his shoulder and pushed him into the back of the police car before driving him to the nearest emergency room.

Coming in with a drug overdose case, the hospital had to report it to the police as per the law of the country. It just so happens that Chanyeol was the police, him being the one who rushed Kyungsoo into the hospital in the first place.

 

When Kyungsoo came to the next day after his overdose stint, he found himself bound to the hospital bed and panicking, wildly thrashing around the hospital room and screaming.

A nurse had come in to check up on Kyungsoo and he just ended up screaming in her face, “I am not a fucking criminal!”

The nurse tried to calm Kyungsoo down but he wasn’t giving in, so the police had to be called in and so in came Chanyeol and Sehun in their blue uniforms which never felt so threatening to Kyungsoo in his life ever.

 

“Chanyeol, let me go, please,” Kyungsoo sobbed.

Chanyeol’s breath hitched in his throat and he had to take a deep breath to stop himself from crying at the sight of Kyungsoo on the hospital bed in front of him.

Sehun, on the other hand, looked stern and had his arms folded over his chest, “Are you alright, hyung?”

“I’m good,” Chanyeol lied, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“If you can’t handle this, I can call the station and let someone else take over this for us. I understand it must be hard since he’s your close friend.” Sehun offered.

“No, I can do it,” Chanyeol exclaimed, refusing to look at Kyungsoo was still begging him to be let go. “I have to be fair. I can’t be biased in the line of duty.”

 

Kyungsoo wailed and Chanyeol had to remind himself that it was probably just the lingering effects of the drugs that made him that way. This wasn’t really Kyungsoo; this wasn’t the Kyungsoo he knew that was speaking.

It was difficult to watch Kyungsoo like that. Chanyeol felt like his heart was being clawed at and Kyungsoo was the one who had his heart.

And Chanyeol would be damned if he let himself lose the Kyungsoo he fell in love with thanks to drugs.

 

 

“You’ll be in the hospital until the doctors decide you can be discharged. We are currently filing up your case to present to the prosecutor’s office,” Sehun explained to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo groaned, tossing his head to the side on the pillow, still lying on the hospital bed, “The local prosecutor’s office in this district?”

“Yes,” Sehun affirmed, flipping through a notebook.

“Fuck,” Kyungsoo swore, “I work there. The person handling my case will know it’s me for sure.”

Sehun only glanced up from his notebook for a split second before diverting his attention back to the notebook.

“The worst case scenario is that you might end up going to jail for illegal possession and usage of drugs. It’s just a few years though. Nothing too much. The best case scenario is that you get out of this with a slap on the wrist by doing community service and going to mandatory rehab.” Chanyeol explained, standing near Kyungsoo’s bed on the opposite side of Sehun.

“I know the implications,” Kyungsoo stressed. “I didn’t get an advanced law degree for nothing.”

“You know but you still broke it,” Chanyeol pointed out. “When you get out of the hospital, you will be put under house arrest until further notice.”

“I always got out fine from it so I didn’t bother. I never got caught and nothing bad happened so I was numb to the consequences,” Kyungsoo painfully admitted.

“I hope that served as a wakeup call for you, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol stated. “Admitting your problems is the first step to recovery.”

Kyungsoo clicked his tongue, obviously annoyed, “Whatever you say, Officer Park.”

 

 

Kyungsoo wanted to go off on Chanyeol and had even prepared a rant for his tall boyfriend but he chose to withhold his silence because they weren’t entirely alone with Sehun still around.

Kyungsoo did not want to possibly humiliate Chanyeol around Sehun either. Kyungsoo knew he could get mean and harsh with his words. He was a bit short with people and Kyungsoo knew it, which was why he wanted to work around that.

Chanyeol, on the other hand, was not the type to shout and raise his voice to argue back. Chanyeol would just stand with his head lowered and accepted whatever scolding that came to him.

Kyungsoo surely didn’t want to put Chanyeol in such a situation, besides, this could be resolved without having to even raise his voice and scold someone.

This was Kyungsoo’s fault that he was the mess he was in.

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll find a way. Everything will be alright,” Chanyeol assured with a reassuring and warm smile on his face.

“Will they?” Kyungsoo doubted himself, feeling himself sinking even lower on the hospital bed.

“Of course. As long as you keep fighting. You can’t win if you give up,” Chanyeol motivated.

“But I’m tired, Chanyeol. I’m tired of fighting. I just don’t have the strength to do it anymore,” Kyungsoo sighed.

 

Reading the heavy and tense atmosphere, Sehun excused himself from the hospital room under the pretense to get something to drink from the vending machines down the hallway.

It was obvious that Chanyeol and Kyungsoo knew that Sehun was just being polite and giving the two “friends” some privacy to talk it through. They both appreciated the consideration, nonetheless.

“That’s what I’m here for. I’m here to support you,” Chanyeol continued, standing by the edge of Kyungsoo’s bed and holding onto his boyfriend’s hands.

“I trouble you so much, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo’s voice hitched, stifling back his tears.

“It’s just an inconvenience at most but you are not a burden or trouble,” Chanyeol affirmed. “Please don’t say that about yourself. What’s done is done but for now, we can work on your recovery so you can get better. Then, we’ll work our way from there.”

“But I have never been through this before. I don’t know what to do,” Kyungsoo bemoaned.

“Me neither to be honest but we’ll just figure it out as we go along.” Chanyeol grinned, adding a light tone to the heavy mood.

Kyungsoo sighed heavily, “Well then, don’t burn the apartment while I’m gone. I’m still paying the mortgage for that and I hate having to file insurance claims.”

“I will. Then, you should take care of yourself and our daughter too.” Chanyeol bent over the bed, gently patting Kyungsoo on the stomach, covered beneath the blanket.

“What daughter? We don’t have a daughter!?” Kyungsoo was dumbfounded.

“Yeah, she isn’t here yet but she will be soon so you have to take care of yourself then,” Chanyeol actually leaned over to press a kiss on Kyungsoo’s covered stomach.

“I’m a cisgender male! I am not pregnant!,” Kyungsoo shot up, sitting up straight on the bed with eyes wide in horror, “There is no way I can even get pregnant. It is biologically impossible.”

Chanyeol cackled, “I know that. I was just messing with you. I wanted to see how you’d react.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, “You are weird, Chanyeol.”

“You like weird, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol proudly stated, hands on his waist around his gun belt.

“-and you like a depressed and suicidal drug addict who is all doom and gloom. I don’t even understand what you see in me,” Kyungsoo deadpanned in response.

“Don’t push it,” was the last words Chanyeol said before bidding goodbye and leaving Kyungsoo to return back to his duties.

 

 

 

The words rang over and ran in Kyungsoo’s head for the rest of the morning as he was trying to decipher what Chanyeol could possibly mean by that.

Chanyeol never said those words before and Kyungsoo didn’t know in what light had prompted Chanyeol to say such things.

 

Don’t push it? Don’t push what?

Kyungsoo wanted to know why it sounded so foreboding and threatening when it was said. Was it just him over-thinking things or was Chanyeol warning Kyungsoo; warning Kyungsoo that Chanyeol that he was just about done dealing with Kyungsoo that was.

Chanyeol’s voice and tone were also pretty neutral then so Kyungsoo couldn’t decipher or try to understand Chanyeol’s mentioned when that was being said.

 

Kyungsoo understood that Chanyeol was human too and like every human, Chanyeol had to have his own breaking limit.

Maybe, Chanyeol really was starting to get fed up and tired of Kyungsoo. Even after all the positivity and hope Chanyeol had reinforced, only the benevolent god who brought them back from the dead would know how Chanyeol actually felt deep inside about all this.

Kyungsoo decided that Chanyeol had lied and he was indeed a burden. Knowing Chanyeol, Kyungsoo decided by himself that Chanyeol just didn’t have the heart to say those words to him.

 

 

 

The plain hospital walls and lack of activity to do only made Kyungsoo’s stay worse. There was the nurse who came in every other hour to check up on him and a doctor who came twice a day in his room but other than that, Kyungsoo lacked a distraction about the fact that Chanyeol was hinting at breaking up with him.

Kyungsoo believed that he was nothing but a burden and Chanyeol might have just agreed with it too. Out of all the people Kyungsoo had in his life, Chanyeol was the last person he’d see walking out on him.

As much as Kyungsoo wanted to salvage this relationship and make himself get better as an individual, Kyungsoo didn’t blame Chanyeol either if he was to be walked out on.

After all, no one deserves to be troubled and Kyungsoo really believed he was trouble. But why did he feel so troubled about it?

 

 

Kyungsoo didn’t know if he should thank the heavens to a god he didn’t bother praying to or kick himself in the gut because two very familiar men of similar heights and black formal attire arrived to visit him in the hospital, and also to serve him the papers he was not looking forward to.

“So, you’re still alive,” Baekhyun laughed, throwing his head back. Baekhyun had not bothered to take off his black trench coat and stood there imposingly with his hands in the coat pockets, as he was laughing about Kyungsoo’s misery.

Jongdae glared at Baekhyun and then politely asked, “How are you feeling?”

 

Kyungsoo then recalled why he liked Jongdae better out of the two, even if it just a tad bit more. In fact, he could never understand why they even wanted to date each other.

“Fortunately, I am alive but unfortunately I have to look at your face,” Kyungsoo retorted to Baekhyun.

“Chill. We’re not here to make life worse for you,” Baekhyun corrected before quickly turning to Jongdae. “Dae, is there anything on my face?”

“Nah,” Jongdae shook his head as he placed down a fruit basket on the bedside table and then telling Kyungsoo, “This is a get-well gift from the both of us. I hope you feel better soon.”

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo murmured.

“You’re so tense. Don’t be so tense,” Baekhyun slammed down his gloved hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, pressing Kyungsoo’s shoulder down hard in a manner he thought was reassuring but was actually frightening.

“Easy for you to say,” Kyungsoo groaned.

“Yeah, of course,” Baekhyun pulled out papers from his inner coat pocket and handed it over to Kyungsoo, “We’re prosecuting you for that little drug stunt of yours. They moved up the prosecution from the district office you and Dae work at because they were afraid of corruption. So, it was referred to me instead and sorry but I’ll have to do it. I mean, better me than someone else, right?” Baekhyun nudged Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo’s heart sank and his limbs felt cold and jittery at the truth he knew was coming for him but didn’t want to deal with yet. With a heavy heart, Kyungsoo spoke, “I’m looking at a few years in prison, aren’t I?”

“I can represent you as your attorney in court during the proceedings.” Jongdae offered. “I might be able to get you a suspended jail sentence or if you’re lucky, court-mandated rehab. I’m just doing this for you as a favor as a friend.”

Baekhyun leaned against the metal grip bars on Kyungsoo’s hospital bed to whisper in his ear, “You know, you should really lay off the cocaine.”

“I am trying,” Kyungsoo hissed, “-and uh Jongdae, thanks for the offer but I can just represent myself in court.”

“That’s not wise. Take his offer, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun pointed to Jongdae who nodded.

“Yeah, remember what we learned? It’s the idiots who chose to go unrepresented in court that ends up with harsher punishments when they could have gotten less,” Jongdae stated. “I’m sure you don’t want to go to jail at all.”

“But it’s different. You can compare me to those ‘idiots’. I have an advanced law degree,” Kyungsoo argued.

“So do we!” Baekhyun and Jongdae announced loudly in unison.

 

“That’s why you should just chill and let us help you,” Baekhyun insisted.

“I appreciate the help but isn’t it weird for the both of you? Basically, Jongdae will be trying to win a case against you! I don’t want to strain your relationship either,” Kyungsoo mentioned, concerned.

“Yeah but no one knows we’re dating so it’s fine,” Baekhyun added.

“Doesn’t it get weird for you too that Chanyeol was the one who filed your case and brought it up to us for prosecuting?” Jongdae inquired.

“He’s going to dump my ass anyway. Whatever,” Kyungsoo regretfully expressed.

“Really?” Baekhyun arched an eyebrow, “You know, he told us to help you as best as we can without breaking the law too. You should be proud to have such a dutiful and honest cop as a boyfriend. He really wants us to help you and you should be thankful to have us as your connections too.”

Kyungsoo snorted.

“So, it’s a yes or no. Let me know as soon as possible so we can plan things for your court hearing,” Jongdae laid out the final say to Kyungsoo.

“I can’t believe I have to go to court but this time as the one being charged,” Kyungsoo flatly added.

“Consider it an eye-opening experience. Maybe you’ll learn something out of it,” Baekhyun advised, making gestures with his hand, “-since dying obviously taught you nothing.”

“Yeah…” Kyungsoo innately sighed. At least his friends were right about some things and he thanked himself for having pretty reliable friends who seemed more functional than he was.

 

Jongdae shivered at the thought when Baekhyun mentioned it again.

“That was chilling,” Jongdae commented. “Don’t remind me about dying again, Baek.”

“Remind you!?” Baekhyun raised his voice, balling up his fists, “The one time I let you top, you fucked my head so hard against the wall behind the bed and killed me because of the concussion! Do I need to remind you that now? Huh!?”

“It’s not like you’re the only one who suffered! I broke my fucking neck!,” Jongdae retorted.

“That’s on you for panicking and falling off the bed! I was a fucking corpse then,” Baekhyun began to sob, spilling tears.

“No please, don’t cry,” Jongdae moved over to the other side of the bed to hug Baekhyun.

 

Kyungsoo sighed and laid back down on the bed, pressing the pillow onto each side of his ear before Jongdae and Baekhyun began shouting at each other again. He took it back.

They probably weren’t as functional anyway but they were good friends and that was all that mattered.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo was discharged after ten days and his jaw dropped at the exorbitant medical bill he was presented to at the end of his stay. Not even the insurance plan he got could cover this fully and Kyungsoo thought he had a good insurance provider.

At least the court-ordered counseling sessions he had to go to after this was free.

Kyungsoo’s brother, Seungsoo, and his fiancée, Zara, were there to help Kyungsoo when he was being discharged because Chanyeol was still at work.

Seungsoo offered to pay the entire of Kyungsoo’s medical bill, having access to their parent’s wealth for such a payment.

Kyungsoo tried to protest but Seungsoo assured that their parents wouldn’t be finding out about this.

If their parents ever found out, they would probably just laugh at him and say that he deserved it for being gay. Whenever Kyungsoo felt like he missed his parents, he reminded himself of how they treated him and soon the feeling of nostalgia faded fast too.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo was suspended from work indefinitely, yet again, because of his ongoing case.

It was hell for him to sit at home all day doing nothing but worry about his impending fate. He didn’t just worry about his job and whether he was going to jail but he also worried about his relationship with Chanyeol.

That was too many things in his head and too much weight on his shoulders. Kyungsoo was so tired on the inside and was just mostly getting by thanks to anxiety. The restlessness and feeling of being unsettled was all the energy that kept him doing things.

 

Kyungsoo was under house arrest and only allowed to leave for his daily counseling at the state’s drug rehabilitation center. He was also allowed to leave once or twice a week to visit Junmyeon, resuming the therapy sessions he had.

There was also the occasional hospital visit to check up on his health after the overdose but other than that, Kyungsoo was stuck confined to his apartment.

 

Chanyeol was assigned as the officer on duty to monitor Kyungsoo. He had been assigned this role because Minseok found out Chanyeol was living with Kyungsoo and thought it would be easier this way.

Kyungsoo thought he might have struck gold by having Chanyeol watch over him but he was about to be proven wrong.

 

Chanyeol watched over him almost the entire day, only leaving to the police station to follow up with his reports for a few hours every day and to get supplies for Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo would have loved to get to spend so much time with Chanyeol.

However, Chanyeol was dead serious and he wasn’t lying about being strict with Kyungsoo regarding the latter’s behavior and his problems.

 

 

 

“Chanyeol, please, I just want to run down to the store near here,” Kyungsoo begged, pleading Chanyeol.

“I can’t let you do that. You’ll trigger the ankle monitor. Just sit down. You have an appointment with Junmyeon tomorrow so you can go out then.” Chanyeol looked up from his file and papers for a moment to look at Kyungsoo from the table he was seated at in the apartment.

“This is torture! You have to let me go out!” Kyungsoo insisted, pulling on the sleeve of Chanyeol’s shirt.

Chanyeol grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand firmly and pried the hand from his sleeve, “Tomorrow, Kyungsoo. There are rules you should follow.”

“Come on, Chanyeol. It’s not like it won’t be the first time you’ve broken the law. Please,” Kyungsoo pleaded, “You can’t let me stay holed up in here. It’s making me more depressed.”

Chanyeol looked up at the standing Kyungsoo from his chair, “Why don’t you look at travel and nature documentaries on television. I heard it’s a good way to satisfy your wanderlust for someone who can’t afford to travel like you.”

“Travel!? I’m just trying to get out of my front door and you’re not letting me,” Kyungsoo scolded.

“It’s for your own good. Rules are rules,” Chanyeol stressed, eyes fixed on the files and papers on the table but his head wandering off elsewhere in worry over Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo sighed, “Since when did you even follow rules? You used to stop people in expensive cars and claim that they were speeding and make them pay you the fine or bribe them to not write it down. Do you remember that was how we met in the first place?”

Chanyeol blinked away in thought, remembering, “I do remember that. That was wrong of me but the fact is, I haven’t been doing that for over half a year now. I’m putting effort into changing myself so you should too so we can be on the same page.”

Kyungsoo scoffed, “We really aren’t on the same page anymore, aren’t we? You obviously love your job more than me!”

Chanyeol abruptly stood up, pushing the chair back when he did so, “I never said that. Can’t you see that I’m doing this for our own good? I already failed by not being able to make you stop your drug habits and at one point, I was even encouraging it. I know this is difficult but if I don’t put you through this, you would never change!”

 

Kyungsoo stood still, gritting his teeth and fighting the urge to not retaliate. He was already losing anyway and there was no use fighting about this. Chanyeol was very right and Kyungsoo was in the wrong here.

“You must think I’m pathetic, don’t you? I bet you must have thought that it would be easier for you if we never got together. Admit it, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo spat.

Chanyeol did not answer Kyungsoo’s claim, standing still in the dead silence that followed.

“See, you can’t even answer me. Even if you didn’t know what to say, you could have denied it.” Kyungsoo dreaded.

 

Kyungsoo walked off, leaving the kitchen and returning to his room where he spent the rest of the day lying down on his bed and watching television.

Chanyeol did not come after Kyungsoo either.

Although his eyes were watching whatever was being aired on the television, Kyungsoo’s mind was far off and away. He was thinking about many things, mostly his problems and how he would deal with the possibility of being single again and if he could handle the emptiness.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo was sure that Chanyeol would move out and end things after all of this was done. Chanyeol probably didn’t want it to be too awkward to do it now when they had to see each other every day, Kyungsoo assumed.

Kyungsoo’s court hearing was next week and his house arrest was only for another week after the hearing so Kyungsoo braced himself to be dumped in two weeks time.

 

Chanyeol was the one who drove Kyungsoo around to his appointments and counseling sessions, which is the only clearance he got to leave the house while under house arrest.

At the times they were stuck at home with nothing to do, Chanyeol mostly worked from home and was almost always busy.

They barely talked about anything that wasn’t about Kyungsoo’s impending court hearing or about the therapy he had to go to.

Sex and physical intimacy were out of the question.

Chanyeol still slept in the same bed but Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel how large the gap that was the empty space between them.

 

 

Kyungsoo felt too self-conscious about himself after coming to the conclusion that Chanyeol was secretly planning to break up with him.

When Kyungsoo had to talk to Chanyeol, he found himself pausing mid-sentence and wondering if his voice was annoying; thinking that Chanyeol was probably sick of hearing his annoying voice.

Kyungsoo grew more conservative in the way he dressed around the house, usually liking to be half-naked in his own home. Kyungsoo had scars and stretch marks on his stomach, and he began to worry that Chanyeol fell out of love because of how imperfect he was.

 

Kyungsoo felt so familiar with this feeling and it wasn’t long before he realized that this was how he felt around his parents before he was disowned by them.

Kyungsoo tried so hard to be accepted and loved by them; up to the point that he was hiding who he was and pretending to be someone else he wasn’t just to please them.

Kyungsoo never felt gladder compared to the day he was disowned because it meant he could finally live as the gay man he wanted to be, even if closeted. It was still way better than his parent’s mansion which was so big but felt empty to him.

Kyungsoo just never thought that he’d feel that way again, especially with Chanyeol this time.

 

 

Kyungsoo’s court hearing came soon enough.

Jongdae represented him in court as the attorney and fought to get Kyungsoo the lightest punishment he could walk away from and still keep his job with.

Kyungsoo pleaded guilty to the purchase and usage of illegal substances as he had agreed and went over with Jongdae about.

The following week after the initial hearing, the second hearing was held and the verdict revealed that Kyungsoo had to formally apologize to the court in front of a representative, serve the remaining of his mandated counseling hours as well as probation for a year and constant monitoring by the police.

 

Kyungsoo did admit that his connections came in handy this time around, with the prosecutor and attorney being his own best friends.

Not that Kyungsoo was surprised anyway. Lawyers were shady people after all.

 

 

 

Two days after the sentence was imposed on him, Kyungsoo was typing out the letter he had to submit within the next few days to the court’s representative.

It was an apology letter and Kyungsoo had to read it out as per the court’s orders in front of the representative and witnessed by at least two other people. Kyungsoo would rather not do it but that was the country’s law, after all, stemming from a society that had for centuries long promoted humility and shame to one’s wrongdoings.

Nonetheless, it was still better than serving jail time.

 

Kyungsoo’s house arrest was to end at exactly midnight and he could finally get rid of the ankle bracelet then, although Chanyeol would probably wait until the next morning to do it since he was already asleep on the couch behind Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo finished typing up his letter and printed several copies of it, rereading the letter now printed on the paper and decided that he was satisfied with it.

 

Kyungsoo got up from his chair and padded off to his room and inserted the letter into a folder for safekeeping. Even from a simple act, Kyungsoo felt somewhat accomplished in tackling his problems. There was a long road still ahead of him but he’d just tackle it as it goes along.

 

 

Now that he was done with that, Kyungsoo was about to end his day when he heard sounds of footsteps and Chanyeol scuffling around behind him.

“You’re still awake,” Chanyeol commented, stifling back a yawn and rubbing his eye, standing in the room behind Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol walked past Kyungsoo to return the book he was reading on the bookshelf in their room.

“Yeah, I just finished with the letter. I’m all set now,” Kyungsoo announced, feeling quite hopeful and excited about finally getting it done with.

“It’s past midnight now. Do you want to go out to celebrate the end of your house arrest? I can’t take the ankle monitor off until tomorrow but even if you leave now, they can’t apprehend you for that,” Chanyeol noted, looking down at the monitor around Kyungsoo’s right ankle.

 

“Where do you want to go at this time of the night? Drinking?”, Kyungsoo snickered.

“Nah, I won’t drink around you. I don’t want to trigger you into an alcoholic. A lot of former drug addicts turn to alcohol because it’s legal but it messes you up the same,” Chanyeol was speaking from experience. “I thought that we could get some food down at the street stalls by the river. They’re open at these times. My treat.”

“Sure, let’s walk there, shall we?” Kyungsoo suggested.

“Okay,” Chanyeol agreed, “Let me get my coat.”

 

 

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol walked down the slightly deserted and empty streets and sidewalk at this time of the night. It was early spring and the weather was temperate during the day but at night, it was often freezing like this particular night.

Kyungsoo pulled his coat in closer to his person for more warmth and he looked at Chanyeol walking beside him with his coat unbuttoned and hanging open. Chanyeol was only wearing a shirt inside and Kyungsoo was trying to figure out how Chanyeol didn’t feel the cold like he did.

 

The walk down to the riverbank did not take more than fifteen minutes. The waterfront had been built as a leisure and attraction place for the people who lived in such a concrete jungle. The riverbank was lined with benches, trees, and picnic spots.

At this time of the night especially on a weekday; it was quiet and apart from Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, there was the lone stranger walking down alone or the occasional couple holding hands on their late-night date.

 

One food stall on the sidewalk remained open and Chanyeol walked off to buy some food while Kyungsoo waited, sitting on a bench facing the river and the glimmering skyline on the other side of the river.

While Chanyeol was buying two pieces of traditional sweet pancakes with brown sugar fillings, Kyungsoo sat in the cold and silence as he contemplated how it would be for him.

Kyungsoo was sure that Chanyeol would leave him later that morning once the ankle monitor was taken off and Chanyeol no longer had to act as the monitoring and probation officer.

 

 

For once in those few weeks, Kyungsoo wished that he could stay under house arrest for a long time because it meant that Chanyeol would stay with him longer.

Although Chanyeol never said it outright, Kyungsoo was going by his wild guess that Chanyeol really fell out of love with him and wanted to leave.

After all, Chanyeol was going to detective school soon so he could finally train to be a police detective like he always wanted to. Kyungsoo didn’t want to be the hinder to Chanyeol’s ambition and hold him back.          

 

Then, Kyungsoo thought that it would be easier for him to break up with Chanyeol than for it to be the other way around.

When Chanyeol returned with the hot pancakes wrapped in oil paper, Kyungsoo smiled and thanked Chanyeol.

Chanyeol immediately started eating and biting into the food but Kyungsoo only sat, watching Chanyeol with the sweet pancake in his hand wrapped in the paper.

 

“Chanyeol, I think I have something I want to tell you,” Kyungsoo spoke up.

“What is it?” Chanyeol asked, mouth full of food, turning his head sideways to look at Kyungsoo with messy hair from falling asleep earlier on.

“I know this is difficult but I guess I have to do it sooner or later,” Kyungsoo was unable to continue.

Chanyeol wiped off the crumbs at the corner of his lip with the sleeve of his coat as he swallowed and further asked, “What’s wrong, Kyungsoo?”

“I’m breaking up with you,” Kyungsoo finally dared himself to say.

Chanyeol scrunched his nose, “No. You are not breaking up with me. I am not allowing you to do that. Not now and not later on too.”

“Huh!? But you were the one who wanted to break up with me. I’m just making it easier for you.” Kyungsoo expressed.

“Since when did I ever want to break up with you? You must be imagining it. I want to be with you forever and I already told you that before. I only have one life and I want to spend it with you,” Chanyeol declared, resting a hand on Kyungsoo’s cheek and looking back into his lover’s eyes.

“-but that day, you didn’t answer me! You didn’t even deny it when I said that I am just a trouble to you.” Kyungsoo reminded.

“Oh that,” Chanyeol nodded, pulling his hand away from Kyungsoo, “I didn’t say anything because there’s something I wanted to tell you too but I didn’t know how to go about it. You were pretty crabby then and I thought if I said it, you would just get mad at me and I didn’t want that.”

“What was it?” Kyungsoo blinked; eager to know what it was.

“You know that I’m supposed to start detective school next month, right? Well, I was thinking of turning it down and becoming your full-time sober companion for the next few months instead. Your brother wants to pay me for it and I can take unpaid leave,” Chanyeol revealed, biting into the pancake.

“Please don’t, Chanyeol. Please go to detective school. I don’t want to stand between you and your dreams,” Kyungsoo refused.

“I thought so. I knew you wouldn’t agree with it but I was open to the idea because I really want to help you,” Chanyeol added.

“If I see you succeed and be happy at what you do, that is enough for me. I will look into other options for my recovery and I do appreciate your offer but do what is best for you too,” Kyungsoo calmly mentioned.

“I am already happy here with you. This is enough for me,” Chanyeol smiled, albeit tiredly.

 

“Uh…” Kyungsoo trailed off, “Did you just indirectly proposed to me earlier on? You know, that thing you said about wanting to spend the rest of your life with me.”

 “What!?” Chanyeol looked surprised, “I did?”, then quickly correcting himself, “I mean I do want to spend the rest of my life with you but-“

Kyungsoo cut Chanyeol off with his laughter, rubbing Chanyeol’s back reassuringly, “I do too. We’ll just save for it when we get out of this alive, alright?”

“Alright,” Chanyeol returned with a wide grin.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

 

In the mid of May during the height of allergy and hay fever season; Kyungsoo’s brother, Seungsoo, married his long-time fiancée in an outdoor ranch wedding in the outskirts of the city, Gangneung, which in turn was a three hours drive from Seoul.

Anyone else would have been excited and eager to attend their beloved sibling’s wedding and getting to be the best man at the wedding to boot.

Kyungsoo, on the other hand, had mixed feelings regarding the whole event. While he was over the moon that his brother was getting to marry the love of his life, Kyungsoo wasn’t too eager about the fact that he would have to tolerate his parents over the span of about two days, while the wedding lasted.

Kyungsoo still loved his parents dearly but he didn’t want anything to do with them for being homophobic, as much as they wanted nothing to do with him for simply being born gay.

 

 

On the Friday evening, before Kyungsoo was set out to drive to Gangneung with Chanyeol, who was also invited along to the wedding, Kyungsoo was pacing up and down his apartment. Kyungsoo was even making circles in his room and then exiting the room to repeat the same action in the living room, going on and on until Chanyeol stopped in his path.

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol inquired, stretching his arms out from his sides, stopping Kyungsoo from proceeding any further.

“What’s wrong!?” Kyungsoo raised his voice, “What do you think is wrong, of course?”

“Hmm…I don’t know?” Chanyeol replied, looking down at Kyungsoo whose head barely reached the bridge of his nose even at peak height.

“My parents, Chanyeol! My sorry ass excuse of a mother and father!” Kyungsoo almost yelled, flailing his arms.

“Oh!” Chanyeol nodded in understanding, “-what about them though?”

Kyungsoo sighed and slapped his forehead, “We have to be at a ranch in the middle of nowhere with my parents until the wedding on Saturday. That’s the problem! I’m scared they’ll fucking stone me to death like it’s the 14th century because I happen to like dicks.”

“It’s the 21st century. It’s not going to happen and I’ll be there for you, remember?” Chanyeol reassured Kyungsoo, cupping Kyungsoo’s cheeks and tilting his head gently upwards to face each other. “We’re doing this for your brother. He is nice and accepting of you. You love you and you want to be there on his big day, am I right?”

Kyungsoo nodded, staring upwards and back into Chanyeol’s eyes.

“You’re doing this for your brother, okay? If it gets scary or you feel like running, just remember that. Besides, I’ll be there with you. I won’t leave you and I’ll keep you safe,” Chanyeol smiled softly and assuringly.

“Alright,” Kyungsoo murmured before asking, “By the way, did you get the suits from the dry cleaner on the way back from class like I reminded you to?”

“Nope, I forgot,” Chanyeol quickly admitted with a big wide smile.

“If your dick was detachable, I bet you’d forget it too,” Kyungsoo retorted, smiling too but in a menacing way.

Chanyeol didn’t have to be told twice before he dashed towards the cabinet to grab his car keys and run out of the apartment to the dry cleaners to get their suits, which they planned to use for Seungsoo’s wedding.

In Chanyeol’s defense, he had only started detective school and training about two weeks ago and was still getting used to attending classes and his new schedule. In the meantime, while he was getting adjusted, Chanyeol had been forgetting things- a lot.

Classes were the hardest part for Chanyeol, personally. He had been out of school for almost twelve years now, the last time he had actually done studying being the time he was in the police academy. It was not easy to just slide back into the student lifestyle and Kyungsoo had actually laughed at Chanyeol for a while, before feeling bad for Chanyeol exactly seven seconds later.

 

 

 

Chanyeol drove Kyungsoo’s car all the way to Gangneung from Seoul on the journey that would take them over three hours, crossing the highway that ran in between mountainous valleys and expansive farmlands.

Kyungsoo groaned and twitched in his seat whenever they passed by a signboard that showed how far they were from Gangneung, the distance growing closer with every sign they passed.

Kyungsoo had begun the car trip with him seating in the front passenger seat beside Chanyeol but ended up climbing to the rear seat not even halfway through. Kyungsoo complained about legroom and wanting to be comfortable, but Kyungsoo knew himself and that he was just making pointless distractions and things to be fixated about to avoid his fear.

 

“I think I’ll actually die this weekend instead of on Chuseok,” Kyungsoo bemoaned.

Chanyeol chuckled while driving, “If you die, that means I will die too.”

“You’re starting to sound like me now,” Kyungsoo commented, kicking the back of the driver’s seat, “Leave the doom and gloom to me. You’re supposed to be the positive and uplifting one in this relationship.”

“Tell that to the counselor you have to see twice a week for the next six months on top of your weekly therapist visits. If they find out you’ve been having suicidal idealizations again, I’m sure they’d like to admit you for another week for evaluation.” Chanyeol laughed from the driver’s seat.

“You’re getting smart aren’t you?” Kyungsoo sarcastically mentioned, leaning towards the front of the car with an arm behind the headrest of the driver’s seat, “-and there’s a very big and fat difference between suicide ideations and actually going to die because I fucked up in some deity’s eyes or something like that.”

“I learned from the best after all-a lawyer,” Chanyeol grinned, raising his eyebrows and looking back at Kyungsoo from the rearview mirror.

“Whatever,” Kyungsoo huffed, plopping himself down back on the seat and wishing the cushions would just swallow him whole so he wouldn’t have to deal with the rest of the weekend.

Apart from Seungsoo getting married, there was nothing good else that was going to happen that weekend, Kyungsoo truly believed.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol arrived in the lodge house outside of Gangneung at night on Friday, where they would be staying until Sunday morning at least.

Due to Kyungsoo’s parents being in town for the wedding too and the fact that Kyungsoo would rather be dead choking on Chanyeol’s dick than be with them, special arrangements had to be made so they could all attend the wedding and not be within each other’s vicinity at the same time.

Thus, Kyungsoo’s parents decided to stay in a hotel a bit nearer to the city center while Kyungsoo and Chanyeol stayed closer to the wedding venue in a lodging house.

Kyungsoo honestly thought it was too dramatic and too much of a hassle but then again, it probably wasn’t the worst thing to happen to him yet.

 

 

The wedding was to be held on Saturday afternoon and a pre-wedding party was held for Kyungsoo’s brother with his brother’s friends and their side of the family. Seungsoo had made a dinner reservation for Kyungsoo’s parents at a nice seaside restaurant in Gangneung, to keep them away from Kyungsoo at the pre-wedding party and also not hurt their parent’s feelings too.

 

The party took place in the dining hall of the guest house, which had been fully booked for the wedding guests too, minus Kyungsoo’s parents.

While Kyungsoo had been mingling around with some of the guests and his brother’s friends for the first half of the party, Chanyeol began raiding the buffet table and snack plates, stuffing all the food he could fit into his mouth.  


“You look like a hamster,” Kyungsoo commented, approaching Chanyeol who was sitting on a wooden chair with a plate full of condiments in his lap.

Chanyeol was seated near the end of the buffet table, where he could easily refill his plate if he wanted to. Kyungsoo pulled a nearby chair so he could sit with Chanyeol, sitting backward with his front leaning against the back of the chair.

“I never said I wasn’t,” Chanyeol spoke with his mouth full, dropping some of the food back into the plate from his mouth, effectively.

Kyungsoo snickered lightly at Chanyeol’s comment. It wasn’t funny, Kyungsoo had to say but he appreciated that Chanyeol was trying to lighten up the mood, knowing how tense Kyungsoo would be feeling over the weekend and the aftermath of it in the weeks to come to.

“This is fun, Kyungsoo. If any of your relatives get married, please do invite me along,” Chanyeol added, reaching to the table in front of him for a slice of cake, “There’s so much food and it’s not even the actual wedding yet.”

“Well, at least you’re having fun,” Kyungsoo shrugged, watching Chanyeol gobble up the food.

Kyungsoo spotted the last piece of salmon roll on the serving plate and was about to point it out, so Chanyeol could pick it up and have it when he felt a sudden wave of uneasiness and awful feeling within him when his ears picked up the sound that he didn’t want to be associated with.

 

Kyungsoo froze and quickly backed out from the chair, standing straight and still, choosing to focus his sight on Chanyeol and nothing else.

“Kyungsoo, what’s wrong?” Chanyeol lifted his head up from his plate, swallowing the last bits of pie in his mouth.

“My parents are here,” Kyungsoo hushed, rooted to the floor where he stood.

Chanyeol stood up and placed the plate aside on the table. Chanyeol looked over Kyungsoo’s shoulders and sure enough, he saw Kyungsoo’s parents talking and laughing loudly to some of the guests at the end of the dining hall.

It did not seem like they noticed yet that Kyungsoo was there as he had his back turned towards them.

“But I thought they weren’t supposed to be here,” Chanyeol felt confused.

“I thought the same too,” Kyungsoo sighed, exasperatedly, “I think they finished their dinner already and decided to come here. We did arrive late, after all,” Kyungsoo laughed dryly, very obviously trying to hide his fear.

“Let’s go back to our room then,” Chanyeol urged, pulling Kyungsoo by the hand and standing in the line of view between Kyungsoo’s parents to obscure their view from Kyungsoo.

“-but what about your food?” Kyungsoo hesitated with Chanyeol leading him by the hand out from the dining hall.

“Forget the food. It can come later. I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. That’s not right by me,” Chanyeol announced, leading Kyungsoo away.

Kyungsoo did not protest and complied, going along with Chanyeol back to their room, even if he felt guilty for making Chanyeol skip the party just because of him, especially when Chanyeol said that he was having fun there.

 

 

Once they were back in their shared room and away from the party, Kyungsoo quickly moved to the bed and sat on the edge of the mattress with a hand pressed to his forehead. The weather was just nice and cool, and so was the temperature in their room, but Kyungsoo felt himself cold sweating which he suspected to be from his anxiety.

“Are you alright?” Chanyeol inquired, moving nearer to the edge of the bed and closer to Kyungsoo, placing a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“I’m okay, I’m just feeling a bit shaken. I didn’t expect my parents to be there so I was quite surprised and totally unprepared for that,” Kyungsoo admitted, lowering his hand from his head and placing it on his lap.

“I see,” Chanyeol noted, sitting himself down on the mattress beside Kyungsoo, dipping the mattress under their now combined weights. Chanyeol firmly grabbed onto Kyungsoo’s hand that was resting on his lap, holding the hand tight, “It’s alright,” Chanyeol continued to assure, “You’re here and grounded with me, okay?”

From just holding hands, Chanyeol could feel how sweaty yet cold Kyungsoo was, and how the small hand in his were trembling. Chanyeol was no genius but he had been researching and reading up on Kyungsoo’s mental health condition, and he had been around Kyungsoo long enough now to know that Kyungsoo was going through anxiety.

Kyungsoo nodded, holding Chanyeol’s hand equally tight as it was being held, “Please tell me something. Anything. I just want to hear your voice,” Kyungsoo requested, laying his head on Chanyeol’s wide shoulders.

“Sure,” Chanyeol was happy to oblige, “Did I ever tell you that I used to have a ferret when I was a child?”

“No, I don’t think I remember that one.”

“Okay, well-,” Chanyeol continued, “I really liked ferrets so much that I had one as a pet when I was about ten years old. I even joined a local society for ferret owners where we would meet up and share pictures. I loved that rodent a lot that I never got bored even when I watched it sleep or eat. I would use my pocket money to buy toys for the ferret instead of using it on myself. My family had a cat too and the ferret would follow the cat around, and the cat would run when it was being followed.”

Kyungsoo chuckled, “That’s funny. I thought it would be the other way around.”

“Apparently not,” Chanyeol smiled, relieved to see Kyungsoo slightly at ease too before continuing his story, “Well, one day the ferret went missing when I let it out to play in the garden and it never came back. I kept searching but I never found him back. It took me at least a year to get over it and I still think of the ferret occasionally now.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Kyungsoo sympathized, wrapping an arm behind Chanyeol around the waist to hold Chanyeol closer.

“It’s alright,” Chanyeol assured, following suit and putting an arm on Kyungsoo’s lower back, as the couple held each other in a close embrace, “I think that ferret taught me my first lesson in life regarding responsibility, caring for and loving someone else other than my family members.”

“I understand. I can imagine that it was an important part in the person you grew up to be,” Kyungsoo deducted.

“It was, and I have you now. You’re important to me,” Chanyeol pressed a kiss on the crown of Kyungsoo’s head, pressing his arm against Kyungsoo’s back to remind that the latter that he was there and to stay.

 

 

 

Seungsoo came around to their room later that night to apologize for Kyungsoo’s parents showing up out of plans. Kyungsoo brushed it off and said “no problem” like he would all the time. Kyungsoo didn’t want to feel like he was being a further inconvenience, which he felt he already was being.

In the middle of the night, Kyungsoo woke up from his sleep to find that the side of the bed where Chanyeol slept on- was empty.

Kyungsoo later found Chanyeol sitting on a stool on the room’s balcony, eating the leftover food from the buffet. Chanyeol had actually gone back down when the staff was cleaning up the dining hall to bring back whatever leftovers there were.

It was typical of Chanyeol to do so but Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel somewhat relieved, especially for feeling guilty earlier on when Chanyeol chose to leave the party to make Kyungsoo feel better and safer.

Still, it couldn’t convince Kyungsoo that things would get better over the weekend. Kyungsoo only felt like everything would get lower as it was.

 

 

 

The following day, on a rather warm and nice late May afternoon, Seungsoo married his fiancée in an outdoor wedding set up by the ranch near the wide grass fields surrounded by historically significant mountain ranges in the distance.

Kyungsoo, being the best man, stood by his brother near the altar for the entire ceremony and Chanyeol sat in some middle row on the bride’s side so he didn’t have to interact with Kyungsoo’s parents either.

Kyungsoo’s parents dressed in their finest sat up near the front on the groom’s side and occasionally moved from scowling at Kyungsoo near the altar to smiling at Seungsoo who was getting married. Kyungsoo chose to ignore them for the entire ceremony, choosing only to look and focus on his brother getting married.

It began to get windy towards the end of the ceremony, where rather gusty breezes were common due to the open pastures that surrounded the area. Although it was nothing bad and the weather was still expected to be fine, it was enough to be a minor nuisance when skirts and dresses and the decorations started flying about.

The ceremony quickly came to an end so the photography session could take place. It had been specified by Kyungsoo’s parents that they did not want to be photographed together with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol whom they already suspected to be Kyungsoo’s boyfriend and not the “friend” that Chanyeol was posing to be.

Kyungsoo honestly wasn’t surprised but it did hit him in the gut a little bit to be treated that way by the two people he thought loved him.

Kyungsoo quickly brushed the thought away like Chanyeol reminded him to. Kyungsoo was there for his brother and not their parents.

 

 

While the group went off to take the pictures beside some large tree and a manmade lake a bit further down the ranch, Kyungsoo waited on some of the empty chairs outside with Chanyeol.

The breeze still blew, although non-continuously and did stop at times for a few minutes before returning as soon as it dissipated away.

Kyungsoo sat down on one of the guest chairs that had been decorated with flowers and white ribbons with a small black bag, containing his camera, phone, keys, and wallet, on his lap.

Chanyeol sat beside Kyungsoo and had already unbuttoned the front of his suit by then, sitting with his long legs wide open and his hands in the pockets of his trousers.

From the distance, they could see the wedding party and hear their loud chatters as they were gathering and preparing to take photos near the large tree by the lake.

After Kyungsoo’s parents were done with their pictures taken with the bride and groom, they would leave and go inside so Kyungsoo could take a picture with his brother and now sister-in-law, just like the arrangement they had agreed upon to accommodate both Kyungsoo and his parents.

Until then, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol were waiting for them to be done.

 

“It wasn’t so bad, was it?” Chanyeol commented, balancing one foot on the heel of his shoe.

“Don’t remind me,” Kyungsoo replied, turning his face away in the other direction to sneeze.

“Want to do something while we wait for them?” Chanyeol suggested, moving up so he could straight on his seat.

“Like what?” Kyungsoo sniffled, now turning back to face Chanyeol.

“We can ride the horse. I heard the ranch offers horse rides if you stay here,” Chanyeol informed.

“No thanks, I’d rather not,” Kyungsoo turned down the offer, “I can sit and wait here. I have to go back to work on Monday and I’d rather not be sore all week from the horse riding.”

“How are you so sure that you’ll be sore from riding horses?” Chanyeol questioned.

“Oh, I’ve been riding enough to know,” Kyungsoo told Chanyeol, “My butt and legs are always sore after riding. I have had experience.”

“Hmm…” Chanyeol hummed, furrowing his eyebrows and staring questionably at Kyungsoo.

“What?” Kyungsoo shot back

“Hmm…” Chanyeol continued to hum, nodding his head.

“What is it!? You’re not thinking about riding, dicks are you? I was talking about horses. My parents used to keep horses as pets when I was growing up,” Kyungsoo sighed.

“I know, I was just messing with you to see what you’d say. I never implied anything about dicks either. You were the one who came up with it,” Chanyeol laughed, his hair blowing around from the breeze and occasionally his bangs would come right over his eyes.

Kyungsoo snorted and turned away but all that absurdness reminded him why of he was in love with Chanyeol. Chanyeol felt like home to Kyungsoo.

 

 

 

The wedding reception was held back at the lodging house in a hall that was specially designated for receptions like these.

Towards the end of the day, the sun had set beneath the horizon and left the sky with a light blue evening glow and a few twinkling stars in the sky.

The reception was done with dinner, obligatory toasts, cake-cutting and whatnot that took place at a wedding. The typical wedding music playlist was now playing over the speakers in the venue with a hired DJ for the day up front.

The bride and groom were mingling around, the guests had begun drinking and dancing and Kyungsoo had gone to the swimming pool just outside to sit on a white pool chair. Socializing was never one of Kyungsoo’s strengths, hence him leaving the reception to be alone, especially when his parents were in the picture.

 

 

Kyungsoo had undone his coat and draped it over the pool chair, and was now going through his camera to look at the pictures he had taken of that day.

Kyungsoo looked up ahead and from the glass window panes, he could somewhat see the people dancing and reception still going on inside the venue hall from across the pool. Kyungsoo could too hear the music playing from over there.

It was getting darker by the minute but the lighting that came from the windows from the hall, and the fairy lights around the pool that had been turned on was enough for Kyungsoo to feel secluded and safe.

 

Kyungsoo smiled to himself as he went through the pictures on his camera when he heard footsteps approaching him. Kyungsoo lifted his head and saw Chanyeol, his smile growing wider.

“Hello~,” Chanyeol sang, standing in front of Kyungsoo on the pool chair, “Fancy for a swim?”

“No, not at all,” Kyungsoo chuckled putting the camera back into his small bag.

“I was clearing the oyster plate when I realized you weren’t there anymore. I thought I’d find you here,” Chanyeol revealed.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I just wanted to get some air for a bit,” Kyungsoo mentioned as another light breeze blew past by.

“Do you want to go back in?” Chanyeol asked, “Everyone looks like they’re having fun, drinking, and dancing. We could join them.”

“I’m good,” Kyungsoo politely declined, “Besides, I don’t think everyone is going to be so welcoming to the idea of a gay couple openly displaying themselves in public like that. I’m sorry but I don’t want to ruin my brother’s wedding.”

 

Chanyeol looked over his shoulder to see the guests busy about their own business and noticed how he too could hear the music playing from out there.

Chanyeol turned to Kyungsoo and held out an arm, “We could just dance here though. No one knows we’re here.”

Kyungsoo chuckled, turning his head away shyly, “-but I don’t know how to dance.”

“Come on, I can teach you. We were taught this at the police academy for functions and mess dinners,” Chanyeol persuaded.

Kyungsoo sighed but with a smile before getting up to his feet, “Very well then, Officer Park, you will have to teach me then.”

“By next year, it’s going to be  _Detective_  Park,” Chanyeol winked, placing an arm on the small of Kyungsoo’s back while his other hand held Kyungsoo’s.

“Right,” Kyungsoo snickered, placing his hand on Chanyeol’s arms, moving along with Chanyeol as he was told to.

 

Kyungsoo ended up kicking Chanyeol in the shin quite often, stepping on Chanyeol’s shoe and almost tripping whilst in the process of learning how to dance. Kyungsoo did manage to catch on eventually and looking back into Chanyeol’s dark brown eyes under the glimmer of the fairy lights, Kyungsoo felt like he was falling in love all over again with Chanyeol.

And there was a small part within Kyungsoo that felt like he maybe didn’t deserve nice things like Chanyeol. Although the thought and doubt remained, Kyungsoo buried it because he wanted to enjoy himself and be happy despite everything.

Chanyeol was very much happy too even if society was not ready yet to accept the idea of two people of the same gender being in love with each other. Even if their love had to be hidden from everyone else, Chanyeol didn’t have to hide it from Kyungsoo.

 

“You know I love you, doom and gloom and walking with your dick hanging around and all,” Chanyeol had to mention after they had stopped dancing and were standing by the pool.

“I question your tastes sometimes, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo grinned, “-but I love you too and don’t make me push you into the pool.”

“Please don’t.”

 

 

 

 

Life resumed as it is for the both of them after the weekend, despite not knowing whether they were still going to make it through the end of the year- alive.

Their probable deaths were out of their control, they knew, but there were still things within their control that they could do to prevent it until then.

 

Kyungsoo had just finished his work suspension, which was brought upon when he overdosed on heroin and had to be admitted to the hospital. Although Kyungsoo would still have to visit counselors and therapists for the months to come, he was free to go back to work on the promise that he would not repeat the same offense. It was a rollercoaster ride while it happened but it did successfully work in scaring Kyungsoo off of drugs for the time to come.

Chanyeol, on the other hand, was given a half-year sabbatical leave from his regular post so he could attend detective school and obtain his certifications. When Chanyeol was to return back to work, he would be promoted to detective and finally move one step closer to realizing his dream of becoming a renowned police officer like his father once was.

 

 

But life didn’t go as smooth as intended at times.

On Kyungsoo’s first day back at work, he had parked his car in the usual same spot outside the district prosecutor’s office. Kyungsoo was relieved to be able to do so again, as it brought him back the comfort of routine and sense of normalcy that he obtained from his job.

Kyungsoo picked up his briefcase from the passenger’s seat and had slightly opened the door when he was startled by something being thrown and splattering over the window.

Thinking quick, Kyungsoo pulled himself back into the car and slammed the door shut, locking the controls in place.

“Wha-“ Kyungsoo stuttered, seeing the stains on his window and figuring out that he was probably being thrown at with eggs.

 

A middle-aged woman with curly hair and a brown vest came running towards Kyungsoo’s car with a plastic bag in her hands. Kyungsoo looked back bewilderedly from the safe confines of his car when the woman jumped onto the car and began pelting more eggs and vegetables from her plastic bag towards Kyungsoo’s car

“Do Kyungsoo-yah!” The woman screamed.

“Who are you? I don’t know you!” Kyungsoo yelled back, hoping she could hear him.

The woman began clawing at Kyungsoo’s shield and in an effort to thwart her off, Kyungsoo turned on the windshield wipers and water spray, but only ended up making a bigger mess on his car.

“You put my son in jail! My only son! I will get you, Kyungsoo!” The woman continued screaming and shrieking.

“It’s my job, goddamn it! Tell him not to commit crimes if he doesn’t want to go to jail!” Kyungsoo yelled from inside his car, “I’m just doing my job.”

The woman, of course, did not stop and continued on relentlessly until security showed up. Least to say, Kyungsoo didn’t feel too optimistic about the rest of his career and he was going to complain to Chanyeol about that later in the day for sure.

 

 

 

Chanyeol, on the other hand, had just finished a morning lecture and his only class of the day. It was only early afternoon and Chanyeol had so much more time left in the day before Kyungsoo came home in the evening.

Chanyeol decided to take advantage of that and run a few errands while he was still out. Chanyeol drove to his apartment in the part of town that Kyungsoo dubbed as “old”, “shady” and “rather dilapidated”. Chanyeol felt otherwise, however.

Chanyeol had not been back there for two weeks and he was going to clean up and check up on the place since the place was left empty because he had chosen to move in with Kyungsoo late last year. Chanyeol still had mixed feelings about selling the place because he held fond memories of the apartment, having grown up and lived there with both his parents until their individual passing.

However, Chanyeol was rather dejected when he arrived at the familiar front door of his old basement apartment only to find out that red paint had been splashed on the door while he was gone.  Some Hanja characters had also been painted on his door with the red paint.

This was a common practice amongst Chinese loan sharks and gangsters who wanted to “mark” people who owed or had beef with them.

 

“Didn’t I pay them already!?”, Chanyeol kicked air and stomped his foot down, gritting his teeth in anger, suspecting Yifan and his rowdy motorcycle gang to be the culprits. Chanyeol wasn’t sure if he was going to complain about that to Kyungsoo later that day.

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

 

Kyungsoo pulled open the tear-away strip to open the cereal box that he had fished out from the back of his kitchen cabinet. Kyungsoo had to tiptoe and stretch his arm a bit further to the back because of the wall mounted cabinet.

Kyungsoo remembered buying this particular box of cereal several months ago, simply because he saw it in the supermarket aisles and was riddled with nostalgia having eaten it a lot while he was growing up.

Then, Kyungsoo cringed at the memory that it was his homophobic mother who used to serve it to him every morning, and he would excitedly gobble it up like an ignorant child who had yet to know the pain of living and her intolerance towards people of different sexual preferences.

Kyungsoo regretted ever buying it and shoved it to the back of his kitchen cabinet until he suddenly felt the random urge to eat it again that morning.

Now, Kyungsoo couldn’t give a shit about how it made him feel because he was over that, for now at least. Kyungsoo was determined to not let that dark part of life affect his potential for a better future.

 

 

Kyungsoo’s coffee was hot and ready in his mug. He was already dressed in his work clothes and he just needed to get something to eat before he could leave the apartment and start the day.

 

Kyungsoo did admit that he was feeling rather needy and a bit gloomy that day. The weather outside seemed to agree with him too even though it was in the middle of July. Then again, it rained a lot in the summer and Kyungsoo assumed it would be like that today too.

Kyungsoo felt an urge to get Chanyeol out of bed, ask Chanyeol to accompany him at breakfast and then make sure that he got a goodbye kiss and hug before he left for the day.

But, Chanyeol was still sleeping and Kyungsoo didn’t want to wake him up just yet. Chanyeol only had classes in the afternoon that day and yesterday had been a long day for him too. Chanyeol deserved to rest, Kyungsoo believed.

 

 

Kyungsoo ignored his borderline clingy urges and then raided the fridge to look for fresh milk to eat the cereal with, only to realize that they were indeed out of fresh milk.

It was a damper to the beginning of his day already when he was already feeling somewhat so detached. Kyungsoo sighed but it didn’t stop his intentions to eat the cereal.

Instead, Kyungsoo poured the contents of the cereal box into his “Best Boyfriend” coffee mug, which had been a birthday present from that year by Jongdae and Baekhyun.

Kyungsoo knew that they were just throwing shade at him for coming out as gay to them at least when they had been in a relationship with each other for so long without Kyungsoo’s knowledge.

Kyungsoo stirred with a spoon the floating cereal that almost vanished in the pitch black of his coffee, before drinking it all together at once and finishing it very quickly.

“Ah, I remember when I used to sprinkle cocaine onto my snowflake cereals,” Kyungsoo muttered to himself, rinsing the cup and spoon in the sink.

 

 

Before Kyungsoo left, he dropped by in the bedroom and kissed a sleeping Chanyeol on the temple before leaving for work. It just didn’t feel right to not have at least a slight bit of contact when possible before starting the day.

Kyungsoo never felt so vulnerable yet so strong until he experienced being in a relationship with Chanyeol.

Sure, Chanyeol’s appearance in his life didn’t magically fix all his problems like a protagonist in a fairytale would experience. It was Kyungsoo who had to change himself but Chanyeol helped and played a large role in it, and Kyungsoo more than ever grateful for it.

Even when Kyungsoo had given up on himself, Chanyeol didn’t, and that was all Kyungsoo had needed to fix his life and get back on the track he never was on.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo got to work early that morning and made sure that no old lady in a pink skirt was hiding in a corner of the basement car park to throw vegetables and eggs at his car.

Kyungsoo had the police- Chanyeol to be exact to warn her about doing things like that in the future. It appeared that she was complying so far and Kyungsoo didn’t have to worry about her anymore.

Except he did continue to worry and constantly felt like he was being watched, and that he had to be cautious at all times despite having some form of security against it. That was basically the whole gist and package of anxiety but Kyungsoo was too used to it by now.

 

 

Once at work, Kyungsoo made green tea instead for him to drink for the rest of the morning. If it were up to him, Kyungsoo would have another cup of black coffee again but the amount of caffeine from that would only exacerbate his anxiety even further.

Kyungsoo got to work, drafting a prosecution case document because he was to appear in court in a few days to prosecute the routine group of petty criminals and law offenders during their court hearing.

 

 

By lunchtime, Kyungsoo had taken off his shoes and was sitting with his legs up on his office chair as he continued to proofread his documents for the nth time.

Kyungsoo had picked up the habit of taking his shoes off when he felt restless and slow work made him feel so, especially when he had to be detailed and intricate when it came to work. Kyungsoo’s anxiety made him worry that he’d never be able to finish his work on time and would get in trouble for it.

 

It was then that Jongdae approached him stopping by Kyungsoo’s desk.

Kyungsoo noticed Jongdae stopping by and only looked up momentarily from his computer to acknowledge the other, “Oh, hey”.

“Are you going out for lunch?” Jongdae asked, tilting his head slightly sideways.

“Maybe, later on, I have work to do still,” Kyungsoo answered without looking up from his computer.

“Well, do you want to go out for lunch with me then?” Jongdae continued to ask after pausing for a moment in thought.

“Is there somewhere you want to go?” Kyungsoo had to ask, curious as to why Jongdae kept persisting.

“Yeah…” Jongdae replied.

“If this involves breaking into Baekhyun’s house again, I am done with you for today,” Kyungsoo made it clear, holding a finger up.

“Why do you assume I want to break into Baekhyun’s house anyway?” Jongdae question, slightly feeling dumbfounded, “I only asked you out to lunch.”

“Oh, that’s because you have never asked me out to lunch in all the ten years we know each other, and that one time you asked me to go out with me, you were basically threatening me unless I helped you break into Baekhyun’s house,” Kyungsoo pointed out taking a sip of his now cold green tea from his mug.

“That is true,” Jongdae admitted, placing a hand behind his neck, “I was supposed to go to lunch with Baek. We made reservations at this hotel for the buffet lunch but he canceled last minute because he had some urgent work matter to tend to.”

“Aha, I knew it!” Kyungsoo’s face lit up, pointing a finger towards Jongdae., “So what does that have to do with me?”

“Well, I paid for two people at the hotel but it’s going to waste if Baekhyun isn’t going to show up,” Jongdae informed, “-since you’re my friend, I thought I’d ask you to take Baekhyun’s spot at lunch with me. It’s a four-star hotel, you know. It’s not cheap and I’m basically asking you to come with me for free.”

Kyungsoo pondered the thought for a while before realizing that the cereal coffee he had at breakfast sure did not fill him up at all. Kyungsoo agreed, “Fine, I’ll go with you but it’s not a date.”

“Of course it isn’t,” Jongdae rolled his eyes before clarifying, “-but oh, when the receptionist at the entrance asks for your name, please say it’s Byun Baekhyun since I put his name down as the other person on the reservation list.”

“Fine, I’ll pretend to be Baekhyun for you if it means I get to eat expensive lunch for free,” Kyungsoo easily concurred.

 

 

Kyungsoo felt like Chanyeol already, someone who would jump on any opportunity to get to eat free food.

Throughout lunch, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but think of and be reminded of Chanyeol, especially when he was presented with the numerous array of expensive food served at the hotel buffet.

_Chanyeol would love this_ , Kyungsoo would think. Kyungsoo knew that Chanyeol would enjoy being in his place, and made a mental note to himself to bring Chanyeol out to eat somewhere nice one day.

Like Jongdae had told him to, Kyungsoo had given Baekhyun’s name to the receptionist and he was even being called as “Mr. Byun” by the waiters. Not that Kyungsoo cared anyway.

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol, on the other hand, left the apartment a few hours earlier than usual before his afternoon classes so he could stop by at the police station.

Chanyeol had a quick brunch which consisted of instant noodles and a fried egg. It was easy, cheap and convenient because Chanyeol did not plan to stop anywhere else to eat until the evening.

 

 

Chanyeol would only finish detective school the following winter and until then, he wasn’t required to come to work as he was being paid by the police force to attend detective school.

Chanyeol did still come by to make sure that work meant for him was taken care of by someone else and by himself too if there was no one else to do it.

Since then, it had also been a few months since Chanyeol last wore his official police uniform. It now hung on a coat hanger somewhere in Kyungsoo’s closet, in a small section of it dedicated to him since he unofficially moved in with Kyungsoo.

 

 Half a year ago, Chanyeol would have been happy to have someone else pick up the slack for him, but now he would only feel bad if someone else had to do his work when he was perfectly able of doing it for himself.

There was already a lot of work for a regular policeman to do, least to say to pick up the work he left behind.

 

 

“Good to see you alive,” Minseok greeted the moment he saw Chanyeol walking into the row of desks in the working area behind the front desk reception of the police station.

“Good to see you too, sir,” Chanyeol laughed in return as he strode over to his desk and sat there to check up on any work that might need to be taken care of.

Chanyeol’s eyes darted to Sehun’s desk in front of his and noted that it was empty, with no signs that Sehun had even been to work that morning.

Sehun was assigned temporarily to Inspector Minseok while Chanyeol was away for a few months, but since Minseok was in and Sehun wasn’t, Chanyeol began to get curious.

 

Turning to his co-worker at the desk beside his, Chanyeol asked if Sehun had gone in to work that day.

Chanyeol received the reply of “No, he’s on vacation. He left a few days ago, remember?”

“Huh? Chanyeol immediately reacted before pulling his phone out and going on social media where he had added Sehun on.

 

 

Sehun chuckled a bit to himself when he saw Sehun had indeed posted on social media of him at various tourist locations with the name of places tagged.

Sehun had gone on vacation with his family and now Chanyeol remembered that Sehun had indeed told him about it over text, and Chanyeol had just forgotten about it.

While Chanyeol was proud of himself making improvement so as to avoid being killed off at the end of the year, there was that part of him which was forgetfulness and bliss unawareness of situations that still plagued him. 

 

Seeing the pictures posted by Sehun, Chanyeol did come across the thought that he and Kyungsoo should go on vacation together too one day, especially to someplace warm and sunny.

Chanyeol thought that the sun might be good for Kyungsoo, who was rather sensitive to weather changes as it affected him with seasonal depression.

 

 

Chanyeol did come in to check on work he had to do but ended up in a rabbit hole of social media posts that was initially started by looking at Sehun’s and then somehow finding himself on even Jongdae’s social media page, because Chanyeol was indeed following Kyungsoo’s friends on social media too.

Chanyeol almost dropped his phone to his lap when he saw a selfie that Jongdae had taken with Kyungsoo in the background hiding the lower half of his face partially with a fancy looking menu in an equally expensive-looking place.

The post was also new and very recent. Kyungsoo was tagged in the post and Chanyeol could see that Kyungsoo had also left a “like” on the post with a rather cheeky comment which read per se: “can’t believe we got away with it xD”.

Jongdae also commented on Kyungsoo’s comment with an equally smart-arsed remark that supported Kyungsoo’s claim.

It certainly did not help at all that Baekhyun too commented on the post, in sarcasm, fully being aware that Jongdae was going to take Kyungsoo out in his stead: “Looks like you two enjoyed the _date_ ”.

 

 

The hotel’s name and location were not tagged onto the post, but from the looks of it, Chanyeol could tell that it was a rather expensive place that would definitely leave a large dent in his wallet.

With shaking hands, Chanyeol took a screenshot of the post with the comments visible on it but not sending it to Kyungsoo it.

 

Through text, Chanyeol gently asked Kyungsoo with whom and where he had gone for lunch with.

Kyungsoo replied a few minutes later nonchalantly telling that he was with Jongdae and they had gone out to an unspecified place for lunch. Kyungsoo did follow up with a text asking Chanyeol why he suddenly brought up such a question, asking if anything was wrong.

Kyungsoo suspected nothing but Chanyeol was already sweating in the air-conditioned place in anticipation of Kyungsoo’s answer.

 

Chanyeol didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to assume it but he was devastated at the idea if Kyungsoo cheated on him.

They were each other’s first boyfriends and although they were already almost thirty years old when it happened, Chanyeol was determined to be Kyungsoo’s first and last.

 

Chanyeol then forwarded the screenshot to Kyungsoo, being generous with the exclamation marks and crying emotes he added into the text before hitting the send icon firmly with his thumb.

 

 

 

 

On the other end, Kyungsoo laughed and almost rolled over on his stomach if it weren’t for the seatbelt he was wearing in Jongdae’s car when he received the screenshot text from Chanyeol.

Jongdae was driving the both of them back to work from the hotel after lunch and Kyungsoo couldn’t stop laughing when he got the text from Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo showed the text on his phone to Jongdae at a traffic light. Jongdae only scrunched his nose at Kyungsoo and questioned his friend’s reaction.

 

“That’s mean, Kyungsoo. Your boyfriend is worried about you and you’re laughing,” Jongdae commented.

“He thinks I-I’m cheating on you,” Kyungsoo continued to laugh, running out of breath and feeling his stomach hurt from all the laughing. “Out of all the people,” Kyungsoo laughed loudly, “Why would I ever cheat with you? You!”

Jongdae only sighed and rolled his eyes the second time at Kyungsoo that day. Kyungsoo always had a morbid and rather unconventional sense of humor, after all.

That surely did light up Kyungsoo’s day even if a bit and even at the expense of Chanyeol. For a moment, Kyungsoo forgot about the looming dread and gloom cloud that hung around him, although he did begin to worry if Chanyeol would hate him for laughing at the latter’s worry.

 

 

 

  
Chanyeol came into class very visibly upset and down about something that afternoon. When prompted about it by his classmates, he only brushed it off and said it was nothing.

Kyungsoo did clarify to him about what had really happened at lunch, how it was all just big misunderstanding and how he was just there to take Baekhyun’s place so Jongdae wouldn’t lose out on the hefty price he paid for lunch.

But Chanyeol was still sulking and moping around for the rest of the afternoon. He didn’t understand why he felt what he did, he just knew he did.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo did try making it up to Chanyeol later that evening after they were individually done with work and class.

Kyungsoo brought Chanyeol out to a recently opened burger place that he remembered Chanyeol mentioning about.

Kyungsoo paid for dinner that evening, which he did almost all the time anyway because Kyungsoo argued that he earned a bigger salary and could afford it better.

 

At the burger place, the pair decided to sit in a booth beside the store windows.

Chanyeol ordered the large super size burger that came with fries and a soft drink, even though Kyungsoo suggested him to take the beer instead.

Kyungsoo only ordered a basket of fried chicken fillets, which he ate dipped with several sauces.

Chanyeol declined the beer and Kyungsoo could say that he didn’t see that coming at all. It had been weeks since Chanyeol last drank and Kyungsoo actually started to miss a drunk, tipsy Chanyeol. But this was for the better.

 

 

“Are you still mad at me?” Kyungsoo asked, sitting on the other end of the table from Chanyeol and scooting up closer.

“No,” Chanyeol answered flatly without looking up from his plate, stabbing some fries with a fork. His dull expression seemed to say otherwise.

“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh at you. I just thought it was funny that you’d think that way. I didn’t think you’d be the type to be…jealous,” Kyungsoo clarified.

“I was worried about you and you laughed at me,” Chanyeol almost snarled, hunched over the table. “Do you know how I felt to think that you were cheating on me?”

“Chanyeol, you know I’d never do that to you. You know how I am sometimes. Don’t you trust me?” Kyungsoo added, feeling somewhat personally attacked too.

“Of course I do trust you,” Chanyeol quickly replied, sensing the change of tone in Kyungsoo’s voice.

“Well then if you do, then you should know that I wouldn’t cheat on you. You know Jongdae is with Baekhyun too and that we’ve been friends since law school. Why on earth would you even come up with the notion that I’m cheating on you if you say you trust me?” Kyungsoo accused, feeling rather perturbed.

“I didn’t say you were cheating on me!” Chanyeol snapped, raising his voice a bit too high, putting his fork down back on the plate.

“I never said you were saying that I was cheating on you either! I just said that you’re contradicting saying you trust me, but still thought somehow that I was cheating on you!” Kyungsoo retorted, “-besides if I were to cheat on you, wouldn’t I choose someone my type at least? You think I’d go for Jongdae!”

“Oh, so you actually have someone in mind if you’re going to cheat on me?” Chanyeol hissed.

“It’s a figure of speech! I already said I’m not cheating on you and I’ve never even thought about it. What is wrong with you, Chanyeol!?” Kyungsoo retaliated, only adding fuel to the ever-growing fire, “Why are we even having this conversation?”

“-because I love you and I thought we were in an exclusive relationship!” Chanyeol growled, keeping his voice loud enough to make a statement but not loud enough until they were told to leave from the place.

“-but we are and always have been! I love you too, you idiot,” Kyungsoo mentioned, slightly exhausted at the whole argument they were having now.

 

 

Chanyeol quieted down, turning his gaze to the store windows and the plants growing outside.

Kyungsoo moved further back on the booth’s chair, looking at the table and his half-finished plate of food instead.

Kyungsoo tried lifting his fork to continue to eat, bringing a piece of the fried chicken to his mouth and chewing it. But it was too hard to swallow and Kyungsoo felt the lump in his throat even after he had swallowed it down.

Chanyeol did not look back at Kyungsoo either, continuing to look outside the window so as to avoid Kyungsoo’s line of sight.

 

“You know, I thought we made progress but we’re just stuck squabbling like before we got together. At this rate, we’ll both end up dead by Chuseok. I tried, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo sighed, being the first to break the silence.

Kyungsoo took out his debit card and his car keys from his pocket because they had taken Kyungsoo’s car together there, leaving it on the table and sliding both items to Chanyeol.

“You know the pin, pay for dinner and drive yourself home. I’ll get an Uber or something,” Kyungsoo said before getting up and leaving.

 

 

When Kyungsoo turned his back and left, Chanyeol looked on with longing eyes that begged Kyungsoo to stop leaving and come back.

Chanyeol thought that he should have chased Kyungsoo down and beg the latter to not leave, but that wasn’t rather inappropriate in a public place especially when they were a gay couple.

Chanyeol was innately screaming for Kyungsoo to come back but later decided that they should have a proper conversation back at home alone when they felt slightly calmed down and better to talk about it.

 

Chanyeol almost immediately wanted to get up immediately, pay for the dinner and leave but he chose to wait a bit more, to give the time for Kyungsoo to head home first.

Chanyeol sat at the empty dinner table for a little bit longer, sitting opposite an empty seat and Kyungsoo’s half-finished plate. He quickly realized how he was the only person eating alone there.

Chanyeol was used to eating alone, sleeping alone, living alone and not having anyone to talk about his day with before Kyungsoo came along.

Chanyeol now wondered how he was able to go through all of that but he already accepted the fact that he did indeed want to be with Kyungsoo for as long as possible now.

 

 

 

Chanyeol never finished his dinner and stayed behind for another half hour or so, scrolling through his phone and looking at funny videos to cheer himself up and temporarily forget his problems even if for a while.

Chanyeol paid the dinner with Kyungsoo’s debit card and drove Kyungsoo’s car back to their apartment, which also belonged to Kyungsoo.

Afraid that Kyungsoo would still be mad at him, Chanyeol stayed in the car for a bit longer, continuing to watch videos on his phone and reading up online message social boards.

Chanyeol even considered posting his dilemma on a relationship board, pretending to be a straight couple so he wouldn’t be flooded with comments that would only point out his sexuality instead of helping to address his problem.

 

 

When Chanyeol arrived back at the apartment, Kyungsoo was still awake and had not even changed out of his work clothes, although he was no longer wearing his tie.

Kyungsoo was standing in the kitchen with his back to the counter, one hand on his waist and another holding up a mug of what Chanyeol assumed to be coffee or tea.

Since Kyungsoo stopped taking drugs, he had instead picked up the habit of drinking caffeinated drinks even late at night. It was a bit unconventional but still way better than what he used to deal with.

 

 “Welcome home,” Kyungsoo greeted when Chanyeol entered the kitchen to place the car keys and his debit card on the table in front of him.

“Yeah,” Chanyeol simply answered, about to back away as soon as he got there.

“You’re quite late. Are you alright? I was worried about you,” Kyungsoo revealed, placing the mug down onto the counter behind him.

“Yeah, I’m good. I just drove slowly and took a long time to eat,” Chanyeol lied, not wanting to explain to Kyungsoo that he was instead watching memes and funny compilation videos on his phone.

“Alright,” Kyungsoo responded, satisfied with the answer, “Look, I thought about today and I realized that I was being rather insensitive. I’m sorry about that, Chanyeol. I just never dealt with the fact that someone would actually be jealous at the thought of me being with someone else. I know now that that isn’t the way for me to behave.”

 

 

Chanyeol was in the doorway that separated the kitchen from the living room, one hand on the wall when he was about to leave and heard Kyungsoo’s apology.

Chanyeol took a deep breath, exhaled and then too braved himself to say, “I’m sorry for the way I felt too. I do really trust you that you wouldn’t cheat on me, but I was really feeling insecure. I know I’m not smart or that I don’t earn that much like your friends, and I felt that I couldn’t provide for you. It was nothing to do with you; I was just acting out on my own insecurities.”

Kyungsoo lifted himself off of the counter and approached Chanyeol, craning his neck to meet Chanyeol’s eyes, “Don’t apologize for how you feel ever again, alright? We can work it out together like we’re supposed to.”

 

“Alright, I promise,” Chanyeol sighed, lowering his head until his forehead touched and pressed against Kyungsoo’s until they could feel each other’s breaths on their faces.

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol apologized yet again, holding onto Kyungsoo’s clothed biceps.

Kyungsoo wrapped his hands around Chanyeol’s neck for a kiss that was briefly interrupted by the sound of Chanyeol’s stomach growling very loudly.

“I thought you said you ate,” Kyungsoo murmured, lips close to Chanyeol’s mouth.

Chanyeol pursed his lips together, guilty and busted through his bluff, “Yeah, I might have not finished the dinner from earlier on.”

 

 

 

Kyungsoo had work the next day and so did Chanyeol with his classes, but they decided to go out and have supper anyway even though it was getting quite late for a weeknight. That was entirely on them for not finishing their dinner due to the argument they ended up having at dinner time.  

Almost everywhere was closed at that time, save for a few drinking spots and street side stalls which Kyungsoo preferred not to eat because of his distrust at their hygiene standards.

 

Chanyeol did find a 24-hour restaurant to eat at that Kyungsoo would agree to eat at.

Chanyeol, who used to be a night owl, who often spent his evening patrol shifts drinking and gambling still remembered which places were open at this time of the night.

 

 

After they finished supper and were near the door about to leave the restaurant, Chanyeol noticed that Kyungsoo was looking and staring at all directions outside and behind him.

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol prompted to ask.

“I’m still worried. I’m scared that someone is going to egg me and throw vegetables at me,” Kyungsoo shivered at the thought.

“Has it happened again?” Chanyeol asked, concerned.

“Nope,” Kyungsoo shook his head, “I just feel like I’m constantly being watched or something,” Kyungsoo then dismissed it, “it’s probably just my anxiety. You know, Junmyeon said he couldn’t prescribe me any medication for it yet because of my drug history.”

“You’re safe with me,” Chanyeol assured, placing a hand on the small of Kyungsoo’s back as he led the both of them out of the restaurant and onto the empty, deserted streets.

 

 

It was not very often that they could have their arms around each other or even hold hands in public, out of fear that people would suspect that they were gay.

Nights like these were the only time that they were able to do so. There were too few people to see them, to judge them and most of the people that came out at night weren’t likely to care either.

Chanyeol did not dismiss Kyungsoo’s worry though. Kyungsoo thought it was anxiety but Chanyeol believed it was something else more physical.

 

While they were walking back together, Chanyeol couldn’t help but turn and look over his shoulder, somehow feeling that someone was probably following or watching them.

Chanyeol would have an egging or vegetable-throwing grandma, any day over what he thought it was.

The broken flower pots and smashed windows on the front of his basement apartment seemed to support his theory that Yifan and his biker gang were probably messing around with him again.

Chanyeol didn’t care if they wanted to cause trouble with him, as long as they left Kyungsoo alone.

 

 

 

 

Sure enough, like the universe was reading his thoughts, later that week Chanyeol was leaving from night class when he stumbled into Yifan and his biker gang on the curbside while on the way to his car.

“Yo, Officer Park, haven’t you seen in a while,” Yifan greeted the moment he saw Chanyeol walking their way.

“What now, Yifan? I don’t owe you money and I haven’t caught any of your men. I haven’t been working for a few months now so I don’t know anything,” Chanyeol already felt fed up to deal with them any longer.

“Oh, we know you’ve been to detective school to improve your life and stuff. Don’t be so strung up, we mean no harm,” Yifan cooed, leaning on the handles of his bike, “We’re just here to warn you and that crack whore boyfriend of yours about something.”

“He’s not on crack anymore! Don’t you dare say such a thing about my boyfriend!” Chanyeol immediately snapped.

“Okay fine, he’s just a whore now then,” Yifan shrugged, turning to look at his gang who too shrugged in unison.

“That’s not what I meant,” Chanyeol sighed, stomping his foot down and feeling like he was going to rip his own hair out at the stupidity of the misunderstanding and communication.

“Whatever it is then. We just wanted to let you know that we saw some suspicious men in these big cars roaming around your old place. Since it’s our turf there we asked what they were up to, and they said they were looking for you and that crack who- I mean boyfriend of yours,” Yifan clarified, “I just thought I’d let you know since we’re in the same neighborhood and everything.”

“Huh?” Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows, confused and perplexed as Yifan told him to take care and then waved off before revving his motorcycle loudly and riding away.

 

Maybe, Kyungsoo was right about feeling like he was being watched.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although I do take their personal and emotional progress seriously, don't expect anything else to be too serious to happen to Chansoo lol. this is a crack taken seriously fic after all. Also, I plan to end this fic within the next 2-3 chapters.


	17. Chapter 17

 

“I think I might have to reschedule my Wednesday afternoon therapy session for Thursday or later on in the week. I have to be in court on Wednesday, you see. It was a last minute change because the judge preceding the case had an emergency,” Kyungsoo spoke over the phone, writing some notes down on a stack of yellow post-it notes.

“Sorry, Mr. Do Kyungsoo, but Dr. Kim Junmyeon will be out of his office from Thursday onwards. He’ll only be back the following Monday,” The female receptionist from the therapist clinic Kyungsoo went to, replied over the phone.”

“Umm…what?” Kyungsoo was slightly taken aback.

The receptionist reiterated, phrasing her sentence slightly different this time, hoping that Kyungsoo would understand, “Dr. Kim will not be going to work from Thursday until Monday of the next week. He’s taking his annual leave.”

“What!” Kyungsoo almost shrieked, startling his co-workers in the cubicles and desks closest to him, “Then who am I supposed to talk to about my nihilist views, that life is meaningless and the small fight I had with my boyfriend. Who is even going to feed those goldfishes in his office for four days?!”

“-which is why we offer to reschedule your appointment for a later date at no cost. Rest assured that we have other staff to feed the fishes and clean the aquarium during Dr. Kim’s absence. Is a double session the following Wednesday fine for you?” The receptionist explained calmly despite Kyungsoo’s mild outburst.

“-b-but that’s one week away from now,” Kyungsoo stuttered, dumbfounded, pen dropping from his hand.

“If it’s an urgent matter which you need therapy for immediately, I can help refer you to other licensed therapists within the area who are available this week. How about, Dr. Lu Han, he’s one of the top therapists from China currently working her,” The receptionist offered.

“-he sounds gay, no thanks. I’ll just take the double sessions next Wednesday. Until then, I’ll just watch on loop of the video with the American basketball player telling me to stop and get some help. Thanks,” Kyungsoo quickly replied before slamming the phone receiver down.

 

 

Kyungsoo picked up his pen again and continued scribbling notes, dates and times on the yellow post-it notes.

Kyungsoo looked back up from the desk to see Jongdae standing in front of it with his “Best Boyfriend” mug that Kyungsoo was sure Jongdae gifted to himself. Baekhyun was not the type to give such type of gifts, although they did jointly gift it to Kyungsoo later on.

“You use the work phone to arrange for your personal therapy appointments? You just said someone sounds gay. You know, aren’t you-” Jongdae sassed.

“I just used it as an excuse to cut the phone call short. Besides, don’t you have work to do? I swear you’re always dropping by my desk all the time while we’re supposed to be working. We have to appear in court tomorrow, you know,” Kyungsoo reminded.

“Oh, I know,” Jongdae nodded in affirmation, then shrugging, “-just thought I’d check up on you in case you tried to do something stupid again.”

“I appreciate that, Jongdae, but you’re always dropping by my desk every hour or so. It makes a man wonder, you know,” Kyungsoo expressed, leaning back on his office chair and folding his arms across his chest.

“You idiot, my desk is just across from yours now. Of course, I can see what you’re up to,” Jongdae explained, pointing to his desk indeed just a few meters behind where he stood.

“Interesting,” Kyungsoo nodded, ignoring Jongdae and returning to his work, thinking that he just wasted a few minutes of his life having a completely pointless conversation with the latter.

 

 

 

While Kyungsoo was busy completing papers and documents throughout the afternoon that he would need at court the following day, Kyungsoo glanced over at the desk calendar placed beside the monitor screen.

On it, Kyungsoo had scribbled with a red marker regarding the last minute changes for his appointments, when he had to go to court and when he had to submit some files. Dates were very important to someone in his profession.

It was a Tuesday that day and Wednesday was supposed to be for his weekly therapist appointments. Thursday was when Kyungsoo was supposed to appear in court, except of course until the judge decided to push everything forward by a day for some reasons unknown to him.

 

 

Written in the similar red marker like for everything else, Kyungsoo had marked another event for that day’s evening. But it had nothing to do with work or his therapy appointments. It was a meeting at a community center for people going through the same problems as Kyungsoo.

For some reasons after remembering the date and the event, Kyungsoo felt his heart sink and his stomach twist.

 

 

For the first few months after his overdose stint, Kyungsoo had attended twice a week meetings at the community center to talk to and listen to government-appointed counselors who tried to help him overcome his drug habits.

Chanyeol had even been the one to drive him there and back home because Kyungsoo was under house arrest, and Chanyeol had been the designated officer to monitor his movements.

Chanyeol would wait in the lobby of the community center, reading old newspapers and magazines while he waited for Kyungsoo among the other sober companions or police officers assigned to the recovering person in question.

 

Kyungsoo certainly did not look upon those times very fondly. Those were admittedly the lowest and darkest moments of his life.

The second worst part of it was when he was forced to interact with other recovering drug-users, made to tell their story in front of everyone else and share stories. Kyungsoo absolutely hated that forced socialization aspect but he wasn’t surprised to find out that he wasn’t the only lawyer among the others.

At least he wasn’t that one lawyer who was found with a beer bottle stuck in his ass while high on drugs.

The worst part of it was disappointing Chanyeol when Kyungsoo took a step forward and two backward after the incident.

 

 

 

It killed Kyungsoo to remember how Chanyeol looked like, how he forced a smile when things really weren’t alright. Kyungsoo could remember how dejected and disappointed Chanyeol looked after that, to know that all his efforts were put to waste because of what Kyungsoo had done to himself.

Chanyeol had done so well but Kyungsoo hadn’t even tried, and it took an overdose on heroin and a suspension from work to realize how badly he fucked up his life.

Kyungsoo still didn’t love himself that much, but he loved Chanyeol, and that was enough to get him going even if getting better was for Chanyeol’s sake.

Chanyeol deserved a wholesome relationship with a healthy individual too, so Kyungsoo aspired to be that person even if he realized it a bit way down the road.

 

Kyungsoo still found it amazing that Chanyeol stuck with him throughout at all, never giving up on him despite everything that happened to them.

Kyungsoo thought that it was maybe because of some god of death telling them to stick to each other for a year if they didn’t want to die, but now Kyungsoo realized that there was actually someone who genuinely loved him and wanted to help him.

 

 

After Kyungsoo realized that sometime a few months ago in May after his brother’s wedding, Kyungsoo cried to himself on the apartment balcony while Chanyeol was fast asleep.

Before that, Kyungsoo didn’t believe that someone so “difficult” like him could be loved, could be understood and could be given time to heal and grow.

Kyungsoo’s parents, two people who were supposed to love him, wished he was never born and Kyungsoo didn’t believe that anyone could either if the two people who brought him into the world didn’t even want him.

Kyungsoo had long given up on the idea of having someone to share the rest of his life with, that someone would actually accept him and that he could finally say he was happy.

 

 

Then Chanyeol came along and Kyungsoo felt rather bad to think so lowly of Chanyeol at first.

Not that Chanyeol helped to improve his own image either, especially with the way Chanyeol was conducting himself when they initially got to know each other.

Chanyeol was a sleazy, lazy and bottle-loving policeman who slept through the afternoon and woke up at evening, thinking it was early morning and going to work when he didn’t even have a shift that day.

As much as Kyungsoo learned so much from their time spent together, Chanyeol sure did learn a few things from Kyungsoo too when it came to reliability, punctuality, workplace discipline and that his life could use some improvement.

Chanyeol learned that he didn’t have to be stuck in a meaningless life with no goals except drinking and sleeping, that he could actually be doing something better and useful.

 

 

 

Until Kyungsoo had checked the calendar again, he had completely dismissed or forgotten about the whole event at the community center that evening.

The moment Kyungsoo received the call from the counselor lady at the community center about two to three weeks ago, telling him about the event, Kyungsoo had written it down on the calendar but did not make any promise whether he would be able to come or not.

Kyungsoo did feel bad for that counselor lady because she had been very nice and patient with him, throughout the entire time that Kyungsoo spent with her. She had sounded really excited for Kyungsoo to be there too.

Kyungsoo was reluctant to go but there was nothing to lose if he went anyway.

 

 

Kyungsoo held his breath before texting the counselor and telling her to save a seat for him because he would be coming. She replied some minutes later with flower and smiley emotes, saying how excited she was that Kyungsoo would be coming.

Then, Kyungsoo texted Chanyeol to inform that he’d be home a bit late that evening, although he didn’t specify why.

Chanyeol replied shortly later to say that he’d be slightly late too because of his own work and detective school matters.

Seeing as that was the case for the both of them, the couple agreed to meet each other once they were done with their individual matters so they could have dinner outside. It would be too late to go home and then start cooking by then, they safely assumed.

 

 

 

So, later that evening after work, Kyungsoo found himself in a room with about ten of other recovering drug-users like himself and the counselors from the community center speaking words of praise and encouragement to them.

Kyungsoo never made friends with any of the people there but he recognized them and maybe remembered a few of their names and the reason why they were there too like him.

 

 

During the event, some of them came up to the front of the room to talk about the past 100 or so days spent sober and drug-free, talking about how much their lives had changed and about which aspect of it that had changed.

Kyungsoo declined when asked by a counselor to talk too. They were respectful and non-insisting of Kyungsoo to do otherwise, and Kyungsoo greatly appreciated it. He wasn’t the only one who refused to share his story too.

 

 

At the end of the whole event, all the participants and counselors came around to talk to each other, bidding and hugging each other goodbye as they were handed a special commemorative coin.

Kyungsoo was handed the said coin and lightly chuckled when he saw that it was to mark 100 days of him being free from drugs.

Most of them had actually reached over 100 days on that day itself, but the event was held at one go for everyone else who had reached the milestone but had not been commemorated for it. Kyungsoo was just a bit over 100 days himself.

 

Kyungsoo looked at the coin in the palm of his hand, smiling a bit, proud of the past 100 days. Kyungsoo slipped the coin into a pocket in his wallet, intending to tell and show Chanyeol later on.

Sure, 100 days didn’t seem like too long in the plan for long-term recovery, but that 100 days was the longest Kyungsoo had ever been without any drugs since he first started six years ago.

 

 

 

 

Later on, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol met up for dinner as they had agreed to. This time they ate a restaurant that served mostly western food because Chanyeol was craving it.

Chanyeol was always the one in the relationship to decide where to eat because Kyungsoo never knew where he wanted to eat at.

 

 

The restaurant was quiet that evening and they managed to find a secluded table to sit at in a corner. This was perfect because they decided to sit beside each other instead of opposite from each other as usual.

Being two closeted gays meant that they were good at being discreet about how they appeared to people in public.

Eventually, people would be suspicious but until then, they played well the role of two really good friends who sleep in the same bed every night and occasionally have sex with each other.

 

 

Chanyeol wrapped his left arm around Kyungsoo’s waist who sat to his left while he ate with his right hand, all during the dinner.

Kyungsoo wasn’t too hungry and had only ordered small side servings to eat as his main dish.

 

“Did you eat earlier on?” Chanyeol asked, seeing that Kyungsoo didn’t really have much of an appetite that evening.

“No, I haven’t,” Kyungsoo answered, pressing his thighs together below the table.

“Then, why aren’t you eating? Do you want to eat somewhere else?” Chanyeol prompted; worried that Kyungsoo would go hungry later on in the night.

“No, it’s alright. I’m just not feeling hungry. You know me, sometimes I just don’t have an appetite but nothing’s wrong. It’s okay, don’t worry about me,” Kyungsoo answered, looking over at Chanyeol to his right.

“Oh, I get it; you’re going through another bout of depression. Am I right? I read that it’s normal to not have an appetite or even eat too much during an episode,” Chanyeol presumed.

“I’m fine, really. If I was, I’d know,” Kyungsoo explained.  

 

 

Chanyeol placed his fork down back on the plate to hug Kyungsoo from the side with both of his arms wrapped around the latter’s waist.

“It’s okay, Kyungsoo. You can tell me how you really feel. All I want is for you to be happy,” Chanyeol said as buried his face in Kyungsoo’s shoulder, rubbing circles on Kyungsoo’s lower back.

Kyungsoo had to look up and away to see if anyone was looking at them but seeing that no one was, Kyungsoo then resumed speaking, “I know, Chanyeol. Thank you. I’m probably just tired but I’m alright.”

“Okay, I trust you,” Chanyeol grinned, resting his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

 

Kyungsoo smiled. He felt alright and was indeed telling the truth, although he had been feeling a bit gloomy the past few days, which he just blamed on his regular recurring episodes of depression.

Maybe, the meeting at the community center that evening had brought up some past regrets and old stale feelings that he wanted to put behind him.

But Kyungsoo was used to that now and at worst; it was just an inconvenience he knew how to deal with now.

 

 

 

Because they had arrived in their own cars, they too had to drive alone by themselves back to the apartment.

Chanyeol decided to walk Kyungsoo to his car that evening, especially because Kyungsoo had been complaining about feeling like he was being followed as of late.

 

 

Kyungsoo got into his own car while Chanyeol stood outside on the asphalt. The car door was still open and Chanyeol was just waiting to Kyungsoo to start driving before he left.

Standing outside the car in the dimly lit parking lots outside the restaurant, Chanyeol had to squint to see something in the dark in the distance.

Kyungsoo was talking about something but Chanyeol wasn’t really paying attention.

 

Chanyeol’s squinting eyes now grew wide and round when he saw at least three or four men exiting a black sedan and running their way, brandishing what Chanyeol could make out to be machetes.

Chanyeol slammed Kyungsoo’s door shut and immediately jumped into the rear seat of Kyungsoo’s car. Chanyeol stretched his arm out to press the door lock button on the driver’s side, effectively locking all the doors.

 

 

“Drive! There are people trying to kill us!” Chanyeol yelled, tugging onto the headrest of the driver’s seat.

Kyungsoo was restless; he didn’t know what was going on or what exactly to do. He was just darting back and forth from the windows and then back at Chanyeol sitting behind him.

Chanyeol leaned forward to the front seats and shifted Kyungsoo’s gear into reverse before telling him to hit the gas pedal.

Kyungsoo saw the men fast approaching outside and cursed, “Oh, shit!” before quickly reversing and swerving, speeding out the parking lots as his average driving capability could manage.

 

 

 

Chanyeol instructed Kyungsoo on which roads or turns to take. Chanyeol wanted to avoid busy streets with heavy traffic as he constantly looked behind to see if they were still chasing.

They were now on straight urban roads and traffic flow was good. Chanyeol couldn’t see anyone in pursuit of them either.

 

“Thank god you drive an expensive car that goes fast. My piece of scrap metal will have probably died halfway,” Chanyeol sighed, climbing into the front passenger seat and fastening his seatbelt.

Chanyeol peered over at the dashboard and saw that the gas was half-full so there was no worry about running out halfway through to where they were going.

 

“What is going on!? Who are they? What do they want!?” Kyungsoo trembled; evident by the way his hands jittered on the steering wheel.

“I have no idea, to be honest. Looks like you were right about being watched. I’m not sure if it’s me or you they’re after,” Chanyeol answered as he pointed a turn for Kyungsoo to take.

“What did you do?” Kyungsoo almost choked, scared.

“That’s the whole idea. I did nothing. I only have been going to class, coming back to class and giving you dick when I get home for the past few months. I have not done anything illegal,” Chanyeol explained, balling his hand up into a fist.

“You use to borrow money from the Chinese biker gang! You said that they were thrashing your place recently. Is it them?” Kyungsoo tried to find out.

“Yifan!” Chanyeol’s face lit up at a discovery he just made as he snapped his fingers, “-no, it’s not him though. I haven’t even had any contact with them for months, but he did come to see me after class a few nights ago. He told me that he saw some men wearing black using expensive cars coming around the area. Yifan said they were looking for me and you. Yifan suspects those men to be those responsible.”

 

“Who are they, Chanyeol? What did you do?” Kyungsoo accused, suspecting that they were in that mess because of Chanyeol.

“I’ve done bad illegal shit in the past okay. I admit that but you don’t expect me to remember everything, do you? Nobody remembers every crumb on each slice of bread they eat. Maybe it’s my past coming back to bite me in the ass,” Chanyeol suggested, pulling his phone out of his trousers pocket as he began to dial a number and told Kyungsoo where to drive.

“Call the police, please! Call someone from work you know like Sehun or something,” Kyungsoo begged at the verge of crying without tears.

“No police! Sehun is still on vacation and if this really related to something I did in the past, I’ll go to jail and lose my job,” Chanyeol replied, alarmed.

“Why, Chanyeol, why?” Kyungsoo cried, almost planting his face into the steering wheel.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo continued driving for almost an hour as per Chanyeol’s instructions. Kyungsoo almost panicked again when he saw the signboard on the side of the roads that read: “Welcome to Incheon”.

“Why’d you take us to Incheon! We could have just stayed and hidden in Seoul; it’s a large city with 20 million people. They wouldn’t find us there,” Kyungsoo confronted Chanyeol as he continued driving.

“Trust me, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol assured, placing a hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

 

 

Kyungsoo sighed and did as he was told, choosing to trust Chanyeol in this situation he had no experience in how to handle.

Chanyeol seemed to know too well at how to deal with it, or that was just him being brave in the face of adversity. Somehow, that seemed to reflect

Like Chanyeol had directed him to, Kyungsoo drove to a dock on one of the ports in Incheon.

 

 

It was past 11 pm and the dock was empty at the time of the night. There were a few ships in the opposite and adjacent harbors but none near them, where there mostly containers and warehouses for storage without a dock for the ships to make port.

Kyungsoo parked behind a barely lit area behind a warehouse and waited in anticipation.

Chanyeol seemed to be making phone calls non-stop to several numbers that never answered or turned out to be the wrong number.

 

 

“Who are you calling?” Kyungsoo asked, trying his best to calm himself down.

“I’m trying to look for Yifan’s number. I think he can help us,” Chanyeol answered, keying in combinations of number after number, “-the problem is, I don’t have his number saved so I’m just trying to call people who I think know him and have his number.”

“Yeah, we’re dead,” Kyungsoo chuckled dryly, “It’s almost midnight. I have to be in court before ten in the morning tomorrow. But before that, I still need to pick up my court dress from the dry cleaners, get coffee and go through a final run with the prosecution papers. I have toilet paper thieves and people who fish in the Han River without a license to prosecute.”

 

 

Chanyeol continued searching for Yifan’s number, too busy and engrossed to pay attention to Kyungsoo’s whining.

“I didn’t go to university for almost seven years for this. I had to memorize books with hundreds of laws and even had to learn English at an advanced level,” Kyungsoo bemoaned, pressing a hand to his face.

Kyungsoo began dryly crying without any tears, leaning over his steering wheel, “No wonder Jongdae is so unhappy that we still do all these stupid shit after working and studying so hard, but then the guy whose uncle is a top government officer gets the promotion before us. The most important case I’ve probably got was this rich kid who was stalking his ex-girlfriend and taking pictures of her without her knowledge.”

“My job is important! I’m prosecuting people who stick flyers on telephone poles without a permit because I’m making a difference! I’m doing something good with my life! Are you proud of me yet, mom and dad!” Kyungsoo wailed, slapping the steering wheel until he accidentally pressed on the car horn.

 

The horn startled Chanyeol who now had his attention on a sobbing Kyungsoo.

“What did you say about prosecuting people again?” Chanyeol asked, getting on to something.

“Oh, you haven’t heard about the time I had to prosecute a grandma for growing her vegetables outside her house on a public plot of land. She just got off with a warning though,” Kyungsoo laughed.

“No no, tell me about that part with the rich boy stalking his ex. Isn’t his mother the one egging and throwing vegetables at you?” Chanyeol pointed out.

“Yeah, that’s her. I prosecuted her son with a year in prison sentence, but his lawyer told him to plead not guilty so there would be another proceeding. He’s out on bail but his mother made a big fuss about her son having to sleep in a lockup for a few nights until the initial court hearing. I’m supposed to prosecute him tomorrow too,” Kyungsoo informed.

 

 

Chanyeol’s mouth hung open at Kyungsoo answer and almost dropped his phone to his lap, “Then she’s the one who sent those men to chase us right now!”

Kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows and forehead, “How do you know that for sure?”

“Do you remember when you told me to pay her visit as a police officer, and told me to warn her from harassing you. Well, when I was at her place, I saw that she had all these men in black suits and black sedan cars all around her house and driveway. She’s a member of some small organized crime group that her late husband was the leader of!” Chanyeol almost jumped in his seat at how the dots finally connected.

“-and you said that you’re set to prosecute her son tomorrow for the second hearing of his case. They’re after you, not me! They want to stop you from ever appearing in court tomorrow,” Chanyeol explained.

“Wait a minute, so this is my entire fault. Not yours?” Kyungsoo was dumbfounded, trying to process the information as he pointed to himself with a forefinger.

“Well, you got your wish to work on a high profile case now, public prosecutor Do Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol chuckled, tapping Kyungsoo on the shoulder.

 

“I’m dead, I’m going to die. Forget Yama or his fat ass. I’m going to die tonight,” Kyungsoo sobbed as he managed to pull his phone out and immediately texted his only two friends, Jongdae and Baekhyun about how he probably wouldn’t be able to make it to court the next day without explaining why.

Kyungsoo then opened the YouTube app and continued to watch on loop of the meme video of Michael Jordan telling people to stop taking drugs and get help.

 

 

 

Halfway through the night at almost one in the morning, Chanyeol gave up trying to find Yifan’s number.

Chanyeol decided to take the risk to drive back to Seoul and actually look for Yifan, believing that his biker gang would be of help to them in that situation.

Kyungsoo sat in the passenger seat this time while Chanyeol drove another hour back to Seoul. Kyungsoo curled up in the passenger seat with his legs on the seat and pressed to his chest, continuing to watch the video on loop for probably the hundredth time.

 

“Forget it, Chanyeol. Do you really think that Yifan will help us? He beat you up once and harassed you for not paying your debts. You two aren’t even friends, why he’d help us?” Kyungsoo deadpanned with a calm voice as he had already given up on the whole thing.

“We’re from the same neighborhood. He’ll help us for the sake of his turf. Yifan is pretty pissed that those guys had come into his area and acting like they own the place too. I’ll just lead Yifan to them and let them fight it out by themselves. You know the police will hardly care about this so I won’t get in trouble for it. We don’t really want to involve ourselves with all these gang nonsense unless someone gets killed,” Chanyeol tried to clarify.

“Did you say ‘killed’?” Kyungsoo repeated, apprehensively.

“I did but I didn’t say anyone is going to be killed. I just said that the police will not probably care about two gangs fighting it out unless someone gets killed,” Chanyeol made it clear, continuing to drive now within the Seoul city limits.

“So, what are you going to do?” Kyungsoo had to ask, gripping on the handles of the passenger seat in his own car.

 

Now that Kyungsoo realized it, he had bought the car less than two years ago and was still paying monthly installments on it, and had never got the opportunity to sit in the passenger seat while someone drove.

“I’m going to get you in court tomorrow on time and safely,” Chanyeol proudly declared, both eyes on the rod with a hand on the steering wheel and another on the gear.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo whimpered, not like he had any other options.

 

 

 

It was almost three in the morning when Chanyeol finally arrived at that shady part of one of the districts in Seoul which Chanyeol lived in.

Chanyeol’s block of old and unkempt apartment buildings was just down the road from where they were at.

 

Kyungsoo recognized this place as the one with the shoddy gay bar that he ran into Chanyeol at, almost a year ago now. Because there were no laws in their country to protect against sexual orientation discrimination, gay bars had to exist in parts of town where no one else wanted to be around.

Apparently, Yifan’s biker gang filled into this criteria too because most of them were undocumented immigrants from China. Yifan himself had come to South Korea on a student visa, only to drop out of college and overstay his pass.

 

 

It was a weekday so all the dingy bars and cheap karaoke outlets in that part of town were already closed. On a weekend, they would usually be open until at least four or five in the morning.

Chanyeol parked in a back alley near a leaking drain pipe running down the wall of a three floors building.

Kyungsoo almost wanted to cry all over again at how wet and moldy the ground was, and when he swore he saw a rat running past.

Under his armpit, Kyungsoo clutched the files and documents for tomorrow’s prosecution, afraid of leaving it in the car.

 

 

Chanyeol led him and Kyungsoo up some narrow and steep stairs. The walls were also growing mold and the paint had long peeled off to reveal a flaky, white substance that Kyungsoo didn’t dare to breathe in.

On the landing to the floors, Kyungsoo could see dimly lit corridors with blinking lights. The doors along the corridor also seemed aging and equally worn out. The walls along the corridors were either flaking or desecrated with graffiti.

Fliers promoting illegal business such as money laundering, drugs, and even prostitution services were pasted and littered down the corridor.

 

 

Kyungsoo could hear muffled voices of people talking, shouting, laughing, banging things and a TV or radio being loudly played from the units behind the doors along the length of the corridor.

Chanyeol held Kyungsoo’s hand and did not let go as he continued to look for the unit that supposed to belong to Yifan.

“Wha-, this is so cheap for cocaine compared to what my dealer sells me,” Kyungsoo commented, reading one of the fliers posted on the wall.

“Your dealer knows he’s dealing with people with good paying careers, that’s why he can overcharge you and get away with it. If he did that to someone on the streets, he’d never have any more business,” Chanyeol reasoned before leading Kyungsoo down the corridor and back to the stairs, announcing, “-we’re on the wrong floor. Yifan’s unit is upstairs.”

 

 

 

Once they found Yifan’s unit, Chanyeol quickly shoved Kyungsoo inside as Yifan slammed the door shut and bolted down all his seven locks.

Kyungsoo gasped either in horror or amazement, choosing to stand even when he was invited to sit down because he saw a cockroach run across the worn couch.

Yifan and Chanyeol discussed something out of earshot from Kyungsoo, who was now sitting on the floor on a square of newspaper that Yifan had given to him to sit on instead.

 

 

At half-past four in the morning, Chanyeol finished talking to Yifan and approached Kyungsoo, and knelt in front of him on the floor. In the meantime, Yifan was speaking loudly in Mandarin over the phone somewhere in the kitchen.

“Get a quick nap for a few hours, okay? One of Yifan’s men will bring you to court tomorrow and stop on the way at the dry cleaners. You just have to show him the way. He said you’ll leave at seven so you have some time to get stuff done before then,” Chanyeol instructed.

“-but what about you and that gang after us?” Kyungsoo questioned, a bit worried.

“We’ll leave it to Yifan’s gang but I’ll be going with them. We got a plan worked out. Don’t worry about me, I can afford to skip class tomorrow but you have to be in court tomorrow,” Chanyeol laid out the plan for Kyungsoo.

“Please be safe,” Kyungsoo requested, grabbing onto Chanyeol’s arm.

“Of course,” Chanyeol smiled, kissing Kyungsoo on the top of his head.

 

 

 

It was hard because Kyungsoo was anxious but he was tired too and fell asleep fast on some more newspapers that Yifan had given him.

Kyungsoo was not used to the place and still very much worrying so he often woke up halfway in his sleep, especially to the sounds of people walking around and talking in Yifan’s apartment.

Kyungsoo slept for a few hours while hugging his documents and files for the prosecution later that day.

 

 

Kyungsoo was shaken awake at seven sharp in the morning by a rather young-looking member of Yifan’s biker gang, who spoke in much accented Korean that he would be there to bring Kyungsoo to work that day.

Kyungsoo quickly got up and washed his face off in Yifan’s rusty sink.

Chanyeol and Yifan had already left by then and both his and Chanyeol’s phone had run out of battery to contact each other.

 

The young biker then handed Kyungsoo a helmet to which he responded with a, “-what?”

Kyungsoo didn’t know why he thought differently. They were a biker gang, obviously, and they all rode big bikes.

Kyungsoo still saw his car downstairs now draped with a white canvas sheet. Kyungsoo almost wanted to take the car but his keys were with Chanyeol.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo was reluctant to ride behind the kid who looked probably eighteen or nineteen years old at most. Kyungsoo didn’t dare to even know if he had a license, which he probably didn’t.

Yes, Kyungsoo was stubborn, but he also realized he had to do what he had to do.

Kyungsoo got on the bike behind the young biker, wrapping his arms tight around them with his documents snug in the waistband of his trousers to keep it secure.

 

The bike was loud and there was too much wind but riding a bike meant that they could ease out of most traffic congestions, especially in the morning rush hour.

The young biker had asked Kyungsoo where the dry cleaner was and Kyungsoo showed the way there.

There, Kyungsoo quickly changed into his court dress before getting back on the bike and gave the directions to the court.

 

 

 

At a bit past eight in the morning, Kyungsoo was dropped off at the front of the courthouse. The guards at the front gate initially held them up until Kyungsoo showed that it was him beneath the helmet before they were allowed in.

The guard just wasn’t used to seeing Kyungsoo without his car.

 

At the curb in front of the entrance, Kyungsoo quickly got off the bike and said thanks to the young biker.

Kyungsoo almost ran off, already wearing his court dress and still wearing the helmet when the young biker called out for him to return it.

Kyungsoo apologized, slightly embarrassed and returned the helmet before rushing off into the courthouse.

 

 

In the courthouse lobby, there were already people waiting with their lawyers, policeman escorting detainees, members of the press and other staff members.

The doors to the courtroom would be opened soon but the judge wouldn’t show up for another hour or so yet. Kyungsoo still needed the time to read and go over the documents one last time.

 

Frantically, Kyungsoo scoured and searched the lobby for Jongdae or someone he knew.

Kyungsoo eventually found Jongdae sitting on a bench with his laptop out and Baekhyun standing beside him.

“There you are!” Baekhyun loudly announced, his arms folded across his chest.

“I thought you said you were coming because you were dying?” Jongdae shook his head, looking confused up at Kyungsoo.

“Change of plans, it appears that I’m not dying. What’s Baekhyun doing here anyway?” Kyungsoo asked, panting.

“I was going to fill in for you if you weren’t coming like that text you sent us,” Baekhyun remarked.

“It’s fine it’s fine,” Kyungsoo repeated, sitting down on the bench beside Jongdae and then pulling out the files from his waistband under his court dress, much to the horror of Jongdae and Baekhyun.

“Looks like you two are good,” Baekhyun shrugged, “-I’ll just sit and watch the proceedings.”

“Whatever,” Jongdae dismissed, busy typing on his laptop.

“Let’s go prosecute people and go to hell for the nature of our career,” Kyungsoo almost dejectedly laughed at the whole turn of events.

 

 

 

 

The court adjourned in the afternoon and would continue after lunch, but Kyungsoo was already done for the day.

There was no interruption or no signs of a crime gang interfering with the proceedings that day, leading Kyungsoo to believe that Chanyeol had succeeded in whatever he planned to.

Kyungsoo successfully prosecuted the said rich kid whose mother was giving him a hard time. The sentence was passed down to three months in prison, down from the one year or six months Kyungsoo had tried to charge for.

 

 

While Kyungsoo and Jongdae were up front reading prosecutions and charges to the judge, he had Baekhyun charge his phone for him.

Once they finished up, Kyungsoo retrieved his phone back from Baekhyun and quickly turned it on to check up on Chanyeol.

 

Jongdae and Baekhyun asked Kyungsoo if he would like to come to lunch with them but Kyungsoo declined after Chanyeol replied and said that he was already waiting to pick up Kyungsoo in front of the courthouse.

“See you two later, gay boys,” Kyungsoo laughed manically from the lack of sleep as he ran out of the courthouse, down the stairs and headed to the road outside still in his court dress.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo had fully expected Chanyeol to show up in his car or Chanyeol’s own, but instead, he was met with Chanyeol waiting on a bike at the curbside.

Chanyeol took off his helmet when he saw Kyungsoo and chuckled a little, “I borrowed this from Yifan.”

“Why? What did you do?” Kyungsoo asked, jittering on the curb as he held up his court dress from running earlier on.

“We basically lured that rich kid’s mother’s gang out and rode all the way to the police station, where I then told Inspector Minseok about what they tried to do to us. So yeah, we’re all clear and they’re arrested but we got to go to the station soon to explain to the police what they did,” Chanyeol informed.

“Okay then,” Kyungsoo accepted, already a lot calmer and not needing to hear further explanations from Chanyeol.

“So, we’re going out for lunch?” Chanyeol grinned.

“On that? You don’t have a license for that. How do you even know how to ride a bike?” Kyungsoo pointed to the bike that Chanyeol was still on.

“-from basic training at the police academy, of course. I can even do car chases like in the movie. Don’t worry, I know everyone in the traffic department. Even if they hold us up, they’ll let me go,” Chanyeol smiled.

Kyungsoo sighed, looking up at the noon sky for a moment before looking back at Chanyeol, “Alright.”

“Get on,” Chanyeol mentioned as he handed a helmet to Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo was taking off his court dress at the curbside when his wallet fell out of the pockets. Suddenly remembering about it, Kyungsoo leaped like a child and threw the court dress at Chanyeol as he picked up his wallet from the ground.

Chanyeol was trying to fold Kyungsoo’s court dress when Kyungsoo pulled out a large coin from his wallet and showed it to Chanyeol.

“I forgot to tell you about this but they gave me this for more than 100 days free from drugs,” Kyungsoo proudly exclaimed, smiling as he displayed the coin.

“I’m proud of you,” Chanyeol beamed, “What’s next?”

“-a 200 days coin if I’m not mistaken, and then a one year coin,” Kyungsoo recalled, slipping the coin back into his wallet and then into his pockets.

“Well, we’ll look forward to it together then,” Chanyeol continued to smile as he squeezed and held the clutch lever down, pushing the start button to get the engine running.

“Yeah, together,” Kyungsoo replied, getting onto the bike and wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s waist.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I wonder if Chanyeol is ever going to return that bike?" Yifan pondered to himself later on.
> 
>  
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Deg7VrpHbM
> 
>  
> 
> For real though, this felt like a final chapter to me especially with that length hahaha. If I didn't cut out some planned scenes, it would have been like 7k+ my bad. There goes my plan for consistent chapter lengths. Anyways, next chapter or the one after that will probably be the last depending on how much I end up writing.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP

 

“I’m really afraid that I’ll die even after everything I have done. I did my best, doctor, and I know I tried very actively hard to not fail. I did everything I could and I made the best of whatever that was handed to me,” Kyungsoo confided, playing with the hem of the vest he was wearing on top of his dress shirt.

“Frankly,” Kyungsoo smiled, a bit melancholically, “I am proud of what I had achieved in the past year. I know there’s more room for improvement but I think I did well enough to not die. But that decision doesn’t lie with me, unfortunately.”

“Uh…” Junmyeon scratched his head before scribbling more notes down on his clipboard, “I am proud of how far you came too. Based on the therapy sessions I’ve been having you, I can indeed see an improvement and it would be great if you can keep that up. I just don’t understand this God of death thing? You’re telling me that you’ll die?”

“Yeah, I actually died in like a really stupid and absurd manner, because of how out of control I was. And, I met Yama, the king of the underworld, and he said that he’d give me another year to live but only if I improve myself and um…yeah,” Kyungsoo attempted to explain, “You don’t have to believe me but the thing is, I’m going to face something like that.”

“Like a big test you mean?” Junmyeon tried to understand.

“Yeah, like that,” Kyungsoo agreed, nodding and glancing up for a moment towards the fish tank before looking back at Junmyeon, “I studied hard for this ‘test’ and I think I have an overall good grasp on the subject, but I’m still afraid that I’ll fail even after everything I’ve done. Hard work doesn’t really pay off all the time.”

“I understand,” Junmyeon nodded, “So you’ve done everything to prepare yourself for this test?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo answered, “I’ve done a lot to prepare for it. I tried new ways, old ways, I learned from others and I just keep learning but I’m afraid my hard work isn’t going to translate in the way I want it.”

“-and the way you want your hard work to be translated to is to pass the test?” Junmyeon questioned.

“I want to pass at all costs,” Kyungsoo sighed, pressing his face to his hands, as the room went silent and he could only hear the bubbling sounds from the fish tank’s cycle pump, and the air conditioning vents blowing.

Junmyeon paused, thinking of a response before he spoke, “Well, I don’t know about this God of Death thing or this religion he belongs to. But if it’s about the ‘test’, I can advise you to go back to the basics, find the best studying method and keep finding new ways to try.”

“But,” Junmyeon continued, “-if after everything, and you still fail, then maybe just maybe, you’re heading your path in the wrong direction. Then, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate why is it you wanted to take this test in the first place. Is there something better out there perhaps? Maybe something you could do that is actually rewarding?”

 

 

 

Kyungsoo dryly chuckled with his face still pressed to his hands upon hearing Junmyeon’s advice. It would have applied in a different situation but when facing imminent death threatened by a preeminent being, there was no such thing as a “different path” like Junmyeon had described.

Yes, Kyungsoo knew Junmyeon was doing his job and trying to help, but as proven, it was almost impossible to talk about the whole dying thing without anyone calling him insane. It was even harder to get anyone else to understand him, granted that they had never been through the same ordeal.

Just like the depression Kyungsoo struggled with for years, it was hard for an outsider to understand and sympathize towards his situation despite how genuinely helpful they were.

 

 

Nonetheless, Kyungsoo stayed the full hour of the therapy session he had paid for. For the rest of the time, Kyungsoo avoided bringing up that topic again and instead focused on wanting to know how to deal with something he couldn’t avoid.

After the session and on the way out from the room, Kyungsoo asked if he could feed the fishes and Junmyeon gladly obliged.

Junmyeon handed Kyungsoo a small bowl of fish food, which Kyungsoo slowly poured into the top of the tank while Junmyeon watched.

Kyungsoo giggled and smiled, watching the goldfishes in the tank swim around to catch the food and then open their mouths to eat.

 

Junmyeon, who was used to Kyungsoo making odd comments about his goldfishes, was rather amazed at Kyungsoo’s sudden change in disposition towards the marine life.

Kyungsoo did find them annoying and intrusive at first for some reasons, but when he was faced with the possibility of dying soon, that ceased to matter anymore.

 

Kyungsoo bade goodbye to Junmyeon and told him to take care. Before Kyungsoo left the therapy clinic, he stopped by the receptionist counter and informed the lady working there to cancel all his future therapy appointments if he starting missing his sessions two weeks from now.

The lady concernedly asked Kyungsoo if anything was wrong, but Kyungsoo only smiled and said it was just a matter of precaution without explaining the details.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was already late September, just a bit over two more weeks before Kyungsoo and Chanyeol’s one-year extension was up.

The previous year, Chuseok fell on October 4th, which was the same date Kyungsoo had died choking on a dick and Chanyeol died slipping on vomit. This year, Chuseok was earlier and would be in late September before the date of their expiration.

 

After brainstorming and trying to make a timeline of that day’s events, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol agreed that they had died probably around a bit past ten at night.

Although they weren’t sure if they were supposed to die at exactly midnight on October 4th, they did not rule out dying at a bit past 10 o’clock at night.

Moreover, the whole event of meeting Yama and being told that they were dead, going to hell and given a year to live was rather vague and mysterious itself.

 

 

As October 4th started approaching, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol also started to make preparations if just in case they or the other would die, although they clearly and had tried hard to not make that happen.

Kyungsoo had finished up his work as far as he could, so it would ease the coworker who might be taking over his work if he died.

Kyungsoo increased his insurance premium by three times, which would ensure that his car and apartment would be fully paid off if he died.

Kyungsoo stopped buying new things or planning too far ahead in the future. He and Chanyeol began finishing all the food in the apartment, watched all the movies they always planned to and begun to say their goodbyes to their loved ones without making it too awkward either in case they ended up not dying.

Kyungsoo had written a very long letter addressed to his brother, kept in a safe, which would only be opened and delivered to his brother if he died. He wrote nothing to his mother and father except for an old family picture of them in happier times, and the word written behind: “I forgive you”.

 

 

 

After the therapy session with Junmyeon, Kyungsoo went out to eat a late lunch with Baekhyun and Jongdae.

Baekhyun and Jongdae would be facing their own “expiration” date in late December, which was more than two months away.

Since then, they were the only people other than Chanyeol that Kyungsoo could actually honestly confide in with his problem.

 

At lunch, Kyungsoo produced the documents he had prepared and slid it across the table to pass to Baekhyun and Jongdae.

 

“So, this is it, huh?” Baekhyun flipped through the pages of paper that Kyungsoo had given to him.

“Yup, it’s all there. You just need to sign it to officially become the attorney who will execute my will once I’m gone,” Kyungsoo solemnly explained.

“So most of your property and saving is going to Chanyeol and the rest to your brother,” Jongdae noted, reading the papers over Baekhyun’s shoulder.

“Yeah, and like stated, if Chanyeol dies too then my brother gets most of it and you can choose some charities or organization for the rest of it,” Kyungsoo added.

“This feels weird, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun remarked, putting the papers aside which Jongdae immediately grabbed to read, “-as lawyers it’s our job to deal with these but it just doesn’t feel right when it’s your good friend who is most likely going to die soon.”

“Exactly,” Kyungsoo sarcastically chuckled, “Which is why as a final gift to you two for being my friends since college, today’s lunch is on me.”

“We’ve known each other for 12 years and free lunch is all we get as a parting gift?” Jongdae hissed before sighing, putting the papers down and looking at Kyungsoo rather dismally, “you’re not really dying, aren’t you?”

Baekhyun looked on, looking rather glum himself too.

“I don’t want to die either but I messed up in the past and its led me to the consequences I have and will be facing,” Kyungsoo tried to say even as his voice broke and he began to tear up. “You two know I tried my best. I’ve done everything in my power to prevent it but I can’t tell if I’ll make it. If I die, you can make me an example and do better so you won’t die yourselves. At least it will be for nothing because this past year was hard but it was the best I’ve ever had. And you two helped me a lot too and I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for that.”

 

Baekhyun sighed; turning to look away and hide his face with his hands as he began to tear up at Kyungsoo’s parting speech.

Jongdae didn’t tear up but he was rendered speechless and stunned, not knowing where to look at, what to say or even do in such a moment.

It was never easy to deal with such a topic like death, especially when there would be a high chance of it happening to someone close to you very soon.

They argued and bickered a lot since college but they were all collectively good friends who had each other’s backs despite the trouble they often put each other into. And, of course, they would never wish death onto another despite how difficult it might get between them.

 

However, Kyungsoo was the first to break the tense silence as he joked, “-make sure you come to my funeral wearing the most outrageous colored outfit you can find. Jongdae, you have to come in drag or I'll haunt you from the afterlife. Please don’t bury me like that too. I don’t want that gloomy black outfits because it reminds me of being court. I don’t want anything to with that when I’m dead.”

“You know, we’re all lawyers by profession, we’re going to hell anyway,” Baekhyun chuckled despite tearing up earlier on.

“We already did, you know,” Jongdae muttered, cheering up a bit.

“That’s why if I have to go to back there again, I want to make a big statement if I have to see that fatass Yama again,” Kyungsoo quipped.

 

 

As promised, Kyungsoo paid for the lunch which ended up turning into a late dinner he paid for too. They stayed at the restaurant for hours laughing at old court stories and inside jokes, and then went drinking at a karaoke bar and competed about who sang better while drunk.

After that, they ate again at a barbeque place and ordered so much food that they had to share it with the family at the table beside theirs.

Kyungsoo would be going away at Chuseok which was just three days ahead, so it was the last time that he could meet up with Baekhyun and Jongdae before then.

The three of them had come in to work that morning but called in to say they were taking the rest of the day off after lunch, so they could spend what they hoped to not be their last outing together.

 

 

At the end of the night, Baekhyun and Jongdae got home in a taxi because none of them were sober enough to drive.

Kyungsoo was pretty sober by then as he had not continued drinking at the barbeque place, so he could see them off, pay for the taxi and tell the driver where to bring them home.

 

Chanyeol had already arrived there to drive Kyungsoo home and help carry his drunken friends into the back of the taxi.

Chanyeol thanked a drunk Baekhyun and Jongdae for spending time with Kyungsoo, and they drunkenly laughed back at him and joked about how Kyungsoo liked tall men like Chanyeol for their usually big dicks.

Kyungsoo laughed too as the taxi with Baekhyun and Jongdae in it drove off, there was no denying that.

 

 

After seeing Baekhyun and Jongdae off, Chanyeol held Kyungsoo by wrapping an arm around his boyfriend’s waist, as they walked together down the sidewalk and headed to their car parked not too far away.

“So, have you started packing for our trip already?” Kyungsoo asked, looking to the ground as he walked, feeling a bit tipsy but not too sober either.

“Yeah, I didn’t pack much though. I’m not sure if I have to; it’s not that cold in Jeju this time of the year anyway.” Chanyeol thought.

“It’s just two weeks. I think you’ll be fine,” Kyungsoo shrugged, “We’re the only people going to the beach in October and during Chuseok too. Who’s going to see us, anyway?”

“I’ll see you lots and lots,” Chanyeol leaped to hug Kyungsoo from behind, stopping them in their tracks.

“Oh yeah? You’d prefer to see me naked and on my back though,” Kyungsoo teased, poking Chanyeol on the waist.

 

Chanyeol jerked from the poking and laughed, pulling away from Kyungsoo as he tried to reciprocate and try to poke Kyungsoo in the waist too, except that Kyungsoo was better and avoiding it.

What would have taken five minutes at most for them to walk to where the car was parked, it ended up taking three times long as they ended up teasing and playing with each other down the sidewalks in front of the mostly closed shops at almost midnight.

No one seemed to mind them and they didn’t try to hide their affection from each other either, especially in a public place.

Even if for a while, suddenly all of that didn’t matter anymore.

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol, on the other hand, had also done his own fair share of preparation just in case he too would end up dying.

The one difference between Kyungsoo and Chanyeol was that; Kyungsoo was afraid of dying because it meant he would be failing despite everything he had done, while Chanyeol was afraid if only one of them ended up dying and the surviving partner would be left alone.

Chanyeol was as much afraid of dying and having to leave Kyungsoo behind, as much as the fear of Kyungsoo dying and that he would be left behind.

 

Chanyeol had no living relatives anymore and he knew how very painful it was to be the one that was left behind.

There was no going back to normal after the death of someone so close. Life would never the same and everything was forced to change.

There was no other way except to learn how to live differently from there on, whether a person liked it or not.

As much as Chanyeol didn’t want that to happen, he’d rather the both of them die than only one of them dying. He wasn’t ready to go through all that again.

A year ago, when Kyungsoo was trying to jump off that bridge on Chuseok evening, Chanyeol couldn’t care less if Kyungsoo did end up jumping and killing himself. Since that was what Kyungsoo used to want at that time anyway.

But, Chanyeol had ended up being the person who would help bring Kyungsoo off that brink and closer to reality and recovery.

Now, Chanyeol couldn’t have imagined anything remotely different other than that.

 

 

 

If Chanyeol died, he wouldn’t have to attend more detective school classes and tests or evaluations. But if he did, he would have to continue attending classes and evaluations until January the following year, with a big test that would also take place then.

Going to classes and studying was as equally as hard, and Chanyeol considered just quitting because he was probably going to die anyway.

But when he realized that there was a possibility of him surviving too, Chanyeol realized that he didn’t want to be the lazy slob he once was anymore. And should he live; he wanted the better and improved life he had worked so hard for.

It was as hard as his dick was when he thought about Kyungsoo’s round ass, but Chanyeol persisted and would continue to do so. He felt like he could do anything with Kyungsoo’s support.

 

 

In the few days following up to when he would be leaving for the supposed final trip with Kyungsoo, Chanyeol too began arranging and sorting his matters.

Because he wasn’t going in to work and couldn’t spend that time with his two closest coworkers and friends, Minseok and Sehun, Chanyeol waited until they got off their shifts to treat the both of them for drinks at Yixing’s bar just outside the station.

 

“In all the years I’ve known you; you have not once even treated anyone for drinks at all. It seems suspicious, what are you up to?” Minseok notified, holding the soju bottle in his hand but drinking it anyway.

“I didn’t notice that too,” Sehun recalled, trying to remember if Chanyeol ever did treat him to anything as he shrugged his shoulders.

“Please drink more,” Chanyeol invited with a smile, pouring more soju into the shot glasses for Minseok and Sehun.

“You’re not trying to bribe me for something, are you?” Minseok hinted, already feeling buzzed.

“Of course not. Err, it’s almost Chuseok and I just realized that I’ve never done anything for you guys. So, I thought I’d bring you out to drink at least,” Chanyeol excused, being honest but also not telling the full truth either, having learned to make statements like that from Kyungsoo.

“What’s up though, hyung?” Sehun asked, covering his glass with his hand to refuse when Chanyeol offered to refill his glass.

“I’ll tell you what’s up,” Minseok hiccupped, already swaying on his chair as he giggled to himself, “Chanyeol won some money through a scratch lottery and he feels bad about having so much money and not treating his friends out to drink. That’s why.”

“Chanyeol hyung won some money? He’s not that lucky,” Sehun snickered, trying to entertain a growingly drunk Minseok.

“No prize money here,” Chanyeol could only laugh. Sehun’s statement did hurt a bit but it did hold some truth to it, Chanyeol couldn’t argue.

 

“So, what’s really going on though?” Sehun continued to ask, seeing that Minseok had begun to strike up a conversation with Yixing, the bartender.

“I know it’s strange to see me doing like this but you got to start somewhere, right?” Chanyeol tried to make light of.

“-yeah, maybe, but then you were going on and saying stuff like I could have your desk and the stuff there if you stopped coming in to work. What’s the meaning of that? It sounds like you’re leaving and going somewhere far without ever going back,” Sehun questioned, raising an eyebrow, leaning an arm on the table.

“Well, I can’t be a policeman forever. I got to stop somewhere, right? I might resign and change careers or I’ll just stick by it and retire when I’m old,” Chanyeol made up an excuse, “So I thought that if for any reason, I had to go, you could have my desk and all the stuff I left there. It’s a really good spot though because its right under the air vents. You won’t be sweating in the summer and you’ll be warm in the winter.”

“Okay?” Sehun responded, still confused, “That makes sense but when you put it that way, it makes it seems as if-,” Sehun then paused and took a deep breath before resuming, “-sorry to say this, but it sounds like you plan on committing suicide when you say and do all these things.”

“Me? Do that?” Chanyeol faked a laugh before gulping down another shot, “That’s not my thing. That’s Kyungsoo thing- or was his thing.”

“I didn’t want to think that was the case too but it’s a really worrying thing especially considering where we live in,” Sehun pointed out, now refilling his own glass and then doing the same for Minseok’s.

 

 

Sehun refilled Minseok’s glass again and then he and Chanyeol laughed at Minseok’s attempt to impersonate the department’s police chief.

Chanyeol and Sehun did end up having to pull Minseok down from the bar when he attempted to climb onto the bar and give everyone a striptease.

 

“Everything is fine isn’t it, hyung?” Sehun then asked, concerned, placing a hand on Chanyeol’s upper back near the latter’s shoulders.

“It’s fine, really. I appreciate your concern but everything is alright,” Chanyeol expressed, unsure if he was actually telling the truth or lying this time.

“Of course, but if anything’s wrong, don’t hesitate to ask for help if you do,” Sehun urged, patting Chanyeol on the back before removing his hand.

“Thank you,” Chanyeol smiled, nodding his head.

 

Chanyeol and Sehun looked on and laughed a bit at Minseok for a while, temporarily halting their conversation.

Minseok was still talking and bragging about the criminals he arrested and stopped in the past to Yixing, who didn’t have any other customers to attend to at the time and didn’t mind to hear Minseok’s drunken ramblings.

They eventually had to leave when the department’s police chief himself came to the bar, which was not a surprise because of its close proximity to the station making it a hangout place for the off-duty policemen.

 

Half asleep and drunk, Minseok was helped into a car by Sehun who offered to drive him home. Chanyeol thanked Sehun for the help because he had initially wanted to drive Minseok home himself.

They did not leave yet though and spent almost half an hour talking in the parking lots before Minseok who had stirred awake began playing with the car horn.

Chanyeol bade goodbye to the both of them and Minseok mumbled something about how Chanyeol would have to continue treating them to drinks more often now.

Chanyeol really wished and hoped that he would be able to do so.

 

 

 

Chanyeol also visited his parent’s graves once again before leaving on the trip. Chanyeol cleaned up their graves and left fresh offerings there. This time of the year, he wasn’t alone at the graveyard, because it was Chuseok and the usual time when family members came to pay respects to their deceased relatives.

Chanyeol prayed for their departed souls and although he wanted to believe that he’d see them in the afterlife, he had decided that he had so much more to live for before seeing them again.

 

 

Chanyeol then also returned to his old basement apartment where he used to live at with his parents. Chanyeol spent a night there, the first time he had done so in a while because he had been cleaning up and arranging the place.

After all the cleaning, Chanyeol was really exhausted especially because he had classes earlier that day too. Chanyeol only had enough energy to text Kyungsoo that he’d be sleeping there before falling asleep on the couch.

 

The following morning, Chanyeol dropped the keys to the place in a flowerpot with just earth in it, right near the door outside the apartment.

If Chanyeol ended up dying, Kyungsoo would know where to find it and if the both of them ended up dying, someone in the area would find the key there and still make their way into the apartment.

Chanyeol didn’t care what they did with the place if he really died. It didn’t matter because he wouldn’t need it anymore. At least it could be some sort of communal space for the residents to use, Chanyeol thought.

 

 

 

 

 

On Chuseok day itself, when everyone was off from work and already back home celebrating with their families, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol would then leave for Jeju for their second and probably last holiday together.

Chanyeol suggested a warmer place by the sea with a beach and they had decided on Jeju after some discussion.

It would have been sunnier and warmer if they traveled further down South but they would have to leave the country in that case, and Chanyeol never had a passport made. It was too late to make one now and even though it was early in the fall, they didn’t care and would still go anyway.

 

 

Somehow, despite the peak travel season, Chanyeol managed to book two direct flight tickets to Jeju Island on a local budget airline that he could afford.

Chanyeol was also in charge of booking the hotel room and he was able to get a room at a three-star hotel for the two weeks that they’d be staying there until the supposed day of their deaths.

The hotel charges were a bit expensive because of the holiday season and the duration of their stay, so Kyungsoo helped to pay for a bit more than half of the price.

Kyungsoo was mildly annoyed to find out when they arrived, that the hotel staff had booked them a room with two singles bed when they made the reservation for two people. They were able to switch to a room with a queen-sized bed they could share after a few nights there, however.

 

 

 

For the next two weeks, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol spent their probably last two weeks of life making new memories, seeing new places and experiencing new things they never had to opportunity to do so together earlier on.

While Chanyeol had this idea of a warm, sunny beach to bring Kyungsoo to, the sights of Jeju were a bit different in the fall.

The skies were greyer, it rained more often and it was cooler than it would have been in the summer but Kyungsoo didn’t complain even when Chanyeol apologized for not bringing them there in the summer.

 

There was no swimming or sunbathing involved but Kyungsoo still had fun walking down the beach with Chanyeol. It was better like this actually. There were fewer people and they were avoiding the summer crowd, allowing them more privacy and ease in public to be openly affectionate with each other.

Chanyeol, of course, couldn’t resist scooping up sand and pulling the waistband of Kyungsoo’s shorts to pour the sand in. Kyungsoo shouted at Chanyeol for that, and Chanyeol later had to personally wash off and scrub Kyungsoo clean later on in the hotel until there were no more bits of sand left in Kyugnsoo’s butt crack.

 

 

Other than a stroll on a quiet beach in the fall, the two of them too visited fishing villages where they got to observe the local fisherman and divers about their daily activities. They also got to eat fresh seafood bought at fish markets that opened at dawn and was cooked to them by the locals.

They’d hike the forest trails to hilltops and mountains so they would be able to catch the sunset or sunrise overlooking the sea, depending on what each location was known for. At the same time, they were able to welcome the foliage of brown, gold and amber leaves that made up the fall scenery.

They’d rent bicycles and cycle through the coastal roads where the winds sung to them and accompanied throughout the journey, especially at that time of the year when the famed winds blew. They weren’t alone and got to join bicycle tours with other tourists and a tour guide who explained the coasts to them.

They’d visit the famous volcanic craters Jeju was known for, where one was allowed to walk on the circumference and admire the natural growth around it that was unique to that area alone.

They’d participate in fruit picking at the island’s orchards, where they were too given classes on how to bake and cakes and tarts with the fruits that they had collected. In the end, they got to eat the cakes and tarts they had made and even got to share it with the other people there.

 

 

 

Then finally, early in the morning even before the sunrise on October 4th, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo quietly left their hotel room and drove in their rented car to a famous ornate Buddhist temple.

Although both of them were hardly religious at all, Chanyeol did lean a bit more to the spiritual side than Kyungsoo.

Although they did ended up meeting the god of death from Buddhist scriptures, Kyungsoo maintained being non-religious and Chanyeol just didn’t want to invoke the wrath of any more deities.

 

Right when the temple was opened to the public in the morning, Chanyeol met a priest there whom he wanted to talk to before he might die that night. Chanyeol wanted to pray too and attain that final sense of peace he achieved through that.

Kyungsoo did not want to talk to anyone and waited for Chanyeol. Kyungsoo observed a group of people who had come for early morning meditation in the main worship hall with the three large statues of Buddha on the altar, as the accompanying bell was rung periodically.

 

Kyungsoo might die that night and he wasn’t the type of person to get on his knees and pray for salvation or forgiveness, even knowing his death was close. In the end, even though he was a changed man, Kyungsoo still held on strong to his pride.

But even despite that, while Kyungsoo was standing at the back of the hall, hearing the monks and worshippers chant and pray serenely, Kyungsoo finally realized the most important thing in the over thirty years of his life; that he too had finally attained peace with himself and the world.

 

 

 

 

In case they would die in that hotel room that night, they had written a letter which they left on the dresser for the unlucky hotel staff to find the next morning when they were supposed to check out and hadn’t done so.

The letter was written with both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo apologizing for dying there, who to contact to collect their bodies and the rest of the payment for their stay.

 

 

They were both too nervous to even feel hungry to eat dinner and had instead shared a bottle of wine between the both of them as their final refreshments.

And then for the final time, like the way they had initially died a year ago, they wanted to make love to each other again.

Except for this time, there was less lust and no more drugs or alcohol involved. It was just them and their unadulterated love and feelings for each other at the supposed end of their lives.

 

 

Slowly, they helped each other strip, taking as much time as they could without any rush.

They had agreed to not look at any clocks or devices that could tell the time after sunset, so they would not know what time it was or how close they were to ten at night. So when it happened, it would just happen.

With each article of clothing removed, they would each take the time to leave kisses on the other’s body, caress the skin wantonly and say how beautiful the other looked even when flushed. They made sure to take their sweet time to give each other the worship they deserved.

That night, they were each other’s god to pray and worship to.

 

 

Chanyeol was now fully stripped, stark nude in his birthday- and possibly death suit too. Kyungsoo still had his white underwear on as he sat in a similar pose as Chanyeol, cross-legged in the middle of the bed, looking into each other’s eyes under the dimmed lighting.

Chanyeol placed a hand on Kyungsoo’s hipbone, rubbing the skin on Kyungsoo’s hips under his fingers as he breathed, “I’ve always thought you were cute even before we officially met with each other. I saw you in the courtroom that day and I just couldn’t help but think of it.”

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo smiled, cheeks rising, rubbing circles on Chanyeol’s bare chest, “I’m sorry for thinking so lowly of you at that time.”

“It makes me jealous now to think that I couldn’t be the first man to have you,” Chanyeol confessed, hanging his head low.

“Technically, you were the first man to fuck me in the ass. I always did it the other way around before you came along. I won’t bottom for anyone ever. Just you,” Kyungsoo revealed, moving his hand on Chanyeol’s chest up to the side of the neck where he held it firmly.

Kyungsoo expected Chanyeol to laugh but he didn’t. Instead, Chanyeol cursed under his breath, resting a hand behind Kyungsoo’s neck as he nuzzled his face against Kyungsoo’s nape, “Will you let me make love to you, tonight?”

“Of course,” Kyungsoo permitted as Chanyeol swooped in for a deep kiss.

 

 

Even during the kiss, they were already one with each other as even their heartbeats and breaths began to mimic each other.

The long drawn out kiss soon began to take a dive from sensual to steamy and heated, when Kyungsoo firmly places a hand on the back of Chanyeol’s head to steady it, as he slipped his tongue in to trace Chanyeol’s.

Chanyeol does not lead the kiss, letting Kyungsoo do the job. But when Kyungsoo slightly pulled away, Chanyeol reacted instinctively and captures Kyungsoo’s lip into his once more.

Soon, Kyungsoo found himself straddling the already naked Chanyeol while he himself is still wearing his pair of white underwear.

 

 

Chanyeol broke away from the kiss, gazing down on Kyungsoo as he chuckled softly against Kyungsoo’s lips, “Getting impatient are we?”

Kyungsoo only whimpered from Chanyeol’s heavy gaze as he was laid down on his back on the bed. Kyungsoo then cracked a joke about this being the favorite position Chanyeol liked him in.

 

 

Kyungsoo looked to his own bare chest, nipples perking up in the cold air, and later looked up to Chanyeol’s face in front of her. Kyungsoo was met with a smile from Chanyeol.

Maybe now, Kyungsoo regretted not working out much in his life because Chanyeol was physically bigger than him in all aspects from dick size, to height, arm width and even ear length. Now, Kyungsoo only laughed at the thought.

Chanyeol hovered above Kyungsoo, kissing Kyungsoo on the lips again and then on the neck, moving to kiss between Kyungsoo’s shoulder blades before circling his tongue over a nipple while his hand grabbed onto the flesh.

With that, Kyungsoo jerked upwards into Chanyeol, an unsolicited moan escaping from his mouth. Chanyeol chuckled to himself at Kyungsoo’s reaction, continuing to suck on the nipple and then promptly attending to the other one.

 

 

Kyungsoo tried to hold back the sounds escaping his mouth by pressing the back of his hand against his mouth. Chanyeol released Kyungsoo’s nipple from his mouth, moving his face to kiss Kyungsoo near his lips but not it.

“Don’t”, Chanyeol instructed, pulling Kyungsoo’s hand away from his mouth,”Let me hear you this last time. I want your voice to be the last thing I will hear.”

Kyungsoo nodded, more than happy to fulfill Chanyeol’s request.

 

Chanyeol smiled despite the turmoil in his heart, as he moved lower to kiss Kyungsoo’s belly button and then to trace the hipbones with his lips, never going lower than the waistband of Kyungsoo’s underwear.

Kyungsoo was already anticipating it too much and spread his legs apart, the moment Chanyeol placed a hand on his thigh.

 

 

Chanyeol found a comfortable position for himself, settling his face in front of Kyungsoo’s still clothed and covered crotch.

“White underwear. Nice choice for the last time,” Chanyeol chuckled before yanking down the underwear and removing it from Kyungsoo entirely.

“I guess this is like a reverse virginity thing because unlike it being a first time, this is the last time so I thought I’d wear that,” Kyungsoo joked, now entirely naked like Chanyeol.

“Naughty,” Chanyeol commented, sniffing the underwear, inhaling the scent deeply as Kyungsoo watched him.

“Who’s the one sniffed like a crack head now?” Kyungsoo teased.

“Still not me,” Chanyeol haughtily replied, setting away the undergarment.

 

 

Chanyeol spat on his hand before running it on the entire length of Kyungsoo’s not so erect penis as he teased Kyungsoo with light tugs and rubs, never giving the tight grip that Kyungsoo badly needed. Gradually and eventually, Kyungsoo’s cock grew harder and larger in Chanyeol’s right hand.

Kyungsoo began to tense in pleasure as his breath grew harder and labored. Kyungsoo bit on his own lip but let it go to release his voice when he remembered what Chanyeol had asked of him.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo moaned, the name falling off his lips without much thought. Kyungsoo was no longer in control of his vocalizations anymore at this point.  

 

Chanyeol removed his hand and then pressed his face close to Kyungsoo’s cock, which curled towards Kyungsoo’s stomach and a bit to the right when erect.

Chanyeol did not touch it again, letting his warm breath ghost against the cock that was now leaking precum.

Kyungsoo’s skin formed goosebumps and he lightly shivered even in the heated room, before Chanyeol parted his wet lips and basically deep throated Kyungsoo in just one move.

Chanyeol began sucking and Kyungsoo’s cock hit the back of this throat every time, with the sound of his gag reflex working every time. But still, Chanyeol remained unfazed and continued to deep throat the cock like it was his job to do so.

Unlike Kyungsoo, Chanyeol did not even come close to choking or gagging.

 

 

“Oh god,” Kyungsoo cried out, eyes rolling to the back of his head as his hands immediately flew to grab onto Chanyeol’s moppy head of hair.

In the throes of pleasure, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel how unfair this was that Chanyeol was so much better at giving blowjobs than he was. If Chanyeol was the one sucking dick on October 4th last year, they probably wouldn’t even be dying in the first place.

After what sounded like a choked cry, Kyungsoo innately gave up their long feud and conceded that Chanyeol was indeed the better one in bed.

 

 

Kyungsoo’s back arched off the bed and his hips buck, driving his cock further into Chanyeol’s mouth. Chanyeol still continued to take the cock in his mouth like a champ every time.

Chanyeol came up for air and smeared Kyungsoo’s precum all over his right hand before skullfucking himself back on Kyungsoo’s cock.

All with a cock still in his mouth and down his throat, Chanyeol penetrated Kyungsoo with a middle finger coated in Kyungsoo’s own cum, hooking his finger upwards and driving it as deep and where he knew would be most pleasurable.

Kyungsoo’s body was a sanctuary for Chanyeol that he knew so well around.

 

 

Kyungsoo was trying to press his hips down into the mattress, not wanting to buck too wildly against Chanyeol between his thighs.

Chanyeol nudged his index finger near Kyungsoo’s hole and decided it was alright to add the other digit in to join the middle finger already inside. After some time, Chanyeol too added a third finger, his ring finger.

Kyungsoo grunted, grabbing onto the bed sheets as the sensation of slowly being filled with Chanyeol’s thick, long fingers coursed through his body. Kyungsoo already couldn’t wait for the real thing that was Chanyeol’s own cock inside him.

 

Kyungsoo was afraid he’d die anytime now without feeling Chanyeol inside him one last time, but he remained patient and wanted to draw this one final time as long as he could. Because there might not be another time.

 

 

Kyungsoo began to shake and quiver, thighs closing in on Chanyeol’s head at the simultaneous blowjob and fingering he was getting.

Kyungsoo was already beginning to feel worried about something else when the thought instantly vanished when his hips bucked wildly and he moaned loudly, sounding like he was choking even.

Kyungsoo had come, with his mouth hanging open and tongue half hanging from his mouth as saliva rolled down his cheeks.

 

Chanyeol did not swallow and allowed the cum to drip out his mouth and back onto Kyungsoo’s cock and abdomen. Chanyeol smeared his hands on Kyungsoo’s cum; using it to lubricate his own cock on top of saliva and the lube lying on the bed which they already prepare beforehand.

They probably already ran through a few tubes of lube since they first started their trip and they decided to finish that one last tube that night. There was never such a thing as too much lube.

 

 

Kyungsoo was lying down, panting and already feeling sated from the orgasm. Chanyeol was pleased, knowing that Kyungsoo was too.

“But, we’re not done yet, dongsaeng,” Chanyeol kissed Kyungsoo on the cheek, a hand between their bodies to rub Kyungsoo’s stomach. “We’re just getting started here.”

Kyungsoo nodded, knowing the cue when Chanyeol began to address him in such a way, “Please take me, Chanyeol oppa,”

Chanyeol laughed and Kyungsoo had to playfully slap him on the chest so they could get down to the actual fucking. It was a bit like that time, except that they were both sober while at it.

 

 

Chanyeol took a pillow and placed it below Kyungsoo’s hip for a better position, before lining his cock at Kyungsoo’s spread entrance. Chanyeol hooked Kyungsoo’s legs on his hips and Kyungsoo helped by wrapping his legs around Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo tried to prop himself up on his hands, but Chanyeol hushed him before pushing Kyungsoo down back onto the mattress.

“Relax,” Chanyeol cooed like he was almost singing, “I’ll do the work. You just have to feel this and hold on.”

 

Guiding his erection in, Chanyeol pressed the head of his cock through the tight rings of muscles of but not fully penetrating just yet. Chanyeol would have preferred to just push through but he would never hurt Kyungsoo like that.

The feeling was obviously not enough but it lingered like a bad tease and Chanyeol already wanted to feel the tightness on him already.

Chanyeol reveled in the thought that he was the only one who had been inside Kyungsoo.

 

 

Chanyeol then gradually began pushing in and stopping whenever he felt Kyungsoo constricting around him, waiting for Kyungsoo to relax before going further in.

Kyungsoo enjoyed the feeling and how it was being dragged out made it excruciatingly better. This would be a good time to die now, high on sex with Chanyeol’s cock deep and throbbing inside him.

 

Chanyeol leaned forward until their foreheads touched as Chanyeol sheathes the entire length of his cock inside Kyungsoo, thrusting in hard but slowly timed thrusts.

“Ah,” Chanyeol gasped, “I love you so much, Kyungsoo.”

“Me too. I love you too, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo felt the words coming from his own heart as he said it.

 

 

Chanyeol sped up his thrusts but in a softer manner, not even pulling out past half the length of his cock before thrusting back into Kyungsoo who felt so good to him.

Kyungsoo moaned loudly without care that someone in the next room would hear him. He loved Chanyeol so much and he wanted to scream to the world about it if he could.

 

 

Chanyeol still felt that this wasn’t enough and began to thrust as fast as he was hard, occasionally moving his hand to make sure Kyungsoo’s legs were securely wrapped around his waist. Chanyeol wanted this one last time to be where he fucked Kyungsoo so hard, that they’d be feeling each other all the way into Hell.

From the cock penetrating and drilling into him, Kyungsoo arched his back off the mattress so hard that he almost folds herself in half, if not for Chanyeol pushing him back down.

Chanyeol sinisterly smiled, liking the reaction from Kyungsoo and how he was making Kyungsoo feel him so much and so badly good.

 

Chanyeol pinned Kyungsoo back down, his hands holding Kyungsoo down and being careful not to hurt Kyungsoo either.

Chanyeol continues his thrusts in rhythm with Kyungsoo, rolling his hips around to find that best angle and depth which he knew Kyungsoo liked very well.

 

 

Never in all the years of casual sex, hookups and one night’s stands had Chanyeol wanted his partner to feel much better than him while they were doing the deed.  

This was almost as good crack to Kyungsoo.

Suddenly, all the worries and the impending doom waiting for them all seemed to pale in comparison with the amount of ass and dick either of them was getting.

This was such a good way to die, they both began to realize.

 

 

The sounds of skin slapping against skin were overlaid by their heavy breathing and moans.

Chanyeol’s thrust grew erratic, faster and sloppier as he neared his climax. Chanyeol wasn’t a loud person in bed but he was breathing heavily through both his mouth and nose, evident by the sounds.

Chanyeol felt himself becoming light headed from the enveloping pleasure and rocking movements. Chanyeol balanced himself properly, feeling that he might fall over.

 

Thinking that this was him dying, Chanyeol continued thrusting and did not pull out either when he finally came, spilling his cum inside Kyungsoo.

They had also foregone using a condom this time because it seemed like such a sin to use it at their last time, compared to what they were already doing.

 

 

 

Chanyeol finally collapsed on Kyungsoo’s chest, exhausted and pulled out his phone somewhere on the bed under another pillow.

Nuzzling his face in Kyungsoo’s neck after looking at the time and date, Chanyeol muttered, “It’s past midnight. It’s the 5th of October.”

“We’re not dead?” Kyungsoo exclaimed, placing a hand on Chanyeol’s back. “What the fuck?”

Chanyeol laughed, rolling off Kyungsoo, as he began to tear up and cry out of relief.

“What!” Kyungsoo almost shouted and continued to yell for a while, even forgetting that he hadn’t gotten to cum a second time.

 

Chanyeol continued crying on his side while Kyungsoo was left feeling weirdly confused at why he was still alive.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ain't the last chapter. I ended up writing too much, it'll be the next chapter. You didn't think that I forgot that this was supposed to be a smut+ crack fic too xD


	19. Chapter 19

 

After successfully not dying, much to their pleasant surprise, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo found themselves in another dilemma once they returned from Jeju.

Now, they had to undo everything they had done to prepare for their deaths and pretend like it never happened to everyone else who did ask questions as to why their behavior had been changing as of late.

 

 

The moment they arrived back at their apartment in Seoul, Kyungsoo immediately ran to their room and opened the safe to destroy the letter addressed to his brother, and to hide the family picture address to his parents somewhere between the pages of a law book.

Chanyeol quickly retrieved the key to his basement apartment from the flower pot he had hidden it in, a bit amazed that no one had found it by then and try to break in, considering the kind of area he lived in.

 

Kyungsoo showed up at Baekhyun’s place the day after he returned from Jeju. Jongdae now lived with Baekhyun and the both of them had a horrified look on their faces as if they had just seen a dead person come back to life when Kyungsoo showed up unannounced.

After Kyungsoo had not picked up their calls on October 5th, the day after, Baekhyun and Jongdae assumed Kyungsoo and Chanyeol had died somewhere.

 

 

Also, there was no more food left in their apartment and they had to eat out for the next few days until they could go grocery shopping.

Kyungsoo had to reschedule his therapy appointments with Junmyeon, which cost him additional fee charges for the last minute cancellation and change of mind. When Kyungsoo did return for therapy sessions with Junmyeon, Kyungsoo found out that there was now a new tank but now with shrimp in it, which gave him more things to be annoyed about.

Kyungsoo had to rebalance his monthly expenses with the now three times insurance premium he was paying. Kyungsoo did not choose to cancel that or move to a lower plan because after going through such a scare, he learned to be prepared if it ever happened again.

 

Chanyeol missed plenty of classes and had less time to catch up before his big test and evaluation in January.

Now, Chanyeol also had to continue buying drinks for Sehun and Minseok at Yixing’s bar whenever they got off a shift like he had promised to do so if he ever came back alive which he did.

 

 

 

But once that was all done and dealt with, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol found that life had changed very much for both of them.

It was not a rapid change, it was a gradual one over the past year but it was only now that they realized how far they had gotten.

It did sure make them a lot more grateful and appreciative not only of their own lives but also of each other and other people.

 

Kyungsoo still felt like it was a bad acid trip the whole time and began to doubt it ever happened because they never experienced anything close to that ever again. Kyungsoo sure didn’t doubt what came after though.

Chanyeol was convinced that it was an epiphany from a higher spiritual power and that it was all really true. Chanyeol respected Kyungsoo’s opinion and sure did work hard to maintain what they had worked on.

Chanyeol also set up an altar in their apartment for Yama, the god of death responsible for messing and somehow fixing their lives. Kyungsoo did not want it there but he tolerated it.

 

 

 

 

Eventually, another year passed by and both Kyungsoo and Chanyeol were soon celebrating the 2nd anniversary of the day they first died. They celebrated the day by staying sober, staying awake past midnight and waiting to not die again.

Although they felt very safe now and that they would not “expire” anytime soon, it was something they just felt like they had to do.

It was an unpleasant experience but they wouldn’t be the Chanyeol and Kyungsoo of today had they never gone through it.

Although they would hate to admit it, they would say yes and go through all over it again if it meant being a better person than they once were. And if it would mean that they got to find the right person in their lives, which was each other.

They had literally gone to hell and back with each other, and there was nothing that could shake up their bond after going through that.

 

 

 

Now, after over two years of being together, their lives together were just about to begin.

Kyungsoo had not moved up much in his career since then, but he did find himself being handed and working on larger cases than he was previously handling. Kyungsoo was content with it though.

Kyungsoo still didn’t talk to his parents but he paid to sign them up to receive the for-charity yearly calendars with pictures of half-naked policeman from Chanyeol’s department.

Kyungsoo also made donations in his parents' name to organizations that helped the LGBT community, so they would receive a plaque and certificate mailed to their address thanking them for the contributions.  Sometimes, they were even invited to special events to honor the donors, although they of course never showed up.

Kyungsoo sure forgave his parents but now that he was still alive, he still enjoyed spiting the hell out of them.

 

Chanyeol officially moved in with Kyungsoo after unceremoniously being forced to cohabitate with each other after that incident they didn't want to talk about.  Chanyeol sold off his basement apartment to Yifan, who somehow became a philanthropist and social advocate, and bought it to make a community space for the residents of the area.

Chanyeol had been promoted up two ranks since then. He still didn’t earn as much as Kyungsoo did but Chanyeol took pride in his job to uphold the law and protect it. More importantly, Chanyeol finally felt that he was slowly becoming the type of man that his late parents would be proud of.

In fact, during the promotion ceremony, Minseok had officially presented Chanyeol’s promotion to him and had even said how Chanyeol’s father, a former police officer, would be indeed very proud of him today.

After that, Kyungsoo did tease about Chanyeol about his new rank but still ended up calling Chanyeol by that, when Kyungsoo had his cheeks slapped later that night by Chanyeol.

 

 

 

 

One morning, as they were getting ready to go to work, Kyungsoo realized the time and that he had to leave earlier than usual.

“Chanyeol! I’m sorry but I have to go to work now. I have a briefing before the court hearing. I’ll see you this evening, alright?” Kyungsoo yelled from outside the toilet, knocking on the frosted glass door.

“Huh!? Wait!” Chanyeol, who was still sitting on the toilet bowl with his trousers around his ankles too yelled.

“What is it? Hurry up,” Kyungsoo had to turn around and return.

 

With an entire roll of toilet paper still in his hand, Chanyeol pulled up his trousers to his knees as he got up from the toilet seat and waddled like a duck to the door.

Chanyeol unlocked the toilet door and popped his head between the gap to meet Kyungsoo standing on the mat outside.

Kyungsoo was bracing himself for the smell and stench of poop when Chanyeol opened the door, but it was surprisingly and pleasantly absent this time. After spending so much time in the toilet that morning, Kyungsoo really thought that Chanyeol had to be dealing with some sort of constipation.

 

“I need to see you before you leave,” Chanyeol smiled, his cheeks truly showing his expression, only popping his head and shoulders out of the gap.

Kyungsoo snickered, “You sound like we’ll never see each other again. I’ll see you later today, you dummy.”

“I know, I know,” Chanyeol continued to smile. Chanyeol bent his head down to kiss Kyungsoo on the corner of his lips before pulling away, “Goodbye, have a good day. I love you.”

“I love you too, take care,” Kyungsoo replied, before playfully pushing Chanyeol back into the toilet, “See you later, stinky head.”

“Bye-bye,” Chanyeol waved back with the hand holding the roll of toilet paper, before closing the toilet door shut.

 

 

Chanyeol sat back on the toilet bowl, letting his trousers drop back down to his ankles. Chanyeol sighed in relief when he heard Kyungsoo leave.

Chanyeol then looked in between his legs and wondered what to do with the boner he was experiencing.

 

When Chanyeol woke up, Kyungsoo was almost done getting ready in their room. It only took Chanyeol a few seconds of being awake to realize that he had morning wood. It had probably only begun after Kyungsoo woke up.

If it was still early or if they didn’t have work that day, Chanyeol knew that Kyungsoo would have loved to help him deal with it. That morning wasn’t one of those days, however.

 

When Kyungsoo left the room for a moment, Chanyeol immediately leaped out of bed and ran to the toilet under the pretense of having to shit.

Chanyeol then sat inside the toilet on the toilet seat, telling himself that he’d give his erection a few minutes to go away before he had to relieve of it himself.

 

 

It was not about the idea of masturbating, but it was the hassle of having to deal with such an inconvenience that turned Chanyeol off from wanting to do it.

Chanyeol didn’t want to Kyungsoo to feel bad either for being too busy and not having the time to help him with it, so he had chosen to hide it from Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol was actually amazed that he had managed to hide it from Kyungsoo, even when he had to come face to face with Kyungsoo for their routine morning kiss and goodbye before going off to work.

 

 

When the erection refused to go away and Chanyeol was beginning to feel the uncomfortable sensation of blue balls creeping up on him, Chanyeol resigned to the fact that he would have to rub one out there in the toilet to get rid of the boner.

At that point, it seemed persistent and as if it wouldn’t be going away even when it was time to go to work, and Chanyeol couldn’t risk going into work with a boner.

 

 

Chanyeol was too lazy to get up from the toilet seat and get some lube in the bedroom, so spat on his right hand and went to work.

There was nothing emotional about this, just plain raw physical needs that happened to be an inconvenience due to the bad timing of it.

 

Chanyeol would usually start off slow but he immediately went for fast, rapid strokes on his cock this time. It was a chore that Chanyeol just wanted to get over with as soon as possible.

It was tiring and boring but it did start to feel good halfway, Chanyeol couldn’t lie.

Thanking the gods that Kyungsoo had already left and wouldn’t know about this, Chanyeol wasn’t afraid to groan and sigh as loud as he could, flooding the small enclosed space of the toilet with his voice.

Chanyeol thought of Kyungsoo while at it, and it certainly helped a lot.

 

In between, Chanyeol had to spit on his hand again when it began to dry off. Saliva wasn’t the best lube out there and Chanyeol didn’t want to use the soap in the toilet either. He tried that once and it burned like hell after, abstaining him from sex for weeks until his dick healed.

In the middle of lubing himself up again with saliva, Chanyeol began to hear sounds of things being moved around and pushed off in the kitchen nearby.

 

 

Chanyeol hadn’t heard it earlier on because he was too busy moaning so loud. Now that he had paused to smear spit on his dick, he sure did hear it.

The first thought that came across Chanyeol’s mind was that it would be Kyungsoo. Chanyeol called out for Kyungsoo, yelling from the toilet, but there was no response showing that it was Kyungsoo.

Of course, it wouldn’t be Kyungsoo since he already left for work, Chanyeol thought.

 

Then came the thought that some thieves had broken into the house and were trying to rob him, while he was half-naked in the toilet and masturbating with saliva.

Thinking of that, Chanyeol sure as hell didn’t want to be robbed from in such a position. Chanyeol panicked, even more, when he remembered that his gun belt was still lying somewhere on the dresser in his and Kyungsoo’s room.

Afraid that the robbers would find and get to it first, Chanyeol pulled up his pants to his waist without fastening it back on.

With a raging boner still between his legs, Chanyeol stormed out of the toilet to run to the room.

 

Just a few steps outside the toilet and from where he could see the kitchen from, Chanyeol immediately halted and sighed in defeat.

It was no robbery; it was just the ferret whom Kyungsoo adopted for him a few months ago.

 

 

 

After Chanyeol told Kyungsoo of the story that he used to keep a ferret that ran away from him when he was a child, Kyungsoo promised to get a ferret for Chanyeol one day.

Kyungsoo kept the promise and a few months ago, Kyungsoo saw an online post from the local animal shelter about an abandoned ferret needing a home. The following weekend, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol had made the arrangements and brought the ferret home, which Kyungsoo jokingly named as Chanyeol too.

 

 

Chanyeol the ferret would usually be allowed to roam around the apartment while the humans were home, but when they were away for the day, Chanyeol the ferret would be in his own cage with food, water, and toys to play with.

Kyungsoo had put Chanyeol the ferret into the cage before he left for work that morning but forgot to secure the lock because he was in a hurry, allowing the ferret to leave his cage.

 

Chanyeol the ferret had left his cage once he saw the opportunity, and immediately ran off to the kitchen. The ferret had a thing for climbing onto the shelves and the cabinets in the kitchen, which is its most favorite thing to do whenever he was let out.

The ferret had begun sneaking around and playing near the jars and boxes of food on the shelf when Chanyeol found him. Some of the jars happened to be made of glass and the human Chanyeol didn’t want anything to happen or for the mess to get any worse.

 

 

 

“Chanyeol, get down!” Chanyeol the human instructed, pointing a finger towards the ferret as he tried to catch the mammal.

Chanyeol lifted his hands from around his undone pants to lurch onto the kitchen cabinet to catch the ferret, causing his pants to fall back down to around his ankles and exposing his still throbbing erection.

“Fuck it, do what you want. I don’t care,” Chanyeol the human gave up, throwing his hands up in the air as he was trapped from chasing the ferret any further with his pants around his ankles, securing him where he stood.

Chanyeol decided there and then that he’d deal with the boner first, and the ferret later, letting the animal run off somewhere.

 

Chanyeol leaned back on the kitchen counter, spat on his hand again and resumed stroking his raging boner.

Chanyeol closed his eyes, leaned his head back on the mounted kitchen cabinet that he was tall enough to reach, and thought of Kyungsoo as he masturbated.

 

 

When the familiar pleasurable feeling of an orgasm crept up on him, starting from his balls to the base and then up the length of his cock, Chanyeol was distracted when he heard more scuffling noises in front of him.

Chanyeol didn’t stop stroking his cock, not wanting to disrupt his orgasm as opened his eyes to see the ferret on the kitchen counter. The ferret was watching him masturbate as it was eating Kyungsoo’s leftovers from breakfast.

Chanyeol, still rubbing his cock with his right hand stared at the ferret dead on in the eye, as he immediately felt extremely weird about the whole thing.

 

Chanyeol chased the ferret away with his left hand and quickly grabbed Kyungsoo’s empty mug on the countertop when he started to cum and reach his peak.

Chanyeol had no time to turn away and didn’t want to waste any more time cleaning the countertop because he had come on it. It seemed like a good idea at the time, so Chanyeol came into Kyungsoo’s empty “Best Boyfriend” unused mug.

 

 

Chanyeol then spent the rest of his morning sitting down on the kitchen floor, trying to compose himself post-orgasm; before having to catch the ferret, put it back in the cage, clean up the kitchen and then get ready for work which he was almost late for.

Of course, because of the chaos that was that morning, Chanyeol entirely forgot about to clean Kyungsoo’s mug which was still lying somewhere on the counter with now dried crusted cum.

 

 

 

Sehun picked up Chanyeol with the patrol car that morning. Although Chanyeol had been promoted to a rank high enough to not be required to go on patrol anymore, the police department was experiencing a shortage of patrol units and Chanyeol didn’t mind volunteering to fill in the gaps.

During the patrol route, Sehun drove and Chanyeol was sipping on coffee while he paid attention to the police radio.

 

“So, hyung, how was detective school when you went there? Was it hard? What made you go anyway?” Sehun asked as they drove through a park.

“It was alright. I always wanted to go to be promoted to detective since I joined the police force, but I never really worked on it. I was just sitting around hoping for it to happen until I realized that I had to get up and actually actively work for it,” Chanyeol answered, looking out the windows as the car moved.

“I see,” Sehun nodded, acknowledging Chanyeol’s answer.

“Why do you ask?” Chanyeol questioned, looking at Sehun in the driver’s seat to his left.

“I’m already at the rank where I can apply to be a detective. So I thought that I want some career advancement too. I am considering going to detective school too next year,” Sehun replied.

“That’s good!” Chanyeol exclaimed, slapping Sehun on the back.

Sehun slightly lurched forward by the slap on the back but he managed to compose himself, smiling back, “Yeah, that’s why I asked you how it was.”

“Of course! You can ask me anything. I’ll tell you how it’s like and what to do,” Chanyeol was excited to help.

“Thank you, hyung. You’re like a role model to me, you know,” Sehun confessed, smiling behind the wheel of the car.

“Oh, am I?” Chanyeol was a bit surprised at first to hear someone think that way of him, then realizing that he too had worked hard for that.

 

 

 

 

The court session ended in the afternoon and Kyungsoo didn’t have any more hearings that concerned him anymore that day. He did have to go back to work on the post-court hearing proceedings.

Kyungsoo didn’t want to go back to the office though and spent the rest of the afternoon at a coffee shop with Jongdae, working on the papers.

 

“You have plans for this weekend?” Jongdae asked, clipping a few sheets of paper together. Jongdae was seated at a quiet spot of the coffee shop with Kyungsoo across from him.

“Nope, but my brother and his wife are going to hold a gender reveal party though at a country club. I have to go, of course,” Kyungsoo replied, reading a document on his laptop.

“So you’re going to be Uncle Kyungsoo soon,” Jongdae stated.

Kyungsoo chimed in, “I thought I’d never lived to see the day, to be honest.” Kyungsoo then glared up from his laptop and towards Jongdae sitting at the table across from him, “I thought you’d never live either past your one-year extension.”

Jongdae sighed, looking very exasperated when it was mentioned, “That was probably the best worst year of my life. I don’t even know how Baekhyun and I managed to do it.”

“You ever think Yama was lying about the whole dying thing just to scare us into changing our lives?” Kyungsoo speculated, “Out of the four of us in this situation, none of us ended up dead. Coincidence much?”

“Maybe…,” Jongdae shrugged, “I’m not too sure but I’m not going to question it if it works in your favor.”

“I really think he was lying to us all along,” Kyungsoo claimed, “-because I think you and Baekhyun did way worse than Chanyeol and I, and you two still survived.”

“We’re not that bad as you think as we are,” Jongdae rolled his eyes as he flipped through papers.

“Oh yeah? Until today, you and Baekhyun are still competing with each other at your jobs, trying to one-up each other,” Kyungsoo was convinced, “You even sent an application to a university to start your Ph.D., so you could be one level above Baekhyun in terms of educational attainment level.”

“We like healthy competition. That’s just the type of people we are. I bet you and Chanyeol compete at other stuff too with each other,” Jongdae responded.

“Uh…maybe?” Kyungsoo tried to recall and then went silent, remembering of the day he ran into Chanyeol at the gay bar and ended up giving each other drunk sloppy hand jobs in the bar’s dingy toilet. They had ended up there because they had been comparing dick sizes in the first place. Chanyeol won hands down by a good margin, and Kyungsoo never brought it up again.

Jongdae snickered across the table, shaking his head.

Some things never changed but that was alright.

 

 

 

That evening, Kyungsoo got home earlier than Chanyeol did.

By the time Chanyeol arrived, Kyungsoo was in the midst of making dinner and Chanyeol the ferret was eating at his own spot in the apartment.

Chanyeol didn’t tell Kyungsoo about the ferret escaping from his cage, and Kyungsoo didn’t suspect anything either. Chanyeol really thought that he was already off the hook.

 

Chanyeol quickly changed into the clothes he usually wore at home and helped Kyungsoo to make dinner.

Kyungsoo said he was thirsty and wanted to get something to drink, asking Chanyeol to continue stirring the soup that was cooking in the pot on the stove.

Chanyeol was more than happy to help until he heard behind him, the sounds of Kyungsoo tearing open a powdered drink sachet and then pouring water.

 

 

In horror, Chanyeol whipped his head to look and saw Kyungsoo already mixing the drink into the “Best Boyfriend” mug he had cum inside earlier that morning.

Chanyeol was sure as hell he didn’t wash that mug and had left it there, mentally reminding himself to take care of it when he got home. Except, he entirely forgot about that too.

 

“What’s up?” Kyungsoo asked, bringing the mug close to his lips, taking a sip from the brim until the water level was low enough for him to tip the mug up and drink.

“D-did you wash that?” Chanyeol pointed to the mug with the soup ladle in his hand, still feeling stunned.

“No. Why should I? It’s clean and hasn’t been used. I found it on the counter where it’s supposed to be,” Kyungsoo responded after already drinking down several gulps.

“I-I…” Chanyeol stuttered, unable to complete his sentence.

“-you what?” Kyungsoo asked, calmly and unsuspecting as he continued drinking until the mug was now half-empty.

“I masturbated this morning and I didn’t want to spill my cum everywhere and your mug was the closest thing at the time, so yeah-. I’m really sorry, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol apologized.

 

Chanyeol turned the fire on the stove off and walked over to where Kyungsoo was, trying to pull the mug away from Kyungsoo.

“Please, don’t. I’ll make you a new drink. I’m so sorry,” Chanyeol continued to apologize, feeling quite bad for it.

Chanyeol expected Kyungsoo to get angry or slightly annoyed, but instead, Kyungsoo laughed.

“As if I’ve never drunk your cum before. You don’t have to worry, I’ve had worse when it comes to you,” Kyungsoo assured, pulling the mug back and continuing to drink.

“Worse? What worse?” Chanyeol inquired, feeling a bit timid at the response he might get.

“There was that one time I was eating you out and I thought I smelled something off. I looked properly and yeah, your butt wasn’t as clean as you thought it would have been,” Kyungsoo revealed, looking to the side.

Chanyeol’s eyes grew wide and round at the revelation, “Why didn’t you tell me anything then!”

“You think I’m going to let some shit get in the way?” Kyungsoo continued to drink from the mug, eye to eye with Chanyeol and not even blinking once as he did so.

 

Kyungsoo ended up getting spanked by Chanyeol the next time they had sex.

 

 

 

 

As planned for that weekend, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol attended the gender reveal party for the baby that his brother, Seungsoo and sister-in-law, Zara, were expecting soon.

The party was held at a country club without Kyungsoo‘s parents in attendance at the time because they were conveniently on holiday elsewhere.

After it was revealed that they would be having a boy, due sometime early next year in winter, Chanyeol immediately dived to the snack bar for all the free expensive food that was served to the guests.

In the meantime, Kyungsoo was talking to his brother and Zara about their plans for when the baby arrived, and to narrow down the names now that they knew the gender of the baby.

 

“When are you and Chanyeol going to have your own kid?” Seungsoo joked, causing his very pregnant wife to laugh too.

“Yeah, I am an only child and you’re Seungsoo’s only brother. Our son would like to have some cousins too,” Zara added.

Kyungsoo almost spat back into the cup of his prawn cocktail at the mention, “We’re two men if you forgot about that.”

“You can adopt or have a surrogate,” Seungsoo suggested with his wife agreeing to what he had said.

“We’ll think about it. Maybe in the future but not now for sure. We’re not ready,” Kyungsoo expressed.

“Don’t worry about it too much. We’re just joking. When the time comes, it will come. You just got to let it happen,” Zara assured.

“Yes, of course, sure,” Kyungsoo agreed, before excusing himself out of the conversation, “-I need to go check up on Chanyeol. I’ll be back.”

 

 

Kyungsoo found Chanyeol strolling by the pool outside the clubhouse, with a glass of iced fruit punch in his hand.

It was the middle of summer and the party taking was placing in an area of the clubhouse with lots of glass, trapping and radiating the heat from outside.

After eating a lot, Chanyeol begun to grew sweaty and thus decided to cool off outside where it was surprisingly cooler.

 

“What were you talking about? It seemed fun,” Chanyeol asked, standing under an umbrella at the edge of the pool with Kyungsoo.

“-you know, baby stuff. My brother teased me and said we ought to have a kid soon cause his kid needs some cousins,” Kyungsoo informed Chanyeol, unenthusiastically.

Chanyeol giggled, “Us? Having a child together? We’d have to get married first then.”

“Right,” Kyungsoo concurred, “we don’t have that covered yet so-,” Kyungsoo was then cut off, interrupted mid-sentence by Chanyeol.

“-so will you marry me?” Chanyeol proposed, right there and then.

“Agh!” Kyungsoo immediately shrieked, before pushing Chanyeol into the pool with a loud splash that splashed water on himself too.

 

 

  
There weren’t too many people around at the time and those that were didn’t seem to care what they were up to.

Chanyeol fell head-first into the pool, fully dressed in jeans, shoes and all. The glass of fruit punch in his hand spilled and emptied into the pool.

Chanyeol had fallen into a shallow end of the pool that was only four feet deep, as painted on the walls of the pool.

Chanyeol stood up in the pool with the water only reaching up to his belly button. In his hand, Chanyeol now held the glass cup of pool water, not letting it go when he was pushed in.

 

Chanyeol threw the glass aside, then pulled Kyungsoo into the pool by the ankle, catching Kyungsoo in his arms when the latter finally joined him in the water.

“So, I take that as a not yet?” Chanyeol grinned, looking down at Kyungsoo whom he held bridal style in his arms, aided by the buoyancy of the water.

Kyungsoo sighed, holding onto Chanyeol by the neck with his own body half-submerged in the water, “Yeah, you understand that I do want to spend my life with you but I’m just not ready for the hassle of getting married when it’s still illegal here.”

“I know,” Chanyeol understood, “I’ll just keep asking you then until you say yes.”

“We’ll know when the time is right,” Kyungsoo added, as Chanyeol slowly let him stand back on his own feet in the water.

 

 

With the water sloshing around and reaching to his lower chest level, Kyungsoo had to support himself by putting his hands on Chanyeol’s shoulders while they remained in the cool four feet of water.

“I was thinking about something recently,” Chanyeol confided.

“What was it?” Kyungsoo responded, looking up at Chanyeol when their gazes met each other and soon enough their breathings were too in sync.

“You remember that we went to high school together, right?” Chanyeol informed.

“Yeah, we were in different classes though. We might have been in the baseball club together, except that I rarely went to the meetings so I didn’t remember you from then,” Kyungsoo recalled.

“Do you remember receiving a handjob in the locker room after a club meeting around maybe, 11th grade?” Chanyeol asked.

Kyungsoo was looking at the distention on Chanyeol’s throat when his Adam apple bobbed and moved as he spoke when Kyungsoo realized what Chanyeol was trying to ask him.  

“Yeah…” Kyungsoo dragged on the syllable, then gulping, able to taste the chlorinated water from the pool in his mouth.

“You know, I think that was me,” Chanyeol chuckled, “That’s why you always seemed familiar to me when I first met you at the district office years ago. For so long, I was trying to figure out why I knew you from somewhere, then I found out we went to high school together but even that didn’t seem to fit. Until now that is.”

“That was a terrible handjob by the way,” Kyungsoo remembered before backpedaling, “-but you have improved. I’m proud of you too, Chanyeol.”

“Of course, I’d do anything for you,” Chanyeol smiled, pressing his lips to Kyungsoo for a kiss in the middle of the pool with their hands wrapped around each other, not caring if anyone was watching or judging them.

 

When they broke away from the kiss, Chanyeol had another question to ask Kyungsoo.

With arms wrapped around Kyungsoo’s waist, Chanyeol asked, “So, until now, you haven’t told me what type of men you like. Everyone says and assumes its tall men like me but you never said so yourself what it was.”

“My type?” Kyungsoo smiled, “It was you, and it always has been you.”

“I know, I just wanted to hear you say it,” Chanyeol too smiled back, going in for another kiss that Kyungsoo reciprocated, like everything else in the life they would continue to share together.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you take a crack idea too far and realize you need 100k+ words to develop the characters, you get this fic. Do I regret it? Maybe yes, maybe not. But whatever it is, if you got this far I applaud you for going through all that absurdity that was this fic. idk, maybe I'd write a high school prologue of them?? But I'm done with this series for now. Thank you, I love you all.


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